Do you even remember what it was like?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Do you even remember what it was like?
I wanted to start a thread for those who drank for so long they dont even remember what its like to be a functioning sober dare i say normal indifividual.
I see people here there normal line revolves around the level booze set it at for them.
The horrors of being a daily drinker was my normal. I could think back to child hood desperately and think was it bad then? and for me yes it was. I had no point of reference really I didnt know what it was even like to feel decent and not suffer from either alcoholism or the problems that casued it for me.
For those who are in a simlier predicament where they cannot remember or do not even know what its like to be a functioning sober individual. I can assure you that when you get to the other side of this horrorable disease youll be so much happier you did.
I realize the idea of quiting can raise questions like WHY i was a miserable person before i started too becuase of (insert reason). I told myself other people where just fortunate to not have my problems what do they know.
all that could be true to some degree. The reality is once you quit and put it behind you many of your problems that are alcohol related will be gone. A lot you may not think are alcohol related you'll find are. IE i thought my panic attacks where not alcohol related well guess what there gone!
I see people here there normal line revolves around the level booze set it at for them.
The horrors of being a daily drinker was my normal. I could think back to child hood desperately and think was it bad then? and for me yes it was. I had no point of reference really I didnt know what it was even like to feel decent and not suffer from either alcoholism or the problems that casued it for me.
For those who are in a simlier predicament where they cannot remember or do not even know what its like to be a functioning sober individual. I can assure you that when you get to the other side of this horrorable disease youll be so much happier you did.
I realize the idea of quiting can raise questions like WHY i was a miserable person before i started too becuase of (insert reason). I told myself other people where just fortunate to not have my problems what do they know.
all that could be true to some degree. The reality is once you quit and put it behind you many of your problems that are alcohol related will be gone. A lot you may not think are alcohol related you'll find are. IE i thought my panic attacks where not alcohol related well guess what there gone!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
When I first quit, I wondered if I could ever get back to what it was like BEFORE I drank. I drank for over 30 years. Well longer than the period I didn't drink. But I clung to the idea that there were many years where I didn't use alcohol as a crutch. Mind you, I was a child then a young adult. But there was a time I was happy without drugs and alcohol.
And almost two years later...that time is now! Sober and happy.
And almost two years later...that time is now! Sober and happy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i am the same way. before i started drinking, i did things to myself and others to relieve what was goin on in my mellon and had no clue what was wrong with me. i remember, when i was about 12 ish, my mother started taking me to therapists to find out what was wrong. i remember this one asking me all this stuff, asking me what was wrong with me. "is it this, is it that?" i kept saying i dont know. got to the point i just about jumped across the desk and started beating on him. 12ish years old!!!
eventually, i got introduced to alcohol. then pot. actually, i dont know which came 1st, but i found a new "medication" for what was goin on in my melon.
i got into recovery at 36. i spent many years trapped in abottle and had absolutley no clue what sanity, serenity, peace, or happyness were. i was a miserable friggin wreck.
thats when i got into AA and was taought what made me tick.
eventually, i got introduced to alcohol. then pot. actually, i dont know which came 1st, but i found a new "medication" for what was goin on in my melon.
i got into recovery at 36. i spent many years trapped in abottle and had absolutley no clue what sanity, serenity, peace, or happyness were. i was a miserable friggin wreck.
thats when i got into AA and was taought what made me tick.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
No, I had no idea who I was. I drank for 30 years, binge drinking at first to fit in with bringing up my kids, then as they got older I drank every night. Hell at the end, I was starting to chuck in a couple of diazepam at night too. Was so very close to chucking it all away.
Almost 10 weeks sober now, and am just starting to see glimpses of the person underneath it all. AA is teaching me how to live my life, and I'm ready to find out who I am.
Almost 10 weeks sober now, and am just starting to see glimpses of the person underneath it all. AA is teaching me how to live my life, and I'm ready to find out who I am.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
"Almost 10 weeks sober now, and am just starting to see glimpses of the person underneath it all. AA is teaching me how to live my life, and I'm ready to find out who I am."
Its nice when you start seeing those glimpses. It gets better too.
I recall therapy sessions too as a child. I had one i had to go with my stepfather to find out you know what was wrong with me. It was one of the few times i was open and honest about the /home/ situation. Well that got me beat all the way home. how dare I rat on my stepfather like that etc..
Learning who i am and how to be happy with me is an interesting journey. I was always pounded either by fist or by booze to be something else.
I have some strange habits now people question why i do this Or why i do that. Or people love to tell me they hate this about me or hate that about me etc.. I just chuckle to myself and thing haha I'm ME and it feels good to be just that. I'm done trying to please everyone else.
Its nice when you start seeing those glimpses. It gets better too.
I recall therapy sessions too as a child. I had one i had to go with my stepfather to find out you know what was wrong with me. It was one of the few times i was open and honest about the /home/ situation. Well that got me beat all the way home. how dare I rat on my stepfather like that etc..
Learning who i am and how to be happy with me is an interesting journey. I was always pounded either by fist or by booze to be something else.
I have some strange habits now people question why i do this Or why i do that. Or people love to tell me they hate this about me or hate that about me etc.. I just chuckle to myself and thing haha I'm ME and it feels good to be just that. I'm done trying to please everyone else.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Yes, I had no clue about life when I first quit. I started drinking at age 13 and was quite addicted by the time I reached adulthood, so I'd known nothing but daily drinking my entire adult life.
It wasn't insurmountable though. It took time and effort, but eventually I did get comfortable with life and living as a mature, responsible adult.
It wasn't insurmountable though. It took time and effort, but eventually I did get comfortable with life and living as a mature, responsible adult.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
It's a weird one thinking about it, because even though I have done a lot of things in my drinking years, it has always been under the shadow of my alcoholism.
I have been drinking since I was 12 and my relationship with alcohol has never been healthy or normal. I have been drinking daily since I was 18 and have no idea what impact that really had on my life and what might have been different if I hadn't been drinking.
I have no idea what my 'normal' is.
I also found that all my panic attacks were alcohol related zjw x
I have been drinking since I was 12 and my relationship with alcohol has never been healthy or normal. I have been drinking daily since I was 18 and have no idea what impact that really had on my life and what might have been different if I hadn't been drinking.
I have no idea what my 'normal' is.
I also found that all my panic attacks were alcohol related zjw x
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I started drinking when I was 12 and 1/2 and found AA and recovery 3 weeks shy
of my 36th birthday. I had no clue what it was like or going to be like without
booze. Not only that I had lived the last 1 1/2 years on the streets of Hollywood
and to be perfectly honest, when I found AA I was and animal. There was not
even a thin veneer of civilization left on me.
Those folks in AA, my early guides and teachers later told me that I was a TIME
BOMB set to go off and they didn't know when. That I came in with a 'chip' on
my shoulder the size of a 2 x 4 and at least 4' long. That I hated everyone and
I was the first one on my list.
Those folks gave me a lot more than just the program of AA. They nurtured me,
they literally civilized me so that I started to learn how to interact with my
fellow human beings, they taught me how to pay my bills, how to balance my
checkbook, how to check my 'wants' and only fill my 'needs', .......... HOW TO
BE RESPONSIBLE for MY LIFE in every aspect.
I am very grateful for what they all did for me all those years ago, and thus
I stay of service today to the best of my ability, sort of 'paying it forward.'
I have no clue what life was like before I started drinking, but I do know that
the life I have had these last 31+ years has been absolutely FANTASTIC even
with the 'ups and downs' of life in general.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
of my 36th birthday. I had no clue what it was like or going to be like without
booze. Not only that I had lived the last 1 1/2 years on the streets of Hollywood
and to be perfectly honest, when I found AA I was and animal. There was not
even a thin veneer of civilization left on me.
Those folks in AA, my early guides and teachers later told me that I was a TIME
BOMB set to go off and they didn't know when. That I came in with a 'chip' on
my shoulder the size of a 2 x 4 and at least 4' long. That I hated everyone and
I was the first one on my list.
Those folks gave me a lot more than just the program of AA. They nurtured me,
they literally civilized me so that I started to learn how to interact with my
fellow human beings, they taught me how to pay my bills, how to balance my
checkbook, how to check my 'wants' and only fill my 'needs', .......... HOW TO
BE RESPONSIBLE for MY LIFE in every aspect.
I am very grateful for what they all did for me all those years ago, and thus
I stay of service today to the best of my ability, sort of 'paying it forward.'
I have no clue what life was like before I started drinking, but I do know that
the life I have had these last 31+ years has been absolutely FANTASTIC even
with the 'ups and downs' of life in general.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
I was nowhere near normal, and drinking only made it worse. I was trying to escape abuse and trauma from before I could walk and when I chickened out of suicide at 12 years old, I found drinking numbed the pain sufficiently. My habit of escape was 20 years old by this time last year, I was so scared of what life would be like without that numbing agent!!
Last August I took the leap of faith and I can't even find words to say what a relief, what a joy, what a healing experience it's been. To the newcomer I would say, there IS something more "out there." There IS something more "inside." Even if you have demons, and your life is/has been awful, it can only get better when you stop drinking. Sometimes what we think is a crutch is actually a shackle!
Last August I took the leap of faith and I can't even find words to say what a relief, what a joy, what a healing experience it's been. To the newcomer I would say, there IS something more "out there." There IS something more "inside." Even if you have demons, and your life is/has been awful, it can only get better when you stop drinking. Sometimes what we think is a crutch is actually a shackle!
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