MysteriousGrl

I'm in a really sticky situation at the moment and I'm not sure what to do. I was employed by the same company for several years and during that time I was a very reliable, hard working employee. I worked my way up the corporate ladder and was promoted to management level. The height of my alcoholism really kicked in during the last year I was employed with them but I never let it affect my work and they were really shocked to hear that I was filing for short term disability leave (to go into 30-60 day treatment). I never told them the real reason for my absence (HIPAA law) and to this day I think it may have been the wrong thing to do. I was too ashamed though. Obviously HR see the medical submissions etc. from the STD company and probably know all too well why I needed to take the time off.

After treatment I returned to work but blew it after a week (with so much regret) and ended up back in rehab for a second time. My company treated it as abandonment of my job and I was given no option to return to work even though my Long Term Disability was approved. Its been an ongoing battle since then but I am finally getting to a place in my life where I feel ready and able to return to the corporate world.

Recently I had an interview and was later informed by the hiring company that it was against company policy for my previous employer to give a reference. I understand I let them down etc. but prior to my absence I was a very loyal, reliable hard working employee who was considered one of the best at what I did. I also had a very good rapport with my boss who I have known for many years, and I know that she would want to see me do well. At least that is what I thought. I really dont know what to do from here. Keeping in mind, I was with my previous employer for 10+ years!! What reason I am supposed to give to a new hiring manager that my previous employer wont give me a reference? Has anyone experienced anything similar before and what did you do?

Zazzzzz

Wow, what a difficult situation. I've never been in it, myself, but just to clarify -

Can't you get a personal rec from your previous boss? He or she can take the hit and you can give your new potential employer his or her personal cell phone/email? Or is that just not an option anymore? It's not totally ethical but it's a means to an end, especially if your old boss remains your friend and knows you've gotten better.

MetalChick

That is a tough one for sure. What I would do is talk to your former boss, and see if she would be willing to give you the reference. Your potential employer probably called HR and got the "company policy" response. Perhaps your former boss would be willing to let you put her direct line or extension on your resume/application. That is what I would do.

Also, you will not automatically be ruled out for jobs if your former employer won't give you a reference. Lots of companies are doing that these days for legal reasons. At least they can verify that you worked there for 10 years, and they haven't given you a bad reference(which companies can do if the information is accurate).

Hope that helps

MetalChick

I should have mentioned too, that you also might try getting a letter of recommendation from your former boss, and put that in your portfolio.

Threshold

Ouch.

I think the ideas above are really good ones.

another option, since you work in the corporate world is to ask previous professionals you dealt with for references on your work.

I do not know your line of work, but clients, buyers, vendors, and various other professional contacts can be great references, and also shows the potential employer than you made business connections which could be useful in your new position etc.

MysteriousGrl

Yeah, my thought was what about a personal reference and so I emailed my previous boss to tell them about the information I had received and would she please consider giving me a character reference to which I have had no response. It's completely unlike them to reply, even with bad news. I guess its time for me to pick up the phone and call directly but that scares the sh*t out of me. I feel like I let them down so badly and to have to confront it verbally is killing me....I guess I've got nothing to lose at this point. Thank you for your thoughts

MysteriousGrl

It does help, alot. If the connection fails with my previous boss, at least they can still verify that I worked for the company for several years. I guess that says something. Thank you

MysteriousGrl

Yes, thats also a very good point!

I did have several business relationships through previous employment that I'd hope would give a good reference.

Thank you so much for the support

Justfor1

I'm currently using a made up resume. I used the places that I worked at & just claimed I was employed more recently. I believe that this lie is necessary because people do not want to seem to give me a second chance. Most folks will say, "just be honest" & I did try that. Now it's on to plan B. It's also harder because I have a criminal record.

Hollyanne

Is it legal what they did? Firing you?
Are you pursuing legal action? If so, add this to the "tab".
You don't have to answer this here of course.
After 10 years, you would be well protected legally, no?

sugarbear1

an "at-will" employee has no legal recourse....

Threshold

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time obtaining a job Just. Falsifying dates can really come back and bite us.

Many companies have a policy of not giving personal references but ONLY confirming dates of employment. If it is discovered you fudged dates, the deal is off.

I have to watch my own willingness to "fudge", hide, exaggerate, tell half truths etc...because I'm afraid I won't get what I want or need. That behavior is the foundation of MY addiction. (others mileage may vary).

My honesty isn't always rewarded from the outside, but the internal consequences of my being honest are priceless.

Something surprising that I've experienced several times lately. I've been prepared with a "story" to excuse my way out of some recent situations. And I was rehearsing my story to myself, trying to reconcile and justify it as "truth" to myself so I'd be ok if I ended up needing it.

I was uncomfortable and worried during that entire process. Then the confrontation came, and I said "I am not going to attend this event."

I was ready to defend myself if necessary, but...it wasn't necessary! Caught up in my own fear and dishonest thinking, I was sure others must think the same way, must always be suspicious, etc.

But not necessarily so. Given a chance and willingness to stop at the truth, I found out that in most instances the truth is enough.

Because of choices I made in active addiction, I have some dues to pay, some opportunities closed off to me. But it's a big world, and if I am willing to do things differenly, I can make my way in it.

It sucks when I get a door or three slammed in my face, but there are people willing to work with me, and opportunities I wouldn't have sought out before, but now was pushed into due to my own past behavior, and they've really expanded who I am.

TexasBloom

I second the idea of looking into the legality of terminating any employee, at-will or not, once LT dis has been approved. That might be something to follow up on as you're getting those refs together from previous contacts. Also, social networking pays off (according to my sponsor, who was corporate for years. My experience has been retail and self-employment.)

Not being hired is a hit to my pride, and it's certainly humbling. Now that I'm mysteriously hire-able, home circumstances prevent me from working; go figure. Maybe the door's open and I'm on the other side of the proverbial building? It's worth considering.