An Unlikely Story
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
An Unlikely Story
My story is somewhat long but I felt it was important to tell because there are so many misconceptions about alcoholism and alcohol abuse.
My name is Maya and I just turned 30. My story is quite unlikely because I didn't realize I was abusing alcohol until a month ago.
I started drinking at age 20 in college. I was in a sorority and that was the kind of thing to do, go to get parties and get wasted. I didn't drink during the week because I was more focused on school. I didn't consider myself abusing alcohol by any means, I was just socializing and doing what my peers were doing.
Fast forward to after college. I stopped the keg parties but still drank socially with my friends. The issue is, my friends at the time had trust funds, as did I, so we didn't have to work. We each pursued creative interests and basically had time and money at our disposal. I believe this contributed to my alcohol consumption greatly.
Here was a typical day for me.
Wake up, meet the girls at our favorite breakfast spot and have "bottomless mamosas," as we discuss our creative endeavors.
Then go shopping, hang out at a coffee shop or bookstore, then head to lunch for "bottomless margaritas" and Mexican food at our favorite restaurant.
Then hang out at the beach, do some writing, hit the gym for yoga, then dinner and martinis at our favorite martini place.
Then go home, wake up, repeat.
This was basically my life for several years. I never realized that what we were doing was unhealthy for a number of reasons. 1. I never got drunk, buzzed or tipsy from the drinks because we drank them spread out over the course of the day 2. I had no evident health problems 3. I had no hangovers ever because I never got drunk enough to have one. and 4. It's basically what my friends were doing too. We never suffered any ill effects that we could piece together and attribute to alcohol.
THEN
Well then all the sudden we each were stricken with unexplainable bouts of panic attacks and anxiety. We had no idea why. That went on for several years.
THEN
A few years ago I went completely insane, hallucinations, out of touch with reality, my body was jerking hard and uncontrollably. I left my apartment in my underwear and a t-shirt and went downstairs and told my doorman that Jesus was living in the apartment next door. Then when he acted confused, I decided he was the devil and was looking for Jesus, and that's why Jesus was hiding in the apartment next door. So I proceed to hit my doorman. My doorman called the paramedics, who when they showed up I was convinced were part of a government scheme to race cleanse America the way the Jews were killed, so I beat up the paramedics too and ran around my building. So the police were called, and when they arrived I decided I better be good because I was convinced they'd kill me for thrill.
They took me to a mental facility where I was questioned about drug use. I told them I didn't use drugs, then I was sure the doctors were part of the government plot. Then my body began jerking violently again and I lost consciousness. That was on a Sunday.
I awoke on that Tuesday, still kind of out of it at the mental facility. They had no clue what was wrong with me because my urine sample was clean of drugs. I had no idea what was wrong with me either.
They started giving me Ativan as needed at night because the symptoms of whatever was wrong with me, were at their worse at night. Well 5 days later I was spontaneously fine and my doctor was baffled as was I.
It wasn't until last month that all the sudden one night I started feeling weird, like my skin was crawling and thinking weird again, about conspiracy theories, that it clicked, **** I think this is alcohol withdrawal.
I ran to the store and bought some alcohol because I heard weaning off works well. I drank a few shots and immediately the creepy crawly feeling and the crazy thoughts disappeared, and that confirmed to me that all this time, all these years, I was going in and out of withdrawals and never knowing and that when I went crazy that time, it was DTs. I had never heard of such a thing and never knew alcohol was so dangerous.
Also I thought you had to get drunk to be considered abusing alcohol, or an alcoholic. I never craved alcohol. I never needed it, I never got drunk or anything. I was just drinking socially, or so I thought. What a wake up call.
I weened off a month ago over the course of 7 days, just decreasing doses each day and decided to live a sober life and to recover because even though I never actually got drunk, I realize now that the alcohol did effect me, it was the reason I had random panic attacks, random anxiety, sleep paralysis, insomnia, weird nervous system issues and all this crazy ****.
For those that think you have to be drunk for alcohol to harm you, I'm here to say that's not true and for those that think you have to drink a pint a day in order to get DTs, I'm here to say that's not true. I learned about kindling and that explains why I got DTs. When I got it, it occured about 48 hours after my last day of drinking and that day I only had about 5 martinis throughout the day.
Another thing is that drinking small amounts throughout the day actually increases your chances of withdrawal because your body is used to having to compensate for constant suppression from alcohol. I did not know this. While I thought we were being all cool and trendy and all Sex and the City, I realize now that we were just lushes, abusing alcohol without knowing it.
And to think that 35% of people who get DTs die, which means I could have died. My heart rate was through the roof and the doctors really were baffled. I'm so thankful they gave me benzos because it turns out sedating the person until its over is one of the treatments, but they didnt sedate me until three days in so I could have died of cardiac arrest.
I just can't believe I was so oblivious. Society makes it seem like drinking is so cool and social and when you're in your 20s its encouraged. I never knew anything about alcohol withdrawal, I didn't even know it existed. I'm 30 now so we're talking a decade of inadvertent alcohol abuse. I also thought you had to be getting drunk for your body to get dependent. But the truth is that your body is just trying to compensate for the CNS suppression. I had no clue about any of this and I just feel so stupid.
I'm looking forward to healing. I'm one month in and find that I have more energy and motivation to do things. Which I didn't really have before. And I've heard it can take up to two years to feel normal again. I'm just going to take it a day at a time. Since I've quit I've noticed memory issues, I'm very forgetful since quitting and my brain is weird, like I skip words when typing and that scares me. I feel like I have neurological damage. It scares me even more because Im an editor for a large circulation magazine so skipping words can effect my job.
The good news is, I don't crave alcohol or anything so stopping wasn't too hard, but I am concerned about the social transition. All of my friends still drink and most of our social outings revolve around drinking.
My name is Maya and I just turned 30. My story is quite unlikely because I didn't realize I was abusing alcohol until a month ago.
I started drinking at age 20 in college. I was in a sorority and that was the kind of thing to do, go to get parties and get wasted. I didn't drink during the week because I was more focused on school. I didn't consider myself abusing alcohol by any means, I was just socializing and doing what my peers were doing.
Fast forward to after college. I stopped the keg parties but still drank socially with my friends. The issue is, my friends at the time had trust funds, as did I, so we didn't have to work. We each pursued creative interests and basically had time and money at our disposal. I believe this contributed to my alcohol consumption greatly.
Here was a typical day for me.
Wake up, meet the girls at our favorite breakfast spot and have "bottomless mamosas," as we discuss our creative endeavors.
Then go shopping, hang out at a coffee shop or bookstore, then head to lunch for "bottomless margaritas" and Mexican food at our favorite restaurant.
Then hang out at the beach, do some writing, hit the gym for yoga, then dinner and martinis at our favorite martini place.
Then go home, wake up, repeat.
This was basically my life for several years. I never realized that what we were doing was unhealthy for a number of reasons. 1. I never got drunk, buzzed or tipsy from the drinks because we drank them spread out over the course of the day 2. I had no evident health problems 3. I had no hangovers ever because I never got drunk enough to have one. and 4. It's basically what my friends were doing too. We never suffered any ill effects that we could piece together and attribute to alcohol.
THEN
Well then all the sudden we each were stricken with unexplainable bouts of panic attacks and anxiety. We had no idea why. That went on for several years.
THEN
A few years ago I went completely insane, hallucinations, out of touch with reality, my body was jerking hard and uncontrollably. I left my apartment in my underwear and a t-shirt and went downstairs and told my doorman that Jesus was living in the apartment next door. Then when he acted confused, I decided he was the devil and was looking for Jesus, and that's why Jesus was hiding in the apartment next door. So I proceed to hit my doorman. My doorman called the paramedics, who when they showed up I was convinced were part of a government scheme to race cleanse America the way the Jews were killed, so I beat up the paramedics too and ran around my building. So the police were called, and when they arrived I decided I better be good because I was convinced they'd kill me for thrill.
They took me to a mental facility where I was questioned about drug use. I told them I didn't use drugs, then I was sure the doctors were part of the government plot. Then my body began jerking violently again and I lost consciousness. That was on a Sunday.
I awoke on that Tuesday, still kind of out of it at the mental facility. They had no clue what was wrong with me because my urine sample was clean of drugs. I had no idea what was wrong with me either.
They started giving me Ativan as needed at night because the symptoms of whatever was wrong with me, were at their worse at night. Well 5 days later I was spontaneously fine and my doctor was baffled as was I.
It wasn't until last month that all the sudden one night I started feeling weird, like my skin was crawling and thinking weird again, about conspiracy theories, that it clicked, **** I think this is alcohol withdrawal.
I ran to the store and bought some alcohol because I heard weaning off works well. I drank a few shots and immediately the creepy crawly feeling and the crazy thoughts disappeared, and that confirmed to me that all this time, all these years, I was going in and out of withdrawals and never knowing and that when I went crazy that time, it was DTs. I had never heard of such a thing and never knew alcohol was so dangerous.
Also I thought you had to get drunk to be considered abusing alcohol, or an alcoholic. I never craved alcohol. I never needed it, I never got drunk or anything. I was just drinking socially, or so I thought. What a wake up call.
I weened off a month ago over the course of 7 days, just decreasing doses each day and decided to live a sober life and to recover because even though I never actually got drunk, I realize now that the alcohol did effect me, it was the reason I had random panic attacks, random anxiety, sleep paralysis, insomnia, weird nervous system issues and all this crazy ****.
For those that think you have to be drunk for alcohol to harm you, I'm here to say that's not true and for those that think you have to drink a pint a day in order to get DTs, I'm here to say that's not true. I learned about kindling and that explains why I got DTs. When I got it, it occured about 48 hours after my last day of drinking and that day I only had about 5 martinis throughout the day.
Another thing is that drinking small amounts throughout the day actually increases your chances of withdrawal because your body is used to having to compensate for constant suppression from alcohol. I did not know this. While I thought we were being all cool and trendy and all Sex and the City, I realize now that we were just lushes, abusing alcohol without knowing it.
And to think that 35% of people who get DTs die, which means I could have died. My heart rate was through the roof and the doctors really were baffled. I'm so thankful they gave me benzos because it turns out sedating the person until its over is one of the treatments, but they didnt sedate me until three days in so I could have died of cardiac arrest.
I just can't believe I was so oblivious. Society makes it seem like drinking is so cool and social and when you're in your 20s its encouraged. I never knew anything about alcohol withdrawal, I didn't even know it existed. I'm 30 now so we're talking a decade of inadvertent alcohol abuse. I also thought you had to be getting drunk for your body to get dependent. But the truth is that your body is just trying to compensate for the CNS suppression. I had no clue about any of this and I just feel so stupid.
I'm looking forward to healing. I'm one month in and find that I have more energy and motivation to do things. Which I didn't really have before. And I've heard it can take up to two years to feel normal again. I'm just going to take it a day at a time. Since I've quit I've noticed memory issues, I'm very forgetful since quitting and my brain is weird, like I skip words when typing and that scares me. I feel like I have neurological damage. It scares me even more because Im an editor for a large circulation magazine so skipping words can effect my job.
The good news is, I don't crave alcohol or anything so stopping wasn't too hard, but I am concerned about the social transition. All of my friends still drink and most of our social outings revolve around drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Glad you've joined us BarFight - and glad you're ok 
Give yourself time to heal for sure - I'm sure you'll find things will get a lot better
congratulations on your month
D
Give yourself time to heal for sure - I'm sure you'll find things will get a lot better
congratulations on your month
D
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Thanks for posting that BarFight, I guess even smaller amounts over a long enough period of time could induce withdrawal symptoms. The anxiety and panic are quite common as your CNS tries to compensate for the lack of sedation. The effects can be so subtle at first that most people wouldn't make the connection. Good thing tho that you figured it out early enough in the game. The psychotic episode proves what can happen if the brain chemistry is altered on a regular enough basis. Something for everyone to think about.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
Thanks for posting that BarFight, I guess even smaller amounts over a long enough period of time could induce withdrawal symptoms. The anxiety and panic are quite common as your CNS tries to compensate for the lack of sedation. The effects can be so subtle at first that most people wouldn't make the connection. Good thing tho that you figured it out early enough in the game. The psychotic episode proves what can happen if the brain chemistry is altered on a regular enough basis. Something for everyone to think about.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Thanks for your story! Prior to getting sober i read a number of stories like yours and found it unbelievable. Since I've read plenty too. I've even wondered if thers something else in the drinks aside from just alcohol causing all this craziness. I didnt want to believe it even tho the symptoms i was having mirrored many stories like yours. Then i started reading the science of it. One writer likened drinking to tossing a hand grenade into your brain and went on to describe the nitty gritty of what happens.
Stories like yours and stuff like the Science Nerds wrote drove be to sobreity and fast. Having a little over a year sober now I'm very thankful for those stories.
Its downright scary how it can mess up your brain and you have no idea what it is. You could be sober having issues and go Na couldnt be the booze i'm not drunk uh huh then ya read about withdrawels and think noooo this couldnt be it uh huh.
Congrats on your decision to be sober!
Stories like yours and stuff like the Science Nerds wrote drove be to sobreity and fast. Having a little over a year sober now I'm very thankful for those stories.
Its downright scary how it can mess up your brain and you have no idea what it is. You could be sober having issues and go Na couldnt be the booze i'm not drunk uh huh then ya read about withdrawels and think noooo this couldnt be it uh huh.
Congrats on your decision to be sober!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I think you may have underestimated the amount of booze you were drinking. Drinks spread throughout the day are still damaging to the body/mind.
I'm looking forward to my brain chemistry getting back on track.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Originally Posted by zjw
Thanks for your story! Prior to getting sober i read a number of stories like yours and found it unbelievable. Since I've read plenty too. I've even wondered if thers something else in the drinks aside from just alcohol causing all this craziness. I didnt want to believe it even tho the symptoms i was having mirrored many stories like yours. Then i started reading the science of it. One writer likened drinking to tossing a hand grenade into your brain and went on to describe the nitty gritty of what happens.
Stories like yours and stuff like the Science Nerds wrote drove be to sobreity and fast. Having a little over a year sober now I'm very thankful for those stories.
Its downright scary how it can mess up your brain and you have no idea what it is. You could be sober having issues and go Na couldnt be the booze i'm not drunk uh huh then ya read about withdrawels and think noooo this couldnt be it uh huh.
Congrats on your decision to be sober!
Stories like yours and stuff like the Science Nerds wrote drove be to sobreity and fast. Having a little over a year sober now I'm very thankful for those stories.
Its downright scary how it can mess up your brain and you have no idea what it is. You could be sober having issues and go Na couldnt be the booze i'm not drunk uh huh then ya read about withdrawels and think noooo this couldnt be it uh huh.
Congrats on your decision to be sober!
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Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
There is most definately alcohol induced psychosis. I had both visual and auditory hallucinations in severe alcohol withdrawal. Very terrifying stuff as the mind loses its ability to tell what's real and what's not. The thing is that it seems very real when it is happening. Scary stuff indeed.
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I think there is no set amount of drinks to get DT's. At my highest amount of drinking I was at a pint of booze and a 12pack of cheap beer per day. I detoxed at the hospital & still saw spider webs & stuff. I knew they were part of the alcohol detox but still thought they were real. Very scary.
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Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
There is most definately alcohol induced psychosis. I had both visual and auditory hallucinations in severe alcohol withdrawal. Very terrifying stuff as the mind loses its ability to tell what's real and what's not. The thing is that it seems very real when it is happening. Scary stuff indeed.
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