AA4life

I wanted to vent a bit and see if other people have had experience with something like this. I have been sober since 2009 and I love my sobriety and I love AA. However, a chair person at the local club who has been chairing meetings for a couple of years has recently been arrested for smoking pot. They found the pot on him while he was driving a vehicle that he wasn't suppose to drive because he is required to drive a certain vehicle that he has the device you have to blow into before it will start. He is now looking at 3 to 5 years for what happened.

This is the part that irritates me, he came clean and told all of us in the meeting that he doesn't deserve his four year chip because he has NEVER been sober. This is someone I looked up to and I thought they had good sobriety. Has anyone else experienced something like this at your meetings? Thankfully I have some sobriety under my belt and have been in AA for a while so I knew that this definitely wasn't the norm. However, it made me question which people, if any, were working an honest program.

Personally, I don't know why you would keep showing up to meetings if you aren't being honest and keeping sober.

I am not going to drink, and I am going to keep going to AA but it really took a lot of trust out of the fellowship for me. I am sure I will keep plugging away, one day at a time. But, for the life of me I don't know why he would lie like that for so long!!!!

Taking it easy in the midwest.

David...

ZZworldontheweb

I try not to get too wrapped up in individual personalities, and concentrate on the central messages of AA such as spiritual growth, self control, etc. I think situations like this are a problem for those who lean almost exclusively on the mutual support aspect of AA while neglecting those other core principals.

For every guy like this there are many others who are honest and succeeding.

keithj

I've been an active AA member for a while now, and I've witnessed a few people who meet your description. They are the alcoholic who still suffers, perhaps more so because they are stuck in a delusion that everything is OK, and they are usually driven by fear that somebody will find out the truth. Thankfully, they are a very small minority.

When I first got sober, my sponsor made what I thought was a strange suggestion to me. He asked me to judge people in the fellowship. Not for good or bad or right or wrong, but he asked me to evaluate who was actually working this program. Who was living by the principles and not just talking about them. Who was actually placing their reliance on a higher power.

My actions indicate what I believe. Service is good action, but it will not keep me sober. I can't service myself into lasting sobriety, and I've seen it fail for many people. That delusion that I'm working the program just because I'm busy in AA is an easy trap to fall in. I need someone (a sponsor) who understands a spiritual journey to give me some feedback on my progress. Someone who loves me enough to be honest with me. Otherwise, I fall prey to the well-intentioned praise and admiration of others, who will most likely tell me I'm a great guy and doing fine based on my outward projection of what I want them to see. I need someone to look deeper and help me figure out how I'm doing on the inside.

24hrsAday

i have seen much in my time around A.A. you see this type of thing far more often than most would like to admit. "I" know all about smoking pot! (lol) you can not IMHO be considered sober and be doing ANY type of Drug (that gets you high) many people like to Rationalize Drug use.. it is harmful to the fellowship as you have seen and i am Grateful to NOT be that guy today. stick with the Winners they vastly outnumber the Losers..

CarolD

this issue of trust was discussed in my AA meeting yesterday...

the man who shared on it ..just getting back in the rooms after a very messy 2 ears of drinking...said his minister had de railed his sobreity by breaking
his trust when dealing with a church matter with dishonesty.

My point is people let us down in and out of the rooms...they deserve our prayers that they may change for the better...

Crusty old Charlie ended his share with a reminder of those signs over some bars...'In God we trust...all others pay cash"
then went on 'In God we trust....all others are fallible'

Spawn

You can't measure your recovery by other people's recovery. The fellowship didn't let you down.....one person let you down. I would take this as a learning experience.

catallus

I've said in other posts that I believed the social aspect of recovery is crucial in developing a healthy, sober, contented lifestyle. I am like most people, and I could not do this alone - I needed a solid support network (and maintain an ability to listen to them) in place.

They say in the program that one is not supposed to take another person's inventory. I disagree with that. First: It's a natural human function; it can't be avoided - why try?.
second: I don't know another way to decide if another person would be safe or detrimental to my support network and, ultimately, my serenity. For me, it took over a year before I understood I needed to look within myself and change the behaviors I had acquired throughout the tenure of my addictions, and believe me, they weren't pretty - I lied, cheated, stole, fought... and so on, to get what I wanted when I wanted it. I didn't realize how important change was. And while I was in my cups, I actually thought I was all that and a bag of chips - I was deluded. And I know these behaviors never disappear, because my daily maintenance is helping me keep them in check - progress not perfection.

My point: One cannot take anyone on face value. There are as many sick individuals in AA as there are anywhere else, it's your job to wean out the crazies and keep yourself safe. There are people who don't want to change, people who don't understand about change and, as the Big Book says: "there are those who are constitutionally incapable of being honest" - with themselves and others.

But do not disregard everything that person said or did just because he was on the weed and dishonest. As with any meeting; take what you can use and leave the rest.

So, take the inventory - then let it go. It's what you do with someone's inventory after the fact that counts.

Third: ummm, there is no third. Sometimes I have to put things in list form in order for them to make sense to me......

stugotz

We are the best liars and con-men on the planet. It never shocks me when something like that happens in the rooms.

Zube

As for the "marijuana maintenance", I have mixed feelings. Personally, I'm against it in recovery. But from an A.A. standpoint, I have to stand by traditions 3) "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking", 5)"Each group has but one primary purpose- to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers", and the first part of tradition 10)"A.A. has no opinion on outside issues".

As for the the dishonesty...yeah, not good. I hope that he discovers the honesty that the program requires his next go-around.

Somebody occasionally throws away their beer cans in our parking lot after meetings. P*sses me off.

Zube

Eddiebuckle

That's pretty ugly - but pretty human, too. I've only been sober for 18 months and already seen multiple people relapse, a couple die, and several act out in ways that really threw me. That's addiction for you.

I try to focus only on my program, it's the only one over which I have any real influence.

stugotz

The rooms of AA, NA or Any A for that matter isnt exactly the most stable cross-section of society.

Soberpotamus

Good point! Why are people shocked to find out an ex-alchy goes back to the bottle, or drugs again? And god forbid... deny, manipulate and con others??

DayTrader

Well.... a couple things come to mind:
1. My case is different, I can handle the pot.......I'm just an alkie
2. I'm not "really" lying.....I'm just not being completely honest.
3. I don't need to be completely honest like those poor alkies they talk about in "How it Works" have to be - I'm special.
4. I'm working "my" version of the AA program - I'm taking the parts I think are important and leaving the rest.
.......I could go on and on and on.......

Sadly, I had to to go an AA funeral a week and a half ago. This guy had 14 or 15 years, sounded awesome at tables, went to a lot of meetings.......really seemed (even in MY judgmental opinion) to be working the program really solidly. Well, his dishonesty and his secrets ended in him overdosing or dying from the mixtures of drugs/booze he had in his place.

Now I don't know how long he'd been back at it.....but the "paraphernalia" in his place suggested that he'd been hitting it pretty hard for quite a while. None of the 6 or 7 other ppl who sat with "Joe" at the table the week before he died had ANY clue what he was really up to.

As has been said, "that" alkies lie and go back to drinking isn't too tough for me to understand.....it's the best we can do under our own will and power. For the type AA deals with, they have no choice BUT to go back out unless they find and stay connected to that power greater than themselves and allow that power to do for them what they have never been able to do for themselves.

The fact that this man paid for his dishonesty with his life is the sad part.......and it's also a big reminder to the rest of us. The guy in your meeting AA4Live - he got off reeeally lucky. My buddy had to make the Doctor's Opinion come to life: These men were not drinking to escape, they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control. There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving which cause men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight. and..... "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

AA4life

Thanks for all the great feedback. AA has a great message and I believe AA works, too. But there for a moment, I looked around the room and really wondered if I was the only person that AA was actually helping stay away from the first drink.

I felt betrayed by his dishonesty but he is the one that has to go to jail for it. I can use it as a learning experience and see that AA has people still suffering in it. I am thankful it is working for me and there wouldn't be millions of people in the fellowship if it didn't work. The whole situation really took me back I guess because there was SO MUCH dishonesty from the start of his time in AA. This guy used to talk smack about the people who kept relapsing too. Like "I can't believe they can't get this" type of attitude.

But, I will take the stuff that I can use to get myself to the next day without a drink.

This is an excellent example of how the program only works well when you are very honest about where you are and how you are doing...

David.

abc

I don't go to meetings, but my understanding is the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking. I wouldn't worry about his problems, focus on yourself. He may have decided that weed is not a problem for him but alcohol is. People get hurt by different drugs, it depends on the person and their unique brain chemistry. Besides, plenty of people in AA smoke cigarettes and that's a dangerous drug too. The decision to allow cigarettes but not some other drug is kinda arbitrary.