Froglet

I remember coming here about a year ago, and wanting to quit. Heck, it's my anniversary here. But despite it all, I was never able to build a respectful length of sobriety. Whether it be 1 week, 2 weeks, I would 'always' relapse. I made all the excuses in the world, and yet, I found an excuse to drink, to get hammered, and to take life for granted. My mindset was never out of the gutter.

I had my run-ins, almost drowned to death with me blacking out in a tub. I almost died from intoxication itself, but none of these events set me straight. Simply put, I was NEVER REALLY on the path to sobriety.

(Please continue to read).


It wasn't until late March ( a few weeks ago) did I get a REAL wake up call. Perhaps it was a sign in life for me. I had to visit the ER for another illness. I had an infection in a sensitive area which needed immediate attention. It was EXTREMELY painful. Something, I had never experienced in life. The whole process of admitting into the ER, getting a band and going through the procedure really set me straight. I was so frantic, nervous and anxious. I sat there w/ my dad in the waiting room. At that point, I was silent and mum as I reflected on "LIFE" itself. I saw how precious life was, and how fragile it could be. People in that room were striving to be better, to heal, to appreciate life. On the flip, I was at home, drinking and hurting my body, my organs - my LIFE. I saw people in wheel chairs, saw people terribly sick. While waiting, I just prayed and thought to myself about how I had lived. I wanted a 2nd chance. I didn't want to take life for granted.

Through out that night, getting my first IV and injection of morphine, pain killers, CT scan, blood work, etc. etc. really set me straight. Having my bed wheeled into the CT room and seeing people around me in worst condition really shook me up.

After my procedure, I was discharged. Along the way, and even right now, I can recall the painful process. But in light of it, I came back out stronger, and have not touched alcohol one bit. I can say w/o doubt right now, that I am in the RIGHT DIRECTION. Having to endure something like that, going to the ER really knocked me back into reality.

I'm now a few weeks clean of alcohol. But more so, it's no longer a duration factor. Rather, it is a step in the RIGHT direction, with the RIGHT mind set. I now can walk in the isles and not feel a thing. I now do not succumb to any pressure, whether internally or externally. To help myself though, I am not even using cooking wine in my dishes. So far so good. I just wanted to share, because I hope to inspire others.

I also want to thank the community here. You folks mean a lot. I'm still in the midst of my recovery and hope I do not have to go through a follow up surgery.

Life is so short, life is beautiful, yet fragile.

-Bless all

sugarbear1

Welcome back!

hypochondriac

Glad you're back here Froglet, keep posting

Dee74

I'm really glad to hear you're sober Froglet

D

Firehazard

Hello Froglet,
Your post touched me deeply as for me it also took a trip to the hospital, helping him heal up, watching him pass away and going thru his possetions to wake me up to life. We are very fragile and life is short without that lesson I don't feel I could ever of been honest at those deeper levels you speak of. Thanks for your post and congratulations on the new direction and the new attitude of gratitude.

tanja

Froglet,

Thank you for posting. You did inspire me

MycoolFitz

Unhappily I can relate only two well. A little more than a month ago I found myself in the ER (though actually I have no memory of it) and after that in-patient rehap where I spent the first 3-4 daze in a wheel chair because I was detoxing too bad to walk. I can do 6-8 month cycles then take a death dive. I am determined to break this pattern and have a real life without booze. I am committed to doing whatever it takes to stay the course. My best to you in your efforts. Thanks for the post.

awuh1

I also found your post inspirational. These sorts of experiences have a way of making us look at life differently. I have had several also. For me they were like launching pads for another round of sobriety. Tragically however, far too often, I crashed and burned again after a flawless liftoff. I was forced to think long and hard about what had gone wrong each time. I tried hard not to make the same mistake twice, and for the most part I was successful. The lessons I learned were my own. However, I made new mistakes and the pain continued. Near the end one of the things I learned was that I needed something, some program, some method, something to work daily to maintain my sobriety.

I hope you gain further wisdom. Because “it is a smart man who learns from his mistakes, but it is a wise one who learns from the mistakes of others”.

Zebra1275

I'm glad your sober, but what are you going to do to keep the ER memory fresh? Alcoholics have very poor memories when it comes to the consequences of drinking. One of the things I do is go to AA meetings, it helps me remember how bad alcohol is for me.

I once had several years of sobriety and somehow forgot I was an alcoholic. It was painful relearning that, yes indeed, I can't drink normally.

desertsong

It took an ER visit and hospital detox to finally set me straight too. It's amazing the perspective you can get just from spending a few hours in the ER with people who are truly ill through no fault of their own.

Glad you're back, and glad you're sober.

wellwisher

Hi Froglet; I remember you....welcome back.

Your post is spot on; thank you!

aeo1313

I keep thinking I have these moments as well---but then they fade quickly and I'm back to where I was.

CarolD

Glad to know you are doing so well...
I too never cook with alcohol..and no one has ever complained.

Welcome back

Froglet

Hi,

That is true. I think we all need something to keep us in line. To be honest, I am not sure what that will be. As of now, I just feel like I should take my wake up call as a 2nd chance in life. I have walked down the alcohol aisles a few times but didn't feel much of it. On Fridays and weekends when I would normally drink, I am doing something else. I have not thought to much about sinking back in. My mind still 'wonders' at times, but it doesn't really tempt me. My length of sobriety used to be an excuse, and also a weak point for me. It didn't really prevent me from relapsing.

I guess you could say, it's something different this time, and thus far, it seems like a real one.

Froglet

I believe that the mindset is the core in our habitual doings. I hope I can share the mindset I had back then.

I drank on weekends for the past 7-10 years. It got really worst in the past few years when I started my full time job. I would just drink on Fridays and hammer myself to the max. My craves on Fridays where to get drunk. It would be Friday at work and I would already start thinking about what to buy. After work, I would head straight to the gas station or liquor shop. At one point, I tried to cut down to just one, but that never worked. I would actually buy something strong to ENSURE I was buzzed that night.

Eventually, I wanted more. I wanted to black out, I wanted to drink a lot so that I would feel macho and at ease. Needless to say, I was foolish and I woke up Saturday mornings w/ a 'regretful' feeling. But as some might know, that 'regretful' feeling had no weight and I would go through the same thing again. Week after week, I would do this.

It wasn't in the last 2 years though, where things got worst. I would start drinking during the work week and I would get drunk on Fridays and Saturdays. I would drink right after work on Friday, and buy alcohol Saturday morning and maintain my state of drunkenness. Oddly, I was scared and had blood tests from time to time which told me, my liver was okay. You can bet, this was a bitter sweet thing for me, as I took it as a sign of approval that I was OKAY. And so, I continued to drink. I had my run ins w/ death. I was discovered passed out in the tub at one point. There had been times where I even forced myself to puke because of over-intoxication. (I don't normally puke at all)

- - - -

It is weird though. That incident of going to the ER really shook me up though, and now my mindset has changed. I don't habitually seek alcohol like before. When I see it, I don't think about my sobriety date as much, but I do think about the flavor and taste of it. I would see new selections, but I would not feel a desire, nor crave to buy it.

It really is weird. I do think about how it'd taste, and I'd look for some excuse to buy it, but in the end, my mindset gets out of that really quick. Anyone that knows me, from co-workers, to friends, to everyone else wouldn't think that I'd have a substance problem - but I do.

This habit is definitely a threat to the longevity of our bodies.

I noticed an increase in cash (LOL), and right now, my mindset is to feel BETTER w/ time. I know time is needed to heal my body, my mind, and my liver. I started to 'care' for my organs. In fact, the notion that the liver can recover is what gives me inspiration to get better.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but I really appreciate the insight.

- - -

I have a corporate party at a wine / tapa restaurant next week and don't really feel worried about it at all. In fact, I'm worried about how I'd look, as opposed to the pressure there. I'm more confident now, and such situation won't phase me anymore.

=)

2granddaughters

I found the best way to treat my alcoholism was to subject myself regularly to AA meetings.

Seeing the newcomers keeps the simple truth that nothing has changed out there fresh in my mind.
I tend to "forget" how bad I get when I pick up a drink. I only see the short term euphoria and not the long term misery.

All the best.

Bob R