awesomeame

I'm sure this has been discussed before. Maybe someone can put up some links or suggest reading material..?

I'm wondering WHY we get addicted to things like alcohol, food, drugs, etc. I've read addiction comes as a manifestation of self-hatred. But in that case, what is SO horrible about my life that I turned to alcohol to "manage," yet can't identify this horrible thing? Could it be a culmination of many little things?

This came up because I was talking with one of the girls at work, and she said that unless I figure out WHY I was really drinking, I'm bound to relapse again at some point and will not succeed. She also says I need to 'love myself' before being able to kick addictions for life...I hate to admit it but I think she may be onto something. Or is she the one on dope? :P

Thoughts?

Matt

Jay1980

It's a disease. I believe 100% I was born an alcoholic. I'm at LEAST a 4th generation alcoholic on my father's side and it is believed to be a genetic disease.

slp88

I don't believe I was born an alcoholic. I think for me, it was a way to deal with the stresses in my life and bring myself back to happier times. For example, in high school we use to go out on the weekend and drink and have a great time, the best time of my life. I got pregnant right after high school and had my son's at 20 and 21. I started to drink because it was a was to escape and reminded me of the great times I use to have when I had no responsibilities. Make sense? It wasn't born into me it's all my fault.

doggonecarl

I think there are a lot of reasons we turn to drugs--low self esteem, self-hatred, to hide emotional pain, and so forth. But once we start tinkering with the pleasure seeking parts of our brain, we rewire it and change how it operates. I call that biological change addiction.

You've got a computer, Google addiction. You will find lots of information, much of it conflicting. My question to you is this...what does the answer to this have to do with your recovery? You don't have to know why you drank to quit. You just have to want to quit.

Paraffin

I was really drinking because I am really an alcoholic, that's the only reason I need.

I have come across many non-alcoholic individuals that want/pretend/would like to understand, but they simply do not and cannot.

90% of the people I know can slip into that pseudo psych role given half an opportunity and they are wrong 90% of the time.

RobbyRobot

I didn't have to figure out why I was drinking to stay stopped, get sober, and stay living in a sober life. And I didn't have to relapse either just because I didn't know why I drank. As it turned out, I quit drinking and no relapses. Its been years of sweet sobriety ever since.

As for loving myself, that too is not something I had to do to stop drinking and stay sober. I took years to get to the place in my sober life that I could honestly say, without regrets, that "I love myself"

So, again, my drunks ended way before I was able to completely love myself, and for that matter, completely love others too.

What I did have to figure out was how to be responsible in my new sober life because I was changing from what I was and so much of my past had to be left in the past to get on with my new life. That was a real challenge, and I met that challenge by understanding my day to day sober experiences. I eventually became spiritual about my new life, and from that understanding my life took off like a rocket, and I haven't regretted my not knowing *everything* about all the whys and whats of yesterdays that are forever gone anyways...

There may be nothing horrible about your life that got you into drinking to manage your life. Alcoholic drinking has nothing to do with your personal past as to why you use alcohol to manage your life. We can certainly believe it does, and many do of course, but the real truth is that alcoholic drinkers, with great lives, and serene pasts, everyday drink themselves to death.

Every alcoholic isn't a street bum loser. Actually, most are not street bums, although most street bums are in fact alcoholics / drug addicts.

So forget about it.

Take a new look on your experiences today, and from there move forward and get on with your life without alcohol to manage your troubles. You'll eventually be all the better for it, no matter your past whatevers.

awuh1

Why do alcoholics drink? This is a deceptively simple question. It’s actually a question that can have multiple answers for any one person, as well as completely different answers at different points in a single persons drinking career.

I think the person who suggested you understand why you drink has a valid point. Though, again, the answer to that question is not simple. It’s unlikely you will ever completely understand the many things that lead to your picking up a drink. Fortunately it’s not absolutely necessary in order to stay sober.

The AA founders discovered that alcoholics need a certain degree of spirituality. For some this is the fellowship with other alcoholics. For others it’s a “higher power”. For some it’s a specific God. I’m convinced that in nearly all cases it’s an “unrecognized spiritual need”. I disagree with the big book to some extent where it says “self-knowledge availed us nothing”. Knowledge IS power. And it's useful. However, no amount of MY power was sufficient to stop drinking. Be it knowledge or otherwise.

I discovered that only I could do it, but I could not do it alone.

rws177

I just finished writing a 7 page paper on alcoholism for a psychology class that I am taking at night. There was some interesting things I found while researching. One thing that stuck out to me was alcoholic children who were adopted and raised by non-alcoholic parents were more likely to be alcoholic than those children whose biological parents were non-alcoholic. Basically this supports the fact that this is a disease and that is why we become addicted. Also some stuff I found showed that frontal lobes (control impulses and judgment) are different for the alcoholic brain. I’m not and alcoholic because I am “weak” or a bad person, it’s a disease….I just don’t let it go untreated.

I’m not expert on this stuff by any means. Just finished writing a research paper so this thread caught my eye

wow04

I believe I am an alcoholic and was born that way. I don't have to find the reason as to why I was drinking. I know without the 12 steps I wouldn't have stopped. I need to work my program the best I can and trust in my Higher Power. This is how I stopped drinking and how I have stayed sober over 8 years.

Joybot

We all have that turning point where we go from just casual drinker to a heavy drinker. My heavy drinking started when I was playing ONLINE adventure game. The two went hand-in-hand and I sat there playing and drinking and playing and drinking..... and it went out of control. Sometime, I couldn't even bare to play it if I don't have a drink with me. And when I do have a drink with me, I can't stand drinking it if I don't play the game. I got rid of it though but the drinking remain. I am gaining back some of my control and urges. The holiday is a real test and if you can make it through Thanksgiving/Christmas and New Year, you're pretty much good enough for the time being. Alcoholism is not just a 3 month trial and then everything peachy keen, nope, it's a lifelong struggle to keep from cracking open that bottle.

RV GTO

I think there are many different reasons - as Carl wrote, do a Google search. I did a search the other night and the "experts" came up a few.

For me, it was a stress reliever. I always had social phobia and found it was a way to loosen me up. Then a few traumatic events happened and it just spiraled out of control.

My father was a teatotaler, my mother drank occasionally, my paternal grandparents were teatotalers and my fraternal grandparents were both raging alcoholics so I'm sure genetics had a role somehow.

I asked the question while in rehab and while attending AA, most responded "you're an alcoholic, what's asking why going to do?" I just think there is a switch in our brains that acts differently to alcohol and it would be nice to know but there is a lot of research going into why and I hope someday we get a definitive answer.

ddrayer

I think the reason why we became addicted actually hardly matters at all. For me I reject the notion that I was born an alcoholic and that any life path would have meant that I could never enjoy alcohol in moderation. I do not however deny that some people are born that way, just saying I don't believe that for myself. Am I more susceptible to alcoholism because of my genetics? Sure I could believe that.

But again the reason I am addicted has no bearing on my desire to get clean. If someone wants to tell me its cause I have weak will power then so be it, I know I need help in this journey to sobriety no matter what you want to call it.

NYCDoglvr

HBO did a brilliant series called "Addiction" covering all aspects of the disease, with interviews with doctors who specialize in it. You'll find many of your answers here, where specialists discuss what addiction is. Click on "What is Addiction" and listen to the doctor's description of the addiction. They call it "a disease of the mind".

No one in my family was an addict but as a child I suffered a serious trauma. I'd never seen anyone drunk in my life, my father had a shot of Seagrams from time to time. One night at the age of nine, I got out my father's bottle and poured a shot of Seagrams, as I'd seen him do. It burned, tasted like poison and I almost vomited. Then I had two more shots.

So, I'd never seen anyone drink anything, but my first drink was how I drank until I got sober. It was a way of dealing with the trauma. I was self-medicating.

eJoshua

It depends on the person.

ForeverDecember

I think I was born an alcoholic. From the very first time I drank I drank to excess. It was like a switch flipped and went "This is good, drink it until you pass out". I didn't drink for a couple years after that, but every time I drank it was the same reaction.

TJ88

Hi I personally have decided I will never know why just accept that I am a person who gets addicted analysed why too long no answers.

vinepest

It's useful to distinguish between empirically-supported theories and new-age nonsense. The idea that addiction is "a manifestation of self-hatred" seems like it would fall into the latter category. However, if you really think it sounds reasonable, then try doing some searches in the scientific literature for "self-hatred, addiction." But I very much doubt you will find anything.

Why would you think she was on to something?

sugarbear1

Scientists & others are currently researching this.

freethinking

I don't know the scientific answer, but having been to several rehabs I have met all kinds of people who seemed to have different "onsets" to their drinking. One woman I met didn't start drinking alcoholically until she was in her late 40s and her husband died (and she continued drinking alcoholically for years after that - it was not just a phase). Some people i met grew up around drug and alcohol abuse, and it seemed learned. Some people turned to it for no apparent reason.

For me personally, I fall in the latter category. Yes, there are alcoholics in my family (but who doesn't have them) so one could say I inherited the "gene". But personally, if I had to guess, I'd say it was some sort of inability to see things correctly and that it's more of a personality disorder. I had a therapist when I was 17 who I hated. I remember her telling my dad: Your daughter sees things through a filter and doesn't grasp what a lot of folks instinctually know as a given.

I have no idea why that stuck with me, because at the time I thought it was the dumbest assessment on earth, but it did. I have always learned things like math, reading, etc much more quickly than others at an early age and always excelled at school. I consider myself introspective. But it's true, I just don't "get" things the way seemingly less intelligent people do. So if I would have to diagnose myself, I would say that was a huge part of my problem.

Anyway, that was a long winded way of saying I don't think there is one answer...however I absolutely do not believe this is a disease. I think to say that actually puts down other diseases like cancer, etc. I really abhor the disease concept, in fact (which brings back a memory as I reread this of me being taken to the emergency room, intoxicated, screaming "This is a disease dammit! Alcoholism is a disease!". Good Lord...).

davaidavai

[I]If you do not bring out what is within you, what is within you will destroy you. If you bring out what is within you, what is within you will save you. [/I

Old gnostic saying