tjc348

Okay, so in the past I progressively got worst when it came to drinking. I would start out drinking beer and before the end of the night im downing a bottle of whiskey or vodka. Numerous times I've probably come close to death and alcohol poisoning. Everytime, I wake up feeling guilty and crappy, but then later that evening I'll be texting people looking for something to do (trying to drink with people). I can't turn down parties.. I have a hard time being alone.. but my problem is that when I drink, I get out of hand. It has gotten to the point where my friends tell me that I'm annoying to be around and that I do stupid ****. I don't care what people think about me when I'm drunk and I can't even socialize with girls like I used to. Girls can't find me attractive when I'm drunk. I haven't had sex in over 8 months.

So basically, last year I started doing pills and when I wasn't doing pills I would be getting black out drunk. I liked doing pills because I could chill, not doing anything ridiculous (embarrassing) and could relax and feel good. I got a DUI last year because I got hammered drunk and drove 25 minutes away to buy pills. I did one, started driving down the road and turned around because I decided I wanted another one. On the way back, I got my DUI. Which was probably good because as drunk as I was, with two pills, I could have ended up dead.

A few weeks later after my DUI I decided to go to rehab. I went into rehab mainly because I didn't want to keep doing pills and turn into a junky like half my friends have become. When I got out of rehab I didn't drink until about the 3rd month clean. I started out drinking a few beers, second time I drank I drank beer and then a few shots.. and now it has been 9 months since I've been out of rehab, I have only done a pill twice, but my drinking has progressively gotten as bad as before, if not worst. I blackout all the time and I do NOT know my limit. I am basically wreckless and wild when I'm drunk

Here are some things I've done while wasted:

Used to drive completely blacked out going off the road and all over the place (before I got my DUI, I haven't drove drunk since).

walked 3 miles stumbling down the side of the road trying to hitch hike back to the party that I left (after I went home).

I get drunk and Punch things almost everytime lately. I have broken my finger, and completely trashed my hand several times. I punch holes in peoples walls for absolutely no reasson (not even angry), and will basically just punch anything.

I will fall down all over the place and wake up with cuts or bruises and have no idea where they came from

Numerous times I have tried lying down with random girls that are sleeping on a couch or on the floor and will try doing stuff with them (never forced anything on anyone) I just turn into a creep when I'm drunk cuz I want to have sex so bad (even sober) and just don't care who it's with. It's very embarrassing when the next day a girl will tells me that I unbuttoned her pants or was rubbing her stomach (just creepy stuff). I HATE THIS.

I feel like a total complete jackass around my friends and people I drink with. I don't get blackout EVERYTIME, but I would say about 8 out of 10 times. I get this feeling in me before I start drinking where I want to just get plastered because I love the feeling of being wasted. I just can't stop.

Once I have a few drinks in me it's ON I can't stop. I try texting everyone trying to find something to do to drink more etc.

I don't drink everyday or anything, but I do drink on weekends and an occasional day out of the week here and there.

I'm really a nice guy. I have a college degree, and I'm not a complete idiot. I just can't stop partying and blacking out all of the time. I've been to AA before and just dont like it very much.

It's so hard to stop drinking when EVERYONE I know or hang out with drinks all the time. IDK what to do with my self anymore. I go to the gym during the week and eat good and work out hard, to turn around and get completely blacked out stupid on the weekends.

I honestly feel like if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't have the desire to go out and drink like I do, but I'm lonely, and haven't dated anyone in over three years.

I'm really sorry for the lifelong story but I need advice/people to talk to.

BTW, I'm 21 years old.

Dee74

hi and welcome to SR tjc

Sounds like things are pretty much wild and out of control for you?

The bottom line is if you want your life to change you're going to need to make some changes, I think.

I had to make some tough decisions.

I had to give up the parties and drinking buddy friends and I had to commit myself (daily in my case) to not drinking.

I know you'll find a lot of support here and a lot of advice, but I guess the question you need to ask yourself now is how far are you prepared to go with making changes tjc?

D

Scolova

It does sound like you are well on your way to getting into much more trouble than just a DUI. I was the binge drinker as well, although I didn't want to be around people much, male or female, but I always wanted the 'girl of my dreams' to come out of nowhere, see me and fall in love. Of course that was never gonna happen unless she was crawling out of the gutter & drunker that me.
"You cannot force someone to love you, all you can do is become someone who can be loved."
The dependance on those drinking sessions has to stop, any one of them can be deadly and prolonged drinking will catch up with you mentally & physically. Start now before it develops into a decade or more of habit... addiction.

tjc348

Thanks everyone for your responses..

I'm pretty sure that already have developed an addiction? I mean I cant stop drinking when I start, I get severe cravings to get drunk like this, and normally when I really want to get drunk I will text everyone to find someone that wants to drink with me.

I have drank on my own a handful of times. I've drank myself into a blackout several times in my room drinking vodka.

I want to quit, and I know it's hard. It is extremely hard when everyone drinks around here.. People my age don't do anything else on weekends, there isn't much to do where I live. Alot of them are partying on weekdays as well

Scolova

Is 'Everyone' really drinking?... I use to believe that, but it was just what I want to see and believe. If all of your friends do it, you need to start focusing on getting out of the brew-crew and getting yourself sober.

RachelNorth

Hi tjc. welcome. You have found the right place. I am a lot older than you but I recognise myself at your age. Stop it now. Please please believe me, not everyone is drinking, they are doing allsorts, you will see. Thank you for your honest. I have never got a DUI (DD we call it in UK) but many times wished I had. At your age I binged because I worked nights, only 3 evenings off, I would always drink til I was sick. Being not unattractive at that age I had no trouble in finding men to say yes, not matter how off my head I was. Then the regret and shame the next day. Not nice. Keep coming to this site. You have already realised you have aproblem, so educate yourself on the subject. Arm yourself with all the information available about this illness. Keep strong. It will get better if you stay sober.

will0810

What you are describing is called the Phenomenon of Craving. And it doesn't get any better, regardless of the amount of "willpower" you throw at the problem.

Where I live, we have lots of young sober people who attend AA meetings, and they get together and have more fun sober than I ever did drinking.

My advice is to find a meeting in your area of AA, and go to a meeting, and see what happens. Worst case is you'll have a good story to tell.

Or you could be an alcoholic like me. I went to the meeting, I went to the next one, and the next one, and before I knew it I was sober for a year and my life had changed completely for the better.

I'm not saying you're an alcoholic. In AA meetings it is said that only an alcoholic can diagnose himself as such. But you're telling my story, buddy. I was exactly like that at 21 yrs. old. Except all my drinking buddies stopped when it became time to grow up and get on with life. I couldn't stop, they did. 18 years later, they are still my friends, even though they are responsible, non alcoholic adults.

Best wishes to you, man.

ps. sober people have lots of sex, and they can remember it in the morning.

NYCDoglvr

What you're describing is classic alcoholism which is a progressive disease. I drank that way and could on stop by going to AA, where the support of others in recovery helped me stay sober. Have you checked into going into a rehab?

Kingman063

Tj,
your story is very familiar to me. I am about 15 yrs older than you but i too have the jekll and hyde syndrome when i drink...I've been told by several people that it is a very unattractive side of me ( when I'm plastered ) that every one can do without. You're are a young man and should be very fortunate to have the awareness of this being a problem at this early age...My suggestion,run with your gut that is telling you to quit the madness...Don't find yourself 15 or 20 years from now wishing you had listened to yourself when you ere 21...The girl thing will come my friend, just get yourself together and you'll be surprised how many chicks what to be around a positive man with direction in his life...good luck to you.

CRAZE

Your story sounds similar to mine other than I'm 36 and recently got my 3rd dui, my first 2 occured when I was about your age. I didn't wise up and now face the possibility of being charged with a felony. Things only get worse as you get older. So one thing you have going for you that I didn't at your age is that you recognize that you have a problem and are reaching out for help. I didn't do that until recently and I'm going to pay for it. I'm just now in the process of redefining the nature of my social life and don't have much of one being that I had to cut off a lot of relationships that were based only on abusing substances. For me it's more than just not drinking its changing the kind of person I am. If I don't that person I was eventually is going to drink again, its just a part of who he is. For me this means attending some kind of meeting to establish a support group of people who are going through similar experiences or have gone through similar experiences. A peer group based on recovery instead of consumption.