Sunshine19

Hi! I signed up today in an attempt to learn from others and get a perspective on my drinking. Let me start by saying, I am weary of saying that I want to quit drinking all together. I need to stop BINGE drinking. But is this the same thing? I am a 28 year old graduate student and I also work as a server at a restaurant. I have always been a social drinker. Over the years, it has gone from drinking on the weekends to drinking a few nights a week. It also has changed from having hangovers and swearing to never drink again, to being able to drink the next morning to cure the hangover. This does not happen everyday, however, the instances are getting closer and closer together. I have a boyfriend and we have been to together for almost a year and are in a very healthy, loving relationship. He is also a partier. We have a lot of friends who are constantly asking us to come out "for one drink". It also doesn't help that we are friends with a lot of people I work with and having a shift drink after a serving shift is easy to do with a bar right there. Needless to say, that "one drink" always turns into more and we usually end up being the last ones at the bar. This has affected my graduate internship and his job because we have been late or missed days. We both have gained weight from not only the drinks but then binge eating on hangover days. We have not saved any money because we are constantly spending it on food and drink. This is the first time in my life I have started to be a little late on bills. I have turned in some homework late and got my first "B" in graduate school this past semester after two years of straight A's. I spend a lot of time worrying and feeling anxious about my drinking, having no money, gaining weight, our future, having kids, etc. I want to have a good future and don't want alcohol to be the biggest part of my life, however, is it necessary to completely give it up? Will I ever be able to have just one or two drinks? Or do I need to quit cold turkey? I have tried in the past to stay sober for one or two weeks after a binge, or before a big event, but I have never made the full time. Every single one of my friends drinks and I probably get a phone call at least every other day, if not everyday to go out. But those folks usually end up going home before me, because once I am out I want to stay out. I am usually depressed every day after a night of drinking, but then start to feel better as days go on and then I go out drinking again. Or, if I am still kind of drunk on a hangover day, I'll just start drinking again (this has only happened a handful of times, but still, it scares me). I don't know where to start. I have told my boyfriend a few times that I am not going to drink for a week, or two, or whatever the case may be and have always broken it so I feel silly telling him that again. However, he needs to be included in this because we are together all of the time. But how will I stop drinking if he doesn't want to quit completely? Need some motivation, help, answers, similar stories, please! Thank you all!

sissy07

Welcome to SR! It sounds like you have a lot going for you....and you are young! Keep reading this forum and read about all the older folks (like me) that did things and lost things that they never imagined would happen....all because of alcohol.

If you think you have a problem, you probably do. What you are describing is just the beginning. Stop now before the real trouble begins....and it will. It never gets better. Just worse and worse. Many of us (me) started as binge drinkers but you would not believe how out of hand it can get. I wish you the very best.

2granddaughters

Go to open AA meetings and you'll hear your story told over and over.

Find Sugarbear1 on the forum here, she'll fix you up with MD meetings.

I think you will come to see that you are an alcoholic in the progressive stages and you have 2 options:

1) Quit and recover
2) Keep getting worse until incarceration, insanity and/or death.

I highly suggest you Google and read AA's "The doctors Opinion" and "How IT Works".

All the best.

Bob R

ru12

Why don't you do a Cost Benefit Analysis to see effect drinking having on your life? Split a piece of paper in quarters. In area 1) write all the good thing about drinking; 2) all the negative things; 3) all the negative things about quitting drinking; and 4) all the good things about quitting. You might be surprised by what you come up with.

UpperbucksAAguy

Can you stop on your own? If yes, my hat is off to you. If not, AA might be one place where you can get help.

If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. BB page 44

mirage

Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like you're on a slippery slope, hon. If I were you, I'd seriously consider quitting all together. You have a lot to lose here. I drank just like you, I really relate to your post. I'd always say I wasn't going to drink for a week or whatever, but I'd always be back at it in a couple days when I was feeling good. I tried to cut back, I tried to moderate, it didn't work. It got to where I was always planning my drinking...like if I had something going on Tuesday morning, I wouldn't drink Monday night..but if I wasn't gonna drink Monday, than I could drink on Sunday, blah blah blah. With totally quitting, you don't ever have to worry about when or with whom, or how much money you have, or how many drinks you'll have, etc. It's just SO much easier in that sense. It won't be easy for you to quit totally, but I promise it's worth it. You'll be so much happier in the long run. And yes..it's great for your future spouse and children. You don't want your kids to know mom's hungover. I hope you read a lot here and research it. You'll see similarities in a lot of people. I drank the same way you did. It got to be too much, I was tired and felt like crap too much. I admire that you're looking at your drinking the way you are, and asking questions. So many people don't, and don't care what others think. Being introspective is awesome. Good luck!!

abc

Reading your post almost hurts. You are in the beginning phases. I remember being there. Every cell in your body is becoming dependent on alcohol. When you finally take it away from them, they are gonna cry bloody murder.

hypochondriac

Hey Sunshine.

One of the things I have learnt by quitting drinking is that, the only thing that matters is my relationship with alcohol.

It doesn't matter if all my friends are drinkers. They are. But I don't have to drink just because they do.

It sounds like you are having negative consequences from drinking. Ignoring peer pressure, are you able to stop on your own? If not there is help available. Talk to your doctor (first and foremost), go to an AA meeting, read Rational Recovery, find a SMART meeting, post often here, join the class of July and quit with other people.

If you don't want to quit forever (most of us don't at first but eventually many of us have to) try just sticking to a period of sobriety, a few months maybe. I have a family member who quits periodically for a few months and finds it relatively easy because she knows she can drink again. If you still find that hard, get more help.

Just tell your friends that you're quitting to lose weight for now.

I'm glad that you are posting here and I'm sure you'll find lots of information to help you.

Keep posting x

CarolD

I did have to make drastic changes before sobreity worked for me.
My still drinking friends thought I was nutso when I declared I was
heading into a sober future...

i did not listen to anyone who put down my efforts..I paid attention
to what I knew was best for me...both short and long term...
That meant AA.

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum....

MetalChick

You sound a lot like me-- I was trying to keep my grades up while binge drinking- Plus my drinking got worse and worse. I am 4 weeks sober and feeling a lot better. I knew that I had a lot going for me as well. I am graduating with my B.S. next semester, have a great BF, and my whole life ahead of me. There is just too much to loose to keep this up.

Sorry I do not have great advice-- new here. What has worked for me so far is coming here, going to AA, and staying away from friends that drink a lot. Also, I was just sick of drinking and feeling bad about it. I still haven't brought myself to admitting I am an alcoholic. I guess I do not want to commit to that- I am just taking it one day at a time.

Thank you for your post

MetalChick

Sorry, I should have mentioned that I am lucky because my BF doesn't drink ( it think seeing me drunk too many times made him loathe to drink) He only smokes weed, and I do not have a problem with that. Seriously, I don't know what I would do if he were a big time drinker. That is a really tough one. Do you think he would agree to cut back, stop, or not drink around you- at least for a few months? maybe if you have a big talk with him about it?

kerouwack

I drank pretty much like you are for nineteen years of a twenty year drinking career. When the pace picked up, it picked up fast and then the wheels fell off my life just as quickly. I found a lot of perspective after my first ninety days of sobriety and I couldn't have done that without help. Good luck!