NatalieN

Realizing that the love I have for my young daughter wasn’t enough to keep me sober was a hard pill to swallow. One of the hardest things I have had to accept.

The voice that tells me it's ok to have a couple of glasses of wine while cooking or cleaning is growing weaker and weaker and I am so grateful for this. I've had such a hard time with that voice since December of 2011 when I joined this forum after drinking for six months following 6 1/2 years of sobriety. I was a 'one chip wonder' my first time around and experienced minimal cravings. This time has been very different. The voice has been really strong but I can feel it weakening. As I stay sober day after day, I begin to feel more and more like my old self. I took my sobriety for granted the first time around but things are very different now that I’ve experienced how unbelievably hard it is to get back in the saddle.

I no longer doubt that this is a progressive condition, a life threatening one.

To anyone out there planning or thinking that a ‘break’ from sobriety would be nice, please know that it only gets harder and harder with each drink we take. Our bodies and minds are wired differently from normal drinkers and once the obsession is fed, all hell breaks lose.

Each drink we take sinks us deeper and deeper into this dark abyss of obsession and compulsion. Of this I am now sure.

joecards

I agree. As soon as I feel healthy and have some good sober days I start to think, It will be fine this time, just one drink. It never works out; I just can't drink.

I'm only two weeks sober, but I plan on staying with it. The people in this forum are reaaly great. I hope to stay healthy and sober because of the support I have found here. When I try to do it alone, Its just me having a silly argument wih myself to decide if I should drink. Those thoughts evaporate when I consider posting them here.

Zebra1275

I was sober over 5 years and went back out. I found that getting and staying sober again was very difficult. It took me about a year of on-again, off-again drinking to finally get back on the wagon. It is a progressive condition and it gets harder to recover as you get older.

Ghostly

Thanks for the Post Natalie.

I need to be reminded of this. Sometimes, when I'm feeling low, a weekend relapse seems so appealing.

Congrats on your success.

winslynn

Sometimes people can't get sober again when they drink after a period of sobriety.An old saying is "I know I have another drunk left in me,but I don't know if I have another recovery".It took a crisis in my life to get sober,it would take another crisis if I drank again in order to surrender again and I don't know if I would survive it.
It's easier to stay sober than to get sober,how often I've heard that....and how true it is.

whatevername

I drank after three years of sobriety and I found it has been so hard to get back to good. 3 months here, one month there...10 years literally of that amongst LONG, very long 24/7 drinking. The first time is a gift. So true.

So here I am just over a month sober and trying to keep it.
I feel like Luke Skywalker in StarWars "STAY ON TARGET!!! STAY ON TARGET!!!!!!!"

I wish you all the strength , courage and serenity in your new path

instant

Thank you. Your post is inspirational and I admire your courage.

2granddaughters

Yes, Natalie, I got so bad that I had to go to AA to get and stay sober.

I wish you the best in your chosen recovery program.

Bob R

PaleMale

When I quit alcohol, things were pretty bad, but there were a lot of "yets" left. Reading your post reminds me, that "quit" means "quit." Not a "break." Thanks for the reminder! I do not want to experience it being even harder to quit.

NatalieN

Winslynn, yes, it is WAY easier to stay sober than to get sober. I have recently shared that very sentiment on this forum, or maybe on the WFS forum or the StayingCyber forum. Hard to remember where when online help is my primary form of support at the present moment and I virtually spend 3 to 4 hours on these recovery forums and other related sites reading lots of es&h and especially newcomers’ posts. Boy are those helpful.

Whatevername, I reciprocate your wishes.

2granddaughters, an AA women’s meeting near my home was instrumental in helping me stay sober from 2005 to 2011. The fellowship of AA is one of the tools in my arsenal, amongst many. There are meetings and there are meetings. I am not a big fan of ‘drunkalogues’, although I see the importance in ‘keeping it green’. The support provided by fellow sufferers is invaluable. Glad to hear you’ve found healing there.