BluesBrothers

Hello all! I am new to the forum and looking for some objective advice.

While I never drank at home, I've always loved to go out with friends to bars, concerts, etc. Drinking was always an integral part of my social life; nearly all of my friends drink when going out.

I've partied pretty hard for about 12 years straight. Never dabbled in drugs, though...never drove drunk or showed up to work intoxicated, but I'd admit I've had many nights where I simply drank too much. Had a few blackouts, etc. Regardless, I loved my fun lifestyle and loved to party with friends.

In December 2010 I lost my wife. In my charge to stay active socially and move forward in life, I did more partying than usual, going out for a few beers once or twice during the week and hitting it hard on the weekend. Had a great time doing it. (Although the period since she's been gone has been incredibly sad, I benefited from a wonderful circle of friends and really fun life outside of work.)

Regardless, I noticed that my hangovers were getting worse and worse. Then, in early November after a weekend of heavy partying with a friend who stayed over the weekend, I had the worst hangover of my life after the last drink Saturday night. Lasted about a week. I am convinced now that I went through alcohol withdrawal. I experienced insomnia, racing heart, eerie bad dreams, some sweating, dizziness, fever, disorientation, etc...scared me so much that I have not had a drop of alcohol since. Been still going out but drinking club sodas or alcohol-free beer.

Going on a bit over 2 months without alcohol. Physically I don't miss it at all and feel great. However, I DO miss the fun, crazy nights out. The experience just isn't the same without alcohol. I fear that I won't have that connection with friends anymore as a non-drinker. I already feel a slight disconnect. Hell, I was just in Las Vegas and didn't touch alcohol...it was fun, but weird and a bit dissatisfying.

Anyways, I acknowledge that I can no longer party like I used to. I feel that my body sent me a signal to change my ways. I am fine with that. But I'd still like to go out and have a beer or two now or then. I'd also be able to go to a music festival or two this summer and party hard for a weekend. But can I?? Should I be scared to have even one beer?

Knowing how dangerous alcohol withdrawal is, how should I proceed? Can I drink now and then but just be conscious not to overdo it? If I do have a crazy extended weekend or vegas trip should I take steps to taper off and not stop cold turkey? Should I avoid drinking two days in a row? Is total abstinence the wisest choice? Should I consult with a physician? I just don't know how to proceed and would appreciate some advice, as I'd like to still enjoy alcohol in moderation but not beat up my body doing so. Bottom line is I am scared to death of another, or worse, alcohol withdrawal.

Thanks in advance to all who respond.

LaFemme

Hi and welcome to SR!

Every. Will say that the best course is to consult with a physician when giving up heavy consumption of alcohol. It's Russian Roulette as to whether or not you are going to have a bad withdrawal...even if it wasn't bad before.

Whether or not you quit totally or not is up to you. But, i think it s a good start to go 6 months without as a trial period? If that is doable and easy maybe you are okay...if that is impossible to fathom you probably need to do some soul searching.

Dee74

Welcome

Only you can answer that Blues Brothers.
I was never able to drink any other way than full on, so there was no real point to wind back to...but still I tried to drink 'normally', for 20 years.

I like myself as a non drinker and I have a full and happy life - much more so than in my party animal days.

If you feel weird and not part of things as a non drinker tho - maybe you need to broaden your friend base?

or maybe the problems a deeper one than drinking or not?

D

BackToSquareOne

Keep in mind that it's a progressive disease. If you could go out and stop at 2 or 3 drinks I wouldn't see a problem. If you find it very hard to stop at a few drinks then you probably are on dangerous ground. I personally would see no point to a few drinks and would never be able to stop at that.

BluesBrothers

Thanks, LaFemme! Actually a 6-month period of abstinence is my plan, as a big music festival is the last weekend of April and I can do without any of the parties until then. I am hoping that a 6-month period will allow my body to "reset''. Regardless, I know I cannot go back to the full on partying of my life prior to that withdrawal. I am good with it however; I had a good run as a guy in my 30s...but I'd still like to be able to tap the cooler with my buds this summer at a festival or two.

Regardless, I will make an appointment and get an MD's opinion. Any idea as to whether I should talk to a specialist of some kind? To be honest I don't even know what to look for in an MD who specializes in alcohol-related questions.

All in all this awakening may be a blessing in disguise. Instead of a social life revolving around parties and bars, I'll probably end up discovering a broader, more fulfilling world with my free time. I've already rediscovered some old hobbies and found new ones, and being able to jump out of bed at 8am on Sunday without a hangover and be active is a nice change as well

walkertall

I would have to consider if it was worth it or not. Alcohol does make things seem more fun. Myself, I had to learn to party without it. If everyone piles up in the floor, make sure you're in there somewhere. It's not easy but it is possible. I wouldn't take the chance to test if I could drink normally. I know I can not so I move on.....

MentalLoop

BB - I'd like to share my story, because in magnitude, I think i'm quite similar. I'm sober since Nov. 27th or 28th depending on how you count nights. It was my very first attempt to stop, I didn't experience an ounce of withdrawal, and so far, despite some nightly boredom craves, it's been no sweat. I also am one of the party favorites, and alcohol always helps me fulfill the role.

Now for the part that didn't occur to me at the time, but after reading posts here has solidified my knowledge of my alcoholism. 2 years ago for my wife's 35th birthday, we hosted a huge Reggae Sunsplash party at our house. I wanted my older brother to come who lives abroad. He happened to be visiting about 4 weeks prior to the party and i begged him to come (while drunk of course). He said it was too expensive, so i like a drunk bafoon, spent $4,000 to fly him round trip for 24hrs. When i sobered up and had to face the music with my wife, i said, you know, I'm going to stop drinking till the party because it got me into trouble (thank god i didn't feel that bad - was nice to see my brother). So I went 4 weeks and didn't touch a drop of liquor. No sweat, no problem. GUESS WHAT THAT TOLD ME? Hell I can drink or not drink if I want, I'm in total control, I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM. Night of the party, I drank till i puked, but still convinced myself that it was because i was over zealous. Since that quitting episode, my volume of consumption has almost doubled on a daily basis.

What's my point - man, we got it / had it good. We caught our drinking before it really became a problem. When we tried to stop, we did. In my case though, because i could stop, it fooled me into believing i could actually drink more. This go around, I am terrified of trying another drink. Look at what happened the last time.

I'd say maybe you are not an alcoholic, but do you really need to drink? I crossed the line on my side - I don't.

nm1212

Hey BB,

All I can tell you from personal experience is the drinking never gets more in control, and the withdrawals get more and more intense/dangerous. The last time I sobered up (which was after I signed up on this forum) I really believed I could control my drinking. I ended up drinking at all hours of the day, pretty much every day, until my body started shutting down. This last withdrawal I was experiencing seizures at night for two nights, intense night sweats, tight chest, raw throat, strong shaking, and insane anxiety.

I got to this point through gradual, almost imperceptible steps. If you can stop now I hope you do, but you'll most likely have to experience a prolonged journey of insanity... Like most of us here. You sound like you have whatever it is inside of you that lends itself to alcohol abuse and then alcohol addiction. I don't have any recommendations other than listen to that small voice inside you that made you post your concerns on this forum. If you can stop now, please do it for you and your family.

- NM

TheEnd

Most people would probably disagree with me, but I say give it a try. I believe that you will never be satisfied as a non-drinker, if you always have this question deep in the back of your mind. It sounds like you're a fairly responsible drinker, not like me with multiple DUIs and what not, so give it a chance. If you find out that you can't go back to drinking safely, then you can always come back here. Good Luck!

laurie6781

I say only you will know.

So give your experiment a try.

Then please report back how it is working for you.

Thanks.

Love and hugs,

2granddaughters

Knowing how dangerous alcohol withdrawal is, how should I proceed?

A normal person likely wouldn't ask a question like that.......

B.B. you know what the right answer is.

LosingmyMisery

Being the alcoholic that I am, I have tried to control my alcohol for many decades. Try as I might, I was unable to find that "reset" button that you are hoping for. However, I did find myself slipping deeper and deeper into alcoholism. We all are hopeful this time will be different and it usually is, but not in a good way. I had to figure out for myself that the illusion/delusion of controlling my drinking now and forever is unattainable. I have accepted that fact. Simply, I can't drink and choose to live my life without it. I wouldn't have it any other way. Living life drinking and living life sober, I will choose sober living hands down.

Ask yourself this. What has changed? Why makes this time different? Certainly you could give the"reset" notion a good shot. Hopefully, there will be no consequences in the endeavor. If it works, kudos to you. If it doesn't I would suggest you consider pulling the plug on the idea of controlling your drinking. Honestly, it just doesn't work for an alcoholic. No matter if we are successful in stretches of abstinence. If you pick up again, the insanity may roll back in with a vengeance. I know. I learned the hard way.

Kingman063

Hey Bluesbrothers,
I think you might be at the point subconsciously where you're considering testing your boundaries with alcohol by continuing to drink. I mean if you truly feel that the only thing you might miss out on is a night out bonding with friends while drinking, pls my friend take it from me IT AIN'T WORTH IT!! If you have already experienced blackouts and that wasn't enough to turn you away from alcohol forever,that is a sure sign of a problem...Dig deep within yourself,read some of the horror stories that alcoholics have posted and really ask yourself if you're willing to go through those nightmares for the sake of alcohol...Dude, I say get away from the alcohol and try your best to stay away...Only some people are able to consume alcohol and not have it consume them...good luck to you.

jc76

I'm not in a position to give you advice. However, I just wanna let you know that I totally relate and agree that being sober at a party/club/concert is not very fun, I'd rather stay home and watch movies than be around everyone having fun as I sip on soda. I been through AA and all their picnics etc and for me it was lame. So I know how you feel as far as that is concerned. And now ill be attacked with people disagreeing, that's fine, but i had a lot more fun drinking n partying than I do now being mostly sober.

Raindance

Only you can decide if you are going to drink again or not.

I tried many different ways to control my drinking. But I realized that normal people don't count their drinks, plan their drinks, time their drinks, change their drinks, so the whole idea of controlled drinking is just this alcoholics way of trying to keep alcohol in my life by any means.

It's not about just having 2 beers, it's how much thought effort and time is spent planning around just having 2 beers.

ClosetAlchie

Here's a great book to check out... it looks like its out of print but you can get it from some resellers or the kindle edition, it's called "Living Sober sucks, but living drunk sucks more." It might speak to your situation.
Living Sober Sucks! (but living drunk sucks more) by Mark A. Tuschel

DayTrader

Blues -
Can I drink again?
Can I drink now and then but just be conscious not to overdo it?
I dunno......CAN you? Have you been able to do that? Can you do it now? I sure wanted to...I strived for it......I hoped for it......I practiced doing it......but couldn't ever actually DO it.


Is total abstinence the wisest choice?
If you can't control and moderate....then abstinence is the only choice - unless dying an alcoholic death is cool with you.

I haven't read it so I can't comment on the material in the book.....but the title sure doesn't match my experience nor that of a TON of ppl I know in recovery...... Being a dry-drunk sucks......but sobriety is a whole lot more and DOESN'T suck.

BluesBrothers

Thank you for your kind thoughts and advice, everyone.

Please note that my only concern is avoiding withdrawal symptoms in the future. Otherwise alcohol has not negatively affected my work, personal relationships, etc in any way. I just flat out liked to party; never touched alcohol, however, unless it came along with a party. As I said I really enjoyed my lifestyle except for the hangovers seeming to get worse and worse.

I am sticking of my plan for a 6 month alcohol-free period and take it from there. Still have not touched a drink. The past weekend, for example, went out Friday to a concert (drank Odouls) and Saturday to a bar (club soda). Wasn't as much fun as it woulda been with a real drink but I stick to my word.

Regardless, I'd like to talk to an MD about my withdrawal episode and how to avoid it in the future if I decide to drink again but in greater moderation. Should I look for a specialist of some kind? If so, what kind?

Thanks!

Threshold

AMEN! If I could continue to eat, drink, drug and have random sexual liasons without consequences I would too. I LOVED doing all that....unfortunately....
I just wasn't able to find a way to do that without any unsavory consequences. I had to concede to reality.

I don't know if there is a way to binge drink and not have to deal with withdrawals. And I am doing some head scratching wondering what kind of dr would helps someone figure out how to ingest unhealthy amounts of anything and not "feel" it.

Your hangovers might end up being the thing that saves your life.

I am positive you can drink again, I just hope you are able to stop drinking again should the need arise.

I may be way off base here, I am just going on what you shared in your posts.

DaveVelasco

It is really hard when it comes to withdrawal stage. A lot of recovering individuals and those who really want to change for the better has gone through such withdrawals.

What I can advice you is, if you really are into changing for the better, you should start NOW and really get committed to it.

WE all have gone through your situation as we change and recover - only in different ways - and if we are able to change for the better - and so are you.