F355

I'm about to turn 31. I've been drinking heavily for almost ten years. I've wanted to quit for the last six years. The longest I've gone without a drink in that time is four months, but usually I manage a few days at best. In the last week and a half, I managed a five day stretch without drinking. But I've had three slip-ups since then.

I really want off this train. I feel like I've tried just about everything, short of rehab. And now, I'm really starting to think that maybe rehab would be worth the investment in time/resources.

Having read these forums for several months now, I realize that most people have to try many times before actually succeeding at staying sober. I know I'm capable of making such a change in my life, but I'm upset with myself for continuing to make the same mistake over and over.

One idea I have -- which I've been psyching myself up for for months -- is to commit to sobriety for the entire year of 2012. Just to see how I feel after the year. But am I capable of doing it? I just don't know...

I feel powerless over this addiction. And yet it seems like it'd be such a simple thing to just quit drinking, once and for all, for good.


Thanks for reading this....

Dee74

Sounds to me like you have exactly the same problem the rest of us have F355

If you keep going back to drinking, maybe you need to look at what you're doing to stay sober?

Maybe rehab is the answer for you - I dunno. I know the Salvation Army run free rehab programmes if money is a factor.

Maybe some of the many things you've tried before (whatever they are) are worth a second look now you've decided to really once and for all 'want off the train'?

D

NYCDoglvr

I couldn't have gotten sober or stayed sober without AA. Some people can get sober on their own, perhaps, but I'm not one of them. The most important thing is the support of other alcoholics, people who understand me and have gone through the same things. I was at the point of desperation, I "got it" when I almost died from alcohol.

F355

Thanks for your responses, Dee and NYC.

I think one of my main triggers may be using medical marijuana in the evenings. Sometimes this works well as a substitute for alcohol, but other times it makes me feel on edge and paranoid which often drives me to drink.

Has anyone else had this problem with marijuana?

Dee74

I smoked daily for 20 years.

I definitely found that marijuana lowered my inhibitions and made me do stupid things yes.

My marijuana use and my drinking entwined themselves together very nicely indeed - they both fed my desire for escape.

If you're getting this on prescription, and you're finding it's a factor here, maybe it's worth talking to your doctor about other alternatives?

D

Tuesday24

Hey F355.

Sounds to me like you are substituting the marijuana for alcohol. Your mind might be telling you that it is the lesser of two evils. IMHO that is very far from the truth.
I found myself substituting alcohol for other things such as pop or sugary food. I took an inventory of myself and am working on changing that. We are all works in progress

Best wishes to you.

Paraffin

I have been known to substitute alcohol for any number of alternative mind altering substances but I would not describe any of them as triggers.

My trigger is my alcoholism.

The only way I can avoid pulling the trigger is to commit to a program of recovery.


Best wishes.

Tuesday24

I just clued in now that you are taking the marijuana for medical reasons. I agree with Dee- Perhaps talking to your doc about alternatives is worth a shot.

F355

Dee, I love the way you put that. Both of these habits have a way of becoming entwined... it used to be that I could substitute marijuana for alcohol, and even saw it as a medical alternative to alcohol. But that was a long, long time ago. Nowadays, it's getting much harder for me to have marijuana without alcohol. So maybe quitting both is the only real solution here.

F355

Tuesday,

Honestly, though, I'm starting to question the medicinal value of a substance the use of which seems to increase my likelihood of slipping up and drinking.

ForeverDecember

Hi F3! Sorry you're struggling, but if it were easy, well I guess SR wouldn't exist. I really wish it were easy even at the sake of losing SR, but you know it's hard so I won't go on.

There's a couple points from your post that grabbed my attention. I've been reading these forums for a while, and was a regular poser during my early struggle before I gave up on trying and drank a couple more years of my life. I came back a few months ago - sober and staying that way.

I've not been to rehab, but I often thought I'd get value from it. If you can afford it, and it's going to help you quit, then I'd vote: Try it. I hear a lot of people say "I only wish I'd done it sooner" - here's your chance to do it sooner.

That's true, many (most) relapse a few times before 'getting it' - but don't let that be an excuse to relapse, eg "OK it's only my second attempt so it's not going to work anyway so I might as well just have a drink". Learn from everyone else, but remember - this is your recovery, and you chose when it sticks. It'll stick today if you make it. Also, about being upset - my trigger was feeling shame... and I felt ashamed of myself for drinking. So I'd drink because I felt ashamed, then feel ashamed because I drank. It sounds like an easy cycle to break, but it took me years. It didn't go away for me once I stopped drinking too - the shame, guilt, embarrassment; all the negative emotions and mindset took a while to reset. I can't offer any words to make it easier, except that today I don't feel ashamed. I know what I've done but I don't associate that with the real me. I am proud of who I am.

Again, it's your recovery, but I know that I tried this (and other lengths of time) a few times and it didn't work for me. Why? Because 12 months/6 months/1 month/1 week is too long. It was too hard to look that far in the future. I don't do AA but I subscribe to the "One day at a time" theory 100%. I can't say today that "I'll never drink again" because that thought still honestly gives me a squirm of fear. So I say "I won't drink today" and that works. Don't set yourself up for failure, it makes things worse if you relapse. Also, what about post 2012? Will 12 months off the bottle make your body react differently to the poison?

Also remember in the stages of loss, one of them is bargaining... is that what you're doing here? Making a bargain with yourself? That's what I did "OK I"m going to quit next week, so it's OK that I drink tonight."

It's not simple. I wish it were, I wish I didn't have to go through the things I did, which were awful but pale in comparison to many others. I wish they didn't go through it. I wish my family, and their families didn't go through it. I wish you and yours didn't have to. It's not simple at all. But it's worth it.

sugarbear1

I haad to quit both, one always led to the other!

AA4life

I am right there with you on the powerless idea. I need to hold that knowledge close to my heart. I quit when I was 32. No I am 35 and life is so awesome without that sh!t. One day at a time I will just keep on walking.

Zebra1275

I feel powerless over this addiction.

Sounds like you've already completed the first step of AA. Have you tried going to some meetings?

langkah

'to commit to sobriety for the entire year of 2012. Just to see how I feel after the year.'

Great idea to try that course. I hope you'll check in occasionally here as all those sober months pile up higher and higher.

Zencat

I too have felt powerless over alcohol. What happened was I gave my power over to alcohol. When I empower myself with the practice of a treatment plan, I take my power back.

gaffo

Cannabis is no substitute for alcohol, unfortunately. I'm not going to call it benign because I've seen it screw up many people's lives, usually young people who only get off the couch to buy another sack of weed, but it is the only substance that I seem to be able to take or leave. Something that I've noticed since I stopped drinking--weed gets me WASTED. Like ninth grade again. I live in the land of ultra strong weed but, man, this is crazy. I find myself leaving it much more than taking it as a result!

As a self employed guy with a life built around drinking, it seems like everything is a trigger. I'm to the point where I'm not even sure that the term "trigger" is all that useful to me except to acknowledge that I get cravings.

F355, it seems like you are very close to closing the alcohol chapter in your life. You have come so close. 4 months is impressive--what made you jump off the the wagon after that long? I'm betting you won't make that mistake again. Good luck!

Deserto

F355, when you say you've "tried everything," I'm curious -- what have you tried so far? What worked and what didn't?

I think quitting for all of 2012 is a great idea. But I also think that quitting for any set length of time is not the same thing as recovery. It's more like holding your breath.

F355

Thanks everyone.

About six years ago, I managed my first month without alcohol by substituting marijuana for alcohol. Back then, marijuana really did seem like a miracle cure of sorts, because nothing else I tried back then helped me to break my addiction to alcohol.

In the next couple of years, I managed to have a month or two here and there without drinking, and to cut back my overall consumption quite a bit.

The four months came at the beginning of 2008. Unfortunately, the time that I started slipping up again came when I came face to face with the most difficult , the most terrifying, the most physically and mentally taxing event of my life. It was something so horrible that I needn't go into details here.

It's been almost 4 years, and I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with regards to that situation, and while the past three and a half years have consisted of some pretty heavy drinking, I think that now with that stress starting to fade away I can once again get serious about quitting for good. I wanted it back then, and I want it even more now.

I have been to a couple of AA meetings. I met some really nice people there. I have however the unfortunate problem of being clinically shy. I find it really difficult to sit in a big group like that where I have to talk. That said, if I absolutely have to, I wouldn't be against giving AA or some similar organization a more serious try this time.

Anyway, I'm really glad to have a place like this, and people to talk to who have been/are going through the exact same thing that I am. Just having others to be accountable to is a HUGE help. Thanks so much, everyone, for all your kind and thoughtful words.

Dee74

In my experience you'll never get anywhere substituting one drug for another, F355.

Marijuana and alcohol for me were, if you'll pardon the expression, the same leaky boat being tossed from side to side on a sea of crap.

I needed to stop running from reality in order to enter recovery and start to get better

D