I cannot believe this is happening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: St. Peters MO
Posts: 21
I cannot believe this is happening.
I was sober for exactly 4 months. All was well. I started to get bored of work home - work home - work home - work home. So on Dec 1st 2011 I decided to stop at the store to get a pint of vodka to see if I could just have a little. Big mistake. I have drank everyday since and it has gotten worse in regards to the amount. I went to a great rehab in FL, was given a new start and I blew it. I hated AA meetings.... Went to them for a month. I am not passing off blame but there are triggers. My wife drinks also, not to my level, usually wine. The day I went out to buy vodka was the day she went shopping and she bought a bottle of grey goose and club soda ( my favorite ) and tried to hide it in the laundry room. I saw the bag sticking out of a laundry basket. The urge was overwhelming. I am almost back in the same boat. My main focus is vodka again. Any advise would be helpful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,422
Hi hon, rough time. But you kind of know what you want to do now, right? I mean, you talk about how you'blew it' and the vodka's makin you miserable. Why do you think you blew it? Instead of beating yourself up, why don't you start thinking about getting back on board?
Still
xxx
Still
xxx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I hated AA meetings.... Went to them for a month. I am not passing off blame but there are triggers.
Eventually I worked out I had 2 choices: I could give into those triggers and keep drinking, or I could work on not letting my triggers rule me.
I decided to look for support and stop.
If you're bound and determined not to go the AA route there's a ton of alternatives
Here's some links to some of the main players (including AA):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something Roscoe.
In my experience, inaction just leads to more drinking....
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Clearly you don't like being unable to control and moderate your drinking enough to avoid having to do something about your drinking. Being able to stop off at the bottle shop and pick up a pint and have everything you've heard at the institution for alcoholism suddenly be inapplicable to you isn't possible and takes some getting used to.
Being an alcoholic no different from the usual isn't what you want to be so. Since it's so and there's no possibility that you will morph into someone who processes alcohol well then you need to find a way to stop the rest of your lifetime and be comfortable without making yourself miserably sick on occasion.
I needed to do the AA stuff I didn't want to do to live comfortably sober, and the newcomers in the meetings who still have to drink because they haven't taken the steps are pretty common fixtures. Going from the back seats to the front seats happens for a few who give up the idea that they have a shot at finessing this thing.
Being an alcoholic no different from the usual isn't what you want to be so. Since it's so and there's no possibility that you will morph into someone who processes alcohol well then you need to find a way to stop the rest of your lifetime and be comfortable without making yourself miserably sick on occasion.
I needed to do the AA stuff I didn't want to do to live comfortably sober, and the newcomers in the meetings who still have to drink because they haven't taken the steps are pretty common fixtures. Going from the back seats to the front seats happens for a few who give up the idea that they have a shot at finessing this thing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Normally I am not one to blame the spouse at all, since we are all responsible for ourselves, but honestly! Buying your favorite booze and hiding it in plain sight is a pretty bad thing to do - your wife may have a problem too.
You guys should really talk honestly about this and get on the same page with some household rules. For me in early sobriety, if I'd found a bottle of Grey Goose in the laundry room there might have been a brief laundry party of epic proportions.
But also: don't think that everything you learned in rehab is lost. It's all still there; maybe just needing a mental revisit. Forgive yourself now and walk on into sanity and health, whatever it takes.
And as to AA: Meetings differ so much that we should almost refer to it as "AA's", so trying a different meeting in a different part of town is always a good option. Also visit the Secular Connections forum on this board and read some about AVRT, which I am finding very helpful.
You guys should really talk honestly about this and get on the same page with some household rules. For me in early sobriety, if I'd found a bottle of Grey Goose in the laundry room there might have been a brief laundry party of epic proportions.
But also: don't think that everything you learned in rehab is lost. It's all still there; maybe just needing a mental revisit. Forgive yourself now and walk on into sanity and health, whatever it takes.
And as to AA: Meetings differ so much that we should almost refer to it as "AA's", so trying a different meeting in a different part of town is always a good option. Also visit the Secular Connections forum on this board and read some about AVRT, which I am finding very helpful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 16
I've relapsed several times because I thought I could be a "normal" drinker after months of sobriety... Almost like alcohol was a reward of sorts. But before I knew it I was right back to my old ways. It's scary how fast it can happen.
I'm fairly new to sobriety and still coming to terms with it as a lifelong condition vs. temporary. I think many of us in recovery have relapsed, more than once, but it doesn't mean the time you spent in rehab and/or sober was in vain. You've experienced life without alcohol and you can recognize that it's possible for you. Use it as your motivation to get back.
Boredom without drinking has been a struggle for me and it seems like that's what lead you back to drinking to some degree. I know it's easy to say but perhaps you could find something to do outside of the house (esp if your wife is still drinking). Something I found helpful was taking some time and making a list titled "things I used to do/be interested in before I started drinking." There was a time in our lives where we didn't obsess over alcohol (hard to believe, I know). Try to re-ignite old passions and if you can find outlets with others that's helpful. For example, I joined a book club and starting taking up photography again. Or take class, whatever interests you. I've devoted so much of my time to sobriety that those "little breaks" are relaxing for me. Not that sobriety isn't a priority, but i find it helpful to find organizations outside of the formal recovery realm. I'm not saying keeping busy will keep you sober, but the less time you spend " bored" the better.
I'm fairly new to sobriety and still coming to terms with it as a lifelong condition vs. temporary. I think many of us in recovery have relapsed, more than once, but it doesn't mean the time you spent in rehab and/or sober was in vain. You've experienced life without alcohol and you can recognize that it's possible for you. Use it as your motivation to get back.
Boredom without drinking has been a struggle for me and it seems like that's what lead you back to drinking to some degree. I know it's easy to say but perhaps you could find something to do outside of the house (esp if your wife is still drinking). Something I found helpful was taking some time and making a list titled "things I used to do/be interested in before I started drinking." There was a time in our lives where we didn't obsess over alcohol (hard to believe, I know). Try to re-ignite old passions and if you can find outlets with others that's helpful. For example, I joined a book club and starting taking up photography again. Or take class, whatever interests you. I've devoted so much of my time to sobriety that those "little breaks" are relaxing for me. Not that sobriety isn't a priority, but i find it helpful to find organizations outside of the formal recovery realm. I'm not saying keeping busy will keep you sober, but the less time you spend " bored" the better.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Branford
Posts: 1
I would say "think about making your sobriety your number one focus" in your life. Personally I could not live with a drinker while choosing to live sober...since it would be all I could do to focus on myself and my program, yet I did work in bars when I was beginning in AA.
I worked in bars for years during my early years in AA and NA. I even dated a man who was drinking a bit when he was at work; he worked in a bar too. I had several sponsors in AA and I shared a lot in meetings, and I read a lot of AA literature, and I did the steps several times. I had to cry a lot when I felt deluded by the AA teachings.
I also prayed to my higher self a lot for answers and for extra help that I felt I was not finding in AA. Messages and solutions came fast in the form of other literature that someone gave to me within 20 minutes of my prayers for help. Someone working in the bar where I was working brought me a really great 12 step book that was different than what I had found in AA.
I continued to study AA literature and share a lot at meetings even when I felt crazy and could not stop crying. I made a deal with myself that it was okay to be a deep feeling person who cried easily. I knew that I would feel vulnerable and weak, yet I also knew that I really wanted to heal myself from my alcohol problem.
I made a pact with myself to do whatever it would take to get better and get healthier and experience more of a spiritual healing. I went to a lot of AA seminars and workshops while also reading books on Adult Children of Alcoholics and also on the topic of Codependency. I think it is very challenging to read and learn and study and keep on the path of sobriety at any time since the seduction is always there to medicate our vulnerable feelings.
There is such a lot to learn, and in the first year it is recommended to only focus on AA literature. Yet I think that with the help of a sponsor it is possible to get the support to share some other reading that you may find in other areas on the topic of alcoholism.
I think if you really want something you can really go for getting it. Guilt is not a feeling thus it does not do us any good...still I bet there are many feelings underlying the guilt of blowing it. One thing that has helped me a lot in my sobriety is to love myself for being a drunk, for being a fallible human being.
Still I would probably go mildly crazy if I was living with a drinker while wanting to be sober. In my many years being sober, I have found that my family members are the biggest triggers of all...even the sober ones. I have found that I have to focus on my feelings as part of my healing path. I have found very safe places and ways to express my anger for example. Also I have spent many hundreds of thousands of dollars in therapies over the past 23 years in the program. That is what I needed to do to be able to advance in my own healing and experience more awareness of what it is to live a sober life with more joy....my anger is a big part of my joy...and my ability to feel vital.
When we are new in the program and new to sobriety, we are very delicate and fragile and we need to love ourselves number one and honor our choice to give ourselves a gift of sobriety and be blessed by our own higher self choices.
Even though choosing to be sober and go to meetings and read the literature is a clear simple path to take, it will take practice to be able to keep your word to yourself that sobriety is what you really want for yourself. Again if it were me, and I was unhappy at home, I would sense that I could not stay sober staying at home with a lot of unresolved problems overwhelming me. It would be super tough to have to jump into AA and Alanon all together at once to manage living with someone who is drinking alcohol; yet I have heard of many people who have done it...still it is super tough to do, and if you do decide that you can manage it...then you are a tougher person than I am.
I think that finding compassion for our human predicament is paramount, yet still there will be many feelings fueling any alcoholic behavior.....we all need a TON of support. We all need to give each other and ourselves a lot of support. I think we need to give as much (if not more attention) to our sobriety than what time and effort we gave to our alcoholic behavior.
I am okay being a drunk. I have choices. I can love me being an alcoholic. I do love me being an alcoholic, and I can choose to be a practicing experimenting alcoholic or a sober alcoholic involved with a healing program of recovery. The label of being a drunk is not a problem for me. I do have an inbred habit or trigger of medicating my feelings with booze...and it is up to me whether or not I choose to indulge myself in that toxic behavior or not.
Even though I do love myself, I also hate many things about life. I have also found that my feelings of hate have a loving purpose. What I have an aversion to does help me to make choices for my own betterment. Personally I believe that we all have to have a few healing crises before we are able to shift into a new life. I do not see life changing much...intense situations will always present themselves....we are never going to be able to have total comfort from the challenges of life.
We want more pleasure, yet life has a lot of mundane aspects to it that require the passion of anger and hate to propel us into better life choices. I have found that I am a super sensitive psychic person and sometimes when I go to meetings I feel very overwhelmed by the feelings of everybody else. It is tough sometimes to have enough psychic boundaries to feel calm and centered. Sometimes I feel many feelings all at once and there does not seem to be an outlet for them all...and I do not wish to numb out and suppress them anymore either.
Thus in the end we all need education. We all need support. We all need self love and compassion for our unique predicaments. Without the love of something greater than myself...I doubt that I could manage anything. I wish everyone many blessings, despite the moments when suffering is inevitable.
Much love Debs.
PS Making mistakes is how we learn; an innate part of life; still nothing is actually wrong. We will never be perfect, that is impossible. We make choices that create both positive and negative outcomes. There is a paradox in life and there is a lot of angst over this reality. Finding a path that leads to more healing and more love is an interesting journey that unfolds slowly over time.
I worked in bars for years during my early years in AA and NA. I even dated a man who was drinking a bit when he was at work; he worked in a bar too. I had several sponsors in AA and I shared a lot in meetings, and I read a lot of AA literature, and I did the steps several times. I had to cry a lot when I felt deluded by the AA teachings.
I also prayed to my higher self a lot for answers and for extra help that I felt I was not finding in AA. Messages and solutions came fast in the form of other literature that someone gave to me within 20 minutes of my prayers for help. Someone working in the bar where I was working brought me a really great 12 step book that was different than what I had found in AA.
I continued to study AA literature and share a lot at meetings even when I felt crazy and could not stop crying. I made a deal with myself that it was okay to be a deep feeling person who cried easily. I knew that I would feel vulnerable and weak, yet I also knew that I really wanted to heal myself from my alcohol problem.
I made a pact with myself to do whatever it would take to get better and get healthier and experience more of a spiritual healing. I went to a lot of AA seminars and workshops while also reading books on Adult Children of Alcoholics and also on the topic of Codependency. I think it is very challenging to read and learn and study and keep on the path of sobriety at any time since the seduction is always there to medicate our vulnerable feelings.
There is such a lot to learn, and in the first year it is recommended to only focus on AA literature. Yet I think that with the help of a sponsor it is possible to get the support to share some other reading that you may find in other areas on the topic of alcoholism.
I think if you really want something you can really go for getting it. Guilt is not a feeling thus it does not do us any good...still I bet there are many feelings underlying the guilt of blowing it. One thing that has helped me a lot in my sobriety is to love myself for being a drunk, for being a fallible human being.
Still I would probably go mildly crazy if I was living with a drinker while wanting to be sober. In my many years being sober, I have found that my family members are the biggest triggers of all...even the sober ones. I have found that I have to focus on my feelings as part of my healing path. I have found very safe places and ways to express my anger for example. Also I have spent many hundreds of thousands of dollars in therapies over the past 23 years in the program. That is what I needed to do to be able to advance in my own healing and experience more awareness of what it is to live a sober life with more joy....my anger is a big part of my joy...and my ability to feel vital.
When we are new in the program and new to sobriety, we are very delicate and fragile and we need to love ourselves number one and honor our choice to give ourselves a gift of sobriety and be blessed by our own higher self choices.
Even though choosing to be sober and go to meetings and read the literature is a clear simple path to take, it will take practice to be able to keep your word to yourself that sobriety is what you really want for yourself. Again if it were me, and I was unhappy at home, I would sense that I could not stay sober staying at home with a lot of unresolved problems overwhelming me. It would be super tough to have to jump into AA and Alanon all together at once to manage living with someone who is drinking alcohol; yet I have heard of many people who have done it...still it is super tough to do, and if you do decide that you can manage it...then you are a tougher person than I am.
I think that finding compassion for our human predicament is paramount, yet still there will be many feelings fueling any alcoholic behavior.....we all need a TON of support. We all need to give each other and ourselves a lot of support. I think we need to give as much (if not more attention) to our sobriety than what time and effort we gave to our alcoholic behavior.
I am okay being a drunk. I have choices. I can love me being an alcoholic. I do love me being an alcoholic, and I can choose to be a practicing experimenting alcoholic or a sober alcoholic involved with a healing program of recovery. The label of being a drunk is not a problem for me. I do have an inbred habit or trigger of medicating my feelings with booze...and it is up to me whether or not I choose to indulge myself in that toxic behavior or not.
Even though I do love myself, I also hate many things about life. I have also found that my feelings of hate have a loving purpose. What I have an aversion to does help me to make choices for my own betterment. Personally I believe that we all have to have a few healing crises before we are able to shift into a new life. I do not see life changing much...intense situations will always present themselves....we are never going to be able to have total comfort from the challenges of life.
We want more pleasure, yet life has a lot of mundane aspects to it that require the passion of anger and hate to propel us into better life choices. I have found that I am a super sensitive psychic person and sometimes when I go to meetings I feel very overwhelmed by the feelings of everybody else. It is tough sometimes to have enough psychic boundaries to feel calm and centered. Sometimes I feel many feelings all at once and there does not seem to be an outlet for them all...and I do not wish to numb out and suppress them anymore either.
Thus in the end we all need education. We all need support. We all need self love and compassion for our unique predicaments. Without the love of something greater than myself...I doubt that I could manage anything. I wish everyone many blessings, despite the moments when suffering is inevitable.
Much love Debs.
PS Making mistakes is how we learn; an innate part of life; still nothing is actually wrong. We will never be perfect, that is impossible. We make choices that create both positive and negative outcomes. There is a paradox in life and there is a lot of angst over this reality. Finding a path that leads to more healing and more love is an interesting journey that unfolds slowly over time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
My husband, normally the kindest person I know, brought home my favorite bottle of wine during my first week of sobriety TWICE and drank the entire bottle in front of me. He did so because I had said that I didn't want anyone to feel they couldn't drink around me. ( Don't we all say that at first?) Truth is, I was not ready to be around drinkers....ESPECIALLY someone I lived with. At my therapist's urging, my husband attended a session with her ALONE and left with a completely different understanding of the process of sobriety. He loved me enough to quit drinking around me, and almost completely around other people as well. Over a year later I have become strong enough to be OKAY with him having a beer in front of me. But he never has more than two drinks because he realized that he feels terrible if he consumes more. That's what a NORMAL drinker does. We advanced drinkers just keep drinking no matter if we feel terrible or not.
I hope your wife will get on board with your sober journey because it's already hard enough starting out.
I hope your wife will get on board with your sober journey because it's already hard enough starting out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 202
As everyone says at least your seeking help and not just blowing it off even though you don't like AA. Of course AA isn't for everyone. But for myself it was a huge help. I've been sober 7 months now myself and I was a real wreck back 7 months ago. But I got back up, brushed myself off and continued to walk down the path of life even though there some major changes to my life due to drinking I still had my self worth seeing I was able to crawl back out of the dark hole I dug myself with drinking. My triggers when I lived on my own was just that. On my own so no rules about not drinking were gone so I did what I pleased and figured I can quit any time. Wrong. My landlord and another room mate were drinkers daily and everytime Id get ready for the night shift there she was plastered and having a party when I left. There were empty bottles everywhere and she always went to the liquor store so these triggers for cravings were too much, I couldn't function and even though I knew I was in the wrong place by 4 months living there I stayed because I just didn't want to quit and go back home. So it took me 5 months of drinking to realize I have to stop and move out, that and also the fact that I drank my money away so there was no way of paying my rent yet alone get any groceries so I could eat! I hope you find some good help and continue to strive to get sober. Some people recover faster then others and me being one of the many who drink over and over and over. Though my addictions counsellor did tell me I should be proud of myself because of the fact that I do indeed have more sober time then drunk time under my belt but even though thats a fact I still need to keep my guard up and not pick up that first drink because , like you, one drink and then I can't stop. I did a test when I first picked up again. I had one drink... but then that craving for more came in soo intense that I went out the next day and bought a heapp load of booze and intended to drink it all down which I made half way till I passed out on my bed with my friend passed out on the wood floor 
yeesh I'm so glad I dont deal with that today! Good luck!
yeesh I'm so glad I dont deal with that today! Good luck!
Celebrating Recovery
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: London
Posts: 46
I was the Relapse Queen until I learned to change my thinking. The second time around of sustained sobriety I had a few months where i was on the edge. At one point I had a bottle in my hand and was going to drink it. Instead I told myself I'd go to a meeting. I did that a few times to get me over the worst urges - anytime I was in trouble, just go to a meeting. Don't let that first drink take you. You've got to be serious about this stuff, and go to 1, 2, 3 meetings if you need to when you're struggling. You need to get over the 'humps' so you can have the time and space to work on your thinking and start to enjoy recovery.
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
Bottom line is "Don't pick up no matter what."
Don't let other people's behavior be an excuse for you to drink. I went that route also and it only hurt me. I don't care if people are downing drinks left and right in front of you, get up an go somewhere else, but don't let that be an excuse to drink.
Don't let other people's behavior be an excuse for you to drink. I went that route also and it only hurt me. I don't care if people are downing drinks left and right in front of you, get up an go somewhere else, but don't let that be an excuse to drink.
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