wantin confidence back
Baby Girl D
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: x..Manchester, England..x
Posts: 592
wantin confidence back
Hi, does anyone have low self esteem and no confidence through drink/drugs?!
If so then does anyone know any ideas of buildin that back up so you can smile again
If so then does anyone know any ideas of buildin that back up so you can smile again
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 86
I struggle with this. I have a lifetime of no self esteem, poor confidence and a huge internal critic that I'm battling. Put it simply, I hate myself. Nothing I do is good enough. I cut myself down at every opportunity.
Just in the past couple of weeks I've finally gotten able to just HOPE that I can break through this.
Just quitting drinking is a big part of this. I'm not hiding my addiction from friends/family every...single....day anymore. I'm not waking up ashamed of myself still drunk from blacking out the night before anymore. When you are not beating yourself down every day... it gets better.
It is a ******** answer that you don't want to hear - I know! You want a quick fix. You want an answer, NOW. There isn't one.
Do something nice for someone else, even if you REALLY don't want to. When you are done you will have done something worthy of being happy and proud about.
Some books I have read over the past 4 months that have started to change my outlook on myself and how I perceive the world:
The Four Agreements
Excuses, Begone! (Sort of cheesy but some good advice)
Self-Esteem (3rd Edition) - very clinical but EXCELLENT advice on finally getting some self esteem
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (mostly the 12 steps part)
These books have good advice in them. A lot of it you will scoff at and go "whatever, ********!" but just give in to it. Just do it, no matter how stupid you think it is.
I'm telling you this from just a little bit farther down the road you are journeying on. I fight my critic constantly, hate how I am in so many ways but I've finally achieved a small measure of victory. It can be done.
Just in the past couple of weeks I've finally gotten able to just HOPE that I can break through this.
Just quitting drinking is a big part of this. I'm not hiding my addiction from friends/family every...single....day anymore. I'm not waking up ashamed of myself still drunk from blacking out the night before anymore. When you are not beating yourself down every day... it gets better.
It is a ******** answer that you don't want to hear - I know! You want a quick fix. You want an answer, NOW. There isn't one.
Do something nice for someone else, even if you REALLY don't want to. When you are done you will have done something worthy of being happy and proud about.
Some books I have read over the past 4 months that have started to change my outlook on myself and how I perceive the world:
The Four Agreements
Excuses, Begone! (Sort of cheesy but some good advice)
Self-Esteem (3rd Edition) - very clinical but EXCELLENT advice on finally getting some self esteem
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (mostly the 12 steps part)
These books have good advice in them. A lot of it you will scoff at and go "whatever, ********!" but just give in to it. Just do it, no matter how stupid you think it is.
I'm telling you this from just a little bit farther down the road you are journeying on. I fight my critic constantly, hate how I am in so many ways but I've finally achieved a small measure of victory. It can be done.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I think it takes time Dawn - and a bit of work.
Stopping drinking was a good start - after a month or two I realised just how much alcohol had changed my self image and my perspective on the world - even when I wasn't drinking.
A counsellor helped me too.
D
Stopping drinking was a good start - after a month or two I realised just how much alcohol had changed my self image and my perspective on the world - even when I wasn't drinking.
A counsellor helped me too.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 86
Yeah, I should have mentioned therapy. Seriously. Be open, honest with her (or him). It sounds a little 12-stepish, but once I laid everything out with my therapist and was honest about myself we really finally connected and were able to start working on some things. I am grateful for her.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
I have to agree with Frustriert and Dee - for me, just quitting helped.
After a day or two of not waking up feeling ashamed and spending endless hours wondering how I got to bed, how much of an idiot I was etc. etc... I just started feeling better about myself!
Write down a list of all the good things about yourself that you can think of - don't be too hard on yourself - you know that you have lots of good qualities. <<For starters - you're here making positive changes in your life.... etc..>>
Then, everytime you start to beat yourself up over your faults - STOP and make yourself read your list!
Another thing that has helped me a lot has been posting on SR. Lending support or a kind word to others will make you feel so much better - trust me!
Be kind to yourself!!! Feel proud that you're making such great changes in your life! You're at the right place!
After a day or two of not waking up feeling ashamed and spending endless hours wondering how I got to bed, how much of an idiot I was etc. etc... I just started feeling better about myself!
Write down a list of all the good things about yourself that you can think of - don't be too hard on yourself - you know that you have lots of good qualities. <<For starters - you're here making positive changes in your life.... etc..>>
Then, everytime you start to beat yourself up over your faults - STOP and make yourself read your list!
Another thing that has helped me a lot has been posting on SR. Lending support or a kind word to others will make you feel so much better - trust me!
Be kind to yourself!!! Feel proud that you're making such great changes in your life! You're at the right place!
Baby Girl D
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: x..Manchester, England..x
Posts: 592
Thanx for the replies weren't expecting it 
I'm glad people have different views bout self esteem and confidence...
I am proud of myself for stopping drinkin but there still is that little thing peckin at my head going will you give into temptation etc and drink again but I def not want that,, like we've all made our selfs feel ashamed of drinkin night before and woke up next mornin think what the hell did I do last night or why did I do that and have total regret etc.. Its surprisin what alcohol does to you aren't it...
I've had low confidence bout myself ever since I was a child my older siblings used to call me a "fat bitch" , "mum never wanted you, your a mistake" "hope you die" it goes on, then there was my parents splittin when I was 10 my sister self harmin and I saw it all I got bullied at school I'd run away and things weren't good at home I saw things I didn't want to see.. All them things made it worse I started self harmin at 15 my confidence went low and low to the point I made my self be sick I'd drink every night on my own or with a friend, things changed when I met my first love I loved him but then he started hittin me kickin me spittin at me throwing things at me then It all went down again we had children (my 2 eldest) and he wouldn't stop it got worse in the end I had enough of the names the torment I wanted to end my life thankfully in 2009 he left I kicked him out obv I was still drinkin I didn't know what 2 do I was 22 and had 2 children.... I'm 24 now I've moved out of my home town I've been with my bf a year and 5 months we have a 5 month old boy we are gettin on as a family but we are fightin for my children coz of my ex and now I'm makin changes in my life and I don't wanna live in the passed no more
I'm glad people have different views bout self esteem and confidence...
I am proud of myself for stopping drinkin but there still is that little thing peckin at my head going will you give into temptation etc and drink again but I def not want that,, like we've all made our selfs feel ashamed of drinkin night before and woke up next mornin think what the hell did I do last night or why did I do that and have total regret etc.. Its surprisin what alcohol does to you aren't it...
I've had low confidence bout myself ever since I was a child my older siblings used to call me a "fat bitch" , "mum never wanted you, your a mistake" "hope you die" it goes on, then there was my parents splittin when I was 10 my sister self harmin and I saw it all I got bullied at school I'd run away and things weren't good at home I saw things I didn't want to see.. All them things made it worse I started self harmin at 15 my confidence went low and low to the point I made my self be sick I'd drink every night on my own or with a friend, things changed when I met my first love I loved him but then he started hittin me kickin me spittin at me throwing things at me then It all went down again we had children (my 2 eldest) and he wouldn't stop it got worse in the end I had enough of the names the torment I wanted to end my life thankfully in 2009 he left I kicked him out obv I was still drinkin I didn't know what 2 do I was 22 and had 2 children.... I'm 24 now I've moved out of my home town I've been with my bf a year and 5 months we have a 5 month old boy we are gettin on as a family but we are fightin for my children coz of my ex and now I'm makin changes in my life and I don't wanna live in the passed no more
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
to you! I'm so sorry for all the hard times that you've had to endure. Have you thought about counseling to help deal with everything?Remember - you are a special person and you're the special Mom to your kids!!! Every person is precious and important!! Don't let anyone (including yourself
) tell you anything different!It sounds like you're on the right track and starting to make positive changes in your life! You should be proud that you're making all these changes while you and your family are still so young. I think your future is bright!
Stick around SR - you have found a wonderful, helpful and happy place! Incredible support!
You may want to check out the October Class (under daily threads) - we're a great group and there is a ton of support there!
I wish you peace and strength!
Baby Girl D
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: x..Manchester, England..x
Posts: 592
Thank you ... And I hope my futures bright I'm glad I found SR because everyone here are really friendly and helpful ill be stickin here for quite a while I think :-D...
I'm gonna say forget the passed look to the future and make life better for my family and start taking my children places as a family...
... And I hope my futures bright I'm glad I found SR because everyone here are really friendly and helpful ill be stickin here for quite a while I think :-D...I'm gonna say forget the passed look to the future and make life better for my family and start taking my children places as a family...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
One small thing which I did which has helped me with my self esteem is this: I make a little list of things I am going to do each day and then at the end of the day I tick off the things I have achieved. It doesn't have to be anything particularly difficult. So for example, in today's list:
1. Woke up, had shower, ate breakfast, said prayer
2. Arrived at work on time
3. Worked all day
4. WENT TO AN AA MEETING
5. Phoned my parents
6. Posted a few things on SR
7. Made some proper food
8. Did some laundry and cleaned the bath
9. DID NOT DRINK ANY ALCOHOL
10. Said a prayer for Dawn and her family (I will do this in a minute)
I can feel good about myself for doing all those things. Sure, there were some other things I would also like to have done but even the simple things on that list are impossible - utterly impossible - when I am drunk. So I can feel a bit better about myself today and my self esteem is raised immediately.
1. Woke up, had shower, ate breakfast, said prayer
2. Arrived at work on time
3. Worked all day
4. WENT TO AN AA MEETING
5. Phoned my parents
6. Posted a few things on SR
7. Made some proper food
8. Did some laundry and cleaned the bath
9. DID NOT DRINK ANY ALCOHOL
10. Said a prayer for Dawn and her family (I will do this in a minute)
I can feel good about myself for doing all those things. Sure, there were some other things I would also like to have done but even the simple things on that list are impossible - utterly impossible - when I am drunk. So I can feel a bit better about myself today and my self esteem is raised immediately.
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