What????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: NJ
Posts: 594
What????
Last night was a hard night. I was wondering why am I working so hard at recovery? I was bored, and my brother is here from florida drinking( not in my home) but I can still see his buzz.
Now, yesterday, while my son was at school, my brother took me to get sand for my son's sandbox and to the grocery store for things for my son's lunches for scool. We stopped to grab a bite at the local diner. Meanwhile my mother(who has been staying at my home since Christmas) said she wanted to get my son off the bus so he could see her before she went back to my grandmother's (her mother's) My mom has been going back and forth to both our houses. I do not ask my mother to stay here. Just a series of family events have been happening. She also does not help in any way financially. At most she stays with my son so I can hit AA meetings. Also I don't expect any donantions.
And today....I get a text from my mother saying what we did yesterday was just wrong. Going out to the diner without bringing her and my grandmother food. (we had a babyshower for my brother and his girlfriend my grandmother and mom spent the night in my home.) Mom also added she had to feed my grandmother an old sub in my refridge. If any of you knew me, you would know I always have food in my home. I have no license, so I make sure I am always stocked up. I am also a single mother with an autistic child that hasn't recieved child support since January.
Back to the why am I working so hard in recovery? Because today I do not accept this behavior. Today I have a choice whether to feed into this like I would before and totally be crushed. I am becoming an adult. If anyone chooses to not be a part of my life today, the sun will still shine tomorrow. I have hope. I am here for me. Nobody else has to be. My mother has always tried to motivate me with unacceptance and abandonment. I am able to accept this today. I can let go and know I have a right to me being human even if I am 100% wrong in this whole situation. Thanks for letting me share. I have such joy as I write this and reread it! I AM GROWING!!!
Now, yesterday, while my son was at school, my brother took me to get sand for my son's sandbox and to the grocery store for things for my son's lunches for scool. We stopped to grab a bite at the local diner. Meanwhile my mother(who has been staying at my home since Christmas) said she wanted to get my son off the bus so he could see her before she went back to my grandmother's (her mother's) My mom has been going back and forth to both our houses. I do not ask my mother to stay here. Just a series of family events have been happening. She also does not help in any way financially. At most she stays with my son so I can hit AA meetings. Also I don't expect any donantions.
And today....I get a text from my mother saying what we did yesterday was just wrong. Going out to the diner without bringing her and my grandmother food. (we had a babyshower for my brother and his girlfriend my grandmother and mom spent the night in my home.) Mom also added she had to feed my grandmother an old sub in my refridge. If any of you knew me, you would know I always have food in my home. I have no license, so I make sure I am always stocked up. I am also a single mother with an autistic child that hasn't recieved child support since January.
Back to the why am I working so hard in recovery? Because today I do not accept this behavior. Today I have a choice whether to feed into this like I would before and totally be crushed. I am becoming an adult. If anyone chooses to not be a part of my life today, the sun will still shine tomorrow. I have hope. I am here for me. Nobody else has to be. My mother has always tried to motivate me with unacceptance and abandonment. I am able to accept this today. I can let go and know I have a right to me being human even if I am 100% wrong in this whole situation. Thanks for letting me share. I have such joy as I write this and reread it! I AM GROWING!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Near Scranton PA
Posts: 424
You are growing! This is my favorite part of the Big Book:
The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.
Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavoir." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.
The key to my serenity is acceptance. But "acceptance" does not mean that I have to like it, condone it, or even ignore it. What it does mean is I am powerless to do anything about it... and I have to accept that fact.
Nor does it mean that I have to accept "unacceptable behavoir." Today I have choices. I no longer have to accept abuse in any form. I can choose to walk away, even if it means stepping out into the unknown. I no longer have to fear "change" or the unknown. I can merely accept it as part of the journey.
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