Thankyouall

my mother is 58 years old. My father and here divorced about 13 years ago. My grandmother died 11 years ago and my father died last summer. My parents divorced because of the drinking. I went to visit her and help her find a job. i found that she has been drinking just about every morning. passes out and then wakes up to be mean to her boy friend turned roommate. She needs help. she has gone to a couple of aa meetings but never keep going. she continues to lie to me and my brothers. She says things are fine. They are far from it. Her roommate wants her out and i want to find a rehab facility. I don't have much money. I have about 1500 dollars saved. I can probably sell some of her stuff. My question include. How long of a rehab? i have seen 15 day 30 day 45 and 3 months. She is very depressed. she tells me she needs to talk to someone. I don't know her demons but she has them.
She lives in morro bay california. it is in san luis obisbo county
I don't want to enable her. Give her money or talk to her when she is drinking. I feel so bad for the roommate who want her out. I talked about rehab and he too thinks its the only solution because none of us can get through to her. I am just worried that she will lose everything and become homeless because no one wants to take care of an alcoholic.
I just feel lost. she is my mom and i want her to be happy. Where can i get free rehab help if any. Salvation army maybe but is that a good place for a 58 year old lady. I called a number who said they would have a counselor call me the next day. do i let her hit rock bottom on the street or what. I am confused and lost. thank you all

TigerLili

I think you're on the right track calling around and finding out out about free rehab options. Why not keep doing that - make some more calls. You might also want to try going to a few Alanon meetings - they are 12 Step meetings for families and friends of alcoholics. If you look up the main AA website, they may even have a number to call for referrals to rehabs.

Has the counsellor called you back yet? When they do, tell them what's happening and if they can't help, ask them if there is anywhere else they can refer you to.

Has the roommate told your mom he wants her to move out? Sounds like she's not working. If she has to go to a homeless women's shelter, so be it. If you can't or won't look after her (I wouldn't, in your shoes) then that's where she goes. It's not the end of the world and it might give her the wake up that she needs.

Maybe call around some shelters too and find out about getting her a place to stay.

As for that $1,500 of yours, that's your tiny little cushion against **** happening in your own life. Don't give it to her. Don't help her financially. Help her find a shelter and a free rehab.

You don't need to decide how long she needs to be in rehab. You can have that conversation with which ever rehab she ends up going to because they will have a programme that she can be part of and they'll tell YOU how long she needs to be in.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, welcome to SR!

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. I agree with TigerLili that it's good to look into whatever help you can find, but that you should hold onto your money. I know that money would have been wasted on me until I decided I wanted to stop drinking. It's really sad, but usually it's not enough that the people around us want and need us to stop.

You should also check out out Friends and Family forums. Lot of folks over there have been down the same hard road.

I'm glad you found us. You'll find a lot of support here.

whatevername

Hiya,
If she says she wants to talk to someone why not give her a list of numbers: an AA member, AA hotline, Good Samaritians, Salvation Army, Crisis hotlines, a doctor, etc and just leave them with her...I would bet she'll get liquored up one day and phone one...I did.
All the best of luck and God bless

MysteriousGrl

I completely understand about the wake up call, because I got one when I was headed in that direction. However, it sent me into a downward spiral and not only did my drinking increase but I started dabbling in drugs I thought I would never touch, ever. In the state I was in, I would have rather been dead, hence the reason for turning to some of the nastiest drugs on the streets. I thought I would be better off dead, than to be a burden on my family. When we're in that clouded, irrational mind set, it's difficult to understand why our family are taking such hard measures. However, in retrospect I do understand the reasoning.

I really feel for you. I had an alcoholic mum (who is now recovered), and now I'm the one with the same problems and she has to deal with me. She says she wants help and needs to talk to someone. I think your best bet is to find a doctor, addiction pyschologist, or AA meeting before you send her to the streets. I know it worked for me. I hope it works for your mom too. Good luck sweetie x

Nevertheless

I hate to sound blunt,but if she is going to stop it has to be up to her. Nobody can make an alcoholic stop drinking. It has to be her decision.
Someone trying to get me to stop would have only made me drink more. It is a catch 22. If you don't try,she probably won't stop. If you do try,it might make it worse.
AA is a good idea in this situation if she will go again. Maybe take her to a different meeting if possible,and some of it will rub off on her. I wouldn't even think of spending any money unless she shows an honest desire to stop.
If it were a member of my family,and I somehow knew they were truly wanting to quit. Then I would do everything in my power to help them. But not until I knew for a fact thats what they wanted more than anything (to stop).
For me it was one of the hardest things I have ever done (quitting). It is a disease,and the disease tells you to keep on doing it. Nothing else matters to an alcoholic mind
I wish you the best.
Fred

Db1105

Please contact your local Al Anon group.

flutter

To be honest.. it doesn't sound from what you've shared that she's interested in quitting drinking. Until she's ready, she wont be ready (if that makes sense). That doesn't solve anything, but please don't feel responsible for cleaning up the consequences of her choices. My parents were alcoholics, they got sober when I was almost 20. I cleaned up a lot of their messes, I know how it feels to parent my parents, it sucks. It's not your job.. there are resources for her when she wants help. I would NOT spend money on a rehab for her for several reasons, but mostly because I don't think she's done drinking. Please try to attend a few Alanon meetings (they're for friends/family of alcoholics), you might learn some ways to get and stay healthy while trying to love someone addicted to alcohol.

Thankyouall

I went to al-anon meeting. It was the best thing i ever did. They all say the same thing. She has to want to. I had an mini intervention. I presented a 90 day rehab for women and went through the program with her. I asked her not to speak untill i was donE. I then read a letter to her on how her drinking has affected her life and everyone around her. Everyone told me if you give an ulitmatium you better stTick to it. I asked her to accept my help and get some treament. If you dont want to live a sober life then i will call you in one mOnth and each month afterward. Then i asked her if she would go. I told her i cant make her go. She has to want togo and get sober. She agrred to go And signd the papers. I then had my 2 brothers. 2 aunts and her sis cal to tell her it was the right thing. I know its a small step but there she can talk to doctors tO help find out why she drank in the first place. I will keep going to the al-anon meetings. The one thing that hits home is that i cant fix her. She has to. I am more important than her and my happiness is more important than her. Thats what i took from one meeting. Please go to one meeting. It will open your eyes to the diasease.

sugarbear1

Thankyouall, what a wonderful person you are! I wish your mom sobriety and I wish for you to continue your beautiful acts of love!

We have a Friends and Family Forum if you scroll down from the Newcomer's Forum.

Hugs,

MrDavid

We'll pray for your mom, that's the least we can do. I hope she finds a recovery platform before it's too late. God bless...