theaocp

I'm definitely drunk now, but I want to be sober. I'm sick of this feeling and knowing that I'm only trying to be sober, and only failing again and again. I've ignored this site for the better part of 1-2 years (I don't really know), but read pertinent posts again and again. They speak truth, but I can't listen, for some reason. I've tried yelling at the BEAST, but it's almost as if my argument is over before it's begun. I have other avenues, but they elude me. I ignore them. Christ.

I just want a friend. I'm not religious, but I want a friend. I have many things to finish in this life, but alcohol seems to get the way. ****, there are many things to accomplish this night, but alcohol seems to get in the way. Obviously, I'm going to accomplish them, but I want to do it with fewer roadblocks. Please, help?

Dee74

welcome back theaocp

the only thing that really worked for me was continued effort and commitment - I really plugged myself in here daily, I came here when I was craving and I made myself sit here when every fibre of my being wanted me to jump up and run down to the liquor store.

Drinkings easy - not drinking takes a lot of more effort and it's likely to be uncomfortable for a while, but if you commit to it, and stick with it, you won't regret it

D

RunnerBill

It was impossible for me to stop drinking until I stopped drinking.

Go see a doctor and be honest about how much and how frequently you're drinking to see if you have to be medically detoxed and start from there.

The nightmare can be over right now and you don't ever have to take a drink again. It's all up to you.

theaocp

I don't want to stay connected to this community, because it reminds me of who I am, but that may be a necessity of staying sober, n'est-ce pas? Mayhap ignoring who and what I am contributes to my ability to become that which I loathe, yes?

Well, anyway, I'm tired of being a drunk, so there we are.

theaocp

I will try to come here b4 I go to the myriad of stores around my town. Perhaps that needs to become my drug of choice. I do like my forumz.

Dee74

I had to accept who, and what, I was before I could move on and change things, for sure.

D

Aegian

Hi theaocp,

In relation to your question, water is MUCH tastier when all of the crap is filtered out of it. I use a Berkey filter, and the water tastes like spun satin. Putting unfiltered ice in it will undo everything, so straight out of the fridge it will be crisp, cool, and refreshing enough to make you forget your middle name.

theaocp

Thank you for your help. I want to drink only water and milk, but find myself wandering toward other options these days. There is no reason, other than I am weak. I just want to hydrate myself and move onto other endeavors. It shouldn't be this hard. I am unhappy with my frailty.

Dee74

I don't think you're weak - I'm not a weak person but I was addicted.
There is a difference

D

theaocp

You're very kind, Dee. I'm very full of self-loathing at the moment, so please forgive me. I'm over-hydrating and pushing my deadlines, so I can sleep soon. I want desperately to make it through tomorrow, alcohol-free. Thank you for reading my woes for this night. It makes me feel less alone than I am.

freshstart57

OK, TheAOCP, let me see if I can get this by paraphrasing you.
Labels are not helpful, AOCP. They speak to past behaviour and regrets. What is helpful is to decide that you want to stop drinking, period. Is this true?

If I have put words in your mouth and I am wrong, have at it. If I am correct, just answer this question. What is your plan for your continued use of alcohol? Pick your most sober daily moment, ask the question, and make that decision. Everything else will fall in to place.

theaocp

Your paraphrasing is just that: yours. Neither here, nor there. That being said, I have many past behaviors that I definitely regret. I should be more than two years sober at this point, but here I am. I want to stop drinking, period. This is true.

My plan is to not drink at all. The old Chinese adage that one's too many and 10,000 is not enough is my life to a tee. When I'm at my most vulnerable, I tell myself that, "I'm losing the argument again." Then, I'm at the liquor store. When I'm at my strongest, I tell myself, "That's interesting because I don't drink." I need to realize myself as the one who DOESN'T drink, as that has helped me over more hurdles than any other method. It is a realization of what is known, rather than a question of what could be.

Tomorrow, I will be the one who says, "I don't drink. Thanks."

instant

There is a space between does and doesn't that is surrender. There may be no "I" there, but you may find another.

TheMaster

I use Brita filters... I have a filter pitcher at home and at work. At work, I filter it, pour it in a bottle, then freeze it. Next day, I have a bottle of filtered ice to melt and drink ice water, all day (after microwaving it for 3 minutes, that is)...