Christmas Party
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I've been self employed for most of my life but I have been required to attend a few Xmas parties with my wife. They always made me uncomfortable even when I could drink as much as I liked. I wouldn't expect anything different sober. Thankfully, I don't have to do that anymore but the question of what to tell people when they offer a drink is one that I think about. I know from my drinking days that it was intimidating(?) for me to hear that someone had quit to solve a drinking problem because I knew that was my fate. So far "No Thanks, I'm not drinking today" seems okay. I'm starting to suspect that it's basically a non issue!
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
drive. Then you have an excellent reason to give people why you aren't drinking. I would not tell anyone I work with I had a drinking problem. They suspect, I think, but I'm not confirming it!!
Just been to my works do and had a great time. Three of us weren't drinking, and no one cared why.
Just been to my works do and had a great time. Three of us weren't drinking, and no one cared why.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
My department had a holiday lunch yesterday. I am new to the company and was surprised that those who had arrived to the restaurant were already at the bar! I was pretty much the only one out of about 20 people not drinking -- and this was at noon on a Thursday! It didn't make me want to drink, it just reminded me how prevalent alcohol is in our culture.
At least it was easy to explain my non-drinking (I had an important meeting that afternoon).
Good luck!
GG
At least it was easy to explain my non-drinking (I had an important meeting that afternoon).
Good luck!
GG
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
my office is relatively small - about 18 ppl. Everybody there knows I don't drink, am in AA and they even have a birthday party for me on my LDD (last drink date). Their Christmas party is an all day affair, in a party bus with a fair amount of partying (although they're still amateurs).
In my first year or maybe 2, Christmas parties like that would have been a no-go for me. I've only been there two years and the last two were no problem for me. No telling what this year will be like though. The kicker is to be honest with yourself and if you find that you're mulling a drink over in your head or starting to play with the idea that maybe one would be ok..... then it's time to GTFO.
In my first year or maybe 2, Christmas parties like that would have been a no-go for me. I've only been there two years and the last two were no problem for me. No telling what this year will be like though. The kicker is to be honest with yourself and if you find that you're mulling a drink over in your head or starting to play with the idea that maybe one would be ok..... then it's time to GTFO.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
i was at a company christmas party this time last week (not where i work, but one i'm connected with).
I had a weird experience. I sat at the bar, with my club soda and a lime...buried in my phone. totally isolating myself, the same way i might if i'd been drinking and socially uncomfortable. I always blamed my drinking on social awkwardness at work-events (my last drunk was at a work event, and i'd gone fully intending to avoid drinking yet was drunk by 1pm). truth is, i may just be....socially awkward. Drinking never cured me, it only brought out my allergy which created wreckage, pain, suffering and shame. Drinking to "loosen up" only lead to blackouts and hangovers which, multiple times, kept me home from work or an important event.
anyway, i was at the bar with my club soda and lime, isolating myself, checking email. doing work. optimizing the operating system on my phone.
suddenly a dude approached me and started to flirt a bit. It was flattering...but then he asked what i was drinking.
me: club soda and a lime. you?
him: vodka tonic. here, you should be drinkng this [turns his drink with his straw toward me and offers sip]
omg. this was that moment. a turning point of sorts. one of many i hope, as i progress in sobriety.
i reached for my club soda with a lime and said "no thanks" and cheers'd him with my own glass. he sipped his vodka, i sipped my clubsoda-with-a-lime. Then i went to a spot where nobody was around and made a call to a friend in aa. when i returned he was still there wanting to talk, not that i was interested in flirting.
Not once did i mention alcoholism or an allergy or even that i "don't drink"
the only weird moment was the one in my head, where i actually had to implement a tool (higher power) (i just thought of higher power, because that's what helps me. i took my mind to that place, and it was all i thought about, without thinking at all...) and drank my own beverage. before i went into recovery, i would definitely have sipped that drink, even if i had intended to not drink that night. (that's exactly how my last drunk started). (it didn't end well) (but it got me into recovery and turned out to be my bottom).
i don't know if my story is helpful to anyone but i thought i'd share it since i was just in this situation last week.
I didn't drink. i didn't want to drink and i didn't drink.
that's very very very new for me.
holiday parties are weird places - but we have tools (whatever you use - that's great!) and my experience so far is that when i reach for a tool, it's there.
omg i seriously never thought i'd talk this way wtf!
I had a weird experience. I sat at the bar, with my club soda and a lime...buried in my phone. totally isolating myself, the same way i might if i'd been drinking and socially uncomfortable. I always blamed my drinking on social awkwardness at work-events (my last drunk was at a work event, and i'd gone fully intending to avoid drinking yet was drunk by 1pm). truth is, i may just be....socially awkward. Drinking never cured me, it only brought out my allergy which created wreckage, pain, suffering and shame. Drinking to "loosen up" only lead to blackouts and hangovers which, multiple times, kept me home from work or an important event.
anyway, i was at the bar with my club soda and lime, isolating myself, checking email. doing work. optimizing the operating system on my phone.
suddenly a dude approached me and started to flirt a bit. It was flattering...but then he asked what i was drinking.
me: club soda and a lime. you?
him: vodka tonic. here, you should be drinkng this [turns his drink with his straw toward me and offers sip]
omg. this was that moment. a turning point of sorts. one of many i hope, as i progress in sobriety.
i reached for my club soda with a lime and said "no thanks" and cheers'd him with my own glass. he sipped his vodka, i sipped my clubsoda-with-a-lime. Then i went to a spot where nobody was around and made a call to a friend in aa. when i returned he was still there wanting to talk, not that i was interested in flirting.
Not once did i mention alcoholism or an allergy or even that i "don't drink"
the only weird moment was the one in my head, where i actually had to implement a tool (higher power) (i just thought of higher power, because that's what helps me. i took my mind to that place, and it was all i thought about, without thinking at all...) and drank my own beverage. before i went into recovery, i would definitely have sipped that drink, even if i had intended to not drink that night. (that's exactly how my last drunk started). (it didn't end well) (but it got me into recovery and turned out to be my bottom).
i don't know if my story is helpful to anyone but i thought i'd share it since i was just in this situation last week.
I didn't drink. i didn't want to drink and i didn't drink.
that's very very very new for me.
holiday parties are weird places - but we have tools (whatever you use - that's great!) and my experience so far is that when i reach for a tool, it's there.
omg i seriously never thought i'd talk this way wtf!
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
This thread made me think of a conversation I had with a new acquaintance recently who doesn't know that I'm in recovery:
Him: "Hey I'm thinking maybe we should go grab a drink, there are some good happy hour specials around here."
Me: "No thanks, I'm not much of a bar person."
Him: "Well I'm not either, but I just want a drink."
Me: "Yeah, I'm not much of a drinker. We could go get a coffee instead if you want."
Him: "OK, that works."
Him: "Hey I'm thinking maybe we should go grab a drink, there are some good happy hour specials around here."
Me: "No thanks, I'm not much of a bar person."
Him: "Well I'm not either, but I just want a drink."
Me: "Yeah, I'm not much of a drinker. We could go get a coffee instead if you want."
Him: "OK, that works."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
This is my second round of Xmas parties. Before, I went for the free booze. Now I go because it is part of my job in a way.
I keep a glass of sparkling water with lemon in my hand. Mos people assume I am drinking something else...I don't tell otherwise.
Since getting sober I have only once been questioned about it and that was by some Gus we met at a bar after a play. I don't usually go to bars but we wanted to hang out for a bit and it was convenient. Started talking to some guys and they offered to buy us drinks when I said I didn't drink...one guy asked if I was an alcoholic. He was 3 sheets to the wind and I was shocked he asked. So I just said No and changed the subject.
I keep a glass of sparkling water with lemon in my hand. Mos people assume I am drinking something else...I don't tell otherwise.
Since getting sober I have only once been questioned about it and that was by some Gus we met at a bar after a play. I don't usually go to bars but we wanted to hang out for a bit and it was convenient. Started talking to some guys and they offered to buy us drinks when I said I didn't drink...one guy asked if I was an alcoholic. He was 3 sheets to the wind and I was shocked he asked. So I just said No and changed the subject.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
I went to a holiday party last night at a local restaurant. I was the only one not drinking. I've been through this dozens of times since I quit drinking and it didn't even cross my mind to be anxious, but I made a special point to notice whether it made the slightest bit of difference to anyone in the room that I wasn't drinking. And it did not. Not a question, not a raised eyebrow, nothing. Pretty much the same as every other event I've been to over the years.
No one cares.
No one cares.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,348
Made it through last night's party without a hitch. I was on the setup committee and the other peeps started in with shots immediately on arrival. It was not hard to watch, and I'm grateful for that. Then they started on the wine, oh my weakness, but I played through the drink in my head, knowing one would never satisfy and then I was ok. Then I had to contend with all the loud, drunk doofuses for a few hours, and that was annoying. I got a headache and took some aspirin, but I was really anxious to go home just because it was so loud! Two people asked why I was drinking coffee, I just said it was what I was in the mood for. And that coworker that I had confided in earlier was super cool, we sat near each other and enjoyed our soda pops. I'm chalking it up to another minor victory in my early sobriety!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 116
Ended up declining to go in the end. I had a slip last week when I was around alcohol and have managed to get myself back on track, don't really want to risk it again, especially in an alien environment where the temptation would be there to "relax".
Thanks for the replies.
Thanks for the replies.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I don't mention alcoholism or recovery to anyone I'm not close to. It's no one's business. But what I've found is that only alcoholics comment on the fact I'm not drinking. Alcohol simply doesn't matter to people who are non-alcoholics.
Remember, you can put in an appearance and leave after a few minutes. The odds are no one will notice. While there, always have a glass (coke, club soda) in your hand.
Remember, you can put in an appearance and leave after a few minutes. The odds are no one will notice. While there, always have a glass (coke, club soda) in your hand.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
One party down, two to go. I tell everyone who will listen that I am an Alcoholic. And when asked why I cant just have one I respond a little something like this........
If I have one beer the night will end with someone bleeding, one or more of you missing their wallet/purse/money, and handcuffs. That usually gets them laughing and over it. Just sayin...
If I have one beer the night will end with someone bleeding, one or more of you missing their wallet/purse/money, and handcuffs. That usually gets them laughing and over it. Just sayin...
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