In Articulo Mortis
Grievous Angel
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The Old Line State
Posts: 53
In Articulo Mortis
We've all been there. The moment the booze wears off, early in the morning. and you're jolted awake, riven with fear. For me it always comes right at dawn, when the many are flooded with hope and the few are flooded with dread.
It can be driven back, for a moment, with another shot, but always returns stronger, more fully fledged, edged in sharp black feathers, a cold, ceaseless eye, watching. Waiting.
It comes closer, each morning, moving on strong dark wings.
Some nights I don't feed it, but it still comes in the morning, more softly, hidden in the shadows, but I know it's there. Waiting.
The nights I do feed it, I know that is circling far above, before I retire. No amount of sustenance keeps me from the knowledge that when I wake it will draw closer, driven by the hunger I cannot keep from feeding.
For long years it stayed hidden; but I knew it was there; I could feel the whisper of wings as it would glide past, just when I had begun to forget.
Sometimes I wonder when it will strike; sometimes I long for this day.
It can be driven back, for a moment, with another shot, but always returns stronger, more fully fledged, edged in sharp black feathers, a cold, ceaseless eye, watching. Waiting.
It comes closer, each morning, moving on strong dark wings.
Some nights I don't feed it, but it still comes in the morning, more softly, hidden in the shadows, but I know it's there. Waiting.
The nights I do feed it, I know that is circling far above, before I retire. No amount of sustenance keeps me from the knowledge that when I wake it will draw closer, driven by the hunger I cannot keep from feeding.
For long years it stayed hidden; but I knew it was there; I could feel the whisper of wings as it would glide past, just when I had begun to forget.
Sometimes I wonder when it will strike; sometimes I long for this day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
GreiviousAngel,
Joseph Wambaugh, who has written some really good Novels about the LA police department wrote something about awaking at 3:00 am to the twin vultures on bed posts, Fear and Dread. That really stuck with me, as I had the same experience but not articulated it as well.
I found the way around so many of those awful feelings was to not drink alcohol. it seemed to be the only way for me to find some contentment and comfort in my life, to find a way without alcohol.
I don't know what you've looked into, AA or another plan but I needed a plan to stay stopped. rational recovery worked for me. AA helped a lot too.
For me, being able to separate myself from the addiction made sense. Finally understanding that the urges for alcohol were "beast activity" and not my true self really helped me!
Please read the AVRT threads in Secular Connections if this interests you. We don't have to live with the Twin Vultures. We can know contentment and peace.
Love from Lenina
Joseph Wambaugh, who has written some really good Novels about the LA police department wrote something about awaking at 3:00 am to the twin vultures on bed posts, Fear and Dread. That really stuck with me, as I had the same experience but not articulated it as well.
I found the way around so many of those awful feelings was to not drink alcohol. it seemed to be the only way for me to find some contentment and comfort in my life, to find a way without alcohol.
I don't know what you've looked into, AA or another plan but I needed a plan to stay stopped. rational recovery worked for me. AA helped a lot too.
For me, being able to separate myself from the addiction made sense. Finally understanding that the urges for alcohol were "beast activity" and not my true self really helped me!
Please read the AVRT threads in Secular Connections if this interests you. We don't have to live with the Twin Vultures. We can know contentment and peace.
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Personally I avoid romanticizing my addiction. Thinking of it in poetic terms lends it a grandiosity it doesn't deserve. I was just a drunk, like a billion others before me. There's nothing special or romantic about it.
Recovery—now that's something worthy of songs and sonnets.
Recovery—now that's something worthy of songs and sonnets.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
True we can't hide behind them; however, sometimes those poetic words help us get it off our hearts so we CAN move forward to the beautiful songs and sonnets of recovery! We must make sure we are taking that next step forward or we will be stuck!
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