behindblueyes

Sorry for the many posts lately but I feel like I am being punished for being sober. I have had to get rid of all my friends since they all drink and just lost my job last Friday. I have been staring at the wall depressed and angry wondering what the point in all this is?

I lost my internet and cable is next. I live in a very small town and have been to six AA meetings but people run out the door and don't seem to want to talk after meetings. One of my drinking buddies actually asked me to go drinking tomorrow knowing I am done with that lifestyle. She told me to bring my child to a cookout with drunks. I am enraged that of the 10+ friends I had this is the only time I ever hear from them. I was dating someone who is also done with me because I told him I can't have beer around. He can drink socially. I feel like I am cutting myself off from the world.

Usually I would be so busy with work I wouldn't care. I was 40+ hours as a front desk guard and talked to over 100 people a day. Now I talk to the wall. I was one week sober when fired and can't find a job which is pushing me to pick up alcohol to numb the anxiety and stress.

Right now the only thing stopping me is if I start I know I won't quit for days. Any advice on depression/boredom? Thanks.

sugarbear1

So, if you were still drinking, would this have happened anyway? Or are you saying this all happened because you stopped drinking? I don't see a correlation here, but I can be dense at times....

Sometimes life happens. When I stopped drinking it didn't stop life from happening. I just felt it more intensely. Things slowly changed, but seriously, one year is nothing compared to how long I spent in an alcoholic delusional state of being. I prefer sobriety, no matter what happens along the way.

I wish you well and I know you can get through all of this without drinking!

Love & hugs,

behindblueyes

I just miss my friends but no one will hang out with me unless we go to a bar. Trying to make new friends at age 30 is hard, I don't know where to go anymore. Too much time on my hands.

sugarbear1

Big hugs to you.

I have friends who still drink or use. They support my decision and we make other plans when we hang out. Not every 30 year old drinks. Do you have hobbies or sports? You could join a league or club to make new friends. Some people drink, some don't. More often than not we surround ourselves with other heavy drinkers since drinking is important to us....

Young People in AA has a young crowd. Can you call and ask about them in your area?

Give time time. I've been in and out of AA for 26 years and I am just starting to feel okay enough to make new friends (I have a little over 15 months now)--I mean more than the small network I've gotten to know as my little sober group who keep each other sane when the sponsor isn't available. It's all a process and personal journey.

We need time to heal, to feel more okay with ourselves, and we aren't alone. Those other people in the meetings are also on their own journey.

Love & hugs,

CarolD

Please get back to AA....there you can find new sober friends
To do that....I suggest you go 15 minutes before the meeting
help them set up...and ask another woman for coffee later.

If she can't...keep asking....someone will have time
That is exactly what I did..

Sorry to know of your job situation...can you apply for government
assistance this coming week?

regeneration

hello behindblueeyes. Sorry to hear about your job and friend situation.

I had to stop seeing some of my friends, at least for now as our nights out revolved around drinking.

You do need to do something though to not isolate (as sugarbear and Carol are saying).

What interests you? Running, walking, other clubs? meetup.com has loads on it, or how about volunteering? I go to AA and some meetings are different to others e.g. some will have big groups go for coffee, others don't. Can you drive and try out a few others?

Also, if you do ask people for coffee someone should say yes as Carol says. I had someone ask me tonight, I really wanted to go home and curl up on the sofa but could see she wanted to go so I did... and I'm aware I isolate. I find the more regular meetings you go to the more people recognise your face and they start to chat. If you can get a service position (making tea or greeting) it all helps as then you have to talk to people and vice versa.

Try and put a plan in for the next week or so for something to do each day. I always thought everyone else is having a great time, but as Sugabear says we're on our own journeys too.

You can do this, keep trying to meet others but also look after yourself (cook nice meals, get books to read to keep you occupied). Good luck, it does get better, I can say that 5 months on.

JWS

Well, since you live in Pitt I say come down here to Baltimore and you'll meet some better people. Just a joke. In all seriousness, spend your time in forums such as this. Time will pass quickly. Also, check with local rehab places. I know where I live there's a sobreity group that meets once a month and has a party at the house of one of the members. Just a thought.

onlythetruth

I'm not so sure I understand your statement that you live in a small town...last I checked, Pittsburgh was a pretty big place, with lots of people and lots to do.

Sometimes we have to look a little harder to see what's there....

behindblueyes

I live over an hour outside of Pittsburgh. If I drive up the hill there are farms everywhere. I really am in the middle of nowhere. I also don't/didnt want people from my area finding me on this forum.