tesquizito

I've been at this recovery game for many years. I've made great strides, 4 years ago I was drinking a pint of hard liquor almost every night. I was headed for death, pretty much.

Since then I've spent time with multiple recovery groups, and I've been able to string together months at a time without drinking and smoking. But I still have lapses and binge at least every few months. My last stint was almost 2 months, I've gone as long 6 months. Still, I feel like I'm headed nowhere, like alcohol and cigarettes are still going to be the death of me.

The circumstances under which I drink now are very small, most of my friends know I'm in recovery so I never drink at social events, but sometimes if I find a window of opportunity I drink by myself. I've also learned to manage my emotions and anxiety much better, which was also a cause for me to drink.

Part of my program includes change in diet and exercise, it's really important to me because I need to adopt a healthy lifestyle through and through. I've actually improved quite a bit health-wise, but not nearly as much as I think I should have.

I just wish I didn't have these relapses, 99% of the time I am good, but that 1% is probably still going to kill me.

Anyways, just needed to vent here, thanks for listening.

Dee74

welcome back Tes

For me I had to keep trying everything I could (even going back to some things)...I think that fact that I never completely gave up on getting into permanent recovery one day was the thread that pulled me through.

what do you do for support when these 1% opportunities present themselves? do you have a plan for next time one pops up?

D

tesquizito

Well, I'm much more public about the fact I'm in recovery now. Before I was hiding it from most of my friends, but now most of my circles of friends are aware of my situation. They are very supportive, and I now hold myself accountable and check in with my closest friends regularly.

I attend F2F meetings almost weekly, so I have support there too.

It's just clear to me that I really enjoy drinking alcohol and smoking, and I have selective memory, forgetting how hard it is to stop once I start. I really do enjoy all my sober time, I've learned to adapt to many situations. But if I'm being honest with myself, I believe that I can get away with isolated relapses. I must, because that's the only reason I would allow this to happen.

But I also know there is no such thing as "getting away with it", and that by allowing these episodes to happen I'm risking losing my quality of life, at the very least.

So I will continue this battle, continue doing the things that have worked for me, and continue to build external and internal motivation to stay sober, taking it one day at a time.

Dee74

Yeah - I hope you can find some way to get past that before you really crash and burn like I did.

I'd fan that spark in you that really wants to quit for good. Like I said a plan for the next 1% of occasions isn't a bad idea

tesquizito

So here we go again....sober now, I have my little post-lapse "exercises", videos to watch, CBT tools, things to read to help me jumpstart into sobriety again.

Did some damage control on the people/family I let down the other day. Still have yet to fully confront my wife, she seems more disappointed than anything, but not mad.

So I'm fairly confident I'm looking at another sober period ahead of me. As for that 1%, those situations where I display a complete lapse in judgement, I'd like to make some changes. Suggestions welcomed.

One thing I have learned is that as I succeed in specific situations/conditions, they become less and less threatening. For example, I'm generally confident going away on vacation these days, I've even done solo business trips to vegas totally sober.

But the few conditions that seem to bite me are...extreme emotional trauma (like the last time I did this my dog had just died a tragic death), another was when my best friend was hospitalized and almost died, and this final one is being around old friends/party people who are liberal with consumption, and I let my guard down. I try to avoid all of the above situations, but sometimes they happen.

I would really like to take alcohol completely off the table for every situation, still struggling with this.

dawnie24

Hi tes , noone prob succeeds first time lifes jus kick in the bum like that...