If nothing works...try letting go
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: South FL
Posts: 15
If nothing works...try letting go
I just wanted to share some of my experience, strength, and hope with everyone who is currently battling addiction or recovering from one...
I am an alcoholic who had reached the bitter end and gave up. I had tried controlled drinking, psychotherapy, church, prescription medication (naltrexone and antabuse), replacing alcohol with drugs, geographic change, changing friends, alcoholics anonymous with various sponsors, isolation from the world and at last, suicide.
I simply could not stop drinking, and the worst part was that drinking stopped working for me. Alcohol had worked as my solution for a number of years. My drinking had never been moderate. The first time I drank, I drank by myself, and I drank to blackout. My family had to hold my head over a toilet unaware of what happened to their son. I knew I had found my answer.
I found the answer to all of my problems in alcohol. I could be more social, the center of attention, I was better at talking to girls, I was better looking, I lost my insecurities, I had a sense of ease that I never had before in my life, and most of all it made me feel comfortable in my own skin.
My drinking slowly took over my life. My nights were full of insane binges and as life progressed I added drugs into the mix. The days after were terrible and I soon learned that if I continued drinking I would feel ok. Eventually I transformed my drinking exploits into weekend binges, even whole week binges, followed by terrible withdrawal. A pounding heart, profuse sweating, One, two or even three nights of no sleep, hallucinations and an extreme fear. This is when I began to recognize that I may have a problem with alcohol. Not because of what happened while drinking but what happened when I stopped.
I then tried all the various methods to stop drinking that I listed above. None of them worked. I would put together almost thirty days, one time sixty days, and then destroy it all with a single thought. "I think this time it will be different." Eventually i knew exactly what was going to happen and I did it anyways. There was no use in fooling myself, I had gone off the deep end.
Through all of my desperation and search, I finally gave up. I became willing to do anything to be rid of this deep pain. I lost most of my friends and credibility in social circles, I quit my job, and I was unable to afford my house anymore. I was homeless and broke, but my parents offered me a room. It was at their house that I had failed a suicide attempt and my family had seen the side of me that I hid from them for so many years. We all decided I needed help.
What I have learned and practiced since that moment has saved and change the course of my life. I attended a place that helped me understand my problem and the solution to that problem. I had always thought that drinking was my problem but it is not. The alcohol is my solution. The problem is me.
I gave up running my own life and gave it over to a higher power of my understanding. I was powerless over alcohol AND my life was unmanageable. I could never run my own life, even before I started drinking. Once I really took hold of this in my mind, I got on my knees and gave my life over to a higher power and I had a profound spiritual experience. I don't want to go into details but it was that experience that changed me forever.
It is the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous that have saved my life. I have nearly 6 months sober and am completing my twelfth step this week. It hasn't been easy but it sure has been worth it. The obsession to drink has been removed from me. I have real friends now that care about me, a family that trusts me, and I have become the man I always wanted to be. The funny thing is that it isn't about not drinking at all. It is about becoming a better person, helping others, and living life based on spiritual principles. This is the only thing that could've saved me and this is just my opinion. Now my duty is to help other alcoholics find the same peace that I have.
I pray for all those of you out there that are still suffering. I hope that I may have given someone hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I am an alcoholic who had reached the bitter end and gave up. I had tried controlled drinking, psychotherapy, church, prescription medication (naltrexone and antabuse), replacing alcohol with drugs, geographic change, changing friends, alcoholics anonymous with various sponsors, isolation from the world and at last, suicide.
I simply could not stop drinking, and the worst part was that drinking stopped working for me. Alcohol had worked as my solution for a number of years. My drinking had never been moderate. The first time I drank, I drank by myself, and I drank to blackout. My family had to hold my head over a toilet unaware of what happened to their son. I knew I had found my answer.
I found the answer to all of my problems in alcohol. I could be more social, the center of attention, I was better at talking to girls, I was better looking, I lost my insecurities, I had a sense of ease that I never had before in my life, and most of all it made me feel comfortable in my own skin.
My drinking slowly took over my life. My nights were full of insane binges and as life progressed I added drugs into the mix. The days after were terrible and I soon learned that if I continued drinking I would feel ok. Eventually I transformed my drinking exploits into weekend binges, even whole week binges, followed by terrible withdrawal. A pounding heart, profuse sweating, One, two or even three nights of no sleep, hallucinations and an extreme fear. This is when I began to recognize that I may have a problem with alcohol. Not because of what happened while drinking but what happened when I stopped.
I then tried all the various methods to stop drinking that I listed above. None of them worked. I would put together almost thirty days, one time sixty days, and then destroy it all with a single thought. "I think this time it will be different." Eventually i knew exactly what was going to happen and I did it anyways. There was no use in fooling myself, I had gone off the deep end.
Through all of my desperation and search, I finally gave up. I became willing to do anything to be rid of this deep pain. I lost most of my friends and credibility in social circles, I quit my job, and I was unable to afford my house anymore. I was homeless and broke, but my parents offered me a room. It was at their house that I had failed a suicide attempt and my family had seen the side of me that I hid from them for so many years. We all decided I needed help.
What I have learned and practiced since that moment has saved and change the course of my life. I attended a place that helped me understand my problem and the solution to that problem. I had always thought that drinking was my problem but it is not. The alcohol is my solution. The problem is me.
I gave up running my own life and gave it over to a higher power of my understanding. I was powerless over alcohol AND my life was unmanageable. I could never run my own life, even before I started drinking. Once I really took hold of this in my mind, I got on my knees and gave my life over to a higher power and I had a profound spiritual experience. I don't want to go into details but it was that experience that changed me forever.
It is the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous that have saved my life. I have nearly 6 months sober and am completing my twelfth step this week. It hasn't been easy but it sure has been worth it. The obsession to drink has been removed from me. I have real friends now that care about me, a family that trusts me, and I have become the man I always wanted to be. The funny thing is that it isn't about not drinking at all. It is about becoming a better person, helping others, and living life based on spiritual principles. This is the only thing that could've saved me and this is just my opinion. Now my duty is to help other alcoholics find the same peace that I have.
I pray for all those of you out there that are still suffering. I hope that I may have given someone hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for sharing...glad you are here at SR.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,955
I like your story. A lot like mine. Altogether the empowerment approach was my ticket out of active addiction. But it goes to show there many paths out of a common illness as addiction is.
Keep making personal progress in recovery
Keep making personal progress in recovery
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 65
Your story reminded me a lot of mine-except substitiute the Family for a very supportive, forgiving and understanding Boyfriend. I recently started AA again-well, I never really took it seriously before. In the course of this year I have been to a 28 day Residential Program (stayed sober for 2 months) and gone for Detox 5 times-I have incredible withdrawal symptoms when I binge drink and would never attempt to detox at home. Oh, and 2 suicide attempts. When I look at the reason for the suicide attempts I realize that there was nothing horrible going on in my life, I have a pretty nice life. Except for the alcohol. God, it had such a stranglehold on me the only way I felt I could escape was death. It makes me sad and angry to write that. I was 2 weeks sober yesterday-I was in Detox from July 25th-29. I have started therapy again, but what I hope will be the difference this time is I am commiting myself to AA and my Higher Power. This is gravely important for me b/c this disease has me by the throat and wants me dead and I will fight to the death to beat it. I WILL succeed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: South FL
Posts: 15
No you don't ever complete the twelfth step. I'm just excited that I have had my spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. I can see where that wording can be confusing. If you have another questions let me know
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 213
Your story resembles that of my sons , he was 18 and went out with his friends one night until then he never as much as took a sip of alcohol and what ended up happening was that one of his friends actually had to call me because they thought he was dying, I found him on the street , his friends had all left him except one and he had almost drunk himself to the point of alcohol poisoning ,we ended up in the hospital that night and since then its been a road of hell for him as well as his family, whatever he does he does in extreme, and now hard drugs are in the picture but reading your story gives me hope thank you for sharing
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by JayGatsby 
...I am an alcoholic who had reached the bitter end and gave up. I had tried controlled drinking, psychotherapy, church, prescription medication (naltrexone and antabuse), replacing alcohol with drugs, geographic change, changing friends, alcoholics anonymous with various sponsors, isolation from the world and at last, suicide.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: South FL
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by chicagoJ
If I'm reading this correctly AA with a sponsor was one of the methods you tried in the past but it didn't work. What was different that made it work over the past 6 months?
*Humility- a clear recognition of who we are followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: South FL
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by bmwcycle
Congrats Jay!!!
BTW how are Daisy and Nick??
BTW how are Daisy and Nick??
Thanks to all for the welcome and support. I feel the love. There is a great healing energy throughout this site.
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