Back to the basics, day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 13
Back to the basics, day 1
I suppose it's a familiar tale: Alcoholism runs in my family, both sides of the grandparents, a sister, and ... me. Somehow my parents both escaped the fate of being 'slaves to the bottle', as I've come to term it.
I started out like most people with problems, drinking at a way-too young age. I went from that to drinking and drugs. By the time highschool was over I was getting blackout drunk a few times a week and pretending it was normal.
From there is just got worse. I'd have brief moments of sobriety interspersed amongst bender after bender. What would become a one-night drinking experience would stretch into two or three days of drinking until either all the booze was gone, or all the money, frequently both.
Lots of mishaps, dumb decisions, nearly-missed DUI's, hospitalizations, and jail. Lost both a wife and child to my decisions, lost jobs, lost pretty much everything I could lose except my life... and yet kept on pushing it.
Frequently would fall into the category of wanting to have a single beer, a single glass of wine, and as we all know it goes from one to off-to-the-races in a heartbeat.
I always knew I drank differently. There was never a time when I would sit and have "just a few" without it quickly turning into a dozen or more drinks in a rapid period of time. The end of the night was when I passed out, not when I fell asleep, and the morning was always a good time to crack a beer to help shake the shakes off.
Hang-overs were never really around, just the dread of withdrawal. I've since learned alcohol withdrawal is a very different beast than the dehydration consistent with a hangover. Yesterday I woke up and had my last drink, a half a glass of something or other I had mixed up on the nightstand just to hold of the withdrawals for a little bit longer.
After so much thought I wonder at times why we do this to ourselves? I've been in recovery before, went to meetings and was happier than I'd ever been. But then, familiar story, went and hung out at the wrong place, the wrong people, and found myself drinking just like old times, and then some.
So anyway, off to find a meeting later tonight once I have a car available to use to try and reconnect with 'the program' again. At 29 I feel like I've been through the ringer, but I know there are still those 'yets' that I could work on achieving... yet to have a heart-attack from withdrawal, yet to wreck a car, yet to get a dui... at the same point there are other 'yets' that I would much rather achieve: 'yet to work at the same job for more than 9 months', 'yet to go on vacation and remember more than half of it', 'yet to be the one who wouldn't spend all of a party securely planted in the kitchen, next to the bar'...
Anyway. That's a brief introduction to my story and I'm "sticking to it".
Hope to post on here during the days when I don't have much else going on as it seems to be a good community.
Peace and Love,
Lumin
I started out like most people with problems, drinking at a way-too young age. I went from that to drinking and drugs. By the time highschool was over I was getting blackout drunk a few times a week and pretending it was normal.
From there is just got worse. I'd have brief moments of sobriety interspersed amongst bender after bender. What would become a one-night drinking experience would stretch into two or three days of drinking until either all the booze was gone, or all the money, frequently both.
Lots of mishaps, dumb decisions, nearly-missed DUI's, hospitalizations, and jail. Lost both a wife and child to my decisions, lost jobs, lost pretty much everything I could lose except my life... and yet kept on pushing it.
Frequently would fall into the category of wanting to have a single beer, a single glass of wine, and as we all know it goes from one to off-to-the-races in a heartbeat.
I always knew I drank differently. There was never a time when I would sit and have "just a few" without it quickly turning into a dozen or more drinks in a rapid period of time. The end of the night was when I passed out, not when I fell asleep, and the morning was always a good time to crack a beer to help shake the shakes off.
Hang-overs were never really around, just the dread of withdrawal. I've since learned alcohol withdrawal is a very different beast than the dehydration consistent with a hangover. Yesterday I woke up and had my last drink, a half a glass of something or other I had mixed up on the nightstand just to hold of the withdrawals for a little bit longer.
After so much thought I wonder at times why we do this to ourselves? I've been in recovery before, went to meetings and was happier than I'd ever been. But then, familiar story, went and hung out at the wrong place, the wrong people, and found myself drinking just like old times, and then some.
So anyway, off to find a meeting later tonight once I have a car available to use to try and reconnect with 'the program' again. At 29 I feel like I've been through the ringer, but I know there are still those 'yets' that I could work on achieving... yet to have a heart-attack from withdrawal, yet to wreck a car, yet to get a dui... at the same point there are other 'yets' that I would much rather achieve: 'yet to work at the same job for more than 9 months', 'yet to go on vacation and remember more than half of it', 'yet to be the one who wouldn't spend all of a party securely planted in the kitchen, next to the bar'...
Anyway. That's a brief introduction to my story and I'm "sticking to it".
Hope to post on here during the days when I don't have much else going on as it seems to be a good community. Peace and Love,
Lumin
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Today's the day that counts. Sounds like you know what needs to be done. Do it.
If you don't have a vehicle - Call someone.
I for one will be waiting to hear how you're doing.
There's lots of people on SR that can offer you advice on how they did it, and others that have a good idea what not to do, but you're the only one that can decide your path. Choose well, the wrong decision here could cost your life, or make it.
If you don't have a vehicle - Call someone.
I for one will be waiting to hear how you're doing.
There's lots of people on SR that can offer you advice on how they did it, and others that have a good idea what not to do, but you're the only one that can decide your path. Choose well, the wrong decision here could cost your life, or make it.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
....Welcome to our Alcoholism Forumhope your de tox runs smoothly...please don't hesitate to call
your doctor or 911 or go to an ER if things get dicey.
Yes I do use SR as a supplement to my local AA committment
I'm hopeing you will do the same....works really good for me..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 13
Wild:
I know what you mean. That's the reason why I plan on attending AA (I have a kinda love_hate affair with the rooms of AA) because regardless of age, income, profession, or other factors it seems i run into people who have the same story, the same patterns in drinking I did, and all tend to have the same relapse pattern I do *without support*: Being able to "clean up" for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but then it's back through the ringer again.
I just knew it was getting even worse when this weekend, after drinking about 9-10 drinks throughout the day (family party, then men's group) I came home and STILL polished off the last two beers and a bottle of wine in the fridge before passing out. Don't even remember the last few hours but apparently was running around on the phone talking all sorts of nonsense.
Not sure if you're in the fellowship or looking at other options but I've learned from time and time again that if you don't do SOMETHING for recovery, be it forums or AA or whatever other 'clean and sober' groups they have around it can be tempting to jump back in the ring with alcohol for a 'few more rounds'. I know I've got a "built-in forgettor" and it seems I'm not the only one.
Even with a strong support group there can definitely be tempting times. I guess I'm just, as the saying goes, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I looked back on this year and the longest stint I had sober was when I was in jail for 3 months. Hmm... kinda a problem if I don't say so myself!
Congrats on day 4. Any plans to jump into a recovery group, therapy, etc or just 'feeling it out' for now? I know there's some really good groups around the city but I spent most of my time at more of the north-end 'fellowship halls' when I first got sober a few years back. Of course I decided I had to do more research, as they say...
Lumin
I know what you mean. That's the reason why I plan on attending AA (I have a kinda love_hate affair with the rooms of AA) because regardless of age, income, profession, or other factors it seems i run into people who have the same story, the same patterns in drinking I did, and all tend to have the same relapse pattern I do *without support*: Being able to "clean up" for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but then it's back through the ringer again.
I just knew it was getting even worse when this weekend, after drinking about 9-10 drinks throughout the day (family party, then men's group) I came home and STILL polished off the last two beers and a bottle of wine in the fridge before passing out. Don't even remember the last few hours but apparently was running around on the phone talking all sorts of nonsense.
Not sure if you're in the fellowship or looking at other options but I've learned from time and time again that if you don't do SOMETHING for recovery, be it forums or AA or whatever other 'clean and sober' groups they have around it can be tempting to jump back in the ring with alcohol for a 'few more rounds'. I know I've got a "built-in forgettor" and it seems I'm not the only one.
Even with a strong support group there can definitely be tempting times. I guess I'm just, as the saying goes, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I looked back on this year and the longest stint I had sober was when I was in jail for 3 months. Hmm... kinda a problem if I don't say so myself!
Congrats on day 4. Any plans to jump into a recovery group, therapy, etc or just 'feeling it out' for now? I know there's some really good groups around the city but I spent most of my time at more of the north-end 'fellowship halls' when I first got sober a few years back. Of course I decided I had to do more research, as they say...
Lumin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 16
I don't really have any plans to join fellowship group. I tried many AA meetings on North End here as well, and they did nothing for me but trigger a desire to stop for a half rack on the way home. Even if I had a desire to drink I couldn't as I have absolutely no $, not exagerrating. Facing eviction if I don't come up with next months rent and just started job that will only pay $300 per week for 4 week training period. Sorry to vent. Just running out of options and the lack of self medicating makes the emotions raw. I do know one thing,,,,, I am done with drinking. It cost me my marriage and now is cheating me out of the only thing I care about, spending time with my children. Once living in car I cant have them "come over".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 13
Wild;
No worries. Sometimes meetings are good for people, for others there are better options. Even when I hate going for me there is rarely a place that i need to be at more. Hence the love/hate thing. Keep posting around here, keep your nose to the grindstone, and don't pick up no matter what.
I'd say to keep in mind that maybe going to meetings once you get out of this strap would be beneficial. For me I plan on going to some that I've never been to before because, as they say, there are different meetings for all kinds of people.
Hope whatever you choose to do it works for you. Stay sober, hydrate, and keep up the good work. You have a job which is better than most of us in early recovery can claim
Lumin
No worries. Sometimes meetings are good for people, for others there are better options. Even when I hate going for me there is rarely a place that i need to be at more. Hence the love/hate thing. Keep posting around here, keep your nose to the grindstone, and don't pick up no matter what.
I'd say to keep in mind that maybe going to meetings once you get out of this strap would be beneficial. For me I plan on going to some that I've never been to before because, as they say, there are different meetings for all kinds of people.
Hope whatever you choose to do it works for you. Stay sober, hydrate, and keep up the good work. You have a job which is better than most of us in early recovery can claim
Lumin
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hey Lumin, I would just like to wish you all the best in your journey.
I got sober at 22 through AA. There were a couple of important things for me. The first step as expressed in the book " We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. The delusion that we were like other people or presently maybe has to be smashed". In my case this was a no brainer.
The second is to know that the meetings are the fellowship and the Big Book is the programme, and the two things are not the same. The fellowship is made up of human beings, many of whom are alcholics, and is therefore inconstant and changeable. The fellowship is not a mutual admiration society, but if you circulate enough you will find people who have recovered and can show you how to get those 12 steps off the wall and into your life, and if you can do that, your problem will be solved.
Trust God, clean house, help others.
I got sober at 22 through AA. There were a couple of important things for me. The first step as expressed in the book " We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. The delusion that we were like other people or presently maybe has to be smashed". In my case this was a no brainer.
The second is to know that the meetings are the fellowship and the Big Book is the programme, and the two things are not the same. The fellowship is made up of human beings, many of whom are alcholics, and is therefore inconstant and changeable. The fellowship is not a mutual admiration society, but if you circulate enough you will find people who have recovered and can show you how to get those 12 steps off the wall and into your life, and if you can do that, your problem will be solved.
Trust God, clean house, help others.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Amen to that...Meetings are half the program...Half measures get us nothing...The suggested program of recovery is the 12 steps...It's also the only suggestion they have...Get a sponsor and work them...They work. I put a lot of work into getting myself through the doors of AA...I guess it's only fair I would have some work to do when I got there.
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