Distancing oneself from old "drinking buddies"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 46
Distancing oneself from old "drinking buddies"
I just decided quit drinking this past Friday after getting my 2nd DUI. It has been a very sobering experience. For the last four years of my life, I have been getting drunk at least one to three or more times a week. Albeit, I am 28 and I was in college two of those four years. Even though what I have been going through could be deemed as "normal" behavior for a twenty something, it has been highly dangerous and unacceptable. I could have died many, many times as a result of my negligent drunken behavior. I was beaten so badly by a drinking buddy earlier this year that I woke up in the hospital getting stitches in my face not knowing what the hell happened. I have crashed my car before and damn near totalled it while drunk. My first DUI was a crazy incident where I got drunk at a bar in the middle of ritzy New York City in midtown Manhattan and tried to drive four hours all the way home in Maryland. I have many other shameful stories. God has been watching over me.
I have come to realize that alcohol is the source of all my problems. Being that I have just committed to quitting, I still have "drinking buddies" calling my phone asking to hang out. Just today, an old high school buddy who recently got out of prison after serving six years in the joint for large-scale drug dealing and attempted murder and weapons charges calls me up and asks me if I want to smoke a joint with him. I would rather smoke a joint right now than ever drink enough to get drunk again. When I met him at the local village center, he was talking about going to the bar and getting some drinks from the liquor store later. I put my foot down and said I wasn't drinking. I guess he respected that. He then was telling me that he wanted me to give him a ride down to some girl's house a few miles away. I told him I couldn't give him a ride and I walked back home.
I did good today. I'm sure all of the posters here have had drinking buddies who aren't real friends. Alcohol gives you the illusion of a social life. In college, I picked up the bad habit of amassing relationships and friendships solely based around getting drunk. Luckily, I do not talk to any of my old college drinking buddies anymore. I would rather hang out with people who don't want to drink and have other hobbies. I have learned having drinking pals can be downright dangerous. I am attending AA on a regular basis now. I am going to my second meeting tonight and plan on going everyday. I need to show the court that I have taken a serious initiative to change my life before my court date in three months. I am serious about getting sober.
So my question to everybody is how did you distance yourself from your old life of drinking acquaintances and bar monkeys? I'm lucky that I only have one or two drinking buddies with my phone number and my other handful of long-term friends have other interests in common other than drinking and we can hangout without alcohol in the mix.
I have come to realize that alcohol is the source of all my problems. Being that I have just committed to quitting, I still have "drinking buddies" calling my phone asking to hang out. Just today, an old high school buddy who recently got out of prison after serving six years in the joint for large-scale drug dealing and attempted murder and weapons charges calls me up and asks me if I want to smoke a joint with him. I would rather smoke a joint right now than ever drink enough to get drunk again. When I met him at the local village center, he was talking about going to the bar and getting some drinks from the liquor store later. I put my foot down and said I wasn't drinking. I guess he respected that. He then was telling me that he wanted me to give him a ride down to some girl's house a few miles away. I told him I couldn't give him a ride and I walked back home.
I did good today. I'm sure all of the posters here have had drinking buddies who aren't real friends. Alcohol gives you the illusion of a social life. In college, I picked up the bad habit of amassing relationships and friendships solely based around getting drunk. Luckily, I do not talk to any of my old college drinking buddies anymore. I would rather hang out with people who don't want to drink and have other hobbies. I have learned having drinking pals can be downright dangerous. I am attending AA on a regular basis now. I am going to my second meeting tonight and plan on going everyday. I need to show the court that I have taken a serious initiative to change my life before my court date in three months. I am serious about getting sober.
So my question to everybody is how did you distance yourself from your old life of drinking acquaintances and bar monkeys? I'm lucky that I only have one or two drinking buddies with my phone number and my other handful of long-term friends have other interests in common other than drinking and we can hangout without alcohol in the mix.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 86
My pure drinking buddies are just gone from my life. Friends that I used to drink a lot with I see less. All there is to it.
Most don't invite me to bar meetups or other events where the main activity is drinking. Friends of mine that I drank heavily with (but were not pure drinking buddies) I see less - I leave gatherings early or don't attend certain things.
I chose to just limit my exposure. Make up excuses, I'm busy, etc. Do what you feel comfortable with but you have to cut away from a lot of them. Not much of an easy way to do it though unfortunately.
Most don't invite me to bar meetups or other events where the main activity is drinking. Friends of mine that I drank heavily with (but were not pure drinking buddies) I see less - I leave gatherings early or don't attend certain things.
I chose to just limit my exposure. Make up excuses, I'm busy, etc. Do what you feel comfortable with but you have to cut away from a lot of them. Not much of an easy way to do it though unfortunately.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
"Just today, an old high school buddy who recently got out of prison after serving six years in the joint for large-scale drug dealing and attempted murder and weapons charges calls me up and asks me if I want to smoke a joint with him. I would rather smoke a joint right now than ever drink enough to get drunk again. When I met him at the local village center, he was talking about going to the bar and getting some drinks from the liquor store later. I put my foot down and said I wasn't drinking."
No offense, but smoking dope with an ex drug dealer convict isn't really walking the straight and narrow imo.
As far as getting rid of my drinking buddies, I didn't really have any buddies who weren't drinking buddies, and my best friend, my brother is still my drinking brother, and my Mom and Dad are still my drinking parents. I couldn't cut those people out of my life. I don't drink, but I still hang out with who I want to hang out with. My alcohol issues are my problem, not theirs. I didn't drink because others made me, I drank because I wanted to. Now I don't drink because I don't want to.
No offense, but smoking dope with an ex drug dealer convict isn't really walking the straight and narrow imo.
As far as getting rid of my drinking buddies, I didn't really have any buddies who weren't drinking buddies, and my best friend, my brother is still my drinking brother, and my Mom and Dad are still my drinking parents. I couldn't cut those people out of my life. I don't drink, but I still hang out with who I want to hang out with. My alcohol issues are my problem, not theirs. I didn't drink because others made me, I drank because I wanted to. Now I don't drink because I don't want to.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
I think you'll find that as long as you don't drink, you won't have to distance yourself from anyone. People who are only interested in getting drunk, as opposed to your company, will automatically distance themselves from you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
"Just today, an old high school buddy who recently got out of prison after serving six years in the joint for large-scale drug dealing and attempted murder and weapons charges calls me up and asks me if I want to smoke a joint with him. I would rather smoke a joint right now than ever drink enough to get drunk again. When I met him at the local village center, he was talking about going to the bar and getting some drinks from the liquor store later. I put my foot down and said I wasn't drinking."
Hmm....I'm not clear on this point...but if you did buy or smoke an illegal drug you made a decision that could get you arrested...
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Frustriert 
My pure drinking buddies are just gone from my life. Friends that I used to drink a lot with I see less. All there is to it.
Simply because most of them ended up in jail or cemeteries. All there is to it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Drinking buddies eventually stopped trying to get me out "for a drink", thus their emails and text messages also disappeared in time... I do not miss them.
True friends that I drank with now accept me as a non drinking friend, and none of them question as to "why" I decided to quit, as they know me really well.
I also take pride in starting to enjoy a lot of the social events sober, and hope that if any of my friends ever decide that they want to stop drinking - they have someone like me to turn to.
True friends that I drank with now accept me as a non drinking friend, and none of them question as to "why" I decided to quit, as they know me really well.
I also take pride in starting to enjoy a lot of the social events sober, and hope that if any of my friends ever decide that they want to stop drinking - they have someone like me to turn to.
a southern belle
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: tennessee
Posts: 265
have faith...
your life is changing for the best and your friends have to change too. with more and more recovery, you will find a whole new group of friends. just have faith and do the right thing.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
When I first quit drinking, I had to get rid of everything in my life that was a threat to my sobriety. This included certain friends. I started by hanging out with family members. Today, I have pretty much a whole new group of friends none of whom have alcohol problems.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 272
I never had drinking buddies, so can't help you much there. Alcohol gave me the reality of isolation.
I do have a few very good friends who drink (they live in other countries - and I even stopped contacting them 'virtually', that was how closed off I had become). I will have no problem saying to them 'I'm not drinking at the moment' and they will have no problem with me saying it.
Not the same situation at all though, I realise.
Good luck to you and congratulations on quitting and on your drive to succeed,
BB
I do have a few very good friends who drink (they live in other countries - and I even stopped contacting them 'virtually', that was how closed off I had become). I will have no problem saying to them 'I'm not drinking at the moment' and they will have no problem with me saying it.
Not the same situation at all though, I realise.
Good luck to you and congratulations on quitting and on your drive to succeed,
BB
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Like Beebizzy, I didn't really have drinking buddies either. I was an isolator, a closet drunk.
Which means that in some ways I had a more difficult problem. You, Stryfe, can change your companions and avoid the places you used to go to drink. When I quit drinking, I could not avoid people or places. My drinking environment was my kitchen. My drinking "companions" (although they were not drinking, of course) were my children. I could not avoid triggers.
I'm not trying to minimize the difficulty of what you're going through here. I know it is tough to say no when you are newly sober and people are calling to tempt you. I'm just trying to help you look at your situation from a different angle. Don't pick up the phone, don't answer the text, and the problem will be gone. My kitchen is still there today!
Which means that in some ways I had a more difficult problem. You, Stryfe, can change your companions and avoid the places you used to go to drink. When I quit drinking, I could not avoid people or places. My drinking environment was my kitchen. My drinking "companions" (although they were not drinking, of course) were my children. I could not avoid triggers.
I'm not trying to minimize the difficulty of what you're going through here. I know it is tough to say no when you are newly sober and people are calling to tempt you. I'm just trying to help you look at your situation from a different angle. Don't pick up the phone, don't answer the text, and the problem will be gone. My kitchen is still there today!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 52
With my old drinking buddies I found that if I'm asked to meet for a drink I typically say I'm not drinking right now and give an alternative. If it's something that I know will be a problem for my sobriety I simply do not attend. I have sober friends and friends that drink but don't have the alcohol issues that I do. Eventually things start to work themselves out over time. The people start falling into place or out of your life and truly this is for the best in the end. Being sober is a big change so you have to be prepared that your life is going to change as well. At least mine did because I am not the same person sober and I was when I was drinking. As long as you make being sober your priority in the end the life that follows and the people that are in it are of quality and substance from my experience so far.
Congrats on your decision to get sober. It's really worth it.
Congrats on your decision to get sober. It's really worth it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
I think you'll find that as long as you don't drink, you won't have to distance yourself from anyone. People who are only interested in getting drunk, as opposed to your company, will automatically distance themselves from you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Chicago
Posts: 17
I'm having this same problem right now. As a college student at a so-called "party school," there's not much of a social life (at least not in my experience--trying to open up to new things) outside of getting wasted and acting like idiots. All my friends are weekend drinkers, but I feel like I can't maintain that amount of moderation... it's like they're all in this little club where they have it all together, and I'm struggling to be normal in that social group. Maybe it's time to make new friends... but I don't want to lose the old ones 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
Originally Posted by Terminally Unique
I think you'll find that as long as you don't drink, you won't have to distance yourself from anyone. People who are only interested in getting drunk, as opposed to your company, will automatically distance themselves from you.
two friends in my life who are the biggest pot smokers i know (one female, one is my bf) have really distanced themselves from me.
the boyfriend is obviously an issue i have to deal with. But the other female friend, well, she drank with me too and frankly....i don't think i'm going to miss her. In retrospect I'm not even sure i ever wanted to hang out with her, ever. But i did, and my disease loved it!
Anyway, I can really relate. I haven't been broadcasting my choices about sobriety, but i am finding that when i turn away drinks in social situations, the fake-friends are the ones who are weirded out by it. My friend-friends don't give a hoot.
In fact, because i am an alcoholic, they tend to nod their heads in approval, "good for you" or "good choice" etc - which is just one more signifier that every time i go to an AA meeting i'm exactly where I need to be.
I'm excited for the new stuff, because i look forward to better relationships with friends and people, and even...things.
hi lostfound: are there any meetings on campus? might be nice to meet other alcoholics who are also in school with you. I must come clean and admit that i am suggesting this because I actually wish I'd done this back when i was in school. But it wasn't for 17 more years that i would wake up from a blackout (35 days ago) and realize.....i can't do this alone, i can't control it, my life is unmanageable. Chilling out with other alcoholics in recovery is actually more fun for me than going out with a bunch of fake friends (even though they may be fun drinking buddies). And believe me, i went to a party school, and i never thought i'd speak this way, or be in AA. and yet here I am, and it's the best choice i've ever made. My life is already changing. I definitely suggest checking out what the other alcoholics are up to if there's a meeting on campus with other students.
Professional Alcoholic
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 67
All you have to do is quit drinking. Do everything that you once did without alcohol. It's funny to have people congratulate me on not drinking while the they tip their head back to pour some more in. My life is way more better than it was while I was getting intoxicated all the time. I've done nothing different except I no longer drink alcohol. It kicked my butt time and time again so I don't mess with it anymore. Walker
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 95
I'm not sure that I am a true alcoholic, but I've been trying to be sober.
I'm appalled at my so-called social life. I barely can face my 'friends' sober. It is PAINFUL to be around them sober
I'm ashamed of them. I hate to be seen with them in the streets. I feel like I only became friends with them because alcohol clouded my judgement enough to do so.
I'm appalled at my so-called social life. I barely can face my 'friends' sober. It is PAINFUL to be around them sober
I'm ashamed of them. I hate to be seen with them in the streets. I feel like I only became friends with them because alcohol clouded my judgement enough to do so.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
It's not always easy. Like others said. Those who were purely drinking buddies will drop right of. Others will taper off. Still others will get closer and new ones will enter.
My life was 100% centered around drinking and people who drink. I have made so many new friends and have a more active and meaningful life than I ever thought imagineable.
Good luck and stay strong.
My life was 100% centered around drinking and people who drink. I have made so many new friends and have a more active and meaningful life than I ever thought imagineable.
Good luck and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 292
Originally Posted by Stryfe
I just decided quit drinking this past Friday after getting my 2nd DUI. It has been a very sobering experience. For the last four years of my life, I have been getting drunk at least one to three or more times a week. Albeit, I am 28 and I was in college two of those four years. Even though what I have been going through could be deemed as "normal" behavior for a twenty something, it has been highly dangerous and unacceptable. I could have died many, many times as a result of my negligent drunken behavior. I was beaten so badly by a drinking buddy earlier this year that I woke up in the hospital getting stitches in my face not knowing what the hell happened. I have crashed my car before and damn near totalled it while drunk. My first DUI was a crazy incident where I got drunk at a bar in the middle of ritzy New York City in midtown Manhattan and tried to drive four hours all the way home in Maryland. I have many other shameful stories. God has been watching over me.
I have come to realize that alcohol is the source of all my problems. Being that I have just committed to quitting, I still have "drinking buddies" calling my phone asking to hang out. Just today, an old high school buddy who recently got out of prison after serving six years in the joint for large-scale drug dealing and attempted murder and weapons charges calls me up and asks me if I want to smoke a joint with him. I would rather smoke a joint right now than ever drink enough to get drunk again. When I met him at the local village center, he was talking about going to the bar and getting some drinks from the liquor store later. I put my foot down and said I wasn't drinking. I guess he respected that. He then was telling me that he wanted me to give him a ride down to some girl's house a few miles away. I told him I couldn't give him a ride and I walked back home.
I did good today. I'm sure all of the posters here have had drinking buddies who aren't real friends. Alcohol gives you the illusion of a social life. In college, I picked up the bad habit of amassing relationships and friendships solely based around getting drunk. Luckily, I do not talk to any of my old college drinking buddies anymore. I would rather hang out with people who don't want to drink and have other hobbies. I have learned having drinking pals can be downright dangerous. I am attending AA on a regular basis now. I am going to my second meeting tonight and plan on going everyday. I need to show the court that I have taken a serious initiative to change my life before my court date in three months. I am serious about getting sober.
So my question to everybody is how did you distance yourself from your old life of drinking acquaintances and bar monkeys? I'm lucky that I only have one or two drinking buddies with my phone number and my other handful of long-term friends have other interests in common other than drinking and we can hangout without alcohol in the mix.
I have come to realize that alcohol is the source of all my problems. Being that I have just committed to quitting, I still have "drinking buddies" calling my phone asking to hang out. Just today, an old high school buddy who recently got out of prison after serving six years in the joint for large-scale drug dealing and attempted murder and weapons charges calls me up and asks me if I want to smoke a joint with him. I would rather smoke a joint right now than ever drink enough to get drunk again. When I met him at the local village center, he was talking about going to the bar and getting some drinks from the liquor store later. I put my foot down and said I wasn't drinking. I guess he respected that. He then was telling me that he wanted me to give him a ride down to some girl's house a few miles away. I told him I couldn't give him a ride and I walked back home.
I did good today. I'm sure all of the posters here have had drinking buddies who aren't real friends. Alcohol gives you the illusion of a social life. In college, I picked up the bad habit of amassing relationships and friendships solely based around getting drunk. Luckily, I do not talk to any of my old college drinking buddies anymore. I would rather hang out with people who don't want to drink and have other hobbies. I have learned having drinking pals can be downright dangerous. I am attending AA on a regular basis now. I am going to my second meeting tonight and plan on going everyday. I need to show the court that I have taken a serious initiative to change my life before my court date in three months. I am serious about getting sober.
So my question to everybody is how did you distance yourself from your old life of drinking acquaintances and bar monkeys? I'm lucky that I only have one or two drinking buddies with my phone number and my other handful of long-term friends have other interests in common other than drinking and we can hangout without alcohol in the mix.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: WV
Posts: 83
From the reverse point of view, years ago, I was the drinking buddy that got dropped. I was with my best friend from HS when he wrecked his car & got a DUI. A short time afterwards we stopped speaking because of an argument about a woman. Without my negative influence, he stopped drinking & is now an ordained minister. That's a real jaw dropped for our HS friends when they hear that news. He was quite the Hell raiser in HS.
It's funny, I can remember sitting in church as a kid, listening to the preachers tell stories about the stupid & dangerous things they did with their best friend when they were drunk. Now I'm that guy in my old friend's lessons about sin.
It's funny, I can remember sitting in church as a kid, listening to the preachers tell stories about the stupid & dangerous things they did with their best friend when they were drunk. Now I'm that guy in my old friend's lessons about sin.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
