90 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 25
90 days
A little background on me before my question(s).
I'm 27. Been drinking since I was 21. Four nights a week 12+ beers a night. I'm an alcoholic. I was either drunk, getting drunk, wanting to be drunk, or felt like I had been hit by a truck from getting drunk.
I'm the son of two alcoholics, and have two alcoholic grandfathers. My mother has been sober for eight months now (yay mom), and my father passed when I was 21 from drug use. It was pounded into my head from a young age to never touch alcohol, and I never wanted to turn out like my drunk parents. But at 21, I decided I was old enough, and gave it a shot. The monster grew from there.
One night (probably around May of this year) I was reading through another forum I'm a member of (unrelated to drinking). I stumbled across a thread from a recovering alcoholic. A google search lead me here, and for a couple weeks I read a lot. A lot of time was spent reflecting on things, and crying.
June 16th was the last time I've had a drink. It was a Saturday night and I attended a close friends wedding. I had planned for that night to be my last for three months. The Wednesday before that I got drunk (as usual), with the intention of not drinking until Saturday. Logic and alcohol got the better of me two nights later, and I "cleaned out my fridge". Which was actually a good thing. I would have made an idiot out of myself at the reception, otherwise. I only drank 5 or 6 beers (was still hungover). To be honest, I think it was a great way to stop drinking.
The first week was hard. The second week was easier. After that point, it was nice. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still had urges to drink, but they weren't as bad. I didn't have to plan my life around my drinking schedule. My girlfriend of five years noticed a difference in me (aside from the obvious fact that I wasn't drunk). I remember thinking that I felt better.
Fast forward nearly three months. I'm less than a week out from the 90 day goal I set for myself. Where do I go from here?
I really don't want to never drink again. Watching football sober on Sunday seemed odd. Admittingly, remembering the games is nice.
I guess I'm at a crossroads. My drinking has never really gotten me into serious trouble. No DUIs (I absolutely don't drive drunk, I'd rather drink at my house anyway, its cheaper and more comfortable). Work has never been affected. I'm fine financially.
Maybe my poor memory or the beast won't allow me to remember how much it sucked wasting my life being drunk or hungover all the time. Now it seems like it might be fun again (like it used to be). Is there any chance I can control it now? Surely I've figured it out in the last three months, right?
I know the answers to all of these questions. Will power has brought me this far. Not drinking for 90 days didn't seem too hard. But, no alcohol forever? WTH? No parties with friends? Fourth of July Celebrations? Nights out with the guys? Vacation? My damn wedding night? None? That's a different story.
What am I asking? I don't know. Wanted to put it out there. Maybe I'll feel better. Advice and words of encouragement would be appreciated. Thank you.
I'm 27. Been drinking since I was 21. Four nights a week 12+ beers a night. I'm an alcoholic. I was either drunk, getting drunk, wanting to be drunk, or felt like I had been hit by a truck from getting drunk.
I'm the son of two alcoholics, and have two alcoholic grandfathers. My mother has been sober for eight months now (yay mom), and my father passed when I was 21 from drug use. It was pounded into my head from a young age to never touch alcohol, and I never wanted to turn out like my drunk parents. But at 21, I decided I was old enough, and gave it a shot. The monster grew from there.
One night (probably around May of this year) I was reading through another forum I'm a member of (unrelated to drinking). I stumbled across a thread from a recovering alcoholic. A google search lead me here, and for a couple weeks I read a lot. A lot of time was spent reflecting on things, and crying.
June 16th was the last time I've had a drink. It was a Saturday night and I attended a close friends wedding. I had planned for that night to be my last for three months. The Wednesday before that I got drunk (as usual), with the intention of not drinking until Saturday. Logic and alcohol got the better of me two nights later, and I "cleaned out my fridge". Which was actually a good thing. I would have made an idiot out of myself at the reception, otherwise. I only drank 5 or 6 beers (was still hungover). To be honest, I think it was a great way to stop drinking.
The first week was hard. The second week was easier. After that point, it was nice. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still had urges to drink, but they weren't as bad. I didn't have to plan my life around my drinking schedule. My girlfriend of five years noticed a difference in me (aside from the obvious fact that I wasn't drunk). I remember thinking that I felt better.
Fast forward nearly three months. I'm less than a week out from the 90 day goal I set for myself. Where do I go from here?
I really don't want to never drink again. Watching football sober on Sunday seemed odd. Admittingly, remembering the games is nice.
I guess I'm at a crossroads. My drinking has never really gotten me into serious trouble. No DUIs (I absolutely don't drive drunk, I'd rather drink at my house anyway, its cheaper and more comfortable). Work has never been affected. I'm fine financially.
Maybe my poor memory or the beast won't allow me to remember how much it sucked wasting my life being drunk or hungover all the time. Now it seems like it might be fun again (like it used to be). Is there any chance I can control it now? Surely I've figured it out in the last three months, right?
I know the answers to all of these questions. Will power has brought me this far. Not drinking for 90 days didn't seem too hard. But, no alcohol forever? WTH? No parties with friends? Fourth of July Celebrations? Nights out with the guys? Vacation? My damn wedding night? None? That's a different story.
What am I asking? I don't know. Wanted to put it out there. Maybe I'll feel better. Advice and words of encouragement would be appreciated. Thank you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Brandon85 
I've know guys who have been sober for a year, 2 years, 5 years, 28 years in one case...when they go back to drinking it's back to square one...it fact often it's worse than square one...they get blindsided by the ferocity of the addiction they've re-awakened.
so no, if you're a drinker like me, there is no reset button.
Think about your life over the last 90 days - think about the ways in which it's better.
It's better because you're not drinking.
Why risk that?
All that self consciousness, the awkwardness of not drinking, not knowing what to do with your hands - that's transient, it will go away....all those what ifs...they'll be as good sober, I promise
Think very long and hard about this...it's a step that a lot of us have fallen on, including me.
I had two months sober and thought I could be a reborn drinker...just one or two...I went out again, as bad as ever or worse, for another 3 years.
D
I've know guys who have been sober for a year, 2 years, 5 years, 28 years in one case...when they go back to drinking it's back to square one...it fact often it's worse than square one...they get blindsided by the ferocity of the addiction they've re-awakened.
so no, if you're a drinker like me, there is no reset button.
Think about your life over the last 90 days - think about the ways in which it's better.
It's better because you're not drinking.
Why risk that?
All that self consciousness, the awkwardness of not drinking, not knowing what to do with your hands - that's transient, it will go away....all those what ifs...they'll be as good sober, I promise
Think very long and hard about this...it's a step that a lot of us have fallen on, including me.
I had two months sober and thought I could be a reborn drinker...just one or two...I went out again, as bad as ever or worse, for another 3 years.
D
Last edited by Dee74; 09-11-2012 at 09:26 PM.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Three months is a tricky time for me. Relaspsed there once which caused me and others a lot of grief. I can relate to your concerns about future drinking "opportunities". Used to be hard for me to think about that. But you know what, once I truly decided that I was done, that I will not drink ever again....it was quite a relief. Like the point had been settled, I had surrendered and I no longer had to plan or worry about how to handle those future situations. None will or would have been made better by drinking anyway. In my case, the alcohol had turned on me and while I had "high hopes" of having it help me to have a good time....it more often left me sad, embarassed and/or regretful.
Just my experience. Good job on 90 days. Wishing you a happy and peaceful future.
Just my experience. Good job on 90 days. Wishing you a happy and peaceful future.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 16
Congrats on 90 days! I relate alot to what you've posted. I am at 95 days and like you never really suffered any consequences with the law or my job. I have a feeling there are a are a lot of 'yet's' to that though. I also totally get the weirdness of watching football sans beer. It felt good to do it though. Whatever you end up doing, please come back here and keep us all posted on how you are. -k
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 19
I am on day 11 after many years of over indulging. A few nights ago I went out with two friends who were drinking. I was driving. I had a really great time. So far, there is no particular reason to go back to drinking, but I guess i have no idea how I will feel after a few months. From what I have read, in these early stages you have to battle through and you'll never regret it in the long term. Just because alcohol is "the norm", why should we drink it? Most people never try heroin or cocaine and never "miss" it. Same with smoking - if you don't smoke, you don't want to smoke. I guess after a long period you stop missing these things and it's the norm not to drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London
Posts: 39
Congrats on your 90 days! For me, i could get periods of sobriety but what i was incapable of doing was stopping and STAYING stopped. I have only been able to do that with AA. It might be worth popping down andchecking out a meeting. I didn't lose my driving licence, or my home, or my solvency. But i know, without any doubt whatsoever, that i am an alcoholic and can not safely drink or use drugs. I quit when i was 25 -but i have no illusions about the fact that if i had continued to drink, i would have eventually lost all ofthose things..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 26
I really hope you will set a goal of 3 months more. Why gamble with the good stuff you have earned in the first 3?
I've had the same thoughts as you many times in the last year. I've taken anything from 2 weeks to 3 months sober, and then I felt strong enough to drink on special occations. And I tell you, I dont think it can be done anymore. Its a box that you leave the lid a bit open on, and sooner or later, in a couple of weeks or months, you will open it up fully - maybe you are happy, maybe sad, sooner or later you'll find the excuse. Maybe you set up rules, like only in the weekend - in a couple of weeks weekends have thursdays and mondays included. And so on, the brain does a marvellous job of finding excuses and reasons . As I understand it, our brains sensitivity to alcohol is significantly raised - we release a lot of dopamin when we get a bit of alcohol. And we will always carry this with us, we can never go back to taking the very first beer, and it is not a question of having will enough (well maybe the first time, but not in the long run).
So I've become more and more convinced of this - I too had the urge to try it out for myself, as it was difficult to just accept my own shortcommings without even trying. Now I am quite sure it will never be possible :-)
If you want to try for yourself too, be sure to be ready to pull the plug fast if things go in the wrong direction. 4 or 5 rounds in the mill should convince you too.
I've had the same thoughts as you many times in the last year. I've taken anything from 2 weeks to 3 months sober, and then I felt strong enough to drink on special occations. And I tell you, I dont think it can be done anymore. Its a box that you leave the lid a bit open on, and sooner or later, in a couple of weeks or months, you will open it up fully - maybe you are happy, maybe sad, sooner or later you'll find the excuse. Maybe you set up rules, like only in the weekend - in a couple of weeks weekends have thursdays and mondays included. And so on, the brain does a marvellous job of finding excuses and reasons . As I understand it, our brains sensitivity to alcohol is significantly raised - we release a lot of dopamin when we get a bit of alcohol. And we will always carry this with us, we can never go back to taking the very first beer, and it is not a question of having will enough (well maybe the first time, but not in the long run).
So I've become more and more convinced of this - I too had the urge to try it out for myself, as it was difficult to just accept my own shortcommings without even trying. Now I am quite sure it will never be possible :-)
If you want to try for yourself too, be sure to be ready to pull the plug fast if things go in the wrong direction. 4 or 5 rounds in the mill should convince you too.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum........
..
Brandon...why not ask your Mom and GF their opinion ?
After all they are the ones who have watched you
go down then turn your life around to the better?
IMO why break up a winning streak?
My football watching works out just great..I changed the
old habit from alcohol and fatty foods into
: and Iced Tea.
Now I watch with better appreciation of "How We Won"
..
Brandon...why not ask your Mom and GF their opinion ?
After all they are the ones who have watched you
go down then turn your life around to the better?
IMO why break up a winning streak?
My football watching works out just great..I changed the
old habit from alcohol and fatty foods into
: and Iced Tea.Now I watch with better appreciation of "How We Won"
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Knudsen....Welcome to our recovery community...
Your analogy of the box made me think of Pandora's expereince.
No way will I go back to playing around with a toxic liquid...
Good to know of your decision ...it's so worthwhile to live sober.
Your analogy of the box made me think of Pandora's expereince.
No way will I go back to playing around with a toxic liquid...
Good to know of your decision ...it's so worthwhile to live sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 802
I agree with the others, going back drinking will only end up messy.
I'd 3 months start of year, thought I could go bk normal drinking, did not work.
So I got sober for 6 weeks, wedding was coming up and I'd thought few do no harm, but naw full weeks rip.
Back here at day 13 and hope its the last time I have to start over.
Just not today my friend.
I too worry about up coming events, I'm 35 not much older than you so I still love to party when I got the chance.
I say aim for a year then look how life is, and don't worry about events as they will take care of themselves when they arrive
I'd 3 months start of year, thought I could go bk normal drinking, did not work.
So I got sober for 6 weeks, wedding was coming up and I'd thought few do no harm, but naw full weeks rip.
Back here at day 13 and hope its the last time I have to start over.
Just not today my friend.
I too worry about up coming events, I'm 35 not much older than you so I still love to party when I got the chance.
I say aim for a year then look how life is, and don't worry about events as they will take care of themselves when they arrive
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 25
Damn. Lots of good advice here. Thanks for everyone that posted. I think I'm going to set another goal of three months. Seems more attainable at this point than the goal of sobriety for the rest of my life. Maybe in three more months I'll be ready for that.
I've also promised myself one other thing. If I get to the point where I decide I'll just have a few, or that ive been sober long enough, I'm gonna get on SR, and read for a little while. There have been many people kind enough to share their stories, and some of them are enough to scare me back straight again.
Thanks again for telling me what I don't really want to hear, but already know.
I've also promised myself one other thing. If I get to the point where I decide I'll just have a few, or that ive been sober long enough, I'm gonna get on SR, and read for a little while. There have been many people kind enough to share their stories, and some of them are enough to scare me back straight again.
Thanks again for telling me what I don't really want to hear, but already know.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi brandon. I do understand how you feel, being only 27. Glad you are discussing this & figuring out what needs to happen now.
The thought of 'no alcohol forever' was what kept me drinking for decades. Things would seem so dull and flat without it. Because it's a progressive disease, I ended up with my life in ruins. I didn't get dui's when I was young - I got them in my 50's because I kept tempting fate. I also had health issues and lost my friends & family's respect. I turned my life into a tangled web of pain & confusion - all because I didn't do what I knew I should at a younger age. Instead, I kept trying to control the amounts I drank. It almost cost me my life in the end.
Congratulations on your 90 days. I'm glad you are here with us.
The thought of 'no alcohol forever' was what kept me drinking for decades. Things would seem so dull and flat without it. Because it's a progressive disease, I ended up with my life in ruins. I didn't get dui's when I was young - I got them in my 50's because I kept tempting fate. I also had health issues and lost my friends & family's respect. I turned my life into a tangled web of pain & confusion - all because I didn't do what I knew I should at a younger age. Instead, I kept trying to control the amounts I drank. It almost cost me my life in the end.
Congratulations on your 90 days. I'm glad you are here with us.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by brandon85 
Will power has brought me this far. Not drinking for 90 days didn't seem too hard. But, no alcohol forever? WTH? No parties with friends? Fourth of July Celebrations? Nights out with the guys? Vacation? My damn wedding night? None? That's a different story.
It is possible, it can be done, and it takes a little bit more than just will power. I personally choose AA, because there is a tremendous amount of support and you'll also make tons of sober friends (i have laughed so much at sober gatherings that I had to question myself on whether I had drank or not, thats how intense the laughter has been!)
I commend you on your efforts so far, and all I can say is keep going forward! But if you are looking to broaden your awareness and have a "fun" future, I highly recommend committing yourself to a recovery program. there are many available.
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Oh and just to clarify the fun things I have done while NOT DRINKING!
-gone to rock concerts (from hippie music to heavy metal!)
-gone to hockey games, and baseball games
-holiday parties
-birthday parties
-girls nights out
-just plain old regular parties
-etc!
Anything is possible my friend. You just have to want the gift of sobriety bad enough and you too can achieve anything you set your mind to.
-gone to rock concerts (from hippie music to heavy metal!)
-gone to hockey games, and baseball games
-holiday parties
-birthday parties
-girls nights out
-just plain old regular parties
-etc!
Anything is possible my friend. You just have to want the gift of sobriety bad enough and you too can achieve anything you set your mind to.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Glad you're continuing on the sober path. It's worth it. I didn't think I could stand living without drinking but now after over two years sober drinking is not an option anymore as I enjoy my life too much without it.
I didn't think I could stand living without drinking but now after over two years sober drinking is not an option anymore as I enjoy my life too much without it. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Hevyn
Hi brandon. I do understand how you feel, being only 27. Glad you are discussing this & figuring out what needs to happen now.
The thought of 'no alcohol forever' was what kept me drinking for decades. Things would seem so dull and flat without it. Because it's a progressive disease, I ended up with my life in ruins. I didn't get dui's when I was young - I got them in my 50's because I kept tempting fate. I also had health issues and lost my friends & family's respect. I turned my life into a tangled web of pain & confusion - all because I didn't do what I knew I should at a younger age. Instead, I kept trying to control the amounts I drank. It almost cost me my life in the end.
Congratulations on your 90 days. I'm glad you are here with us.
The thought of 'no alcohol forever' was what kept me drinking for decades. Things would seem so dull and flat without it. Because it's a progressive disease, I ended up with my life in ruins. I didn't get dui's when I was young - I got them in my 50's because I kept tempting fate. I also had health issues and lost my friends & family's respect. I turned my life into a tangled web of pain & confusion - all because I didn't do what I knew I should at a younger age. Instead, I kept trying to control the amounts I drank. It almost cost me my life in the end.
Congratulations on your 90 days. I'm glad you are here with us.
It reinforces what I already know: I need to get this figured out now, because every day I don't work toward making it better, I'm making the problem worse.
Right now, it's not extremely difficult to go without alcohol. I don't want to get to the point that it is. I don't want shakes, or need medical attention to go without that poison.
I'm fortunate to be learning about this now, from the experiences of others, than to have to endure it myself later. That's what this is really about for me. Yes, the drinking sucks; it has negatively impacted my life in many aspects. But the big picture here is avoiding future problems that I would undoubtedly have.
I don't want to look back in fifteen years and have pissed away so much for alcohol. Up to this point, I have things I would have done differently with respect to alcohol, but I have no major regrets. I don't want to have any major regrets and abstinence is the only answer for me.
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