lag

After many years of abusing my body, I made the decision to quit drinking, and I'm scared to death. Not of withdrawal, although I have my concerns there, but of the fact that I can never drink again. I have read enough posts to know that I shouldn't think about it in those terms, but that is the harsh reality. My main concern is lack of support. I live alone, have no family, and no real friends in the area. My social life is the neighborhood bar. I don't know how I feel about AA, but I am going to a meeting tonight. If nothing else, it will force me to change my routine. Fortunately, I am off work until Friday, which gives me time to get the worst of it out of my system. I realize this is going to be the hardest thing I have done in my life, but knowing I can come here and read other people's success stories will help get me through.

CarolD

Welcome...

I did find bunches of new friends in AA....and we do all sorts
of fun things outside of meetings. ..
I too was single and lived alone ..all my social circle were also
drinkers. Yes we were bar flies together.

My recovery from alcoholism required drastic changes in my lifestyle
and I've not regretted any of them.

Hope your de tox runs smoothly....wishing you a sober future...

liv1ce

AA was a great experience and a chance to meet many people just like you. You will be welcomed. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to and can just listen until you feel comfortable - at least that's the way it works around here.

I never followed the steps beyond understanding what they were for and what I had to learn. I wasn't a "higher power" guy and never had that questioned either.

Just go and enjoy and absorb all the experience that you will see around you.

I cleaned up and then had a horrible relapse on prescription drugs that actually ended up becoming public and was welcomed back with the same open arms. I felt like such an ass---e and such a fool but it made no matter to anyone there

awuh1

Best wishes lag. I congratulate you on your courage to attend that first meeting tonight. I know that can be quite difficult. I suggest that you let folks know it’s your first meeting. That typically helps quite a bit. Many of us here on this forum had our first meeting. Everyone at that meeting tonight will have had that experience, so expect a lot of sympathetic souls who remember what it was like.

I remember the morning before my first meeting. It all seemed so impossible. Turns out it was not.

mirage

Congratulations on a big decision, lag. It may seem daunting right now, but you can do it and you'll be SO happy you did!! My advice would be to read a lot here, stick around, join the Class of July group and check in daily. They'll be a great source of support for you. I also read books..books about quitting, books about habits, books about alcoholism, etc. Stay rested, and be kind to yourself. You're doing something huge, be proud of yourself and give yourself a break if you're crabby or whatever. I hope your meeting goes well. Good luck, I hope to read of all your successes in the future!!

zjw

The never again aspect seemed EPIC to me unfathanable along the lines of a loved one dieing and knowing you'll never ever see that person again till the after life there gone kabeesh thats it gone. The thought of never drinking again was like loosing my best friend my left arm or my right leg it was just such an epic idea at that time.
It was hard damn hard it can still be hard but no where near like it was then. One day at a time you quit. You wake up pray you wont drink today and go to bed thank your maker when you havent and do it all over again. quit for just 1 day today. Worry about tommorrow tommorrow.
Tommorrow get up quit for just 1 day again.

Now fast forward i'm over a year in its not like loosing my best friend anymore its not epic or anything at all. I simply do not drink its no big deal. The thought of NEVER drinking again actualy sounds pretty stinken good to me now. I'm getting my life back i'm excited about it and happy. Has it been a cake walk? nope But believe me it gets easier.

lag

Thank you all for your kind words. Walking into that room was difficult...I sat in my car for 15 minutes staring at the door and gathering my courage. But I did it. And I am so glad that I did (despite the fact that I spent the entire hour crying.) I don't know what is harder for me to understand: that I was able to drink heavily for 25 years and deny that I had a problem, or that I was finally able to admit I had one. Either way, it's over. It's like a light switch went off in my head and I was finally able to see how much damage I was doing to myself both physically and emotionally. I can't remember the person I was without alcohol. Hopefully somewhere down the line I will find that woman again. That is my motivation.

Hevyn

lag - Welcome to the family. I was scared, too. I had used alcohol to face all my problems and deal with emotions. When I look back, I see that it never really helped - only masked my feelings.

I abused myself so badly that I had no choice but to quit. I was very reluctant in the beginning - even though it had been many years since drinking was fun. I don't know why I was so afraid - life is so much better now, without all that drama and anxiety. I just didn't believe it could actually be easier to be sober. I hope you'll feel that way, too. Glad you have come to this conclusion and are reaching out for a better life.

awuh1

Welcome home.

zjw

"I can't remember the person I was without alcohol. Hopefully somewhere down the line I will find that woman again. That is my motivation."

Yep I self medicated with alchohol predominatly or anythign that was available in addition to alcohol. As a result I used to cope with anything and everything. Never having to cope with anything on my own. and its been a tough road. And since i've done it that way my entire adult hood its been a whole new learning expierence as well.

I'm better off however. And I'm figureing myself out 1 day at a time. It was tough I didnt go to AA till a year later. As i sat there the first meeting I flashed back in my head to being a kid and hearing about alcoholics druggies etc.. and how aweful they where and dont you ever do that. Flashed forward to that and thought how did i EVER end up here?

But what the heck its life and Sobriety is a good thing. AA seems like a pretty stinken good program. It really says a lot about the folks there too. I got to thinking why why do some of those peopel with so many years keep going back why do they care? There good folks. It says a lot about someones character when a grown adult can break down and cry in front of strangers or even some that arent perhaps. It tells me they got heart they got passion. They give a lick about themselves and others more then anything else there not just another selfish screw ball thats going to hurt you. But rather they want nothing more then to help you become sober.

RevivingOphelia

Welcome, Lag.

I am still working on the *never again* part of it, too.

Best to you.

soberbrooke

I found the best friends ever in AA. I felt the same way you did at first, but after I went in, I knew there was no coming out. I had a light bulb go off in my head also, and I was ready.
I relapsed a few times, so don't get discouraged if you do, just keep going back. It only works if you work the program exactly like they tell you. Get a sponsor with a lot of sobriety, mine has been sober since I was 5, she did it in 1975. I am now 42 and have 6 months. It is only working for me because of how much I am putting into it. I am putting 110% into it, maybe you will get that strength to do it that way also. Good luck!!

lag

Thanks again all for the warm welcome and support. I survived last night, surprisingly I don't have many physical symptoms, if any. I was really afraid of having significant withdrawal symptoms (due to the amount, frequency, and duration of my habit) but I have had MANY a hangover that made me feel much, much worse. But damn if that little voice in my head wasn't trying to convince me this morning that I really didn't have a "problem". It took me a while to explain to it that we did, but it worked.

Maybe I need to get off my chest how bad things were, and how it took me so long to get to this stage, but it's a long story and most of you have heard it time and time again, so in a nutshell... started drinking in my teens, accellerated when I went to college, accidental deaths of my fiancee (car) and my parents (bus overseas) in my 20's, marriage to a worse alcoholic than myself in my 30's, divorced and living alone again in my 40's... Can't remember more than a day or 2 without alcohol in the past 5... Thoughout all this held a series of successful long-term jobs, obtained 2 degrees... And, most importantly, managed to surround myself with people who drank as much or more than me, so I couldn't have a problem, right... Wow, did my alcohol soaked brain have a hold on me.