Greetings From Oz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Hervey Bay QLD
Posts: 2
Greetings From Oz
I havent Posted in a long time as I have been away from the thread with mixed results , Ive been a member for several years and have been through a lot of situations in my life that seem to comeback and haunt me alot these last few months and I paid the price ,
Looking for any escape, I was doing well gave up smoking was going to church then fell into a major depression and have now ended up at the begining again, Im a binge drinking alcoholic, drug addict (valium codeine etc) whatever I can lay my hands on when I need it to hide away from reality .
Im one of those people that have never been comfortable in thier own skin, I was born the youngest to a family of 9, I had a different father and I was let known about this from a young age by older siblings , they were drunks and encouraged me to drink, I was abused sexually physically and mentally , our mother worked so she didnt really see much of what happened we had a step father that was a pretty selfish and cranky old bugger .
at age 14 I was raped by a family member and when I told someone I was basically disbelieved this started my drinking , at 17 I had a man die in my arms he was my gf father this woman became the mother of my first born child I was physically & menatlly abusive to this woman and continued to drink and drink always chasing the escape , I was a violent and aggresive teenager , I didnt know any different .
in my 20's my partner left me with a child my mother raised her while I drank drugged and slept my way across australia at 25 I was involved in a serious MVA which a GF broke her neck alcohol was involved , I kept drinking and was started to be admitted to nuthouses for depression bipolar alcoholism appear in court , at 27 I killed a friend in an mva somehow managed not to go to Gaol , I somehow managed to buy a house and settle for a lil while if you could call it settling , at age 30 I went to AA and had a good 2 years away from drugs and alcohol , I busted I ended up burning down someones house and charged with attempt murder in a blackout I went to gaol for a good period of time,
I came out of Gaol and first thing I did was drink again, and since then its turned pair shape again , only good thing is at 36 I met the woman that would be my wife and give me two gorgeous children , but Im struggling again with depression and drinking Ive had two admissions to the psych ward both times after suicide attempts pills n booze aspirating into my lungs,(choking on my vomit) .
I had been doing so well I really feel like Ive let her and my children down, I feel like Im in such a big hole at moment and I cant dig out , I cant seem to handle life on its terms at moment and want to crawl of and hide under a rock Ive isolated myself again from aa members and Im not to good at the whole meeting thing either I live about 42km , 28m to the closest town Im not allowed to drive anymore due to my history , and its not fair to drag my kids out late at night for meetings .
Im in a catch 22 at moment , I have a friend coming to stay with me I hope whom has a licence so we can go to meeting s together and get back on track , thats a rundown on me and where Im at Pat
Looking for any escape, I was doing well gave up smoking was going to church then fell into a major depression and have now ended up at the begining again, Im a binge drinking alcoholic, drug addict (valium codeine etc) whatever I can lay my hands on when I need it to hide away from reality .
Im one of those people that have never been comfortable in thier own skin, I was born the youngest to a family of 9, I had a different father and I was let known about this from a young age by older siblings , they were drunks and encouraged me to drink, I was abused sexually physically and mentally , our mother worked so she didnt really see much of what happened we had a step father that was a pretty selfish and cranky old bugger .
at age 14 I was raped by a family member and when I told someone I was basically disbelieved this started my drinking , at 17 I had a man die in my arms he was my gf father this woman became the mother of my first born child I was physically & menatlly abusive to this woman and continued to drink and drink always chasing the escape , I was a violent and aggresive teenager , I didnt know any different .
in my 20's my partner left me with a child my mother raised her while I drank drugged and slept my way across australia at 25 I was involved in a serious MVA which a GF broke her neck alcohol was involved , I kept drinking and was started to be admitted to nuthouses for depression bipolar alcoholism appear in court , at 27 I killed a friend in an mva somehow managed not to go to Gaol , I somehow managed to buy a house and settle for a lil while if you could call it settling , at age 30 I went to AA and had a good 2 years away from drugs and alcohol , I busted I ended up burning down someones house and charged with attempt murder in a blackout I went to gaol for a good period of time,
I came out of Gaol and first thing I did was drink again, and since then its turned pair shape again , only good thing is at 36 I met the woman that would be my wife and give me two gorgeous children , but Im struggling again with depression and drinking Ive had two admissions to the psych ward both times after suicide attempts pills n booze aspirating into my lungs,(choking on my vomit) .
I had been doing so well I really feel like Ive let her and my children down, I feel like Im in such a big hole at moment and I cant dig out , I cant seem to handle life on its terms at moment and want to crawl of and hide under a rock Ive isolated myself again from aa members and Im not to good at the whole meeting thing either I live about 42km , 28m to the closest town Im not allowed to drive anymore due to my history , and its not fair to drag my kids out late at night for meetings .
Im in a catch 22 at moment , I have a friend coming to stay with me I hope whom has a licence so we can go to meeting s together and get back on track , thats a rundown on me and where Im at Pat
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Here's the good news: you don't have to drink. This was an astonishing thing to learn in early recovery, but it's true. I also had a screwed up childhood and in 20 years of hearing recovering alcoholic's stories, everyone of them felt different, alone, separated as children. I suffer from depression and a shrink effectively deals with that through therapy and medication. I treat my alcoholism in AA. It's comforting when I see I'm a garden variety alcoholic, that my story isn't unique at all.
If you have a strong desire to stay sober, the universe will show you the way. I hate to sound ditzy and quasi-religious, it's just what I've found through the years.
God bless, keep sharing.
If you have a strong desire to stay sober, the universe will show you the way. I hate to sound ditzy and quasi-religious, it's just what I've found through the years.
God bless, keep sharing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Hervey Bay QLD
Posts: 2
Still floating around the outskirts , I had my last drink on the 3rd of july I didnt get into trouble I didnt drive a vehicle But I think the penny dropped that Ive had enough \and i want to spend more time with my children than having them drop me at the bar while they go to the park or do other activities , I do find it hard dealing with the depression though I am on regular psychiatric medication for this , I also find that I am using the I need the company of other men as I am very isolated where I live , I am a couple days off a drink and feeling every bit of it , Im not a daily drinker but can consume vast amounts in short periods to wipe myself out , I thank you for your kind words Pat
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Hi Pat,
You said you were sober for two years in AA before, so I am hoping that you could find sobriety with the AA program again.
I think it is hopeful that you may have someone that you can attend meetings with.
Is there a hotline where you are so that you could call and ask that a member contact you?
That member may be able to, or may know someone who would be willing to meet with you near you for step work, and to go through the book.
I would call and seek someone to come help you.
Someone encouraged me to get down on my knees and ask God to take away my drinking problem yesterday.
I would encourage you to do the same, if you so desire.
You said you were sober for two years in AA before, so I am hoping that you could find sobriety with the AA program again.
I think it is hopeful that you may have someone that you can attend meetings with.
Is there a hotline where you are so that you could call and ask that a member contact you?
That member may be able to, or may know someone who would be willing to meet with you near you for step work, and to go through the book.
I would call and seek someone to come help you.
Someone encouraged me to get down on my knees and ask God to take away my drinking problem yesterday.
I would encourage you to do the same, if you so desire.
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