fhl41

I have broken up with my boyfriend for the third time now in 8 months because of his drinking. WHY does he keep trying to win me back when he knows that i know he has a drinking problem.

It had gotten to the point where i was monitoring his drinking, checking his empties, analzying his voice whenever i called him, basically obsessing about his drinking and it was making me miserable so i ended it last night.

It is hard though becasue when he's not drinking he is an amazing person to be with but In my heart i know it is hopeless.

Tonight he is texting me and texting me telling me he misses me and wants me back etc etc. Playing on my emotions once again! i can't take it. It makes me start doubting my decision and makes me think i am going crazy.

I don't get it... why does he even want to be with me?? Wouldn't it make more sense for him to be almost happy to be rid of me considering that i am always on him about his drinking wouldn't it make more sense for him to go find someone that will put up with him???

i can't take it anymore, just go already.

leave me be!

gracie39

DO NOT FALL FOR IT! Addicts are manipulators, I know this because I too have tried to manipulate people into staying with me because I didn't want to be alone in my addiction, but I wasn't willing to give it up. He needs help, but he wants to be enabled. That won't do any good for either of you.

instant

It's an addiction, it has to be a personal choice to give it up, even then it can be tough.

justhadenough

Hi, as you say this is the third time you have broken up with him so he has won you back round twice and believes he can do so again. I totally agree with Gracie. don't fall for it. be strong, change your number, ignore his calls. if he calls you 100 times and you answer on the 101st call all that tells him is that he needs to call you another 100 times before you will answer again. If he can't take no for an answer he is showing he has no respect for your feelings. Addicts always put themselves first

fhl41

Thank you so much for your support, i never posted before and i meant to post in another section for family of alcoholics! But i am glad i posted here too instead.

I need to hear what you have said.

WhySoSerious

this sounds exactly like what i did to my ex. I was your ex b/f in this situation. My ex and i were together for a year and she dealt with and did the same things you did. I was only sober when in trouble and then after a bit she would forgive me or come back to me or whatever, and it would start all over again. You need to run and get out while you can. It's painful for me to talk about this but i feel like my experience of loss can help you.

I told her i wanted help and i would be sober and the best guy ever while we were still living together but not officially dating. Id cook dinner, movies, the works, that is until she took me back. I'd behave for a few weeks but my addiction slowly crept back in because i did nothing to control it. a few week/months after we would get back together i would get blackout drunk calling her selfish and controlling and a waste of my time. Worst decisions ive ever made in my life. She was a great girl, but i was not reciprocating in the relationship department. I cheated on her numerous times with alcohol (not physically cheating with another person) and i'm working on forgiving myself for my actions. She has since moved on and i am happy for her, i truly am, it just hurts. But being drunk hurts worse than that.

I wish you the best ill keep you in my prayers

langkah

'this is the third time you have broken up with him so he has won you back round twice and believes he can do so again.'

Agree with JHE, we can only go by what's worked well for us in the past. I'd add that he is very likely to be completely sincere in believing he will now stop for good. If you wind up taking him back after he can't stay sober another 5 times he will be just as completely sincere he'll be stopping for good the 6th time.

You might tell him to ring you again if he can manage to somehow put a year together out of his deep love for you.

WhySoSerious

i agree stay away from him and live your life for a year (if he can be sober) at that point maybe, but only if you feel that way. I know mine is gone forever after only 1.5 months, but i realized something ultimately spiritual at that point... i really am getting sober for myself now , not on some lost hope of getting someone back.

not trying to make this about me, but i am letting you know that if you don't go back he can get better if he wants to.

God bless

fhl41

thank you so much for your feedback, i appreciate it so much.

However, he is not saying he will quit drinking, he tells me that he doens't have a problem, he says he is working on "cutting down" the amount he drinks.

ABIDEBYLAW

Do yourself a favor and stick to your guns this time. I did the same to my ex-girlfriend. Kept leading her on making her believe that I was going to change for the betterment of our relationship. Never was that going to happen. The drink was more important in my life than she was. Went to church with her more often, walking in the woods, working in the yard.... I put on a decent act keeping her with me until finally it hit me for good. I needed to break up with her because that was the only way she had a chance of finding a good, sober man to form a solid, healthy relationship.
Saw her the other day for first time in months. She has found a good guy and is very happy. You will find a better man as well and also be very happy. Do both of yourselves a favor and walk away. This is how you will find happiness and give same to him.

bmwcycle

Move on, he will not change until you do. You are enabling him, this is part of his game. Do a cost benefit analysis, simple pro vs con list should help you.

Good luck,