albionel

A month ago my little brother (29) had seizures due to alcohol withdrawal and was hospitalized. I had no idea he was an alcoholic or the severity of it. After he got out of the hospital I took care of him during his recovery, he bashed his head open, and almost bit his tongue off, and had the shakes terribly. We had some honest conversations, where I told him I would do anything to help him, so I set him up with a therapist, drove him to DR's appts...I had conversations, telling him how much I love him, sobbing because I was so worried about him. He acknowledged he needed help and admitted he had a drinking problem. Fast forward to now, he is pretending nothing ever happened, doesnt talk about the episode, and I recently called him to see how he's doing, and he said, "Great! I start a job as a bartender tomorrow!" I am sickened, I am angry and feel stupid, for crying and letting him know how much I love and care about him and trying to help. But I feel like I am wrong to be angry and not want to speak to him, because it is a disease. I just feel I cannot deal with the insanity of it all...thanks for any advice.

pinkdog

You should not feel stupid. You helped him as much as you could. Unfortunately he has to want it for himself. I have a brother who is in terrible shape. He is homeless. I know that the alcohol will kill him one day unless he changes. He has chosen to live in the woods with other homeless alcoholics. It is sad. He has been given every opportunity. Many people have helped him. He chooses to live like that. If your brother decides to get sober, he will. Until then, I believe you should go on with your life. You are a sweetheart to help him. But he has to choose it. Love and a hug to you dear.:ghug3

suki44883

There is not a thing in the world wrong with your brother knowing that you love him. I think it is very important for our addicted loved ones to know that they are loved. At some point, it may be the only thing they have to hold onto.

As far as helping him, I agree that it is futile unless he wants it, and wants it more than anything in the world. It doesn't sound like he is there yet. Maybe he never will be, but you should never feel bad for having tried. At least now you know you did everything you could, even though it didn't work.

Finally, the disease. Well, yes, he is sick, but there are things he can do to put that disease in remission. If he refuses to do them, then you can't really blame the disease anymore. He seems to be in denial as to just how bad his situation truly is. So, he'll continue doing as he wants until such a time as it makes him miserable enough to be willing to do whatever is necessary to change.

You have a right to peace in your life, and if cutting off contact with someone who continues to make bad choices will give you that peace, then do it. You don't need to know what he is doing, where he is working, or anything else. It just keeps you upset. Let him go on and live his life as he chooses. He has that right, just as you have the right to give up your front row seat to the chaos and drama.

CarolD

I know you have been useing our Friends & Family Forum too
and that is a good place to find others who are dealing with your situation.

I found Alanon very helpful when I had loved ones stuck in their addictions.
Please do find a local Alanon meeting for yourself...