newdayfortoday

I just need to vent because I am at a loss. I'm approaching my 60 days this Saturday which is great, however, I'm going through some really high stress times and although I don't feel like drinking, yet, I am just feeling really overwhelmed.

I'm working 60+ hours a week at two to three different jobs, going through a breakup after a two and a half year relationship, getting sober and working on my sobriety and now my ex popped up. We've been friends and he is actually worse off than me. As is said alcoholism is progressive and he "progressed" to a very scary state. He was in an inpatient program due to the amounts of drugging and boozing and his system couldn't handle the detox so he needed to be medicated. He's the type of drinker that he relapses wakes up in Mexico two weeks later and doesn't know how he got there. He went through rehab, lived in a sober living facility in FL and then ended up getting kicked out after a year due to using again. He says he's moderately to hardly drinking but I don't know that since he lives in another state. He said if I let him stay with me it would be good for him and he wouldn't drink but how do I know that.

Fast forward to now, he wants to move back to where I live and initially I was receptive to the idea which was right when my breakup occured and I was unsure how I was going to make up the other half of rent so I was considering it. This "consideration" lasted less than 24hrs and I texted him not to come. Two and half weeks later (now) he just informed me that he bought the plane ticket and is arriving tomorrow with no place to stay, no job and is expecting to stay at my place even though I had told him not to buy the plane ticket.

This is how I feel. I guess I just need to step up and deal with this but I hate being the bad guy and put into this situation. It literally is the last thing I need right now.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to talk.

artsoul

Hi newday -

All I can say is "wow"..... you really don't need this guy in your life right now. Seriously...... I would tell him to get a refund on his ticket and don't worry about looking like the bad guy. You have to take care of you first.

I don't usually people specific advice, but PLEASE don't do this! I'm sending hugs and lots of prayers......

laurie6781

Give him the phone number and address of the Salvation Army and the Rescue Missions in Chicago.

He is a practicing alcoholic. He 'heard' what he wanted to hear, not what you said.

You are NOT obligated to have him stay at your home. He is TOXIC. The last thing you need right now is another "Toxic" person in your life or living with you.

J M H O

Congrats on your 60 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Mark75

What laurie said. Stick to your guns.

BackToSquareOne

I think that a big part of the growth process is learning when to say no. If you feel in your heart that it's not in your best interests then go with that.

sugarbear1

Detach with love. No, don't let him in. You can find a sober roommate!

freethinking

I suspect you might be leaning on letting him in, and that he thinks you will too - hence the plane ticket. It's a bad idea. I'm not sure how receptive you are to feedback, but this guy sounds very manipulative. Even when I was drinking, you would never catch me with a drinker. The combo is too explosive for someone like me.

Freedom1990

It's no small coincidence that the day before he arrives, he lets you know he's coming despite what you said, and (insert tiny violin playing here) he has no job and nowhere to go.

Personally I wouldn't even meet him at the airport.

What a jerk!

Keep your sobriety your top priority, dear!