Into The Fire
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western USA
Posts: 46
Into The Fire
Lost my job today. I have a few days to get out as my place came with the job.
I'm a bit bummed but not really that bothered. Perhaps it's all for the best. I had planned to stop drinking just after labor day and so i guess this is it.
Put up or shut up. No doctors, clinics, pills, whatever.
Just Will.
I'm heartened some by a week i spent in jail a few years ago. I was arrested drunk and was still smashed when i was processed and put in a bullpen to wait. As i remember it, i had one hell of a headache and felt bad all over, but it was more or less over by the time i was assigned a spot a few days later. Sure my drinking is easily way above the level of a few years past but i'm sure i can make it.
I'm looking to lock myself into a motel room for a few days and come what may. Either i stop this out of control drinking or just accept the fact that this is how it's always going to be.
And when i do stop, no therapist is going to be around. It's up to me and me only to deal with the aftermath. Either i make it or i don't
After all is said and done, i have a physical workout program planned that would be tough for someone half my age. Possible heart attack or stroke risk but once again, either you make it or you don't. Life rewards those who take a chance.
In all honesty i'm expecting to be on the streets for a worst case scenario of 8 months. Might as well use that time as best as i can to get straightened out.
I'm a bit bummed but not really that bothered. Perhaps it's all for the best. I had planned to stop drinking just after labor day and so i guess this is it.
Put up or shut up. No doctors, clinics, pills, whatever.
Just Will.
I'm heartened some by a week i spent in jail a few years ago. I was arrested drunk and was still smashed when i was processed and put in a bullpen to wait. As i remember it, i had one hell of a headache and felt bad all over, but it was more or less over by the time i was assigned a spot a few days later. Sure my drinking is easily way above the level of a few years past but i'm sure i can make it.
I'm looking to lock myself into a motel room for a few days and come what may. Either i stop this out of control drinking or just accept the fact that this is how it's always going to be.
And when i do stop, no therapist is going to be around. It's up to me and me only to deal with the aftermath. Either i make it or i don't
After all is said and done, i have a physical workout program planned that would be tough for someone half my age. Possible heart attack or stroke risk but once again, either you make it or you don't. Life rewards those who take a chance.
In all honesty i'm expecting to be on the streets for a worst case scenario of 8 months. Might as well use that time as best as i can to get straightened out.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry for your situation and I wish you well.
I hope you'll take some friendly advice tho, and reconsider a few things.
This isn't a Bruce Willis in Die Hard deal, man.
It's not about strength of will IMO.
You're fighting yourself essentially - and the harder you push the harder 'the other you' is likely to push back.
It's really tough - for everyone.
It's not a few days in a hotel room and you're golden....that may deal with the detox - if you're lucky enough not to have complications like I did - but what then?
And whats the deal with the exercise programme that 'would be tough for someone half your age'? I think you're seriously, and dangerously, underestimating the dangers of detox.
Just because you've done it 100s of times before and been ok is no guarantee - trust me.
I really advise you get some support and help. I really recommend a Dr for detox, but if not a Dr, or a Salvation Army rehab deal, at least think about maybe a recovery group of some kind.
I'm not an American but I know here there are lots of agencies that help the homeless - I can't imagine there's not something like that in the United States.
It's hard enough with everything else without resigning yourself already to living on the streets, dude.
Don't make a hard road nearly impossible, BTB.
I kinda wonder whether you're subconsciously setting yourself up for failure here - 'either i stop this out of control drinking or just accept the fact that this is how it's always going to be'
There's absolutely no reason it has to be that way.
My advice is cut yourself some slack.
D
I hope you'll take some friendly advice tho, and reconsider a few things.
This isn't a Bruce Willis in Die Hard deal, man.
It's not about strength of will IMO.
You're fighting yourself essentially - and the harder you push the harder 'the other you' is likely to push back.
It's really tough - for everyone.
It's not a few days in a hotel room and you're golden....that may deal with the detox - if you're lucky enough not to have complications like I did - but what then?
And whats the deal with the exercise programme that 'would be tough for someone half your age'? I think you're seriously, and dangerously, underestimating the dangers of detox.
Just because you've done it 100s of times before and been ok is no guarantee - trust me.
I really advise you get some support and help. I really recommend a Dr for detox, but if not a Dr, or a Salvation Army rehab deal, at least think about maybe a recovery group of some kind.
I'm not an American but I know here there are lots of agencies that help the homeless - I can't imagine there's not something like that in the United States.
It's hard enough with everything else without resigning yourself already to living on the streets, dude.
Don't make a hard road nearly impossible, BTB.
I kinda wonder whether you're subconsciously setting yourself up for failure here - 'either i stop this out of control drinking or just accept the fact that this is how it's always going to be'
There's absolutely no reason it has to be that way.
My advice is cut yourself some slack.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 272
BTB,
Ooooh sorry to hear about your job and your accommodation.
Congrats on your decision to quit drinking! Nice one. I detect, however, a note of despondency in your post (which is not surprising in the circs). Not in relation to quitting, but in relation to everything else perhaps.
Do please be careful with your detox - if you're determined enough to do it, you might as well be alive on the other side of it :-)
Anyhow, you sound like you know where you're at, so good luck to you. I hope you don't end up on the streets - if you kick the sauce to the kerb, you might find yourself aspiring to more...
Take care of yourself,
BB
Ooooh sorry to hear about your job and your accommodation.
Congrats on your decision to quit drinking! Nice one. I detect, however, a note of despondency in your post (which is not surprising in the circs). Not in relation to quitting, but in relation to everything else perhaps.
Do please be careful with your detox - if you're determined enough to do it, you might as well be alive on the other side of it :-)
Anyhow, you sound like you know where you're at, so good luck to you. I hope you don't end up on the streets - if you kick the sauce to the kerb, you might find yourself aspiring to more...
Take care of yourself,
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western USA
Posts: 46
Dee,
in this situation the only thing to do is fight. Sure there are a number of programs out there for those with nothing but without exception they treat you like a prisoner and exploit you for government money. On the streets we knew all about them through numbers of people who been in them.
The PAWS might be a problem and so i'll avoid doing a serious job hunt until after january. By then i should be pretty much dried up and ready to go.
The physical workout is neccesary due to the realization that i've gotten far too lazy and let my body go. It's time to strip the blubber and build myself up again and one can't do that unless one is willing to work as hard as the body is capable of being pushed.
Last but not least comes the world as a whole. For some years now, i've been discontented with how things are in my life. To be honest, suicide is a logical choice. But instead, i'm saving what i can and am raising some more money to venture into a new line of work that in a best case scenario is very high risk, very high reward. If i fail i will be penniless. I'd rather go broke trying to make something of myself than live a life of futility and stagnation in nowhere useless jobs. I want something better.
Putting the bottle down is merely the first step to a new me and new life.
in this situation the only thing to do is fight. Sure there are a number of programs out there for those with nothing but without exception they treat you like a prisoner and exploit you for government money. On the streets we knew all about them through numbers of people who been in them.
The PAWS might be a problem and so i'll avoid doing a serious job hunt until after january. By then i should be pretty much dried up and ready to go.
The physical workout is neccesary due to the realization that i've gotten far too lazy and let my body go. It's time to strip the blubber and build myself up again and one can't do that unless one is willing to work as hard as the body is capable of being pushed.
Last but not least comes the world as a whole. For some years now, i've been discontented with how things are in my life. To be honest, suicide is a logical choice. But instead, i'm saving what i can and am raising some more money to venture into a new line of work that in a best case scenario is very high risk, very high reward. If i fail i will be penniless. I'd rather go broke trying to make something of myself than live a life of futility and stagnation in nowhere useless jobs. I want something better.
Putting the bottle down is merely the first step to a new me and new life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 142
B2B...there's no reason for the tough guy attitude I detect from ya. I'm not saying it won't work for ya, it very well might. But the thing is, there is no reason to do this ALONE! Alcohol withdrawal can be DANGEROUS. It can cause seizures. Oh, and alcohol withdrawal can cause brain damage (via a process known as excitotoxicity).
Your brain is so used to having alcohol (a central nervous system depressant) that your body has basically started to make a lot of glutamate, which is like the meth of your brain. Glutamate is very excitatory. As well, you don't produce much GABA, which naturally "slows" everything down, for times of sleep and rest.
Thus, suddenly quitting alcohol, your brain will become SUPERCHARGED. You could even get deliriums tremens (DT's), which can cause seizures, heart attacks, strokes, and other fun stuff.
I honestly don't think it is safe at all for someone to just quit drinking. You should contact your doctor and tell him your situation.
Your brain is so used to having alcohol (a central nervous system depressant) that your body has basically started to make a lot of glutamate, which is like the meth of your brain. Glutamate is very excitatory. As well, you don't produce much GABA, which naturally "slows" everything down, for times of sleep and rest.
Thus, suddenly quitting alcohol, your brain will become SUPERCHARGED. You could even get deliriums tremens (DT's), which can cause seizures, heart attacks, strokes, and other fun stuff.
I honestly don't think it is safe at all for someone to just quit drinking. You should contact your doctor and tell him your situation.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Of course, it's up to you, but it's not just do or die. Strokes don't always kill. You could just end up with one useless side of your body. There are all sorts of things that could happen where you wouldn't die, but you wouldn't be able get around on your own. Again, it's your life to do with as you wish, but it really sounds like you're BSing yourself. Hope you'll put a little more thought into this, but whatever you decide, I wish you the best.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by BurnToBuild
Either i make it or i don't
I'm making an assumption here so please correct me if I'm wrong but is your screen name a reference to starting over out of the ashes...like nature does with huge forest fires that over time become lush and green again...or maybe like a pheonix? Just curious...
I personally think it is foolish to expect your body to do something at your will after you have so badly abused it. I mean you can't win a game, build a house, accomplish any task really, with faulty equipment and broken tools. Let the Drs. help you safely medically detox and take it from there. It's not a weakness to get medical help...it's a weakness to cut off your nose to spite your face.
To be honest, suicide is a logical choice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 142
Originally Posted by BurnToBuild 
Last but not least comes the world as a whole. For some years now, i've been discontented with how things are in my life. To be honest, suicide is a logical choice. But instead, i'm saving what i can and am raising some more money to venture into a new line of work that in a best case scenario is very high risk, very high reward. If i fail i will be penniless. I'd rather go broke trying to make something of myself than live a life of futility and stagnation in nowhere useless jobs. I want something better.
Putting the bottle down is merely the first step to a new me and new life.
Putting the bottle down is merely the first step to a new me and new life.
I just don't see why you think suicide is a logical choice. The only perspective in your case where suicide is logical (from a warped addict perspective) is energy expenditure. It would save a lot of energy and time to just off yourself instead of dealing with the future. That is why most addicts kill themselves, they're too tired, too lazy, and too scared to deal with the future. That's why I attempted suicide almost exactly a month ago. I was too scared to deal with the future. I wanted an easy way out. And since my addiction itself was suicidal in nature (whenever using I was never afraid of OD'ing because I WANTED to die), so suicide was a natural consequence.
B2B, you have an alcohol problem!!! You shouldn't be making such life altering judgments before you have some good recovery time under your belt.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
At the end of my drinking I was also delusional with my thinking.
Please seek medical help. Many states have free rehabs which will get full as winter approaches. Your current plan isn't logical. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act. Alkies have been selfish enough in their drinking/using days...."oh, poor me, pour me another drink"
ER's can't turn you down for detox or threat of suicide. Get real help!!!!!!
And stick around here. You aren't alone!!!!
Please seek medical help. Many states have free rehabs which will get full as winter approaches. Your current plan isn't logical. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act. Alkies have been selfish enough in their drinking/using days...."oh, poor me, pour me another drink"
ER's can't turn you down for detox or threat of suicide. Get real help!!!!!!
And stick around here. You aren't alone!!!!
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
I worry about this black and white thinking. My own failure to acknowledge that life doesn't always neatly fit into my own definitions of absolutes kept me drunk for a very long time. Black and white thinking may make great sound bites but it really leads us to be short changed in the long run. The fact that our thinking can work against us and almost kill us or at least contemplate suicide is very serious and dramatic. That's why for some of us, sheer will is not enough; no matter how steely the will and/or how determined we may be. Some of us just need help.
Please don't be a hero. Please don't try to detox on your own. Nobody is giving out medals for self-detox. Please find a doctor or a place to medically help you through this.
Much love and sorry about the job. May this be your turning point.
Please don't be a hero. Please don't try to detox on your own. Nobody is giving out medals for self-detox. Please find a doctor or a place to medically help you through this.
Much love and sorry about the job. May this be your turning point.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm thinking this would be a good time to contact the Salvation Army
to de tox and then connect to their other longer recovery programs.
With no job and no place to live coming up quickly....why not?
to de tox and then connect to their other longer recovery programs.
With no job and no place to live coming up quickly....why not?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Merritt Island, Fl
Posts: 1,164
Originally Posted by BurnToBuild
The physical workout is neccesary due to the realization that i've gotten far too lazy and let my body go. It's time to strip the blubber and build myself up again and one can't do that unless one is willing to work as hard as the body is capable of being pushed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Oh, I'm so sorry this happened.
I couldn't get sober alone and crawled on my hands and knees into AA. But for me it was either stay sober or die. As someone pointed out, my best thinking got me there, lol. So please don't rule out outside help if it's too tough alone. God bless.
I couldn't get sober alone and crawled on my hands and knees into AA. But for me it was either stay sober or die. As someone pointed out, my best thinking got me there, lol. So please don't rule out outside help if it's too tough alone. God bless.
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