changeschoices

My AXBF broke up with me very expectedly about a month ago. He was two months sober and seemed to be doing well...up until about a week or so before he broke up with me. During that week, his temper was short, he was yelling at me and calling me curse words, and generally acting out of control. He was trying to work another guy's recovery, blaming others for his unhappiness (me included), and just being angry.

I saw him on a Friday and all seemed well. We had a really nice time together and he said to my kids "see you tomorrow, guys!" He called me later that night from his apartment and sounded a little distant. The next morning, he called me and angrily broke up with me, saying he needed to focus on his recovery and being incredibly mean to me, saying how I was all wrong for him, he never wants a serious relationship again so I should just give up on him, and telling me all the things he doesn't like about me. Mixed in with his yelling and hurtfulness were lots of lies and weird interpretations of things that had happened in our relationship. It was really weird, and he was completely hysterical on the phone. But what it all boiled down to was, he wanted to focus on his recovery and thus he broke up with me.

Now a month later, I remember the phone call we had the night before he broke up with me. I kept hearing what sounded like a glass bottle being put down on a table top, over and over again. He also told me he was going into his bathroom to smoke a cigarette. He was usually fastidious about not smoking in his apartment, he'd always step outside, so I thought it was weird that he would go smoke in his bathroom.

So it's dawned on me...he probably relapsed that Friday night. And all of his anger and blame probably have nothing to do with me. I was really supportive of his recovery and of him in general, so I can't see why he was so angry toward me and insisting I was the problem. He has legal, financial, and possibly homelessness problems, no car, and no license. I had previously helped him in all these areas and continued to offer help if needed. When he broke up with me, he said "I can handle all those problems; they don't cause me stress. YOU are the only thing in my life that causes me stress." Opinions? Reassurance? Help??

changeschoices

Forgot to mention: he was going to AA daily for 2 months after he got sober in rehab. In the last week or so before he broke up with me, he started using a lot of AA sayings on me. Like telling me, "You know, you are playing God" (this offended me because I am very religious and go to services weekly, while he confided in me that he didn't think he could accept a higher power), "You are projecting, you know," and other AA statements that are certainly wise sayings but don't really apply to me as I rarely drink.

CarolD

Who knows? and what difference does it make?

You don't deserve to be treated so poorly by anyone...and he sure is not a good role model for your children.....:no

Not all loves and lovers are for ever...and some do become toxic for various reasons.

Blessings to you and your children....time to let go and get back to taking care of you and your childrens's well being.
I do hope you are attending Al anon for support.

:

sugarbear1

Life is my higher power. I choose to live and not to die. Can't answer for you or for him. Do you have any support for you? You may want to look into being with others who are in similiar circumstances. Best wishes

onlythetruth

He certainly may have relapsed. But even if he did not, he sure wasn't treating you appropriately and that's what matters.

I hope you are getting the support you need and find personally helpful following this painful breakup.

kiki5711

ha ha what a joke!

you're the only one that's pushing him to be sober, hence "you're the only thing causing him stress".