Sie

Hi all,
Long time reader, but just became a member.

I wonder if I could have your opinion on an issue that I’m not sure what to do about, as I worry that it may compromise my sobriety, or my attitudes to other people.

I have a neighbour who I know is claiming government benefits, while working on the site (cash in hand).

Now in my drunk days, I would not give a second thought about reporting him to the relevant authorities, but now I’m sober, I am having to learn to be more tolerant of others, and concentrate on my own life – “Live and Let Live” etc ...

I’m unsure what to do ...

Do I turn a blind eye to it, or report him for fraudulently claiming benefits ...
I’m stuck between doing what I believe is right (reporting it) and not getting involved. The not getting involved issue is becoming really difficult though, and I’m finding it frustrating,.

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

Sie ...

MsJax

I know it is frustrating to see that. I see it too. But it is more important to take care of yourself. I would let it be.

RobbyRobot

Hi Sie,

Being honest and true with ourselves is important to the integrity of our sober living, so I suppose you are talking about that being compromised?

It is a matter of choice either sober or drunk what you do about your neighbor. It won't make any difference to your sobriety one way or the other. What will make a difference is which choice can you live with? Turning a blind eye, as you say? Or reporting him in?

Let me ask you if you figure you'll be needing some forgiveness for some of your own behaviors, past, present, or even future, as you move forward with your sobriety. Use that understanding as a guide. Learning how to deal with the frustration can be a valuable lesson learned that you can apply to other more important experiences in your life.

As you get more comfortable with your new sobriety, more sure and understanding of your own business, so to speak, if by then you still feel like reporting your neighbor, and willingly to accept the fallout for that, well, then you do what you gotta do to be true to yourself.

One thing for sure: dont allow yourself to use what is happening as an excuse to be resentful. Resentments can easily destroy a sobriety no matter how strongly lived.

Cascabel

I think that RobbyRobot has given excellent advice. He/she points out a middle path to follow. The most important thing for you is to guard your sobriety; do that first.

ForeverDecember

If it were me, I'd report him. Too many people take advantage of a system that was meant to help people who can't help themselves... Then the people who DO need the help don't get it or don't get enough.

However, I don't know your situation and maybe that's not the best thing to do, or the best time to do it for you right now. The number one person to look out for here is you.

justhadenough

Hello Sie

I suppose it depends on the reason for doing it. If it is for revenge, vengeance then not a good thing.

I don't think it will impact on your sobriety and there will be no comeback to you as reports can be done anonymously.

Personally I would report him. I am also in the UK and know that this kind of thing is rife. The DWP really are clamping down on fraud now though as the benefits system really is on its knees. Benefit fraud takes money from the NHS, schools, sick people and those in genuine need etc and they do rely on people reporting their concerns.

Sie

Hi all,

Thank you to all who have replied, with plenty of great advice.

I have slept on this issue, and spoken about it with a fellow AA'er at a meeting last night.

I agree with all of what you've said - it shouldn't affect my sobriety, and I could definitely move on from it.

There is no revenge involved - we don't really mix, and he has not done anything for me to get back at him about.

I am in a very different place now, and I don't want to compromise this - I also agree that reporting him should not affect my sobriety. He seems to enjoy bragging about the fact that he is “screwing” the system, and has been for quite some time.

Yes, it annoys me that he does this.
Do I like him? No.
Would it upset me to see him get into trouble? Not really.

I’m trying to see the world and the people we share it with in a more kindly light, but I feel very mixed up about where I draw the line on these kind of issues.

BTW., I don’t have a sponsor yet to talk it over with, I’m still only 40 days into my sobriety (although I have completed steps 1, 2 & 3 through a rehabilitation unit).

I’ll sleep on it another night, and let you all know what I’ve decided …

Of course, any additional advice would always be welcome.

Sie

Sapling

Get a sponsor and work the steps...

penny74

Yeah... when your sober you see things in a different perspective, don't you ?
Makes you think...