chiquen81

I live in a city where people just mostly go to bars for fun. That's all people really do here. It's getting to the point where I feel like I have to decline events because everything revolves around going out for drinks. It's a high cost of living, competitive, educated city and people like to unwind on the weekends by going out and drinking.

I am having so much trouble at my age (early 30s) trying to meet people now and where to meet them where it does not revolve around drinking. Even dating has become impossible for me because I offer to go out for coffee but all that is suggested is going out for drinks.

It feels almost inescapable and I never really noticed how much this city revolves around alcohol until I cut back my drinking 6 months ago. Since then I've been really lonely. I guess I should just join a gym - but you know what, after the gym the guys just like to go out for beers or have a BBQ with beer, etc.

Advice needed. Thanks.

AmericanGirl

Hi there, we are the same age and I also live in a heavy drinking culture. For me, one major change after I got sober was realizing that even in drinking cultures there were people who abstained and could be my friends even if they werent the kinds of people i was used to knowing. Some of these newer friends are a bit older or don't drink for religious reasonsor simply don't like to drink - lovely people i never would have known before. So I guess my recommendation would be to be open to finding unexpected friends. I am not in aa (not for me) but when I tried it out there were many people our age there, so that also is an option. As far as socializing with drinkers, I don't go to bars - I suggest lunch or dinner. .

CactusJill

I am in the exact same boat you are!! I wish I had advice for you.

CarolD

I got sober in a city....Washington D.C. and that is where I began
my sober jurney. AA gave me a different set of friends and
we do all sorts of interesting fun things outside of meetings..

Now that I've moved around a lot...it's still true ..AA'ers
can find so much to do sans alcohol.

Welcome back...hope this will be your time for lasting recovery..

abc

I've always lived in large alcoholic cities also. I don't know the answer either. Currently my answer is to have no friends.

NewBeginning010

Hi chiquen81, I thought everyone drank everywhere that I went too.... after I finally quit drinking I realized that most people had a few & stopped or had a big night out once in a while. It was me & the people that I chose to hang out with (and places) that would go all night long. Believe it or not there are thousands of people out & about in your city doing fun healthy things that dont involve alcohol. I joined a few hiking, biking groups and some other activities at Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup

What kind of activities/hobbies or sports do you like to do (or used to like doing?). I am sure you can find some fun healthy people in your area.

Let us know how its going.

Cheers ~NB

TorontoGuy28

Try new activities - gym is a great idea, and when people ask you why you are not drinking, tell them you are training for a fitness competition/triathlon etc.....

I too thought everyone drank all the time to socialize, but discovered that was not the case, it was all in my head.... If you are looking to date, try some of the online services, I swear they have an option where you can click "Does not drink" when doing that search for your potential date :0

Oh yeah, there is also volunteer work !

totfit

We see what we are looking for. Before I got sober, I thought everyone drank like I did and there was not much else going on. Now I see that that was my alcohol induced perception.

abc

Yes, me too, totfit! I'm glad someone brought this up

When I see people drinking nowadays, the main thing I notice is how LITTLE they drink! And how SLOW they drink! I chuckle to myself. I could never drink like that. It would be torture and not even worth it.