drink again?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Jackson, NJ
Posts: 7
drink again?
Hi everyone-
I've been sober now for over two years. After a long stint of partying in my 20s I decided that if I was going to start a family I had to get serious and start being more responsible. This realization was also due to the agreement of my husband on the matter. After about 6 months sober I got pregnant!!! My daughter is now 16 mos old and I'm happy, finacially stable, responsible and far less selfish. I'm sure many of you, and admittedly myself, will attribute this to sobriety but I am of course wondering how much of it is a result of growing up?
I think part of the difficultly of gettng sober young is this question. So of course I am wondering what the consensus is.
BTW- I did go to AA for a while, but that got increasingly difficult with work, life and a toddler and I just felt like I kept hearing the same stuff. Actually there was this one guy who literally told the same exact story every meeting.
As far as my husband goes, he is uncomfortable with the idea-mostly because I hid my drug use from him and so he worries that if I can't drink socially I will hide that from him too.
So the question is- can some people "grow up" and drink again? Or once an an abuser always an abuser?
I've been sober now for over two years. After a long stint of partying in my 20s I decided that if I was going to start a family I had to get serious and start being more responsible. This realization was also due to the agreement of my husband on the matter. After about 6 months sober I got pregnant!!! My daughter is now 16 mos old and I'm happy, finacially stable, responsible and far less selfish. I'm sure many of you, and admittedly myself, will attribute this to sobriety but I am of course wondering how much of it is a result of growing up?
I think part of the difficultly of gettng sober young is this question. So of course I am wondering what the consensus is.
BTW- I did go to AA for a while, but that got increasingly difficult with work, life and a toddler and I just felt like I kept hearing the same stuff. Actually there was this one guy who literally told the same exact story every meeting.
As far as my husband goes, he is uncomfortable with the idea-mostly because I hid my drug use from him and so he worries that if I can't drink socially I will hide that from him too.
So the question is- can some people "grow up" and drink again? Or once an an abuser always an abuser?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
No way for us to know if you could drink responsibly, but why chance it? You have a beautiful little daughter who needs her mommy. What's so great about drinking alcohol anyway?
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
I have to agree fully with Suki, and I can personally tell you it doesnt get better out there. I have been in AA for 14 months and go daily. But I am fortunate to have over 1,000 meetings a weeks to choose from in Cleveland. And I love switching them up, its like a little traveling. New people, places. And I have yet to ever hear of anyone that went back out tell me it got better. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Jackson, NJ
Posts: 7
All true...especially the part about my daughter. She is quite fabulous. Not sure why. I guess I just miss the comraderie and the taste of wine. But those arent good enough reasons to chance it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I think one of the biggest lies we can tell ourselves 'I haven't drunk for x amount of time, therefore I must now have control/no longer be an alcoholic'.
I fell for it too a few times, but it's a false premise.
If I was really 'cured' I wouldn't want to drink.
Looking back over the destruction and despair of my drinking career, I think the last thing any sane person would want to do is drink again.
Sounds like you have a great life Shanti - my advice is treasure it and protect it
D
I fell for it too a few times, but it's a false premise.
If I was really 'cured' I wouldn't want to drink.
Looking back over the destruction and despair of my drinking career, I think the last thing any sane person would want to do is drink again.
Sounds like you have a great life Shanti - my advice is treasure it and protect it
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Jackson, NJ
Posts: 7
I truly appreciate all the immediate support. It's helpful to hear other people's thoughts/experience in this matter and I think the smart move on my behalf would be to stay on this.site and refocus myself on my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by suki44883 
No way for us to know if you could drink responsibly, but why chance it? You have a beautiful little daughter who needs her mommy. What's so great about drinking alcohol anyway?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
I don't doubt that there are some that are able to revert from alcoholic drinking back to controlled or normal drinking. That being said that group would be the exception and not the rule, I personally don't know even one person who was able to pull that off. The notion that it will somehow be different this time around is the biggest trap most alcoholics get caught in, again and again and again........
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 61
After reading and learning from the experience and wisdom in these forums, the mistake that I am determined not to make is thinking that I can go back to controlled drinking. I know as an alcoholic, I just cannot do that. I was hooked from my first drink at age 21.
There are no reasons to go back to drinking anyway. I am going to have so much extra money! I am going to save all the money that I would normally spend on alcohol and take a vacation after six months. Doctors orders!
I suppose what you need to ask yourself is back when you were drinking, did you find it exhaustingly hard to stop drinking after just two or three drinks? Did you drink just to get drunk? Did you drink alone? Did you hide your true drinking habits from others who care about you? I am an alcoholic, and my answers to these are all yes. If your answer is to probably more than one, I would strongly urge that you don't start up again. Just my humble opinion.
Really think it through before you make your decision, and all the best to you.
There are no reasons to go back to drinking anyway. I am going to have so much extra money! I am going to save all the money that I would normally spend on alcohol and take a vacation after six months. Doctors orders!
I suppose what you need to ask yourself is back when you were drinking, did you find it exhaustingly hard to stop drinking after just two or three drinks? Did you drink just to get drunk? Did you drink alone? Did you hide your true drinking habits from others who care about you? I am an alcoholic, and my answers to these are all yes. If your answer is to probably more than one, I would strongly urge that you don't start up again. Just my humble opinion.
Really think it through before you make your decision, and all the best to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by shanti83
So the question is- can some people "grow up" and drink again? Or once an an abuser always an abuser?
And alcoholism is an insidious disease; it tells us that we really don't have the disease.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hnnn...
You have years ahead of you to mentor and be a good example
to your young child. Having a baby is more than just birthing.
I've yet to meet an adult who said how pleased and proud
they were that their parents drank..
Why in the world would you choose to drink?
The 3 of you deserve better...
.
You have years ahead of you to mentor and be a good example
to your young child. Having a baby is more than just birthing.
I've yet to meet an adult who said how pleased and proud
they were that their parents drank..
Why in the world would you choose to drink?
The 3 of you deserve better...
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Jackson, NJ
Posts: 7
Maybe you're right Ready and Able- I'm sure somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the answer. But questions such as the ones that make me reflect on my old drinking (yes it was awful those first few weeks of sobriety, yes I always wanted more and so on) and questions like WHY do you want to start again really help to put things in perspective, as simple as they may be.
It's just so bewildering to me that we have a disease that our mind likes to trick us into not having. I mean my life is completely different now - all for the better. I look better, I feel better, I have lots more money, and I'm a better mom/wife/friend/teacher. I could attribute this to growing up, but the only variable has been the substances. And even if I did grow up, it was sobriety that allowed me to do it.
I am trying to be open to doing the right thing- and I will do it, but that voice that wants to test me just keeps creeping in...not always, but sometimes more than others. Maybe it's because I have three weddings coming up in the next two months!!!
Last thought - I think the most convincing bit of advice has been the protection of my daughter. I look at her and I would do anything for that adorable little girl, except anything that would hurt her. And so, it's like this: I wouldn't take the chance of leaving my child alone in the bathtub for a minute because she might drown. Even though she's a sturdy little girl, and there is a bath mat in the tub, and I'd only be gone for a second there is a chance. So if I wouldn't do that, why would I chance this? It is something that could potentially hurt her, and even if it doesn't it's not like it's going to improve her quality of life.
It's just so bewildering to me that we have a disease that our mind likes to trick us into not having. I mean my life is completely different now - all for the better. I look better, I feel better, I have lots more money, and I'm a better mom/wife/friend/teacher. I could attribute this to growing up, but the only variable has been the substances. And even if I did grow up, it was sobriety that allowed me to do it.
I am trying to be open to doing the right thing- and I will do it, but that voice that wants to test me just keeps creeping in...not always, but sometimes more than others. Maybe it's because I have three weddings coming up in the next two months!!!
Last thought - I think the most convincing bit of advice has been the protection of my daughter. I look at her and I would do anything for that adorable little girl, except anything that would hurt her. And so, it's like this: I wouldn't take the chance of leaving my child alone in the bathtub for a minute because she might drown. Even though she's a sturdy little girl, and there is a bath mat in the tub, and I'd only be gone for a second there is a chance. So if I wouldn't do that, why would I chance this? It is something that could potentially hurt her, and even if it doesn't it's not like it's going to improve her quality of life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
It's so easy to start again. But it's sooo hard to quit.
There were times I quit for extended periods (over a couple months).
I would drink again,and think I had control. I actually did for a spell. But every time I started back up within a month I picked up right where I left off.
When it comes to booze our forgetters work pretty well,and our rememberers are broken.
Meaning we quickly forget all the reasons we wanted to quit in the first place.and don't remember the things we did that made us want to quit.
I wish you the best...
Fred
There were times I quit for extended periods (over a couple months).
I would drink again,and think I had control. I actually did for a spell. But every time I started back up within a month I picked up right where I left off.
When it comes to booze our forgetters work pretty well,and our rememberers are broken.
Meaning we quickly forget all the reasons we wanted to quit in the first place.and don't remember the things we did that made us want to quit.
I wish you the best...
Fred
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Our illness progresses whether we are drinking or not. I wouldn't take a chance drinking. Maybe it's time to get back to the meetings and find a sponsor to guide you through the steps. I'd hate to see you put your child in danger and your thinking is that of an alcoholic who's been sober for a while and now the illness is messing with you again. Bring some quiet toys for your child and get to a meeting. Go save your own life!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
When I decided to start drinking again after a lengthy time of sobriety it turned out to be a really bad decision that lasted for 3 more years. Getting away from it was a battle and I am blessed to not be in that cycle today.
I am not saying that you are the same. I am not able to control my drinking and i will never be able to control my drinking.
Your husband has stated that he is uncomfortable with it. Your family is worth more than alcohol.
I am not saying that you are the same. I am not able to control my drinking and i will never be able to control my drinking.
Your husband has stated that he is uncomfortable with it. Your family is worth more than alcohol.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Controlling your drinking can simply mean not drinking. Ever. No matter what happens. That's absolute control, and that's what I need and that's what I do.
You say you used to have to go to meetings to stay sober, and that you are secure in your sobriety now and have better things to do. Do you really want to need to go and listen to those same stories over and over again? You've got it sweet, you are on the upside. You know what it will mean to start it up again, where it will take you.
The day will come to you when you understand that you will never drink again, no matter what. I hope that day is today.
You say you used to have to go to meetings to stay sober, and that you are secure in your sobriety now and have better things to do. Do you really want to need to go and listen to those same stories over and over again? You've got it sweet, you are on the upside. You know what it will mean to start it up again, where it will take you.
The day will come to you when you understand that you will never drink again, no matter what. I hope that day is today.
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