DestinyM

My husband has been in recovery for 15 months. Year one had it's ups and downs but for the most part we saw it through. He was attending AA weekly up to about month 7 and then only once a month for chips to his one year. After rehab he was put on Seroquel and Wellbutrin. He takes his Seroquel religiously since it helps him sleep (he used to drink until he passed out to sleep), but he won't take his Wellbutrin (he says he doesn't like how it makes him feel. He goes to his therapist & Pdoc monthly for meds but won't go to his grief counseling group or see his therapist unless it coincides with getting his meds. For the last 3-4 weeks he's withdrawn from me. He still hangs with his friends (he doesn't work) and talks pleasantly to others on the phone but barely says two words to me. I was laid off for a month and went back to work in mid-April. My job is mainly in the evenings like 2-10pm. I come home, I cook dinner (not microwave, I mean fried chicken, stuffing, veggies -- real food), I clean the house, I do my wifey duties. For the last 2 weeks he's been coming home later and later and I'm not stupid I know my husband likes attention and has admitted several times to me, therapists, friends that when he feels he's not a priority he seeks the attention of other women. I don't think he'll relapse (actively drinking), his pride/ego won't let him and it's the same with having a physical affair. His affair is spending another woman's money and being able to demand her undivided attention when he wants it and then toss her away when he's done. Any resistance on her part results in him cussing her out and reminding her he has a wife.

Yesterday we had a misunderstanding over laundry that had him yelling at me over the phone & via text (gotta love technology). I reacted and yelled back because I didn't appreciate his tone. I feel as though those days are over. He was an angry abusive drunk and 15 months in I'll be damned if we go backwards. He immediately came home and more words were said. He even went so far as to say he was done with me & I was stupid if I didn't see it and he didn't trust me and even accused me of having an affair. He also said he wanted me to leave. I'm at a loss right now because we have been together 9 years this month, I could pack up and go I've done it before but obviously I come back and I don't want to go through that again. I'm trying I guess to rationalize his behavior, is it the alcoholic mind that's still adjusting to life on life terms or depression? I know alcoholics tend to take things out on those closest to them. I know I've been nothing but a good wife, everyone says so, even he has said he can't understand why I stuck with him all these years. Am I just in denial that this marriage is not gonna work out as I have hoped and prayed? So many people said I was stupid to stay and I felt so good when he found sobriety. I felt my prayers weren't in vain only to come to this. I'm just so hurt and confused. Can anyone help me?

CarolD

I'm wondering why Mr. Wonderful is not helping you with household
duties as he has no job and you work?

No neeed to answer me...I have no expereince that matches yours
I've been happily divorced for many years....

Hope you find peace in your life...with or without this man...

MsJax

I'm sorry Destiny It doesn't sound like he is being very forthcoming with you. His length of time sober is good, but sometimes it's easy to believe that the drunk in the relationship getting sober will solve all the problems, and it just doesn't.

Whether he is drunk or sober, you don't deserve to be treated dismissively or dishonestly in your relationship. It sounds like you are carrying the whole load & he gets to do as he pleases!

As a side note, several years ago I was on Seroquel as well, and eventually it made me horribly lethargic, depressed, almost suicidal. I wonder if his medication isn't a problem of some sort?