behindblueyes

I just left a meeting and it was one of those where someone picks a topic and we go around a room of 50 strangers and speak aloud individually. Does anyone else struggle with this? I drank due to social anxiety and panic attacks and had one in the meeting. I feel bad not speaking though, thoughts?

KathP

Well, the meetings I attend do allow a person to "pass" if they do not wish to share -- and that's what I do fairly often. I can't stand any form of public speaking. I was 18 months sober before I could manage to read something (like the steps or traditions) aloud! I really dread someone asking me to speak or even do slogans -- I don't know if I could get through it.

So, yes, yes, and again yes -- I really relate!!!

TopherD

I can relate. I've always been good at articulating my thoughts, yet when I first started hanging around meetings I was super nervous too.

I wouldn't feel guilty not sharing, especially being new. I think the times where I've shared the best stuff has been spontaneously when a topic or what another person says really hits home. I think for now, remember easy does it. Maybe try to just focus on what's being said, and relate to what you can. You will get the urge to speak sooner than later.

Besides, right or wrong, I've found that most AAs actually appreciate when the new guy or gal listens more than talks, especially right away.

Oh, and 50 or so folks is quite a bit to handle for anyone! Maybe look for a smaller meeting for now, as you build your confidence along the way. You may be a bit more comfort each time you do it.

DayTrader

There's a quasi-AA section here on SR: Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You'll find a lot of AA-specific support and advice there.

As for speaking at meetings, it took me a while to get comfortable, a long while. I wasn't very good at "passing" either - which is better than blabbering on about nothing like I did.

Learning and working the steps will help you GREATLY in this area though. Then you'll be able to talk about what they're talking about.

winslynn

I advise new people to say only "My name is ---- I'm an alcoholic,I pass.It takes the pressure off you,it allows you to listen and not be thinking of what you will say,and when you are really new you don't have any experience to share anyway.
I too,was horrified to realize that if I stayed here that someday I would have to do public speaking in front of a group.But I did when I was told to and the ice was broken.Most of us dread speaking in front of a group after the isolation of alcoholism,but the fear goes away as you progress in the program.

Jeni26

Don't worry, I think you're brave to even attend one of those meetings, I would have avoided it completely!!
I spent the first month just listening and never had any pressure at all to speak. I spoke for the first time this week but it was my choice and it just felt right to do so.
My advice is that you will just know when the time is right so would just listen and learn until then.
Keep going, you're doing great xx

Taking5

I often get frusrated with discussion meetings when people share about any frickin' thing under the sun - their dog is sick, the washing machine broke down, etc. - and not a damn thing about alcoholism or the solution as defined in the 12 steps.

For this reason, I like Big Book study meetings the best, You might consider this, they read a few paragraphs from the BB and then discuss it, then move on, covering the solution - the first 164 pages of the BB.

When it is your turn, all you have to do is read a few paragraphs from the BB, if you want.

sugarbear1

My sponsor did a fabulous job guiding me through the steps because after I worked steps 5, 6, & 7 (same day), I was a completely changed person the next day. I lost most of my irrational fears and my social phobias, although it has taken several more months to truly feel phobia free! I can speak honestly in front of groups now! I'll have a year next week. What a change!

Give time time, you'll be okay.

In the beginning, saying my name was hard enough, then I learned to say my name and then say "I'm listening tonight."

I wish you well.

Hugs,

Gottalife

When I came in all our meetings were like this. I never spoke a word for the first 6 weeks at least. I just hid down the back and looked at the floor.... and listened intently.

If I was asked I identified as an alcoholic and passed. I never learned a single thing by speaking. There was nothing I could say that would help anyone, I only knew about the problem, I knew nothing of the solution.

But through listening I learned about the solution, not my solution, but THE solution. listening has always done me far more good that speaking.

CarolD

Try doing only a few sentances...someone there needs to hear what you say.
No one expects an oration...and yes most of us were nervous too...

tomsteve

i didnt have panic attacks early on. i had low self esteem and was full of fear of what others thought of me. it was good for me to take the cotton from my ears and put it in my mouth.

2granddaughters

A recent survey showed that 96% of Alcoholics have social anxiety and that 4% were lying.

Next time, ask the other 49 when you are sharing if they felt uncomfortable sharing in the beginning and watch the hands go up.

Learning to be "one of the bunch" at the meetings helps us to take that lesson outside into the world.

All the best.

Bob R

miamifella

Maybe going to smaller meetings would help? I found the super-big meetings with 50 people or so to be very intimidating. In the towns were I lived most meetings had a dozen or less people, which were often easier.

THEOjibway

was it your first time going to a discussion meeting? discussion meetings aren't for everyone. Especially when your first starting to look within yourself. I was in AA for 3 years until I started going to discussion meetings. I was the same, scared and too shy to speak so I passed every time. As time went on I became stronger and knew deep down no one was there to judge me so I opened my mind up. SOmetimes I find I can't stop speaking though I know I need to share the time and if the time allows it I can continue a bit more. It's not a bad thing that you pass, you don't need to feel bad. No one should be pressuring you into speaking, everyone goes at their own pace. But the positive note is that your going in the first place. it's good to hear other people tell their piece of mind because you get to learn a little more of each member there. It'll take time. So take your time, when you're ready and feel comfortable enough to say something go ahead.Even if it's something short, Not everyone speaks a long time. Good luck!

Nevertheless

Yep,there is always at least person that just keeps on rambling. And that always gave me an excuse to say very little,or just pass. I am a "meat and taters" talker. Meaning I get right to the point. I never said more than a few sentences sharing at an AA meeting.
With 50 people I have a feeling the majority there welcome someont that passes or gets right to the point and moves on.
There is no right or wrong way to do this. If you have something to get off your chest at a meeting,by all means do so. But other than that there isn't a thing wrong with just listening. The important thing is to just show up. The sobriety will rub off on you.
Fred

recoverywfaith

Maybe a smaller meeting would be good for you? And, if you do not have any other meetings to go to and do not want to share at this particular meeting...what I have done if uncomfortable is say Hi my name is ____ alkie here...I just would like to listen today...glad to be here.

eJoshua

The one thing you are guaranteed at an AA meeting is that, no matter how incapable you feel of expressing yourself, there will be somebody there who makes even less sense than you.