JustAverage

Sigh, my good friend has been through detox due to serious heal reasons. She refused to continue with rehab. Now she's drinking again. She calls me up to chat and I know she has been drinking. After all, it's the only time she sounds nice. If she hasn't been drinking she's angry and quiet.

Should I take her calls anymore? Am I enabling her by talking to her on the phone after she's been drinking? I try to bring up AA meetings and she begs me not torture her. Her life is on the line here. Her doctor gave her only so many years to live if she continues this way.

Nevertheless

I don't think you are enabling her. You can't help her if she quits talking to you. But there is probably nothing you can say either to make her stop. Especially while she's drunk.
If she is a good friend I think all you can really do is listen (with in reason). And if she hints to wanting to stop,or needing help. Make your move.
But she is "your" friend. So you are in a far better position to judge what needs to be done than most of us here.
Just my opinion.
Fred

DayTrader

As I read the first paragraph, "enabling" crept into my mind. I'm not saying you ARE.....just that it's something to be on the watch for - as you said you are.

I don't think there's a line-in-the-sand / one size fits all answer here. Love and tolerance of others - for sure......but you it's not good to soften the pain of her choices either.

I think so long as you're saying something like, I can help you get sober if you want to, I can take you back to rehab if you want to, I can take you to a meeting if you want to..... stuff like that, then you're on solid ground. If she's not interested in getting better, FOR ME, I'd have to think long and hard about cutting the call off after she says no and tell her I'm here for her when she's ready to work on getting well.

--and yeah....that's hard as HELL to do. Each time I've done it I launch right into thinking I was a jerk, should have talked longer, should have "helped" and so on.

flutter

I personally wouldn't take the calls. I had to get pretty protective of my own well being, and continue to do so. I don't have the desire to keep toxic/actively addicted people in my life, but I think we all need to come to our own decisions about that.