GetItTogether

As I write this I have tears in my eyes. Last night I went on a massive bender. When I woke up this morning, still roaring drunk, I reached for the Vodka bottle to begin drinking again at 7am! Luckily the bottle was empty. I drank the entire thing overnight. I decided to go buy another bottle but realised I had no money to do so. It's funny, I don't have enough money to buy food but I managed to scrounge $30 to buy booze.

My life really sucks right now. I lost my job due to my drinking and currently my bills are more than my incomings. I've been trying hard not to drink. I lasted 2 weeks this time which is a massive achievement for me. I've finally admitted to myself that the drinking has to stop as a few weeks ago I passed out at a major event and seriously injured myself when I fell face first onto concrete. I regained consciousness 2 hours later and I woke up surrounded my security and paramedics. The same paramedics very kindly dumped me in the middle of nowhere when I told them that there was no way that I could pay for the ambulance ride while we were on the way to hospital. I then spent hours walking around trying to find my way home. I was completely lost, disoriented and barely able to walk I was so drunk. I was also terrified and in severe pain due to my injuries.

Of course I told myself never again. Just like I did the week before when I drank 3 bottles of scotch, a bottle of Vodka and a load of beer during the easter break.

Luckily I'm so broke right now I won't be able to afford booze for weeks. I'm hoping by then I'll have stayed away from drinking long enough that I'll be able to fight the urge. I know I can do it. I managed to stop drinking for almost 3 months last year but a stressful job got me back on the bottle. At least I don't have to worry about job stress any more.

Today is pretty hard. I get so depressed after drinking now. It takes me about a week to feel myself again. It's such a waste of my life.

I'm really lonely too. I've rarely left the house lately due to money problems and my best friends only ever want to go out drinking so I've had to stop seeing them.

I'm very thankful though that I'm getting very bored of drinking. I don't get the nice buzz I used to and I pretty much start blacking out after only a few drinks these days so I generally don't remember if I've had a good time any way. I really can't stand the taste of booze now too so there is really no incentive to keep on drinking.

Don't end up like me folks. It really is a terrible way to live. It's only a matter of time until I end up homeless or dead if I keep this up.

Gottalife

We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery (3 months?) followed always by a still worse relapse. We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. The DELUSION that we are like other people or presently maybe had to be smashed.
From 1st edition.

It's not the stressful job, or any external factor. It's alcoholism. This is what happens to alcoholics who fail to realise the seriousness of their situation.

whatevername

I have been there so many times...I know it sucks. You just have to bear through the hangover and lousy feeling and make a decision to change. It is VERY possible.
My heart goes out to you right now man. I wish you all the best and hope you can pull it off.

Drink lots of water and get some rest.

This is not the end, but rather the beginning...
look at it that way.

Dee74

I've been there too GetItTogether...it seems hopeless...but it's not...
and neither are you

What kind of things have you tried so far to stay sober?

D

Jitterbugg

Hi Get,
I couldn't have written a better description of my life that you have to describe your own recent struggles. I lost my job due to drinking and proceeded to become a full-time alcoholic. Not having to work 8 hours a day really freed up key boozing time during the day. I blew thru all my savings and towards the end, I could only afford to drink from what my parents had loaned me for 'bills'. I ended up in the ER twice and woke up in jail a couple times. I would just hole up in my apartment for days without talking to anyone.
If I wasnt drinking I was withdrawing in my bed trying to stay sane. Finallyt, I entered inpatient rehab for 35 days....saved my life.

Get some help now!

instant

Getting some help might be useful. Have you thought about detox or AA??

gunther84

Hey Getittogether. My story is much like your. You and I will never be able to drink "normally". Once we start next thing we know we are reaching for a empty bottle. As others have said this is a progressive disease. It will only get worse. For alcoholics like you and I who keep drinking there are only three possible endings for us...Jails, institutions, and death. If you get help today, you will never feel the type of despair and anguish you feel right now. You can do it. Many in your situation have and are now living good lives free of the chains of alcohol.

Zebra1275

As you have discovered, alcoholism is progressive. It's only going to continue to get worse. So what's your plan to get sober? For me, AA helped me turn the corner.

2granddaughters

I found that I could stop drinking and stay stopped in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

It might just do the trick for you as well.

All the best.

Bob R

aasharon90

To insure i didnt drink that day in my home
there wasnt any alcohol in my home to reach
for. All the alcohol was removed in my home
while I spent 28 days in rehab. It was the
care and concern of my family for my well
being at that time in my life that it be removed.

I couldnt reach for poison if it wasnt there if
I should crave it or desire it. And with a program
of recovery in place, those tools allowed
me to reach for that healthier support than
alcohol.

In doing so, I have remained sober for the
past 21 yrs of many one days at a time added
together to get me where I am today.

Sober, healthy, alive, honest and happy.

GetItTogether

Thanks every one for your advice.

It's been a week without drinking and I've been doing well. I even managed to make it through last weekend without a drop. The weekends are always the hardest for me.

I often forget just how bad the hangovers can be and why I shouldn't drink. I also often forget why it is I reach for the bottle in the first place.

Today I was reminded. I got hit so hard by withdrawal I was very tempted to go buy some booze. I don't really like the taste of alcohol but the need to drink was so strong my mouth was watering at the mere thought of taking a sip.

This is as much a record for myself as it is a story for others. I must remember in future just how badly I react to Naltrexon which I took a dose of earlier to help me fight my withdrawals. It makes me feel so sick it's just as bad as the worst hangover. I hear it works well for most people but in my case I react very badly. I'd honestly be better off drinking and dealing with the hangover.

Anyway, the good news is I won't be drinking today at least. Besides the withdrawals and felling unwell from the Neltrexone I've been feeling much better of late. Sleeping is getting better and easier and it's great not to wake up hungover.

Thanks everyone and good luck!

CarolD

Have you considered connecting to AA?
That's how I finally quit drinking and learned how to enjoy a sober life...
Added bonus...you can meet others who share your situation...and
who are willing to help you.

I required drastic changes in my thinking and actions ..perhaps you do too?

TSDD

If you want to be successful at something hang around with successful people. Even better still try helping other people be successful.

I found that in AA and NA fellowships. If you can manage to stay away from a drink without that, more power to you. It's a drag at times, but if you find you can't do it alone, you'll likely find people just like you there.

GetItTogether

Thanks. Yeah I'm keen to go to meetings however the meet up times don't work with my schedule in my area. I'll have to wait until the weekend but that should be ok.

GetItTogether

By the way I've also been trying to find a good counsellor that specialises in addiction. I've had a couple of doctors offer referrals to good clinics but each turned out to be $300+ per session which is out of the question to me. I'm looking forward to finding someone as I think talking over my issues will help greatly.

GetItTogether

I'm not religious but I try to start the day by acknowledging that I've woken up again without a hangover. Yesterday I woke up feeling good about myself. "Yay! 8 days I've made so far". Then that other voice started. "You've done really well. It's almost the weekend you should reward yourself with just a couple of drinks" etc etc.

So yesterday afternoon I walked up to the liquor store with money in my hand to buy a bottle of scotch to "celebrate" my sobriety.

What an absurd idea.

This morning I woke up feeling amazing. I managed to muster up the courage to keep walking on by the liquor store and into the art store where I bought a canvas. Last night was spent having a great time working on a new painting. Sober!

I'm feeling pretty damn proud of myself today.

Have a great (and sober) weekend one and all!

Hevyn

GetIt - You've just described how I felt after my last binge. I was so disgusted, and finally convinced that booze could never bring me anything but misery. That was the end. I have 4 yrs. & 4 mos. after drinking over 30 yrs. There is life after alcohol - a beautiful life, filled with real feelings - not a foggy numbness.

Proud of you! Keep going.

millersdaughter

Sadly, I'm almost there, where you are. Spending money on booze (beer for me) that should really be allocated to electricity, water, food, etc. My job causes me stress beyond belief. I NEVER leave the house. I can't remember the night before. I don't WANT to drink anymore. I HATE the way I feel. I don't know why I keep doing it!

TSDD

AA meetings are free and there's no obligation. Hang in there.

2granddaughters

AA works for me as well.

All the best.

Bob R