FaithfulQuest

We're going to visit my husband's family for 2 weeks. This is actually where I started drinking daily. I voiced my concern to my husband about what to say when his Mom offers me a drink apon arrival. He said I shouldn't worry and shouldn't feel the need to say anything but "It's all right, I'm fine, I'm good with this Dr. Pepper." That will work for the first day, but the next 13??? She's the type that would understand if I were "truely" sick but alcoholism isn't considered a sickness to her.

I want to be honest with her, but I can hear her in my head telling me it's no big deal. She makes a big deal out of things that aren't really a big deal (every time I'm sick, she thinks I'm getting pneumonia again and hounds me to go to the dr) and blows off things that really are. This is one of those that's a really big deal and I don't want her pushing drinks on me (yes, this is a reality.)

I would like to handle this myself but I'm also pretty hot-headed with her when she gets pushy. When I told her I didn't want a vegetable, she kept insisting that I needed a green with my meal...to the point where it took raising my voice to back her off. The more she pushes, the more I push back and resist so maybe that will be a good thing LOL.

My husabnd is a total support and says he won't drink while he's up there either so hopefully, she'll know something's up when we both refuse and continue to do so...still it's weighing on my mind.

hypochondriac

This is something that I was terrified of early on because I knew if anyone got pushy, then I'd get snappy. I practised potential scenarios in my head, the most useful being 'No thank you' over and over again. To be honest though, it has never been a real problem, not as much as I played out in my head anyway. If she is really going to be pushy though, is it an option to tell her why you're not drinking. That was always my fall back plan because I thought it might shut people up But then like I said, I never had to use it. It's good that you're aware this is going to be difficult for you but if you're anything like me then you've probably played out the worst possible scenarios already and it will be much easier than you think. Even though, you will probably deserve a non alcoholic treat after 2 weeks! Best of luck xxx

2granddaughters

Hopefully your husband handles your MIL. He should if he's "supportive"

Have a Plan "B" if the cr&p hits the fan.

All the best.

Bob R

FaithfulQuest

You have no idea LOL!!! I'm actually looking forward to this visit though over the last several years because as we all know, alcohol makes emotions run rampant. This year, I'll be of sound mind and body and it feels good to not feel like I *need* the substance to calm down. I needed to *off* the substance to calm down. My husband said for me to Crossfit my heart out up there even though the nearest gym is an hour away. That will be my escape and I can ride those endorphins as long as they last.

I feel like I'm totally aware of what can happen when she starts getting pushy so past the "No Thank You" I suppose it needs to be left in God's hands. Maybe I can leave my Under the Influence Book out "by accident" on my bed The other option I had was to say I was deveolping some sort of liver condition but that doesn't seem right. She really would freak out LOL..it's tempting though!

danielle0754

Tell her your pregnant, that will get her to stop offering.

doggonecarl

I didn't see a specific question, so I don't really know what to offer besides my sympathy. Doesn't sound like it is going to be easy. I assume NOT GOING is out of the question?

Then I hope you are able to extricate yourself out of the stressful situations--going to another room, the porch, the backyard until you can handle her again.

Myself, I would tell her I quit drinking. No further explanation necessary. But the second time she offered me a drink after I refused, I would just blow up and tell her straight out, I am not fooling. Ask me again and we're leaving.

And mean it.

Hopefully they have internet access. Sounds like you'll need our support. Good luck.

FaithfulQuest

Amen to that!!! He's good at not putting up with her drama and he's getting better and better the longer we're together at sticking up for me instead of letting me fend for myself.

munchkin05

I'd say the doctor has just ordered you to abstain from alcohol. My Dad is a firm believer that I'm not what I say I am. (My mom is an active alcoholic with the shakes and what not but he is convinced she just drinks too much)
It took me telling my Dad that the doctors found issues going on in my liver (not true really) and I'm required to abstain from here on in. Even now he kind of forgets that I'm not drinking anymore.

FaithfulQuest

Munchkin, that isn't a bad idea. I thought about using the dr and based on what I've read, it's totally feasible that my liver would be enlarged/malfunctioning and would need that warning at the stage I was in.

One thing I've found out is when you talk to someone about having stopped drinking, they want to tell you how infrequent or what they drink to sort of defend what they do. That's a fear of mine when it comes to my parents (who are MAJOR drinkers) and my ILs. I don't want my choice to stop to come across as my looking down on them for continuing. I would love to talk to my father about where his body probably is due to his drinking but we don't have a relationship where I can be *that* honest with with him. We don't get that deep about our problems. His dr visits come back seemingly normal, he's in great shape, but there's no way his body isn't feeling the stress of drinking from age 15-58.

I'm getting into a whole other subject here...I'm probably just needing a place to get some thoughts out so thanks for humoring me

soberbrooke

If it were me, I would say that I am on a major antibiotic for 2 weeks, I can't drink. That would be my plan B.

flutter

I just tell people I no longer drink alcohol.. I don't see how questioning that is any of anyone's business really. I find people care less about what I do than I imagined.

FaithfulQuest

Most normal people yes...my MIL...she's the only one I worry about as she has a warped view of what is and isn't her business. If you've ever seen Everyone Loves Raymond, you could get an idea by thinking of the the character that plays Raymond's Mom

startingova

I've used this one myself. I know it's not always easy to tell people what's really going on. One other thing I did was asked for a wine spritzer. I then dumped it out in the bathroom and drank water. No one seemed to notice. Good luck.

MetalChick

Gotta love dysfunctional family times.. not