new here, my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 9
new here, my story
First of all hello everyone, I’ve been browsing these boards all week and finally joined.
My story, for what it’s worth, is a long one so I apologise in advance.
I started out like everyone else, just drinking at the weekend with friends at around 17 – 18. Never too much, dealt with the hangover the next day and got on with things. Around 19 suffered from severe depression and anxiety. The doctors back then weren’t the same as today and I was dismissed as a hypochondriac. Looking back this is what started me on my road of self medication.
I finished University at 21 and got work, kept the anxiety under control most days and drank a few pints in the week but more at weekends. At around 24 the depression kicked back in with a vengeance and the drinking got worse. I was working all the time and found myself needing that dinner time pint and a few hours in the pub after work. This in the end led to me leaving work, my partner, my house and running off to work in the music industry.
These where fun years but probably not the best idea for someone like me. The free beer flowed, everyone seemed to be drunk or high and it was accepted. The days started with a cold beer, which flowed all day along with cocaine and ended with shots, more beer and finally sleep.
Between tours I tried to taper off, but the daily drinking continued. Not to the same extent but still 5-6 beers daily. The depression and anxiety would come back worse therefore the need to drink increased.
This went on until I was 33, at that point I was drinking about a bottle of spirits a day and had a complete breakdown. My old friends depression and anxiety came crashing down, I quit working, left my partner, ran away from everything and everyone I knew in an attempt to sort the head out. So I moved in with a new partner and decided to start all over again in a new city and make new friends.
Things didn’t work out quite like I planned, the depression came back, I had cut the drinking right down but was still a daily drinker. My new partner and I split and I found myself back inside the bottle.
That was a few weeks ago, I’m 35 now and have recently been to the doctors, he told me to cut down the booze, which I am trying to do slowly and has given me sertraline for anxiety and depression.
Hopefully after cutting down slowly I can stop with the drinking, its controlled my life, my work, my friends and me far to long. I’m looking forwards to the day I can wake up with a smile and feel like me. I know it wont be easy and blah blah, but I need to this this for my own sanity and health.
Sorry again for the long ramble, feels good to get this of my chest and its sometimes easier to talk to strangers via the internet.
Hopefully I can borrow some strength from other posters and hopefully give some of mine back.
Not nice, but nice to have found this site.
J
My story, for what it’s worth, is a long one so I apologise in advance.
I started out like everyone else, just drinking at the weekend with friends at around 17 – 18. Never too much, dealt with the hangover the next day and got on with things. Around 19 suffered from severe depression and anxiety. The doctors back then weren’t the same as today and I was dismissed as a hypochondriac. Looking back this is what started me on my road of self medication.
I finished University at 21 and got work, kept the anxiety under control most days and drank a few pints in the week but more at weekends. At around 24 the depression kicked back in with a vengeance and the drinking got worse. I was working all the time and found myself needing that dinner time pint and a few hours in the pub after work. This in the end led to me leaving work, my partner, my house and running off to work in the music industry.
These where fun years but probably not the best idea for someone like me. The free beer flowed, everyone seemed to be drunk or high and it was accepted. The days started with a cold beer, which flowed all day along with cocaine and ended with shots, more beer and finally sleep.
Between tours I tried to taper off, but the daily drinking continued. Not to the same extent but still 5-6 beers daily. The depression and anxiety would come back worse therefore the need to drink increased.
This went on until I was 33, at that point I was drinking about a bottle of spirits a day and had a complete breakdown. My old friends depression and anxiety came crashing down, I quit working, left my partner, ran away from everything and everyone I knew in an attempt to sort the head out. So I moved in with a new partner and decided to start all over again in a new city and make new friends.
Things didn’t work out quite like I planned, the depression came back, I had cut the drinking right down but was still a daily drinker. My new partner and I split and I found myself back inside the bottle.
That was a few weeks ago, I’m 35 now and have recently been to the doctors, he told me to cut down the booze, which I am trying to do slowly and has given me sertraline for anxiety and depression.
Hopefully after cutting down slowly I can stop with the drinking, its controlled my life, my work, my friends and me far to long. I’m looking forwards to the day I can wake up with a smile and feel like me. I know it wont be easy and blah blah, but I need to this this for my own sanity and health.
Sorry again for the long ramble, feels good to get this of my chest and its sometimes easier to talk to strangers via the internet.
Hopefully I can borrow some strength from other posters and hopefully give some of mine back.
Not nice, but nice to have found this site.
J
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
welcome Jitz, you have had a lot to deal with. This site has really helped me a lot. I never had any success with cutting down, substitution with pills, moderation etc etc.
Do you have any other options other than working it out yourself?
Do you have any other options other than working it out yourself?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Pleased to meet you jitz! It was not a long ramble - it made perfect sense to me. I'm so glad you're here - you'll find a lot of good advice. Everyone understands how you're feeling.
You're actually wiser than I was. In my 30's I refused to see what was happening to me. I knew I drank too much, but figured I'd stop 'some day'. That day came in my 50's. My world was almost destroyed by my actions. Be proud that you've decided to take action now. You can do it, jitz - and have a whole new life that isn't controlled by alcohol.
You're actually wiser than I was. In my 30's I refused to see what was happening to me. I knew I drank too much, but figured I'd stop 'some day'. That day came in my 50's. My world was almost destroyed by my actions. Be proud that you've decided to take action now. You can do it, jitz - and have a whole new life that isn't controlled by alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Thanks for the welcome, yeah I've dealt with a lot but imagine have a lot more to deal with in the future.
I'm cutting down gradualy on the advice of my doctor, I was told not to just stop. I started a diary so I can see the units I drink daily. This will go down week by week.
I know there is no easy way out of what i've become. Am fully accepting of that but hopefully I still have enough strength left in me to get through this.
Other options? I don't know. There is a drug/alchohol help center nearby I have been told to visit but at the moment my anxiety is so high its hard to actually go in there and wait to see someone. Even seeing the doctor is traumatic and I have been making sure I get the first appointment of the day so I can walk straight in without having to wait.
Its all fun and parties and giggles isnt it until you wake up and cant face the day without a drink. I just wish I'd realised that years ago.
J
I'm cutting down gradualy on the advice of my doctor, I was told not to just stop. I started a diary so I can see the units I drink daily. This will go down week by week.
I know there is no easy way out of what i've become. Am fully accepting of that but hopefully I still have enough strength left in me to get through this.
Other options? I don't know. There is a drug/alchohol help center nearby I have been told to visit but at the moment my anxiety is so high its hard to actually go in there and wait to see someone. Even seeing the doctor is traumatic and I have been making sure I get the first appointment of the day so I can walk straight in without having to wait.
Its all fun and parties and giggles isnt it until you wake up and cant face the day without a drink. I just wish I'd realised that years ago.
J
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Thank you for the welcome Newhouse and Hevyn and your kind words.
things will get better for me, I'm quite a stubborn *&^&*£$ when I chose to be. Not looking forward to whats looming but sure I've been through things before and looking on it as one more experience and one more lesson I can learn.
Always the optimist, the only way to think I guess
things will get better for me, I'm quite a stubborn *&^&*£$ when I chose to be. Not looking forward to whats looming but sure I've been through things before and looking on it as one more experience and one more lesson I can learn.
Always the optimist, the only way to think I guess
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
It may be an idea to have an end date in mind for the cutting down Jitz... I was told a few times that I should not just quit and it usually just ended up with me just continuing to drink. The idea with cutting down is just to avoid withdrawals not to help with the addiction, if anything it will make it worse, and I'm not sure that it's necessary to do it for weeks. Sorry to ramble on this point but I really don't think I got good advice from the doctors here in the UK...it's a thing I have, no one even mentioned anything like AA til years after I tried to get help. Something like AA, SMART or AVRT will certainly help once you get to the quitting part.
Glad you're here
x
Glad you're here
x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Thank you for the welcome hypocondriac. I take it you have had experience with cutting down then.
All I know is what the doctor told me. No stopping drinking. If its 8 beers a day cut to 7 then after a few days 6 and so on.
Am trying not to drink from first thing in the morning but with all thats going on with my anxiety/stress its proving hard.
Its been a tough few weeks for me, after splitting up been hitting the spirits hard and not eating for days at a time. This really is the lowest I've ever felt and am in a city where I know no one apart from 'friends' in the pubs.
I will try what the doctor suggested, I go back next week to see him again and if it doesn't seem to work will have to look at other ways to get through this.
J
All I know is what the doctor told me. No stopping drinking. If its 8 beers a day cut to 7 then after a few days 6 and so on.
Am trying not to drink from first thing in the morning but with all thats going on with my anxiety/stress its proving hard.
Its been a tough few weeks for me, after splitting up been hitting the spirits hard and not eating for days at a time. This really is the lowest I've ever felt and am in a city where I know no one apart from 'friends' in the pubs.
I will try what the doctor suggested, I go back next week to see him again and if it doesn't seem to work will have to look at other ways to get through this.
J
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I would look at other ways anyway Jitz. My experience in cutting down was that it didn't work and it left me feeling like a failure. I went to an addiction counsellor once a week at one point with the aim of cutting my drinking down to a 1/3, it's not enough. Permanent abstinence is the only thing that worked for me. Have a look round here and maybe google AVRT/AA/SMART. It sounds like you could do with some face to face support too but if you find that is too much right now then please do just post on here as much as possible with any questions you might have. I've learnt so much by being here, I'm sure it'll help you too x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 9
Thanks for your advice hypocondriac, I know of AA but not the others - google is my friend so will look them up.
I understand what you mean about cutting down not working for you - but I'm going to try it as my first step. Well second step really, the first was going to the doctor and telling close friends and family what was happeing in my life.
J
I understand what you mean about cutting down not working for you - but I'm going to try it as my first step. Well second step really, the first was going to the doctor and telling close friends and family what was happeing in my life.
J
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
Hi Jitz,
I'm 35 too and have been in recovery just under a year. I ruined a great career with my partying...along with numerous relationships. I went to in-patient rehab to get sorted out and it was life-changing. Now, I'm trying to put my life back together and its been a struggle, but, at least I'm sober. Get some professional help if you can!
I'm 35 too and have been in recovery just under a year. I ruined a great career with my partying...along with numerous relationships. I went to in-patient rehab to get sorted out and it was life-changing. Now, I'm trying to put my life back together and its been a struggle, but, at least I'm sober. Get some professional help if you can!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Highland Ranch, CO
Posts: 41
Recovery
Hi Jitz;
I have to agree, cutting down is not the answer. I went to inpatient to get the help I needed, yes I went cold turkey in inpatient but at least there were doctors there of I needed the .. I also got to get rid of all the b.s. that was weighing me down. I didn't just drug for no reason, I drugged to numb the pain. Once I started to deal with it, I am on the road to recovery.
I have to agree, cutting down is not the answer. I went to inpatient to get the help I needed, yes I went cold turkey in inpatient but at least there were doctors there of I needed the .. I also got to get rid of all the b.s. that was weighing me down. I didn't just drug for no reason, I drugged to numb the pain. Once I started to deal with it, I am on the road to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 4
Hey Jitz,
Your story is very similar to my life. I use to do cocaine and now I'm taking sertraline for depression. I started drinking at 14 and I'm now 31 years old. I went to an addiction rehab center (outpatient) a month ago and it has changed my life completely. I'm also attending AA meetings five times a week. I suggest you stop drinking completely since your depression will get 100 times worse. You need give the medicine a chance to work on your depression without including the booze
Your story is very similar to my life. I use to do cocaine and now I'm taking sertraline for depression. I started drinking at 14 and I'm now 31 years old. I went to an addiction rehab center (outpatient) a month ago and it has changed my life completely. I'm also attending AA meetings five times a week. I suggest you stop drinking completely since your depression will get 100 times worse. You need give the medicine a chance to work on your depression without including the booze
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 9
thank you everyone for your concerns and warm welcome.
Have not been online today, have been dealing with major issues regarding my home and rent - not what I need and the urge to buy a large bottle of spirits was with me all day.
I have drank today, I've had 5 4% beers so far and if it wasnt 1:45 am would happily double that - but I think I will just try and sleep instead
V - how did you find the sertraline? I have been MASSIVLY anxious since taking them. Am back at the doctors next week and he did say it might happen the first week or two. If this carries on am going to have to stop taking it or ask for some sort of sedetive just to get me through the day.
I really didnt realise just how messed up I had become until I started to do something about it.
J
Have not been online today, have been dealing with major issues regarding my home and rent - not what I need and the urge to buy a large bottle of spirits was with me all day.
I have drank today, I've had 5 4% beers so far and if it wasnt 1:45 am would happily double that - but I think I will just try and sleep instead
V - how did you find the sertraline? I have been MASSIVLY anxious since taking them. Am back at the doctors next week and he did say it might happen the first week or two. If this carries on am going to have to stop taking it or ask for some sort of sedetive just to get me through the day.
I really didnt realise just how messed up I had become until I started to do something about it.
J
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by jitz 
thank you everyone for your concerns and warm welcome.
Have not been online today, have been dealing with major issues regarding my home and rent - not what I need and the urge to buy a large bottle of spirits was with me all day.
I have drank today, I've had 5 4% beers so far and if it wasnt 1:45 am would happily double that - but I think I will just try and sleep instead
V - how did you find the sertraline? I have been MASSIVLY anxious since taking them. Am back at the doctors next week and he did say it might happen the first week or two. If this carries on am going to have to stop taking it or ask for some sort of sedetive just to get me through the day.
I really didnt realise just how messed up I had become until I started to do something about it.
J
Have not been online today, have been dealing with major issues regarding my home and rent - not what I need and the urge to buy a large bottle of spirits was with me all day.
I have drank today, I've had 5 4% beers so far and if it wasnt 1:45 am would happily double that - but I think I will just try and sleep instead
V - how did you find the sertraline? I have been MASSIVLY anxious since taking them. Am back at the doctors next week and he did say it might happen the first week or two. If this carries on am going to have to stop taking it or ask for some sort of sedetive just to get me through the day.
I really didnt realise just how messed up I had become until I started to do something about it.
J
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Paddyb
hey mate, i am also in the Uk, and have a placed booked in a detox center soon, was also told to carry on drinking by my Doc, flippin mad, see i have or at a point where i have to have a sick bowl next to me, as i drink i throw up. Please dont get to the state i am in, seek help. the people on here will give support, but we all now, you want yo have do it with in you. Paddyb
If you cat sleep, watch this, hard hitting program on Alcohol mate, its a link to you tube
Rain In My Heart (1 of 10) - YouTube
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
My experience with 'tapering' or cutting down, as a method for quitting, was that it was like a form of protracted torture. I did not drink to maintain a buzz but to get hammered, and so drinking less than the hammer-full was just aggravating. This is not medical advice, just my experience. For me though, it did not work. I would get just buzzed enough to lose my commitment to getting sober.
I hope you stay committed though and I can tell you life gets ever so much simpler when one is not constantly arguing with oneself or trying to cope 6 sheets to the wind.
Welcome, hang in, and keep posting!
I hope you stay committed though and I can tell you life gets ever so much simpler when one is not constantly arguing with oneself or trying to cope 6 sheets to the wind.
Welcome, hang in, and keep posting!
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