Out of Rehab
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 31
Out of Rehab
If you came out of rehab feelings changed and excited about your recovery program, could you please answer these for me
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I didn't go to rehab so I can't comment with any experience to your primary question.
As for #2 though
I've found that to be completely false. Now, it "sounds" right.....and it might be easier for ME that way......
Thank God nobody in or around my life has to change one iota for me to get sober and stay sober and happy. Believe me, they won't do it quickly enough, the way I want, or maybe at all. Presuming my sobriety is contingent upon others is, IMO, the breeding ground for disappointment and failure.
As for #2 though
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
Thank God nobody in or around my life has to change one iota for me to get sober and stay sober and happy. Believe me, they won't do it quickly enough, the way I want, or maybe at all. Presuming my sobriety is contingent upon others is, IMO, the breeding ground for disappointment and failure.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by Amy27 
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
My experience is that the rest of the world wasn't obligated to do a thing on account of me not being able to drink in safety (nor were most people inclined to). Furthermore my sobriety was not conditional on anyone elses behavior. The onus is on me to do what I need to do to not drink today regardless of what the rest of the world does.
I would encourage you to check out AA meetings.
You could encourage your husband to check out Alanon meetings. They are a support group for people who have loved ones who are alcoholics. I've met some very good people who have got a lot of help at both fellowships.
Really the only bad part about being sober is you can't drink alcohol.
In love with life.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MA & UK
Posts: 64
Originally Posted by Amy27
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
Needless to say, because he wasn't willing to change/support me, our relationship eventually ended. I learned a lot while I was in rehab (multiple times), but it wasn't my choice to go and therefore I continued to drink each time I got out. Today it is my choice not to drink (only eight days sober), and because its my choice, I'm hoping that I have a better chance of sobriety going forward. My advice on rehab is to be sure that you are doing it for yourself and no one else! I think the success rate would be much higher if this was the case for most people, just my opinion.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
didnt go to rehab, but...
1) getting sober was the most difficult thing i ever did.
2) none. she threw me out after my last drunk( smart move on her part)
3). i did this:
Alcohol will kill me.
There's a power that wants me to live.
Do I want to live or die? (if you want to die, stop here)
Write about how I got to where I am.
Tell another person all about me (let God listen).
Want to change.
Ask a power greater than me to help me change.
Write down who I've hurt.
Fix what I can without hurting anyone else.
Accept that I'm human and will screw up. Fix it immediately.
Ask a power greater than me to show me how to live.
Keep doing 1 through 11 and pass it on.
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
didnt go to rehab, but...
1) getting sober was the most difficult thing i ever did.
2) none. she threw me out after my last drunk( smart move on her part)
3). i did this:
Alcohol will kill me.
There's a power that wants me to live.
Do I want to live or die? (if you want to die, stop here)
Write about how I got to where I am.
Tell another person all about me (let God listen).
Want to change.
Ask a power greater than me to help me change.
Write down who I've hurt.
Fix what I can without hurting anyone else.
Accept that I'm human and will screw up. Fix it immediately.
Ask a power greater than me to show me how to live.
Keep doing 1 through 11 and pass it on.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Amy27
If you came out of rehab feelings changed and excited about your recovery program, could you please answer these for me
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
2) Work on YOU, not the others.
3) Lots of AA meetings
I wish you the best.
Bob R
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Amy27...congrats on your completion of rehab. I recall your posts prior to going in. Your questions show your strong resolve to remain sober.
My rehab was when I was 20 yrs old. My girlfriend at the time, a former fiance, dropped me off at the hospital. We broke up the following semester of college, and she subsequently dropped out. But, it wasn't because of drinking or drugs on either part.
Rehab had given me a lot to think about and to process. I had a new life to build. It was a personally rewarding, but very lonely time of my life. I found friendships in those around me who were also abstinent of alcohol.
I don't believe those around you need to stop drinking; in fact, it's us who have to learn to be around them. But, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask a spouse to not drink around you until you feel strong enough for that. I'm now about 9.5 months sober, and I felt strong enough somewhere around 6 months. Now, I can tell when my wife has even had just one glass of wine, but it doesn't upset me. I just know to hold off on some conversations and reactions. Otherwise, our relationship has improved vastly. Not perfect, but more than just acceptable. We don't seem like just roommates anymore.
I wish you the best in your recovery, and am glad you posted. I hope you will share more with us as you progress into this remarkable sober journey.
My rehab was when I was 20 yrs old. My girlfriend at the time, a former fiance, dropped me off at the hospital. We broke up the following semester of college, and she subsequently dropped out. But, it wasn't because of drinking or drugs on either part.
Rehab had given me a lot to think about and to process. I had a new life to build. It was a personally rewarding, but very lonely time of my life. I found friendships in those around me who were also abstinent of alcohol.
I don't believe those around you need to stop drinking; in fact, it's us who have to learn to be around them. But, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask a spouse to not drink around you until you feel strong enough for that. I'm now about 9.5 months sober, and I felt strong enough somewhere around 6 months. Now, I can tell when my wife has even had just one glass of wine, but it doesn't upset me. I just know to hold off on some conversations and reactions. Otherwise, our relationship has improved vastly. Not perfect, but more than just acceptable. We don't seem like just roommates anymore.
I wish you the best in your recovery, and am glad you posted. I hope you will share more with us as you progress into this remarkable sober journey.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Amy27
If you came out of rehab feelings changed and excited about your recovery program, could you please answer these for me
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
1) Accepting I was powerless and asking for help from a power greater than me.
2) My disease was never concerned with external circumstances, and my recovery is not dependent on them either. I had the problem, I had to change, not anyone else. Others did change in their attitude towards me as they saw the change in me however.
3) There is an easy way and a hard way to stay sober. The easy way is regular attendance at AA and vigorous action on the 12 steps as a way of life. The hard way is all the things we try first, in order to avoid the easy way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: California
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Amy27
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
Problem was that I was doing so well and felt so great, 6 months into it I had convinced myself I wasn't an alcoholic because the whole quitting thing was a breeze. I thought I was normal. So I started having a glass of wine here and there with no issues. I convinced myself I had the problem beat. I was a social drinker that had a "bad period" before rehab but now I was fixed.
This went on for about 3 months. Then I started drinking alone again. And isolating. Before I knew it I was back to a bottle of vodka a day. Thankfully I reached out for help quickly and now I am back to my recovery plan
In short, stay engaged. If the program offers extra classes, take them. Go to AA (even if you don't want to do the step work or think it is too religous go, because at the very least you are to surrounded by people in a similar position. If not AA then LifeRing or one of the other alternatives). Let family and friends know what you are going through so they know to reach out if you start slipping (isolating). Stay active. Exercise.
The post rehab months were the best I felt in years! I am on my way back and I can't wait. I may have needed a slip to prove how easy it is. Now I know that nothing feels as good as sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
I did do a 28 day rehab, last September, and it was entirely necessary to my getting sober.
I was able to detox with medical suprevision and rebuild my image of myself as a sane and sober person. By the time my rehab period ended, I was demonstrably healthier, physically, and much less of a disaster emotionally.
My wife tried several Al Anon meetings but did not find them to be at all a positive experience. Rather than focusing on recovery, the participants tended to complain about what latest outrage "their" alcoholic had perpetrated. She tried different meeting in different locations but became dismayed at the emotional climate of the meetings and stopped attending.
She does attend open AA meetings, with me, and finds that she gains a lot more insight into alcoholism, and overcoming it, through this interaction. I'm also thrilled to have her there because, well...I'm thrilled to have her there.
As far as her "changing", that's part of neither her program nor my own. I'm the alcoholic, not her. Her bottle on red wine in the bottom tray of the refrigerator door is NOT what will make me drink. If that's an irresistable temptation, for me, I'd best reserve a lifetime room at my old rehab because I certainly can't drive down our main street with a half dozen taverns and liquor stores every ten blocks.
I go to weddings and family reunions, out to dinner with friends and have a fairly regular social life. But every day, and particularly before I go somewhere where folks will be drinking, I remind myself that drinking alcohol is not something I can do successfully. I also can't eat lentils because they make my throat close up and my eyelids swell shut.
I wouldn;t expect my inability to successfully eat lentils to impact my family and friends. Just so for my inability to successfully drink alcohol. "Enjoy yourself but, please, don;t expect me to participate. It's really not good for me."
As much as I am grateful for my rehab experience, and I am truly, truly grateful, I think there's maybe some over emphasis on the degree to which "It's a family disease." True, there are codependent folks who massively enable the active alcoholic in their lives but there are others who do just fine if, and when, the alcoholic in their life achieves and maintains sobriety.
I was able to detox with medical suprevision and rebuild my image of myself as a sane and sober person. By the time my rehab period ended, I was demonstrably healthier, physically, and much less of a disaster emotionally.
My wife tried several Al Anon meetings but did not find them to be at all a positive experience. Rather than focusing on recovery, the participants tended to complain about what latest outrage "their" alcoholic had perpetrated. She tried different meeting in different locations but became dismayed at the emotional climate of the meetings and stopped attending.
She does attend open AA meetings, with me, and finds that she gains a lot more insight into alcoholism, and overcoming it, through this interaction. I'm also thrilled to have her there because, well...I'm thrilled to have her there.
As far as her "changing", that's part of neither her program nor my own. I'm the alcoholic, not her. Her bottle on red wine in the bottom tray of the refrigerator door is NOT what will make me drink. If that's an irresistable temptation, for me, I'd best reserve a lifetime room at my old rehab because I certainly can't drive down our main street with a half dozen taverns and liquor stores every ten blocks.
I go to weddings and family reunions, out to dinner with friends and have a fairly regular social life. But every day, and particularly before I go somewhere where folks will be drinking, I remind myself that drinking alcohol is not something I can do successfully. I also can't eat lentils because they make my throat close up and my eyelids swell shut.
I wouldn;t expect my inability to successfully eat lentils to impact my family and friends. Just so for my inability to successfully drink alcohol. "Enjoy yourself but, please, don;t expect me to participate. It's really not good for me."
As much as I am grateful for my rehab experience, and I am truly, truly grateful, I think there's maybe some over emphasis on the degree to which "It's a family disease." True, there are codependent folks who massively enable the active alcoholic in their lives but there are others who do just fine if, and when, the alcoholic in their life achieves and maintains sobriety.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Amy27
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
2) My spouse made the change for me by moving to another state.
3) The only thing that made staying sober easy was a spiritual awakening.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Amy27
If you came out of rehab feelings changed and excited about your recovery program, could you please answer these for me
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
1) What did you find particularly difficult about being sober
2) What work did you want your spouse to do to change ( it is known that both parties have to change for it to work
3) what could be done to make staying sober easier for you
Difficulty in sobriety is what we make it, imo, so we each have our own stories to tell respectively. For myself, the next three months after my 90 day graduation was always my relationships with friends. Sometimes things could get complicated...
I didn't have a spouse going into rehab. As for both parties working together to change together, sure, we did all that, but it only worked because my girlfriend(s) were always into recovery, same as me. I've never been in a serious relationship with a non-alcoholic straight girl
The only "work" was to keep clean n' sober in recovery, be happy, be successful, be real, etc. You know, live the dream.For it being easier, what is easy? Looking back is always 20/20 vision. Learning faster from my mistakes I suppose could have eased some problems, and yet I was pretty well already dancing as fast as I could when I got out of rehab. Recovery is what it is for each of us, and that is all good when it works all together, like it did for me in rehab. So, staying well connected with a sincere and honest fellowship made things easier for me after rehab.
Have a great day Amy! Best to you for your accomplishments!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
