Nicthewino84

I'm new to this site and I want to quit to drinking for good. I'm 27, a nurse, and a single mother of 6 and 8 year old girls. I have been drinking daily for about 4 years, drinking about a bottle of wine day (often more) and it is now starting to affect my life very badly. I've recently become violent with my boyfriend when I was blacked out and have probably blacked out 10 times in the last 30 days. I'm late for work all of time, always hungover, and I'm not caring for my kids like I should. I've tried moderation but I realize now I just need to stop altogether.

I'm currently struggling with the idea that alcohol makes things more fun, and that I'll be dommed for a life of dullness now. Both of my parents are active alcoholics and I hate that my kids have seen me so messed up so often. I guess I just don't know what to expect now.
Thanks for reading!

polaris

I definitely know that feeling unfortunately.

Muunray

Oh I hope you do it! I'm also a nurse, but I didn't quit drinking until I was 45..it would be oh so good if you would now!

wheresthefun

These things are fun, really????

least

I found that giving up drinking didnt make my life dull, just predictable - and I love it. No more drunken behavior, no more awful surprises, no more waking up feeling like I was going to die and hating myself so much I wished I would die... I was stuck in a prison of my own making but once I 'broke out' I found that life on the outside is wonderful and now I wouldn't go back to drinking if you gave me a million dollars.

tanja

I think it takes a while of sobriety before you can appreciate the "fun". Once, you are more comfortable in sobriety than in drunkeness - life can be fun again. There is a great list of nuturing/fun activities on the "what to do" forum. Also, that is your "addictive voice" talking about "fun". As wherethefun stated, hangovers, blackouts, guilt, shame, remorse, self-loathing and the impact on your children, job and life does not sound fun in the long run.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. I think your girls would relish this "life of dullness" you seem to dread. After 14 months I can say that dullness is not the opposite of alcoholic chaos. Serenity is.

Deserto

"I'm currently struggling with the idea that alcohol makes things more fun..."

I think you'll be pleasantly surprised that this is not always the case-- and in fact the opposite may be true.

Maybe make a list of those things that you do with alcohol, and ask yourself if they could still be fun without drinking?

For myself I did everything with a drink. A short list:

Camping
Hiking
Playing Games
Having Nice Dinners
Working on a household project
Hanging out with friends

You get the picture. All of these things are just as much fun without a drink as they were with it. In fact, I enjoy them more. In retrospect, there is nothing more dull than doing everything with a drink -- it makes every activity essentially the same. You don't have to sit at home because you're sober if you don't want to!

DrivenHeart85

Yep, that's definitely your addictive voice telling you sobriety isn't any fun. Even if we all convinced you on this thread that sober life is the most exciting thing in the world, you'd then switch over to some other reason why you're not solid on the idea of quitting drinking. You can even experiment with this by telling yourself all of the fun things you could do without alcohol in your life, and then somewhere in your mind you'll hear a "yeah, but...." Maybe it'll be then that you think you can't relax without alcohol or that you can't fall asleep without alcohol. It's no dig against you personally, it's just how addicts roll.

freethinking

Nobody could really tell me otherwise when my addiction was telling me life was not as fun without alcohol. That's the truth. When that got stuck in my head, it was hard for me to get it out - however if you try and look at it as your addiction telling you that, it might be a little easier to handle those incorrect thoughts (i.e. just observe them as your addiction trying to make you drink - but those thoughts are not you).

In reality, alcohol is a depressant, and it's no way to go through life needing something external like alcohol to make things fun.

Sometimes, a part of me does have a fleeting thought like "Gee, this situation would probably be a bit more warm and fuzzy if I could have a few drinks". But the benefits of me not drinking these days far outweigh me acting on any fleeting ideas that things would be more fun with booze. I am not chronically depressed, no legal issues, I'm proud of the mom I am to my 2 and 4 year old girls, I enjoy my mornings, I sleep well, I remember things, I don't have tremendous anxiety, I don't suffer from regret on a daily basis, I am allowed to live in my beautiful house again, my marriage is in tact, etc.

Hang in there.

instant

I found AVRT (Rational recovery free online) very helpful. I have found that life is so much better sober. When I stopped or even thought about it I was plagued with a sense of doom and foreboding, and dire predictions of the future. I am now strongly of the view that those experiences are part of the addiction.

Addiction changes our thinking in ways that we cannot see until we are free of active alcoholism.

Surrender to a life without alcohol and you will find greater peace, and regain self respect

GregMan

"struggling with the idea that alcohol makes things more fun, and that I'll be doomed for a life of dullness now"

I think we've ALL suffered from that illusion when we first peeked through the fog of alcoholism... The truth is, once you've recognized your problem, drinking isn't much fun anyhow, its just your addicted mind telling you it might be. For every binge I'd go on, I'd end up spending 3-5 days of my week feeling sick and regretfull. When I was binging every weekend for years, this meant that 6-7 days a week we're devoted to my drinking problem..... Sounds like a blast, huh?! Theres clarity and happiness waiting at the end of the tunnel, just gotta move out of the fog! I wish you the best!

Dee74

Welcome Nicthewino84

I thought life would be dull too - and that kept me from stopping drinking for years.

Funny I never once looked at how dull my nightly drinking, passing out, and feeling sick and awful the next morning was...

Life is what you make it Nic. And I've never regretted cutting alcohol out of mine. My life is immeasurably better, and I'm measurably better too.

My story's not a special case - you'll find hundreds of people here who'll tell you the same thing.

I know it's a big step, but you just have to take that first leap of faith.

Both you and your girls deserve it that kind of immeasurably better life too

D

Zebra1275

I'm currently struggling with the idea that alcohol makes things more fun

From reading your post, and reading between the lines a bit, I'm struggling to see how you are having "fun"

switchboard

Nice to meet you! I wanted to say that one thing that helped me was to let myself know it would be OK if, when I didn't have alcohol in my life, things end up being dull and boring. I mean, so what if they are? It's not going to kill me to try it out anyway.

But, it won't be dull and boring! .. You will be surprised at the feeling of wellness and freedom, and of clear-headedness (is that a word?), and of feeling proud of your accomplishments. New things will happen and you will start feeling great. You just have to get over the first "hump" or two. Once you're over it and come out the other side, I promise it is amazing in many ways.

You can do this.

5a5

you're a nurse so you know what drinking is doing to you, no one has to tell u...but i agree with everyone here ( and i'm new to realizing ths myself)- drinking,being sick,tired,feeling like ****,wasting days lying in bed to recover- not fun,really a waste of life, and it's not only ur life, u got kids that are missing out on that time with u too

soberlicious

Are you kidding me?! LOL life is so fun. The never ending cycle of addiction is so NOT fun. Don't define your passions, drive, interests, and your ability to have a good time by alcohol. Really, don't. It's simply a big lie and you don't have to believe it.

yeahgr8

Funny how that works, i thought the same thing and it turns out that the life i had whilst drinking was actually boring as hell and the life without isn't! There is no way that i would have seen things differently without help because everytime i stopped drinking for a period of time life was boring cos all i really wanted to do was drink even though i convinced myself that i didn't...like has been said would be great if you could get this so young because you will spare everyone around you a load of pain and hurt, i would recommend getting some help asap!

kiki5711

Yup,

I use to wake up wondering if I'd done or said something horrible because I couldn't remember a thing. I'd watch for signs or facial expressions on my husband's face trying to figure out what had gone down last night.

Terrible, terrible feeling.

SamanthaIam

Absolutely! This is me for many years. Every morning, waking up and the first thought in your head is "OH SH*T!" because you just have no idea what you've done to the people you love.

I missed out on so many good times with my family, so many sunny days, so many opportunities to hike or enjoy the outdoors because I was hungover or drunk. Mostly, I feel bad for my kids because they didn't get to have a mom who was 100% present and lucid for them.

Don't kid yourself -- your children know you're not all there. That's one of the lies we tell ourselves = that not one will notice or care, and that we're not hurting anyone but ourselves.