Oh sweetheart, put the bottle down
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 134
Oh sweetheart, put the bottle down
Well hello. I have a drinking problem. I'm an alcoholic. And terrified.
My back story is a little long. Bear with me.
I'm the child of an alcoholic. Also the child of a food addict. The niece of a gambling addict. The cousin of an drug addict. Also the girlfriend of a drug addict/alcoholic. I don't know why I'm surprised I have an addiction problem.
My father was a heavy drinker and would drink around me all the time. He would hide empty bottles under my bed, lash out at my mother and I because he was drunk...I guess just the usual behavior associated with alcoholism. So drinking was never something taboo to me. In fact, I was comfortable around alcohol, and around people who drank alcohol. So it was no surprise when I picked up my first drink at age 15. I drank at friends houses. Also, my family allowed all of us kids to have wine at dinner and family get togethers. That started around 16 years old. I think that's when I experienced my first pull towards an addiction. I remember my family would get together every Friday night for a big dinner at our home. And I remember looking forward to this every week. Not because I would get to be with my family. Because I would be allowed to drink, and pretty much drink as much as I wanted. I remember getting drunk at home a lot.
Then I turned 21. I'm 22 now so my spiral out of control happened pretty quickly. I would go out to bars pretty often. Very often actually. I noticed my drinking was always different than my friends. I would drink twice as much, twice as often, and always whiskey. Shortly after I turned 21, I met my now boyfriend...a recovery drug addict. He still drank alcohol and so we often went out for drinks. Lots of drinks. About 6 months into our relationship, he relapsed and before I knew it, he was a full blown heroin addict. It put a lot of stress/pressure on me and I turned to alcohol to escape the reality of what was happening. He eventually went to detox and is now living in a sober house. While he's been gone, I've been drinking every night. 5 or 6 jack and cokes every night. When I'm not drinking, I'm thinking about drinking and thinking about how long until I'll be able to leave work and go get a drink...which always turns into 6 drinks before I know it. I drink until I puke. I realized this was really getting out of control last week. I was throwing up in the bathroom at work...on a Tuesday. Nothing about that is normal no matter how many times I try to reason that I just won't do it again. I always do it again.
Today is my second day sober. I have anxiety and feel kind of lost as to how to go about trying to stop. I'm nervous because I don't understand how to be sober. The only times I really hang out with anyone, is when I'm at the bar. So what happens to my social life? The thought of being sober all of the time is mind boggling to me.
I know I need to go to AA and there's a meeting tonight near my house. I'm terrified to say the least.
My back story is a little long. Bear with me.
I'm the child of an alcoholic. Also the child of a food addict. The niece of a gambling addict. The cousin of an drug addict. Also the girlfriend of a drug addict/alcoholic. I don't know why I'm surprised I have an addiction problem.
My father was a heavy drinker and would drink around me all the time. He would hide empty bottles under my bed, lash out at my mother and I because he was drunk...I guess just the usual behavior associated with alcoholism. So drinking was never something taboo to me. In fact, I was comfortable around alcohol, and around people who drank alcohol. So it was no surprise when I picked up my first drink at age 15. I drank at friends houses. Also, my family allowed all of us kids to have wine at dinner and family get togethers. That started around 16 years old. I think that's when I experienced my first pull towards an addiction. I remember my family would get together every Friday night for a big dinner at our home. And I remember looking forward to this every week. Not because I would get to be with my family. Because I would be allowed to drink, and pretty much drink as much as I wanted. I remember getting drunk at home a lot.
Then I turned 21. I'm 22 now so my spiral out of control happened pretty quickly. I would go out to bars pretty often. Very often actually. I noticed my drinking was always different than my friends. I would drink twice as much, twice as often, and always whiskey. Shortly after I turned 21, I met my now boyfriend...a recovery drug addict. He still drank alcohol and so we often went out for drinks. Lots of drinks. About 6 months into our relationship, he relapsed and before I knew it, he was a full blown heroin addict. It put a lot of stress/pressure on me and I turned to alcohol to escape the reality of what was happening. He eventually went to detox and is now living in a sober house. While he's been gone, I've been drinking every night. 5 or 6 jack and cokes every night. When I'm not drinking, I'm thinking about drinking and thinking about how long until I'll be able to leave work and go get a drink...which always turns into 6 drinks before I know it. I drink until I puke. I realized this was really getting out of control last week. I was throwing up in the bathroom at work...on a Tuesday. Nothing about that is normal no matter how many times I try to reason that I just won't do it again. I always do it again.
Today is my second day sober. I have anxiety and feel kind of lost as to how to go about trying to stop. I'm nervous because I don't understand how to be sober. The only times I really hang out with anyone, is when I'm at the bar. So what happens to my social life? The thought of being sober all of the time is mind boggling to me.
I know I need to go to AA and there's a meeting tonight near my house. I'm terrified to say the least.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
Welcome Pock89! You came to a awesome place for support and advice! I am working on month 5 and I believe I made it this far not only working at it myself to be healthy but alot of it is thru the help of SR... keep reading and posting... It helps to keep your mind and hands busy and you have the support at your fingertips. I can relate to being around people of addiction, it was the norm in my family to and still is for alot of them, which I have to work hard(mentally) at it when I am around them. The reward is.. feeling better physically and mentally. Its a great feeling!! So much better then being hung over or berating yourself over drinking. Hang in there girlie and welcome again 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
Based on your description of your family, I think we might be related.
You're doing the tough stuff right now. Detox was the worst part of the process, for me. Don't hesitate to see a doc and tell him everything you've gone through. He might prescribe some short term meds to help you safely through the detox process.
Best wishes.
You're doing the tough stuff right now. Detox was the worst part of the process, for me. Don't hesitate to see a doc and tell him everything you've gone through. He might prescribe some short term meds to help you safely through the detox process.
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 205
Hey Pock89, thanks for sharing. It does sound like you are powerless over alcohol. That does not mean you have to remain powerless. By admitting and accepting the powerlessness you will be set free from it. If you do not, and continue, I think the alcoholism will only progress and get worse. It did for me and countless others that have this disease but continued to drink. If you do not think you can go to a AA meeting today, try reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous linked here.....
Big Book On Line
...ask yourself if you identify with anything written in the first 60 pages or so...or forward to the personal accounts that are in the 2nd half of the book and ask yourself the same thing. Good luck and I hope you stick around the forums here. It is a great place.
Big Book On Line
...ask yourself if you identify with anything written in the first 60 pages or so...or forward to the personal accounts that are in the 2nd half of the book and ask yourself the same thing. Good luck and I hope you stick around the forums here. It is a great place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 134
Can anyone tell me some good tips for dealing with cravings? What do you all do to distract yourself when you start thinking about drinking?
I've been sitting here with a bag of walnuts and a nutcracker trying to keep my hands busy. There's only so many of these damn walnuts I can eat! Haha!
Also, any insight as to what goes on in an AA meeting? My concern is that I'll have to start spilling my guts to people. My boyfriend in recovery tells me that I don't have to talk right away, but eventually I'll WANT to share? Is this true? I don't see myself WANTING to tell a room full of people I don't know about how messed up I've become!
I've been sitting here with a bag of walnuts and a nutcracker trying to keep my hands busy. There's only so many of these damn walnuts I can eat! Haha!
Also, any insight as to what goes on in an AA meeting? My concern is that I'll have to start spilling my guts to people. My boyfriend in recovery tells me that I don't have to talk right away, but eventually I'll WANT to share? Is this true? I don't see myself WANTING to tell a room full of people I don't know about how messed up I've become!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome.
Who better to understand you than a room full of alcoholics?
You don't have to share. But you shared here. I bet you'll want to share as you work on your recovery.
Originally Posted by Pock89 
I don't see myself WANTING to tell a room full of people I don't know about how messed up I've become!
You don't have to share. But you shared here. I bet you'll want to share as you work on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by Pock89
So what happens to my social life? The thought of being sober all of the time is mind boggling to me.
Here's an average night of my drinking when I was 21 (I stopped the day I turned 22).
Have a couple pops with the guys after work. Not going to do anymore tonight, don't want a repeat of the last time.... grab a 6 rack on the ride home, but definitely no more than that..... 6-er is gone, off to the package store for a bottle of whiskey. Around the halfway mark "I wonder what Johnny and Flocco and them are doing tonight?".... anything is a good idea.
By 2am I'm throwing up so hard I'm shitting my pants wishing I were dead, not making work the next day, broke, dreading hearing about what I pulled the night before, possibly picked up a new court case or lost another friend along the way...
Fast forward to first day sober "What am I going to do for fun now?" LMFAO
Originally Posted by Pock89
Can anyone tell me some good tips for dealing with cravings? What do you all do to distract yourself when you start thinking about drinking?
I've been sitting here with a bag of walnuts and a nutcracker trying to keep my hands busy. There's only so many of these damn walnuts I can eat! Haha!
Also, any insight as to what goes on in an AA meeting? My concern is that I'll have to start spilling my guts to people. My boyfriend in recovery tells me that I don't have to talk right away, but eventually I'll WANT to share? Is this true? I don't see myself WANTING to tell a room full of people I don't know about how messed up I've become!
I've been sitting here with a bag of walnuts and a nutcracker trying to keep my hands busy. There's only so many of these damn walnuts I can eat! Haha!
Also, any insight as to what goes on in an AA meeting? My concern is that I'll have to start spilling my guts to people. My boyfriend in recovery tells me that I don't have to talk right away, but eventually I'll WANT to share? Is this true? I don't see myself WANTING to tell a room full of people I don't know about how messed up I've become!
Do ANYTHING except for drink alcohol. Eating sweets (particularly ice cream) helps a lot. Instead of hitting the bar after work I'd stop by an ice cream stand and get a big sundea or a big milkshake, if I still felt like drinking I'd have another.
In my AA group we had a member that died a couple years ago with 44 years sober who only ever spoke twice in a meeting (total of 19 words and about 4 of them were profanity).... He had a very good life and helped a lot of people. You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with. If someone calls on you just say "I'll pass". If you're asked to read something just say "I left my glasses at home".
The only thing about an AA meeting you'll need to worry about is it'll really spoil your drinking. Check out a few (give it a fair chance) and beware of fanatics, gurus, or salesmen. Open your ears when people talk about what happened to them or what they do, and if they're talking about anything except their own experience with drinking/not drinking take it with a grain of salt.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
When ever a craving comes,you have to convince yourself that drinking just isn't an option. As long as your mind thinks there is a chance it will get what it wants,it will act like a screaming child throwing a tantrum.
If you can convince your mind that it just isn't going to happen,it will get easier.
Drinking isn't an option. Might as well forget it.
I wish you the best.
Fred
If you can convince your mind that it just isn't going to happen,it will get easier.
Drinking isn't an option. Might as well forget it.
I wish you the best.
Fred
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 134
4 days sober!
Woke up this morning bright and early, no hangover, no counting the hours until I can leave work to go to the liquor store.
It's funny...I thought that stopping would be so hard. But I'm noticing that drinking is even harder. Life seems to be easier sober!
Sober is better!
Feeling really great today!
Woke up this morning bright and early, no hangover, no counting the hours until I can leave work to go to the liquor store.
It's funny...I thought that stopping would be so hard. But I'm noticing that drinking is even harder. Life seems to be easier sober!
Sober is better!
Feeling really great today!
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