Problems with Other Women in AA
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I never went to an AA meeting in my life and I'm planning to go someday. I'm quite shocked by this. Isn't that a break of the Third Tradition??
AA is just a mini version of life in general. You will find all of the same types of personalities in an AA meeting that you find in life on a daily basis, only in smaller quantities.
Just because someone has joined AA to find recovery, does not mean they are 'well' yet. lol
However, that does not take away from the fact that there are some pretty SPECIAL folks in AA, in SMART, in CBT, in Rational Recovery, in Life Ring, etc
Recovery is a JOURNEY no matter what method one uses. "Recovery" no matter what method is a process of growing and changing throughout the 'rest of one's life' to be the absolutely BEST PERSON one can be.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Coventry, RI
Posts: 61
Laurie - you rock! That's the golden key right there: Their opinions don't matter. Sometimes it's really just that simple, but needs to be contemplated repetitively. It is actually highly ludicrous to allow these people to disturb me for one second. Not that I can't understand and have compassion for them.
My part was in taking it personally.
My part was in taking it personally.
- Motivated -
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Framingham, MA
Posts: 309
Is this meeting particularly important to you? Can't you find other meetings? Or are you saying this happens at every meeting?
I've also been to more meetings than I can count. Open, closed, Big Book, Step Meetings, Young People's, Men Only and I've never seen or heard of an Invitation Only meeting. Sounds more like a party or get together.
I've also been to more meetings than I can count. Open, closed, Big Book, Step Meetings, Young People's, Men Only and I've never seen or heard of an Invitation Only meeting. Sounds more like a party or get together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Coventry, RI
Posts: 61
Well, alcoholic women can hurt each other due to jealousy and control issues. That's just the way it is. The point is, there's a solution for it, I used this to help me immensely over the past few days. This morning I am even more the member of AA God wants me to be.
I know what a deadly disease this is and as long as I don't mistreat them God will stand by me.
I have a lot of acceptance and compassion for them today. I know they are suffering and doing the best they can. They and I are on our own paths, so I'll leave them to themselves.
I know what a deadly disease this is and as long as I don't mistreat them God will stand by me.
I have a lot of acceptance and compassion for them today. I know they are suffering and doing the best they can. They and I are on our own paths, so I'll leave them to themselves.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Ditto ... their opinions absolutely don't matter! Of course we all want to be accepted and liked. How about putting your focus on women who aren't that way, people you know like you. I'm sure there are many more of them than the group of small-minded folks. Sit with them at meetings, talk to them and try to just ignore the others. There are as many a--holes in AA as there are in the real world (perhaps more?). It's "progress not perfection". When I have a resentment against anyone my sponsor suggests I pray for them, that they have everything they want in life, etc. While I find it most distasteful, it really works.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I'm just going to be honest. I used to get way caught up in the drama of meetings/groups. It bugged the tar out of me what others were doing.
My sponsor had a great way of defusing my bomb. "Aren't you glad you have a program?"
Um...yeah.
I now live in a place with no meetings, and actually I like not being distracted by the drama etc. Principles not personalities. I know that we are supposed to deal with life on life's terms, from day one, so we can sooner learn to be functional members of society. I assure you, in my current situation, I am dealing daily with addicts.
I currently find the shares on this site to be enough for me. I will not disuade others from attending meetings, because that F2F support is critical to many and I am ever grateful the meetings were there for me when I got clean and introduced to the program.
At that time, my life was real small. The isolation of active addiction had made my social circle non existent. My 12 step friends were my only friends. Everything that happened at meeting or in that group was HUGE for me. I found that developing a life and friends outside of recovery was a critical step in my progress.
My sponsor had a great way of defusing my bomb. "Aren't you glad you have a program?"
Um...yeah.
I now live in a place with no meetings, and actually I like not being distracted by the drama etc. Principles not personalities. I know that we are supposed to deal with life on life's terms, from day one, so we can sooner learn to be functional members of society. I assure you, in my current situation, I am dealing daily with addicts.
I currently find the shares on this site to be enough for me. I will not disuade others from attending meetings, because that F2F support is critical to many and I am ever grateful the meetings were there for me when I got clean and introduced to the program.
At that time, my life was real small. The isolation of active addiction had made my social circle non existent. My 12 step friends were my only friends. Everything that happened at meeting or in that group was HUGE for me. I found that developing a life and friends outside of recovery was a critical step in my progress.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I have no experience at "women only" meetings. Well, technically I've been to one (traveling, out of town, didn't know it was a woman's meeting........they let me stay) but that doesn't count as "experience."
The one thing that comes to mind is that age-old line about things that bother us:
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic
is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he
usually doesn’t think so.
The good news about our troubles being of our own making is that we don't have to go outside of ourselves to straighten things out.
The one thing that comes to mind is that age-old line about things that bother us:
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own
making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic
is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he
usually doesn’t think so.
The good news about our troubles being of our own making is that we don't have to go outside of ourselves to straighten things out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Coventry, RI
Posts: 61
This all ended up being absolute perfection. I had wanted to go back for some time now to the very structured meetings I'm used to where my friends are, that takes place on the same day. I find there is more maturity there. It is a longer drive but I went and it was well worth it.
10th steps showed that my expectations were way too high. I don't like their symptoms but I didn't retaliate - I worked it out inside of me with God and Accepted. I can definitely understand where their fear comes from.
I recently moved about 15 miles away and new experiences are excellent opportunities for growth. He has brought me many opportunities to work with others here. I finally feel I have a schedule that works.
Our sobriety should fit us like our favorite sweater.
Peace
10th steps showed that my expectations were way too high. I don't like their symptoms but I didn't retaliate - I worked it out inside of me with God and Accepted. I can definitely understand where their fear comes from.
I recently moved about 15 miles away and new experiences are excellent opportunities for growth. He has brought me many opportunities to work with others here. I finally feel I have a schedule that works.
Our sobriety should fit us like our favorite sweater.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by onlythetruth 
Therefore, if you care about your emotional health, you would probably do best to leave that meeting and never return (obviously, go to meetings your tormentors don't attend).
However, a word of caution...
On your way out the door, though, I'll suggest to you that the Covert Nasty Share method is a game that two can play.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Phmdyw
This all ended up being absolute perfection. I had wanted to go back for some time now to the very structured meetings I'm used to where my friends are, that takes place on the same day. I find there is more maturity there. It is a longer drive but I went and it was well worth it.
10th steps showed that my expectations were way too high. I don't like their symptoms but I didn't retaliate - I worked it out inside of me with God and Accepted. I can definitely understand where their fear comes from.
I recently moved about 15 miles away and new experiences are excellent opportunities for growth. He has brought me many opportunities to work with others here. I finally feel I have a schedule that works.
Our sobriety should fit us like our favorite sweater.
Peace
10th steps showed that my expectations were way too high. I don't like their symptoms but I didn't retaliate - I worked it out inside of me with God and Accepted. I can definitely understand where their fear comes from.
I recently moved about 15 miles away and new experiences are excellent opportunities for growth. He has brought me many opportunities to work with others here. I finally feel I have a schedule that works.
Our sobriety should fit us like our favorite sweater.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 127
I happened to stumble
Across this thread and thought if share a little
More.
It's true that sometimes people have behavior that is very short-sighted and poor for themselves and everyone around them.
But as for my part - it's not necessarily that I was "wrong"...it's this and always this:
What did I want?
I wanted to be accepted.
The lie I tell myself is people can give me what I need. The atruth is everything I need has to come from God.
Also, I have something some dont want me to have.
But it's the Higher Power who gives the gift out. Not people.
Always have faith in yourself (after looking at our part of course!!)
God bless
Across this thread and thought if share a little
More.
It's true that sometimes people have behavior that is very short-sighted and poor for themselves and everyone around them.
But as for my part - it's not necessarily that I was "wrong"...it's this and always this:
What did I want?
I wanted to be accepted.
The lie I tell myself is people can give me what I need. The atruth is everything I need has to come from God.
Also, I have something some dont want me to have.
But it's the Higher Power who gives the gift out. Not people.
Always have faith in yourself (after looking at our part of course!!)
God bless
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
I found its easier to face it HEAD-ON .
At work if i have a problem with a co -worker ,I will get them alone and discuss if we have a problem .
I will not do this in a manner that is threats ,Or angry .
Normally i will start with "Do we have a problem ",And somewhere i will add in if i did somthing to make you mad ,I did not intend to .
That diffuses the problem normally .
Face it head on ,letting it fester and grow is bad for you .
At work if i have a problem with a co -worker ,I will get them alone and discuss if we have a problem .
I will not do this in a manner that is threats ,Or angry .
Normally i will start with "Do we have a problem ",And somewhere i will add in if i did somthing to make you mad ,I did not intend to .
That diffuses the problem normally .
Face it head on ,letting it fester and grow is bad for you .
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