Adisa1101

relapse... i didnt think it could happen again. but yesterday, it did. to try and catch you you up to speed, about a month ago i met a woman at a meeting who used to be one of my clients when i was working. we clicked with the desire ultimately to get sober. we started going to meetings together weekly. yesterday she had called me and told me that she had been drinking. she also asked if i wanted to get together with her. she said that she would bring alcohol if i wanted. i wasnt sure what to do at first. i didnt want to drink. but at the same time, didnt want to say no. so i told her to come on by. i was at the pool just laying out for the day. it was plan to just hang out by the pool and try and get some color. until that phone call. so she came with vodka. i knew that things would be different once we drank. once i drank. it didnt feel right even taking the first sip. i took a few swigs and immediately felt worse. she kept asking me what was wrong and why wasnt i having a good time. saying this is what i wanted wasnt it. i said i didnt feel right about doing this. she said well at least we relapsed together and now can learn from it. that bothered me. she said she couldnt change her sobriety date because if her husband knew that she had relapsed again, he would file for a divorce. she said i shouldnt change my date either because it was just a few sips. i didnt feel right about that either. not long after i told her that i wanted to head home and call it a day. i immediately felt the regret of drinking and the guilt was overwhelming. needless to say i am changing my date and went to a meeting by myself tonight. i just wanted to share my experience here and see if anyone had any input on the situation. thanks for listening.

ZZworldontheweb

It sounds like you immediately reversed the situation, so it's not nearly as bad as it could have been. Yeah, you should probably change your sobriety date, but this doesn't sound like the kind of big relapse that will be a long term threat to your sobriety, as long as you commit to doing things right going forward.

Actually, maybe we can benefit from your experience here, in case we ever find ourselves in a similar situation.

If I may ask, what was it that prevented you from telling your friend to come over but leave the vodka behind? Did you consciously decide to take that first drink , and if so, why? Or was it more like one of those mental blank spots we read about?

Thanks for any ESH you can offer.

MycoolFitz

Maybe you set yourself up? Its good you are honest with us and with your sobriety date. Be sure to give yourself the same respect. We call it a slip but its not like we fell down on ice. We fell down on our comittment to ourselves. So many opportunities to back off but sometimes its easier to give in. I've been there, I'm giving everything I have not to be there again. Todays a new day one, its in your hands what you do with it. I wish for you the best. Take care.

tallcactus

Good for you to feel about about it and to stop and get to a meeting.
You are stronger that you thought.
We all had some small relapses in the beginning.
You have to what to be sober and honest more that you want to drink and lie.
Your off to a very good start.

Adisa1101

zz,
thank you for the encouragement. im not sure what prevented me from doing it... i remember praying to God out loud after i hung up and just said, "God what do i do here?" i wasnt happy about my decision to do it. i remember pourinf the vodka and not even thinking. drinking it and not thinking. not remembering all the people who stand in my corner rooting for me every day. i thought of nothing. but shortly after i thought of everything..and i didnt want it. the difficult part is that she wants to continue to go to meetings together. and of course i want to go. but i feel very strange about it now. about our very new friendship. part of me is angry and feels she sabotaged me. but i know i made the choice. it definitely did feel like a mental blank spot though. i just poured it and drank, no thinking. its not what i want.

Dee74

I used to get mad at my friends when I drank again...but really, looking back now, I knew what the situation would be and I voluntarily put myself right smack dab in the middle of it.

I had to work harder, and change some friends, adisa.

D

ImReadyToQuit

Just by reading the story you knowingly made the decision to drink.. Doesn't seem like a slip up to me.. Not sure how much sober time you have.. All you can do is remove that person from your life and learn from your mistake.

checkmate1

I think you will grow stronger from this slip. You didn't really want to drink anyway and you thought immediately after that you didn't want to get drunk or feel a buzz. You felt regret afterwards and if it wasn't for your friend you probably wouldn't have slipped. You can only learn from this experience and hopefully if there is a next time you will be strong enough to say no.

CarolD

Glad you are getting back on track quickly...

step 1 time? When I began my my Steps I went from shakey sobreity into solid recovery.

BullDog777

sounds to me like all she was doing was using you as a drinking buddy. i think if i were you it would have really upset me if someone i considered a "friend" had asked me if i wanted to drink when they knew damn well i was sober.

you don't need people like that in your life. in my mind, someone handing me a bottle of vodka would be tantamount to someone handing me a loaded gun if i was suicidal.

maybe make a better choice next time. this is your life on the line and you deserve to make better choices for yourself.

WritingFromLife

Adisa--I'm just putting this out there, because I certainly don't know what's in your heart and head, so just consider it and throw it out if it doesn't apply. A big part of my drinking was me not wanting to say "no" to my friends. It became a boundary issue. A boundary I had that was fuzzy. Yes, people are ultimately going to do what they want to do...but the fact that you prayed to God to give you direction, and then you only took a few steps, leads me to believe you never wanted to do it in the first place... your motivations were on how your negative response to your friend would have made her feel. Is it possible you didn't want her to feel you were judging her, so joining in might help? Just another angle. Regardless, great job of stopping when you did. That says soooo much.

wellwisher

When I wanted to learn my trade, I went to the best school I could afford that was specific to my craft, and learned from professors who knew about it. The class was loaded with students, but it was the professors who had the knowledge.

When I wanted to start my business, I went to a class with other potential business owners to listen to those who have succeeded in starting a small business. I looked to those who succeeded in creating my business model.

When it came to getting sober, I had a lot of "classmates" just starting out in sobriety, but it was the experience, strength and hope of those who have succeeded that made the difference to me.

Do you have a sponsor?

Reset

This was probably a good lesson. Just chalk it up as that and don't overthink things. In the long haul, when you have a couple of years under your belt it won't even matter.

But the way you handled it after the fact was admirable. Focus on that.

yeahgr8

When i first got sober, i went to meet a friend of 6 years (he was, died 2 months ago, him not me!) and he said he wanted to meet up and talk about sobriety etc...well i had only been in AA a week and we met for lunch afterwards he confessed that the reason for meeting was because he fancied a pint and knew if i had one that he would feel better about having one himself...

Even though i was just a week sober at the time, and bearing in mind that my normal reaction would be one of rage over this, i thought about this and came to the conclusion that i had said sooooo many times that i was going to stop drinking how was he to know that this was the one time i was actually serious about doing it...

Objectively speaking from a normal persons (sane and mature) point of view the person who bought vodka to the pool for you and her is a **** and they would have nothing further to do with them...but in recovery we could view the person as sick, like we were/are, and have some compassion for her actions whilst setting in place some healthy boundries for ourselves...

Of course you would be better off resetting your sobriety date, why the hell would we want to lie to ourselves about something as important as that? That would be insane behaviour bigtime:-)

ANEWAUGUST

To thine own self be true...

Maybe by trying to be a friend, you compromised yourself?

I too look for someone I can connect with in my recovery. Although, when I was newly sober, someone who was committed to being sober and honestly working their program.

It sounds like your friend wants a partner in crime that will keep her secret.

Congratulations for getting back on track.

Adisa1101

i am so overwhelmed by the amount of support from all of you. thank you for taking the time to share your experiences and advice at a much needed time. i came across a passage in scripture that i'd like to share. "The Lord has comforted His people and will have compassion on His suffering ones." Isaiah 49:13 it is such a comfort to know that in my life. i thank you again for all of your encouragement and honesty. it means alot.

NYCDoglvr

I'm so glad you're ok. It was a brief interruption in your sobriety. I learned that I can't be around alcoholics who aren't sober, the pull is too great. Fortunately I didn't have to experiment.

Your honesty is a huge asset, it will steer you back on the right path.