binge1

My problem is binge drinking.

Almost every time I go for a night out I end up drinking way too much. I start off drinking pints of strong lager usually 8-10 pints then I start drinking double measures of spirits for the rest of the night, I probably get through 10 or more.

I feel incapable of going out and just having one drink.


The end result of all this drinking is my behaviour becomes quite bad, I embarrass myself and I probably end up annoying people. It is clear to everyone that I am very drunk.

The worst part of this is the next morning, I wake up and immediately I feel an overwhelming sense fear and embarrassment that makes me feel physically ill to the bottom of my stomach. I have a complete melt down.

I never remember getting home and my memory of the night before is hazy with parts missing. I fear the worst and call people that were out with me to find out what happened during the night out. Most of the time I am told I was fine and there’s nothing to worry about but this offers no comfort as people can’t be with me all of the time.

This feeling lasts days after the night out and makes me feel suicidal.

I can’t shake off these feelings and I don’t know how to change this, it would be a lot easier if I didn’t care what people may think about me. How do I get over this feeling?

I need to quit drinking completely as I don’t feel I can trust myself to drink in moderation.

2granddaughters

Welcome !!
I, too, found that I couldn't drink "just a couple". I was going to be sober or drunk.
I found sobriety through Alcoholics Anonymous, it may be just the ticket for you as well.

All the best.

Bob R

Spinach

Keep on here and listen to good advice.
Seek help.
Do it life can be too short.
Love John.
You can do it and the better to do it earlier than later .

THEOjibway

I know how you feel. I was a heavy binge drinker too. The only time I ever stopped in a night was 1) The Bar Closing 2) Out of money 3) too much to drink and cut off. Sometimes it wasn't enough and I'd buy in advance tons of hard liquor and soda to drink when I got back home.

Just as you most of the time I couldn't remember a thing that happened the night before. In my sick mind of alcoholism I always assumed I had a fun time with my drinking friend. Nope. Alot of the time we fought verbally and it always ended up him crying and stuff. I was very selfish and bossy as I was drunk. It was always what I wanted to do and not think about my friend who most of the time tried to stop me from drinking but he would be too afraid because I'd get very aggressive and my feelings would be unpredictable. Sometimes I'd be laughing and then turn into a rage for no reason and then back to laughing again which scared him. I'd say or do things I wouldn't remember the next morning. And I'd go call on my friend to make sure I didn't say anything too bad and he's "act" fine. Only to find out in a binge with him that he was pretty pissed at me the night before about some things I said about him that I truthfully and secretly thought about him. You'd think the final straw was last summer when I was at a bar across the street from his house and we got drunk and he found out I was suppose to be going to work that night (I was a nite shift worker) and I was suppose to start at 10 and there I was drunk as a skunk at 8:30pm. I told him I'd sober up by 10pm..WRONG!! I had been drinking all day up to that time at night if a days worth of drinking could get matched up to sobering up in a hour and a half then thatd be great but its not realistic. So... as I found I was tooooo drunk I didn't bother going. I didn't even call work to say I was "sick" the reason why was because of the fact that I had called in sick too many times and the last time I did call in it was told I was drunk and not sick so the manager wanted a sick note from the doctor explaining my symptoms if I called in sick again. So he got mad at me of course seeing how bad my drinking was getting though he was drunk himself and he walked out after paying his tab. I continued to drink till closing of the bar and then staggered over to his place to talk to him. I had broken through his screen window and he flipped out and treated me like an intruder and I tried talking to him until he started swinging his fists at me. He knocked me down and jumped on top of pinned me and kept swinging at me. Though I don't remember feeling anything I slightly remember begging him to stop hitting me. His room mates called police and luckily I was sent to the hospital instead of the drunk tank or worse jail. I came to the next morning strapped in with a UV tube in my arm and a big fat lip. I think my friend was pretty drunk because my face wasn't that bad. Just a swollen lip... I think he was aiming for my mouth instead of my eyes where I had glasses on thank god. But... I had lost my glasses in his room and his room is a mess so after being admitted out of the hospital after deemed okay to go I was told not to go to his house anymore as police told staff at the hospital. But I did go. Actually I got home by taxi (where I use to live and went to bed only to get up because I had to get my glasses) and this is how crazy I was. I was so blind without my glasses and I proceeded to walk to his house which was a good 20 minute walk. I grabbed my backpack and headed over. I also made a pit stop at the liquor store :O !!!! i was hung over but I bought MORE! Sat in the parking lot behind some cars and cracked open hard liquor and started getting liquid encouragement!!I was nuts!!! So then drunk again which didn't take much to get drunk I walked over blindly and drunk to get my glasses. Went to his window which was shut since the screen was busted open and he appeared. Heart pounding thinking he'd not let me in he opened the window and I said sorry several times. he let me in and I hugged him saying how sorry I was for what happened and he told me it wasn't my fault. He was drunk and he said he'd never lay a hand on me had he'd been sober. I told him again I lost my glasses in his room and we looked around and found them. Luckily they weren't smashed. And then I said I have a gift! and I pulled out the hard liquor bottles and he said (which I didn't listen) Is that a good idea man? Maybe we shouldn't after what happened. and of course we drank. Only to get a phone call to my cell from my parents. It was 7pm and I had been at his place since 1 drinking and apparently my job called my parents to ask where I was because I hadn't shown up for work. So they called me and they knew well why I didn't show up... drinking. They were very mad. So they literally picked me up and I got some overnight stuff and went to their place overnight they didn't want me to be drinking more that night so my friend kept the bottles which still had tons left in which I learned later he dumped down the drain thank god for him.

Sorry this was so long. I was going back through time and seeing all the events unfold that day. I'm so glad I'm sober today,. 8 months now. Im very grateful and never want to go back there again! One day at a time!

Spawn

to the group

binge1

The way I feel now, I never want to drink again.

Dee74

I was a binge drinker for a lot of years too - I hated the feeling of doom and guilt (and disgust as well).

Not drinking solved that problem for me (& many more)
I hope you'll give it a go Binge1 - welcome!

MarkstheSpot

Are you hungover now? I used to get like that: I'd feel absolutely wretched the morning after and resolve to give it up. Not long later I'd be drinking again, as though I somehow hoped to erase the bad feelings of the last session with the great feelings of the next one.

I've ended up accumulating 20 years of bad feelings that way. Two decades of acting like a ********, and being plagued by shame and guilt about it.


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hypochondriac

Welcome binge1

It's great that you've realised you can't drink in moderation already, that's usually the bit that keeps most of us drinking for longer than we should. Now you can just start looking at what will help you stay sober.

Glad you're here

least

to the family. I gave it up for good over two years ago and feel so much better in every way possible. I no longer live in fear and self hatred and I sleep like a baby. No more waking up feeling like death warmed over and wishing I were dead.

I hope you can find a method that works to keep you sober cause it's really worth the effort.

tookthestep

Benge1, That is how it all started for me. It started as just a good night out, to bingeing at home alone, to bingeing every day and staying drunk on the weekends. This lasted for almost 4 years. I said a lot of mean things to people I loved that was totally out of character for me and burned a lot of bridges.

Like you one night I just said enough! This has to stop! And I did. I wont tell you it was easy but I am 7 days sober and feel great. I have no intentions of going back, I am enjoying this way too much. I suggest you talk with your doctor, tell him HONESTLY what your intake is and see what the recommendation is. I think you would be much happier with yourself.

CarolD

Welcome....

I too was a blackout drinker....and mistakenly thought all drinkers were.
Then I read a book....link below

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

that explained what alcoholism is.
While not everything applied to me...it sure opened my eyes.

Once I put down alcohol...the blackouts ceased immediately....

choublak

Perhaps it's time to rethink this "going out" business.

betterlate

Binging was fun for me. Until it wasn't. Sounds like you hit that point too, bingey, old buddy. Count yourself fortunate that you seem to be aware of that fact.

MrDavid

I could never drink "just one" either. I was more inclined to have 2,3 or more just to get primed. Moderation was no match for my alcoholic tendencies either, so why even try. Alcohol kicked my butt so many times that I had to stop, or die trying. I find sobriety more to my liking today anyway, so I'll remain there instead. I hope you join us too. All are welcome...

Froglet

I agree with this. Moderation in drinking will just lead to more drinking. Trying to stay sober is the key. When we are put in situations where we have to moderate a temptation, we might often see ourselves fall into the bad side.

TigerLili

Welcome to SR. I started out as a binge drinker and ended up a daily drinker. I struggle with staying sober, but sober living is WONDERFUL. There is no downside.

Gottalife

We know you are being ansolutely 100% honest when you say this. You would pass any lie detector test. Many of us real alcoholics have said exactly the same thing in the morning and been stunned to find ourselves drinking later the same day. We drank without any thought. The feelings of the morning have completely vanished. We ask, how did I get started again? in genuine bewilderment, then we say, I'll stop at the 6th but we never do. the phenomenon of craving is reactivated and we have to go on to the end. This is repeated over and over. If this sounds familiar, maybe calling AA should be a priority for you.

binge1

I was hungover yesterday and still feel a bit sad about it today.

I know the feeling, I have also spent a good 15 years acting like a ******** and I am now well know by my friends as someone who always gets smashed on a night out, even the people I work with know from office parties.

Despite people saying the morning after "you have nothing to worry about, you were funny" etc I still beat myself up about it and fear the worst possible, it's the horrible feeling.

I really want to stop now before I end up losing everything.

MarkstheSpot

This was exactly how I used to feel, and just the reaction I used to get, too. And of course it ends up becoming a vicious circle: I was a 'legend', 'hardcore', a real party animal, and of course I ended up playing up to it, as though everybody has a role in life and that was mine.

I've only recently given it up -- I'm Class of March -- so I'm still at that weird wobbly stage, but one of thoughts that keeps clobbering me is I wish I'd given it up sooner.



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