meaninglesslife

These are things I will not waver from. They are truth.
1. Human life has no more meaning than a leaf on a tree.
2. A higher power does not exist, without ignorance, I won't hear it. I would rather be drunk than to believe in something as real as Barney the dinosaur.

I think, I would rather be drunk, have fun, and die at forty, rather than live a boring life until I'm eighty (life is boring and although drinking is false color, it is something). I've never been jealous of anyone over forty. I haven't been to a funeral yet of anyone who I think has lived a life that has been worth the effort put forth to live that life. I am 33 years old and have not found anything that I have any lasting interest in other then booze, drugs and women.

What reason do I have to not go out tonight and have fun? I think at some point you can't down shift to life in the slow lane. Isn't it better to live fast and die young. We are all going to die (in fact someday the sun will even burn up). Why not max out?

I have been sober 19 out of 20 days. My life is more organized, it runs more smoothly but for what, this useless drill called life. I have had only one worthwhile day in the last 20--the rest...utterly forgettable!

TheJungianThing

Give you a logical reason for what ?

meaninglesslife

A logical reason to live a sober life, for someone who doesn't really find value in life.

Boleo

Abstinence is not drinking and feeling bad about it. Recovery is not drinking and feeling good about it. If sobriety feels like a cross to bare, sooner or later you will want to put that cross down.

In this life pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Both Joy and suffering are a inside job. If happiness is all worn out, trade it in for Joy. Where happiness is singular, Joy is plural.

meaninglesslife

Pyschic power? What's illogical?

If the positives of not drinking, as I see it right now, are a more organized, smoother running life, I don't know if that is worth the price of the boredom. I feel like I'm giving up a lot for little upside. What is it that anyone finds that replaces drinking? I'm really curious? I'm looking for a reason not to just say f**k it. It boils down to this, if I personally don't find value in life what reason do I have to not to drink? I'm not going to find value in life, is there any hope for me to quit drinking with that view?

Boleo

Peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose is what I have found in recovery.

Perhaps in the early days of my drinking, I was getting some of that from alcohol. At some point, drinking stopped working for me and I tried larger and larger doses to get it back. The last few years my drinking just made me feel comfortably numb. Then, even that stopped working for me.

Today, I don't use recovery as an end of drinking program. Now I use it as an end of suffering program. When there is no "Peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose" in my life, I feel like I am suffering. Although I don't always know what it is that I am missing.

flutter

A lot of people drink until it kills them.. That's unfortunate to me, but a reality.

Not to keep the thread hijack going, but meaning, have you had a chance to watch the Rain in My Heart videos? An alcoholic death is absolutely horrible, but preventable.

TheJungianThing

Well, you have that view and you're not drinking now. So I'd say yes.

What do you think ? Maybe started another thread if you want. I don't want to hijack this one anymore.



My apologies to babycat and all. Lost myself there.

meaninglesslife

I'm doing my best to hold on but It's so hard without a purpose. I'm having a hard time finding a sufficient reason. Thanks for the advice though, really.

Eddiebuckle

I can identify. That's where I was prior to quitting - my parents were dead, my GF of 15 years left, I had to put both my dogs down in a six week period, and I lost my job. All of which occured in one 12 month period.

You have made it three weeks, and you seem to want the world to be as euphoric as it was when you were drunk or high. Sorry to burst your bubble but it doesn't work that way, at least in my experience. It takes time, and the changes are subtle but I can say without reservation that the world I now exist in is better than the one I gave up when I stopped drinking.

That's the spiritual part of recovery. I suggest you pick up a copy of The Spirituality of Imperfection by Ernest Kurtz. You've probably been drinking/using for something like 15+ years, do you think its logical for a total change in 15 days?

Hang in there - it's worth the effort.

CarolD

I thought this deserved a thread of it's own....please do continue to share

CarolD

I know you are relatively new to sobriety....and Yes that was a difficult time for me too. I'm sorry you are distressed....

Depression was part of my drinking and it did hang on for awhile after I quit.
Please give your mind and body time to heal ...and drinking is not going to improve anything.

TheJungianThing

You can find your own reasons. First, what compelled you to bother stop at all ? Then what compelled you to reach out here ? I don't know if you were "reaching out" but in my book if I'm going to register at a site, then post, and you more or less asked - it looks like reaching out.

meaninglesslife

Thank you. Yeah I guess, I don't expect changes right away but the whole point of quitting was to make my life better, to be happier and I'm just flat out not happier. I know that probably sounds whiny but that's just how I feel. I recently got divorced and lost my four dogs (or I should say they stay with my ex, which does make sense, I still see them but it sucks). I don't have much of a family and my friends have taken up the burbs', children, and manicured lawns. Brilliantly, post divorce I decided to move to the most heavily bar/party populated area in the state of Wisconsin. So as of right now there is a world of fun outside and a world of lonely cable television consumption inside my apartment.

I don't want to make excuses I take full responsibility for my decisions. I just feel like am staring at the most brutally boring and lonely 4th of July weekend ever.

LosingmyMisery

Your truth may not be the truth of others. Also, ignorance is a matter of opinion. I don't believe any one persons beliefs makes them ignorant. I'm very aware of what it is to be sober and my life has meaning. I also believe I am far from ignorant. However, if someone disagrees with me, fine. It doesn't matter. Also, for the record, I'm not a big fan of Barney. Never have been, but then again, he has nothing to do with my sobriety.

Good luck, I hope you can find a happy life...

AcceptingChange

That's not enough time to understand the way true sobriety feels. Your body and brain are still in physical recovery. You're at the work stage, not at the accomplishment stage.
It's the equivalent of saying you ran one block, and that you are out of breath, and you didn't experience a runner's high, therefore a runner's high doesn't exist, because you tried it.
So, the 'useless drill of life' feels more difficult when you're recovering from your sickness. You are assuming that life is meaningless, but that's because your brain is still recovering.
Let's assume you're right, life is meaningless. Well, what are your options?
Seeking out constant pleasure only works for a short time. Our mind adapts to always feeling pleasure, and then the pleasures aren't as pleasurable anymore.


I can guarantee that the pleasures of drinking are gone, or soon to be gone for you. You can go back to drinking, but you won't feel as good as the first time, because it's never as good as the first time. You'll be chasing a feeling that always moves when you try to get near it. If it still held that magic, why did you quit drinking for 19 out of 20 days?
If drinking still worked, i wouldn't have quit. It stops working over time, as we wear our brain & body out by consuming.
It takes most people 30,60,90+ days to start to feel somewhat normal. Your body has been through a lot, and it needs time to heal. Many recovery houses have 90 day options, and Sober Living houses often have people stay a full year as they start to break the addiction habits that were learned over many years.

Don't give up, don't give in. It's too early to make the assessment on what sobriety feels like. You need to give it more time. Don't stay in childhood fantasies that you can escape life by physically changing your brain chemicals. There are only so many drunks you can get out of a brain.
Watch Intervention.
Or watch "Rain in my Heart" on YouTube. Those people didn't stop until their bodies did. The ride isn't free, the piper will be paid.

anti-depressents are a better option than drinking & using. Drinking is complete escape, and you won't learn how to deal with both pleasure AND pain. Because unfortunately, pain is a part of life. Ask any late-stage alcoholic who lives in constant pain 24/7.

meaninglesslife

Sorry, losing my misery. I'm not trying to tee anyone off, maybe I get a bit brutal at times but there are things in the world that are truth universally for the planet.

It could very well be that I have more of a life problem than a drinking problem. I wish I could be someone who found joy in little things. It's just never been there for me personally. I'd love it if some birds chirping or some sunset somewhere made it all worthwhile for me... just examples I don't know where I pulled that from.

LosingmyMisery

No need for apologies. I totally understand. I had no joy in my life. I didn't for years. I felt as if my soul had been ripped from me. I was empty and miserable and trying to create the false feeling of joy through drinking. It didn't work. It is funny that you mention birds chirping. I hated the sound of birds. I would wake up early in the am hearing the birds and I hated it. I was reminded that I had to face another day and thought of it as unbearable. I could not function and was completely overwhelmed with life. I knew each day would be the same. I would drink to get through the day, hated myself for doing what I was doing and the cycle would continue. I am here to tell you it doesn't have to be that way. I found a solution, worked on the issues of my past, and learned how not to drink. I believe this is possible for anyway who makes an honest effort. I'm also here to tell you it isn't easy, but it is doable and worth it. You can find joy in the little things. I finally did and if I can do it anyone can. I was in tough shape, depressed and literally spent two years in bed drinking and being alive, but not living. I felt dead inside. I know where you are coming from. Don't give up on yourself. You can do this. You are in the right place if you are seeking help. I wish you the best.

meaninglesslife

Accepting Change: I guess you kind of get to the heart of it. The question for me is do I care about life enough to quit. That is what I'm battling with at the very center of things. I drink because, well why not. My lifetime on a 4.5 billion year old planet, what is it really, why not go full tilt. That is kind of my core attitude i just don't respect my singular human life in the grand scheme of things. I know that will probably **** a lot of people off but that is unshakeable in me.

CarolD

Why not go to your local humane Society and offer to help them this weekend?

Make yourself useful for something or someone in need...