Im an alcoholic. Alcohol is not my problem....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Im an alcoholic. Alcohol is not my problem....
I wanted to put this thread out here because this has been coming to mind a lot for me when reading many posts, particularly from people new in sobriety. I stress the fact that this is my opinion and my experience. Take from it what you will.
So many people, including myself, expected life to get better because they quit drinking and find the opposite happens. Life gets really tough.
I am an alcoholic, therefore alcohol was not my problem. Alcohol was always my answer. And a good one for quite some time. My problem was my inability to live life sober. Everytime I was sober I was bored, full of anxiety, depressed, angry and suicidal. Put a few drinks in my gut and I was at ease with everything. Alcohol changed my perception and took care of all of those negative feelings. So why would just not drinking make my life any better? It means that my only solution to my problems is gone.
Most alcoholics Ive spoken to about this can relate. We find we were not happy until the real problem is treated. We cant expect life to get better just by putting down our drink. We need to treat whatever was making us feel the need to drink in the first place.
I am gratefully recovered now. I found my answer through AA. Other folks have found different answers. The common thread? We need something to replace booze as our only answer.
Please, if you are new in sobriety and have not joined a program consider it. Your life will improve more than you can imagine if you find a new answer to your real problems.
God bless yall!
So many people, including myself, expected life to get better because they quit drinking and find the opposite happens. Life gets really tough.
I am an alcoholic, therefore alcohol was not my problem. Alcohol was always my answer. And a good one for quite some time. My problem was my inability to live life sober. Everytime I was sober I was bored, full of anxiety, depressed, angry and suicidal. Put a few drinks in my gut and I was at ease with everything. Alcohol changed my perception and took care of all of those negative feelings. So why would just not drinking make my life any better? It means that my only solution to my problems is gone.
Most alcoholics Ive spoken to about this can relate. We find we were not happy until the real problem is treated. We cant expect life to get better just by putting down our drink. We need to treat whatever was making us feel the need to drink in the first place.
I am gratefully recovered now. I found my answer through AA. Other folks have found different answers. The common thread? We need something to replace booze as our only answer.
Please, if you are new in sobriety and have not joined a program consider it. Your life will improve more than you can imagine if you find a new answer to your real problems.
God bless yall!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
very true. It took a while to get my head sorted out. I'm still getting it sorted out. But what i mean by it took a while is the bad part about newly being sober. It took a while till things got better and i got things sorted out. Granted life is not a cake walk now. Its way better and much more manageable then it ever was. So it was worth it to quit. But yes those early days i questioned my insane idea of not drinking ever again all the time. I dont question it now nor do i think it was an insane choice any longer.
I have a friend who's still drinking I realize there isnt much i can say to him. I feel bad when he complains about problems he's having problems i had too till i quit drinking. He knows my story he knows why i quit. All i can do when he mentions these problems is nicely say I used to have that problem too till i quit drinking. He still swears it has nothing to do with his drinking. Oh well nothing i can do.
I have a friend who's still drinking I realize there isnt much i can say to him. I feel bad when he complains about problems he's having problems i had too till i quit drinking. He knows my story he knows why i quit. All i can do when he mentions these problems is nicely say I used to have that problem too till i quit drinking. He still swears it has nothing to do with his drinking. Oh well nothing i can do.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by bbthumper 
Most alcoholics Ive spoken to about this can relate. We find we were not happy until the real problem is treated. We cant expect life to get better just by putting down our drink. We need to treat whatever was making us feel the need to drink in the first place.
Now I use life to feel good about not dealing with alcohol.
Alcohol was not my primary problem. Life and my emotions were simply unmanageable with and without alcohol. Alcohol allowed me to sweep my problems under the rug for a few hours.
It was not until I found I could indirectly influence my emotions with spiritual principles that I understood what Eastern religion had been saying for thousands of years:
"In this life - pain is inevitable - suffering is optional".
When I am spiritually fit, nothing disturbs me enough that I feel like I need a drink. When I spiritually fit, nothing disturbs me enough that I feel like I am suffering.
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
My problem was my inability to live life sober. Everytime I was sober I was bored, full of anxiety, depressed, angry and suicidal. Put a few drinks in my gut and I was at ease with everything. Alcohol changed my perception and took care of all of those negative feelings. So why would just not drinking make my life any better? It means that my only solution to my problems is gone.
I relate and I don't. When I was drunk alcohol enhanced what I was feeling. If I was angry, I would get down right combative and even get into psychical fights, if I was really sad I would have suicidal thoughts while drunk. If I was happy, I would do dangerous "manic" things. If I was anxious alcohol made it worse. Alcohol created many more problems then I started out with in the beginning, but I see what you mean about addressing the reasons I turned to beer in the first place, and what do I replace that with now.
Great thread
I relate and I don't. When I was drunk alcohol enhanced what I was feeling. If I was angry, I would get down right combative and even get into psychical fights, if I was really sad I would have suicidal thoughts while drunk. If I was happy, I would do dangerous "manic" things. If I was anxious alcohol made it worse. Alcohol created many more problems then I started out with in the beginning, but I see what you mean about addressing the reasons I turned to beer in the first place, and what do I replace that with now.
Great thread
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ca
Posts: 51
I hear you. Sober now and facing life on life terms. Now that can't escape with booze I have to walk through whatever life brings. I just got a sponsor and I am excited to learn about myself through the steps and to find another solution to life. One with less consequences!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
People are all over the spectrum on this one. How big of a void it's going to leave in your life is probably directly proportional to how big a part of your life it was to begin with. I've seen some hard core alcoholics just throw in the towel and be done with it the same as I've known some 2 pack a day smokers just decide to knock it off for good and never look back. Nothing is really written in stone as to what anyones experience will be like, too many factors go into he equation.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Interesting stuff!
I didn't look at alcohol as something to be replaced. I looked at it as a barrier to be removed. Once out of the way, I was free to do whatever else I wanted. Read more books, make new friends, take up creative pursuits, safely operate a motor vehicle day or night... heck, I was finally free to pick up the phone after 7 p.m., instead of hiding out.
Alcohol was an impediment to living the way I wanted to live. My approach to quitting was tightly focused on one objective: Don't ever drink again. Now that I no longer drink, countless doors are open. It's up to me to walk through them.
I treat them as completely separate issues, with the understanding that abstinence is a prerequisite for all of my other goals. Diff'rent strokes, right?
I didn't look at alcohol as something to be replaced. I looked at it as a barrier to be removed. Once out of the way, I was free to do whatever else I wanted. Read more books, make new friends, take up creative pursuits, safely operate a motor vehicle day or night... heck, I was finally free to pick up the phone after 7 p.m., instead of hiding out.
Alcohol was an impediment to living the way I wanted to live. My approach to quitting was tightly focused on one objective: Don't ever drink again. Now that I no longer drink, countless doors are open. It's up to me to walk through them.
I treat them as completely separate issues, with the understanding that abstinence is a prerequisite for all of my other goals. Diff'rent strokes, right?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good words and true for me too. i didnt have a drinkin problem. did that pretty good. in fact, i was quite good at proving to anyone they could drink me under the table.
it was not drinkin that was a bugger for me.
it was not drinkin that was a bugger for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1
Alcohol is not my problem, taking responsibility is
I read an article about alcohol not being the problem, something I suspected for myself. I responded to the article, and I'm pasting it again here in case its helpful or enlightening. I'm not an alcoholic, but I have a lot of the symptoms and thinking of one. I've been suicidal for years, gotten close but not gone through with an actual attempt-I always decided I want to LIVE, not die, and that woke up a feeling in me about taking responsibility-facing whatever was bothering me it was a weird, good new feeling but it felt like I was slipping into my own body in that moment, and seeing my life through my OWN eyes for the first time. It felt great, so I got up off the railroad tracks in the middle of the night with a new feeling about myself-that I'm IN HERE, and I want to drive. Sit in the drivers seat of my life. That was a great realization, but the flood of old crap comes back, and soon I'm struggling against other aspects of an unhealthy mindset again. I still think of suicide, but I've been there, ready to light the fuse (cannon), put on my CPAP mask with insert gas feeding into it, or wait for a train on the tracks. I've been there, and I have to go forward now, not back to that place. Its a process. Anyway, I'm a writer, so I write. Here's my letter I posted as a response to some gracious person's kind thoughts.
I'm a grandchild of alcoholics and I'm up in the middle of the night trying to figure out why I feel so lousy all the time, its like I have a lot of the thinking of an alcoholic without the alcohol. Its like I'm a dry alcoholic. lots of co-dependency traits, lots of blaming, I feel like Im outside myself a lot, like I'm not driving. Your article pointed out exactly what I think my problem is: not taking responsibility for myself. Don't know why I do that, but sometimes I can feel myself slipping into my own body and taking charge of my life, but often I feel I'm running on autopilot, and I'm 48 and still feel like a kid waiting for an adult to come along and approve of my choices, and I can't figure out a career. I keep trying things that keep failing, and I don't do my dreams really, just stab at it while I get older. most interactions with people are uncomfortable and awkward and I know it, I think I bring a weird vibe into them, and then I hate the results. My friends have dropped away over my years of depression, because I'm a pleaser and that's turned them off. things seem pretty bleak right now and I feel I need to hit a 'rock bottom' because alcohol isn't the problem, its accepting that I'm in charge of my life, maybe being angry-feeling it and accepting it, feeling the hurt I had as a kid, accepting the anger and frustration I had way back then and now, and embracing it and moving through it to go forward, letting that be a part of me, instead of dodging it, blaming others, looking at everything else as controlling me instead of me. Acceptance, responsibility, were words that stood out to me in your article, and jived with what I suspect is my problem and why everything sucks and I can't make any progress in anything.
I'm a grandchild of alcoholics and I'm up in the middle of the night trying to figure out why I feel so lousy all the time, its like I have a lot of the thinking of an alcoholic without the alcohol. Its like I'm a dry alcoholic. lots of co-dependency traits, lots of blaming, I feel like Im outside myself a lot, like I'm not driving. Your article pointed out exactly what I think my problem is: not taking responsibility for myself. Don't know why I do that, but sometimes I can feel myself slipping into my own body and taking charge of my life, but often I feel I'm running on autopilot, and I'm 48 and still feel like a kid waiting for an adult to come along and approve of my choices, and I can't figure out a career. I keep trying things that keep failing, and I don't do my dreams really, just stab at it while I get older. most interactions with people are uncomfortable and awkward and I know it, I think I bring a weird vibe into them, and then I hate the results. My friends have dropped away over my years of depression, because I'm a pleaser and that's turned them off. things seem pretty bleak right now and I feel I need to hit a 'rock bottom' because alcohol isn't the problem, its accepting that I'm in charge of my life, maybe being angry-feeling it and accepting it, feeling the hurt I had as a kid, accepting the anger and frustration I had way back then and now, and embracing it and moving through it to go forward, letting that be a part of me, instead of dodging it, blaming others, looking at everything else as controlling me instead of me. Acceptance, responsibility, were words that stood out to me in your article, and jived with what I suspect is my problem and why everything sucks and I can't make any progress in anything.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 1,271
Fantastic post!
If I felt better abstinent, then alcoholism wasn't my problem. Alcohol was my problem.
Alcohol was the solution to my problem of alcoholism. There's only one solution to the problem of alcoholism--a spiritual awakening/God consciousness.
This is why we need two types of AA... it's not good if the person whose problem is alcohol tries to sponsor the person whose problem is alcoholism. :-(
If I felt better abstinent, then alcoholism wasn't my problem. Alcohol was my problem.
Alcohol was the solution to my problem of alcoholism. There's only one solution to the problem of alcoholism--a spiritual awakening/God consciousness.
This is why we need two types of AA... it's not good if the person whose problem is alcohol tries to sponsor the person whose problem is alcoholism. :-(
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 256
Very good points here.
I've been in a somewhat stage of getting sober for a while now, but never actually staying sober one hundred percent. As my alcohol intake and frequency of intake has gone down, I feel worse now than ever before. Like no matter what I won't be happy with anything.
Before when I first started "attempting" to quite I would be in a cycle of binge drinking and then not drinking for 2-3-4 days or whatever, which was progress in itself from everyday drinking, and then I'd feel like garbage the day after and by day 3-4 I would be feeling good again. Not until I've started going more along the lines of a that 6-7 day range without drinking do I know feel like crap, particularly mentally.
I've been in a somewhat stage of getting sober for a while now, but never actually staying sober one hundred percent. As my alcohol intake and frequency of intake has gone down, I feel worse now than ever before. Like no matter what I won't be happy with anything.
Before when I first started "attempting" to quite I would be in a cycle of binge drinking and then not drinking for 2-3-4 days or whatever, which was progress in itself from everyday drinking, and then I'd feel like garbage the day after and by day 3-4 I would be feeling good again. Not until I've started going more along the lines of a that 6-7 day range without drinking do I know feel like crap, particularly mentally.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Speaking for myself, alcohol was the problem and I was an alcoholic. I was def addicted to it. It was damaging my mind, body, soul, and relationships with others and myself. But I can't say that alcohol wasn't the problem. It was. Since I've made the decision to never drink again and never change my mind, those problems have disappeared. My life is by no means perfect since I quit but my addiction was 100% the root of all my problems, not the other way around.
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