y Michael is gone
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 4
Mavis first I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. You are helping me right now, believe me. My last drunk was on the day your husband died. I picked up another (I pray the last) white chip on the 11th. My family is riddled with alcoholic tragedy. My grandfather literally drank himself to death. Fortunately I have a forgiving and understanding partner at home who has been such a help so far. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and I thank you for sharing this here with us.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Mavis this disease can be so cruel sometimes It seems the longer I am in meetings the more people I lose but two stand out for me.
My brother was 19 when he was killed by a drunk driver.
My ex who I was with for 8 years we met of all places detox that probably should of gave me a clue? I will tell you though some of those years with him were some of the best I have ever had.
We stayed sober together for short periods of time and then one of us always relapsed then the other would.
I finally left for good after he had cheated on me w/our drunk upstairs neighbor. See by then he was a drunk and I had switched addictions to drugs.
He moved in w/one of my so called best girlfriends and literally drank himself to death. The Dr's told him if he didn't stop he would die. He already had 1/2 of his insides taken out, and he still couldn't quit. He was only in his 40's when he died.
I moved away and haven't been out there abusing drugs or alcohol for a little over 7 years now.
My prayers are with you please stay close to your support group and you can PM me anytime if you need to vent.
My brother was 19 when he was killed by a drunk driver.
My ex who I was with for 8 years we met of all places detox that probably should of gave me a clue? I will tell you though some of those years with him were some of the best I have ever had.
We stayed sober together for short periods of time and then one of us always relapsed then the other would.
I finally left for good after he had cheated on me w/our drunk upstairs neighbor. See by then he was a drunk and I had switched addictions to drugs.
He moved in w/one of my so called best girlfriends and literally drank himself to death. The Dr's told him if he didn't stop he would die. He already had 1/2 of his insides taken out, and he still couldn't quit. He was only in his 40's when he died.
I moved away and haven't been out there abusing drugs or alcohol for a little over 7 years now.
My prayers are with you please stay close to your support group and you can PM me anytime if you need to vent.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
I'm truly sorry to hear of your loss and hope you find peace.
I also know the pain of losing someone to alcoholism - my younger brother died at 36 from liver cancer as the result of cirrhosis. He went out with seven years of rock solid sobriety under his belt.
To this day I still struggle with how an 18 year old develops cirrhosis of the liver at such a young age, but that was the case.
That is this disease.
I'm always at a loss for words in these circumstances, and if I could, I'd reach out and give you a big hug. Sending prayers your way.
I also know the pain of losing someone to alcoholism - my younger brother died at 36 from liver cancer as the result of cirrhosis. He went out with seven years of rock solid sobriety under his belt.
To this day I still struggle with how an 18 year old develops cirrhosis of the liver at such a young age, but that was the case.
That is this disease.
I'm always at a loss for words in these circumstances, and if I could, I'd reach out and give you a big hug. Sending prayers your way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Mavis)))) - I'm so very sorry for your loss.
I am a recovering crack addict, and left the man I loved because we shared that addiction and he didn't want to quit. I only saw him once, after that, at his mom's funeral, but wrote letters to him when he was in jail, telling him how my life was going (in recovery) and though I would always love him, I would never be with him again as he was in love with crack.
It's been almost 2 years since he died. Though I often felt that would be his outcome, it still hurt.
There are days, now, when I'm driving through the countryside, or just having a really good day, and I "talk" to him. I tell him I'm going to tuck him inside my heart, take him along with me for the day, and let him see what a good day REALLY feels like, a day that drugs are the farthest thing from my mind.
I thank him for letting me be a part of his family when he was alive (he had an AWESOME family and his mom was extremely supportive of me getting my life together).
Though I didn't have nearly the time with him as you had with ((Michael)) and only saw few times when he wasn't on drugs, we had a special bond and I grieve that he never could find his way to recovery for any length of time. The best times we ever had was when we were at his mom's, no drugs, and were constantly cutting up with each other and laughed so hard, tears would fall.
I truly believe he is with his mom, and is free from all addiction brought into his world.
Grief takes time, and it's individual for everyone. Please allow yourself that time, and know that we are all here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I am a recovering crack addict, and left the man I loved because we shared that addiction and he didn't want to quit. I only saw him once, after that, at his mom's funeral, but wrote letters to him when he was in jail, telling him how my life was going (in recovery) and though I would always love him, I would never be with him again as he was in love with crack.
It's been almost 2 years since he died. Though I often felt that would be his outcome, it still hurt.
There are days, now, when I'm driving through the countryside, or just having a really good day, and I "talk" to him. I tell him I'm going to tuck him inside my heart, take him along with me for the day, and let him see what a good day REALLY feels like, a day that drugs are the farthest thing from my mind.
I thank him for letting me be a part of his family when he was alive (he had an AWESOME family and his mom was extremely supportive of me getting my life together).
Though I didn't have nearly the time with him as you had with ((Michael)) and only saw few times when he wasn't on drugs, we had a special bond and I grieve that he never could find his way to recovery for any length of time. The best times we ever had was when we were at his mom's, no drugs, and were constantly cutting up with each other and laughed so hard, tears would fall.
I truly believe he is with his mom, and is free from all addiction brought into his world.
Grief takes time, and it's individual for everyone. Please allow yourself that time, and know that we are all here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Leominster, Ma
Posts: 119
Thank you everyone
The love and support I have found here just now is overwhelming to me. I don't know any of you but you and only you truly understand what this awful disease can do to a person and their friends and family. I no longer have to worry if I don't get a text message or a phone call if he's okay.
I have to deal with this grief and move on. I had actually been doing very well for awhile now, he was gone physically from my life but there was that connection, that soulmate/best friend connection. I changed my life about 3 years ago, I started hiking and kayaking and birdwatching, camping and getting into my gardening again and taking care of my little house. I go to work and need my routine back. I'll go back to work on Thursday. Sunday a.m. the family is having a get together and scattering his ashes. I will take some of his ashes and go to Northern Maine and scatter the rest where he loved to go the most. it is part of the healing process. I am at peace with the fact he is gone, I truly have already accepted it but the lingering biting pain of the loss is truly overwhelming. counseling will help, being with his son Chris will help and my friends. God bless you all in your struggles with this diease and loved ones that have it. I am a success story 25 years sober in AA and I am very lucky. I'm one of the very truly grateful recovering alcoholics that have so far made it a day at a time. that is what I'll do now, pray, take a step forward a day at a time. Mavis..
I have to deal with this grief and move on. I had actually been doing very well for awhile now, he was gone physically from my life but there was that connection, that soulmate/best friend connection. I changed my life about 3 years ago, I started hiking and kayaking and birdwatching, camping and getting into my gardening again and taking care of my little house. I go to work and need my routine back. I'll go back to work on Thursday. Sunday a.m. the family is having a get together and scattering his ashes. I will take some of his ashes and go to Northern Maine and scatter the rest where he loved to go the most. it is part of the healing process. I am at peace with the fact he is gone, I truly have already accepted it but the lingering biting pain of the loss is truly overwhelming. counseling will help, being with his son Chris will help and my friends. God bless you all in your struggles with this diease and loved ones that have it. I am a success story 25 years sober in AA and I am very lucky. I'm one of the very truly grateful recovering alcoholics that have so far made it a day at a time. that is what I'll do now, pray, take a step forward a day at a time. Mavis..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
You know Mavis1, the really sad thing is that he was searching for the same things we all are, peace and happiness. He just got lost on his journey and found some comfort in alcohol. There is no understanding it, acceptance is all we have.
...is learning and growing...
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 573
Oh Mavis,
I'm so sorry for your loss and send prayers and good wishes to you and your family. Michael sounds like an amazing man who became lost on his journey. His story is such a grim reminder about the deadliness of this disease and has probably already prevented or at least postponed a relapse or two...and that is really all we can hope for, temporary relief from our addiction one day at a time. Thank you for sharing with us.
You sound like an amazing person yourself and I'm glad to hear you still have so much to live for...a life that will be enhanced by the wonderful memories of your beloved once the grief begins to subside.
I'm so sorry for your loss and send prayers and good wishes to you and your family. Michael sounds like an amazing man who became lost on his journey. His story is such a grim reminder about the deadliness of this disease and has probably already prevented or at least postponed a relapse or two...and that is really all we can hope for, temporary relief from our addiction one day at a time. Thank you for sharing with us.
You sound like an amazing person yourself and I'm glad to hear you still have so much to live for...a life that will be enhanced by the wonderful memories of your beloved once the grief begins to subside.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Leominster, Ma
Posts: 119
Everyone again thanks for the continued support. I wrote Michael a goodbye for the ceremony and celebration of his life we will have on Sunday morning. I have to have a friend of mine re-write it, it's covered with tears. I have my moments that I'm just numb, in total disbelief and then the sweet acceptance and belief that he is truly gone just covers me in a wave of total relief. i now am the most important person in my life...I was the one that always had that connection with him. he was truly my soul mate but when he started drinking again, the booze took first place in his daily life and we all became unimportant. don't we all know that this is what alcohol does to us and the destruction it causes for families, children, friends, co workers and wives too. we are left behind now to pick up after total devastation and it's hard. just so unecessary. I offered so much unwanted help to him over the years, he always accepted it but it was forced on him and once he got out of a structured environment he failed in sobriety. he suffered from depression too and must have had a total loss of willing to live the past few months of his life. I had withdrawn from that scene and didn't go see him only a couple of times and that was enough for me. even when he asked for food I told him he needed to find someone else to get it for him and he did. he went out on his own terms and i know he loved me til the end. i can take comfort in that but if I had to do it all again I wouldn't. it is so sad.
I hope my story is helping someone else, that is why i posted it. I also needed the love and support that I can only truly get from others in recovery. I'm so grateful for you all and wish you all luck in recovery. it's a journey, don't ever stop trying. life is worth it. there is happiness and peace for us all here = we don't need to die. we can live.
sorry for rambling. love you all mavis
I hope my story is helping someone else, that is why i posted it. I also needed the love and support that I can only truly get from others in recovery. I'm so grateful for you all and wish you all luck in recovery. it's a journey, don't ever stop trying. life is worth it. there is happiness and peace for us all here = we don't need to die. we can live.
sorry for rambling. love you all mavis
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
I appreciate your posts. The fact that you can stay strong and sober throughout this ordeal is an amazing and inspirational example to me. I hope this doesn't sounds somewhat strange but I've sometimes wondered, and often doubted whether, I would be able to maintain my sobriety if I were to lose my wife. I mean...I do this for myself but she is also a huge factor that also keeps me "honest" since I never want to let her down.
Anyway, you've proven to me that it can be done even throughout and after extremely challenging circumstances.
Thank you for that.
Anyway, you've proven to me that it can be done even throughout and after extremely challenging circumstances.
Thank you for that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Leominster, Ma
Posts: 119
I remember when I was first in AA I thought about that too. Oh folks would tell these grueling stories from the podium and I just could not imagine myself staying sober during something so awful. the thing is after 25 years, I don't think about booze anymore except something I absolutely never want in my life again no matter what. no matter whatever happens in my life, alcohol was much much worse and made things that happened to me even seem much worse. although this is the biggest test, it is alcohol that took him from me. I will not let alcohol win again. it's a killer. stay strong my friend and thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 14
Mavis,
First - I'm truly sorry for the loss of your beloved Michael.
It brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. I hope you don't mind, but I copied your post to my computer and read it every morning when I get to work. Earlier you posted:
I haven't posted here for quite some time, but have been lurking daily lately. After 30 years of daily alcohol abuse, I am on day 9 today for the first time in my 47 years of life. After a very rough night (10 days ago) I decided that my best friend (and wife of 10 years) and my two little girls, were far more important to me than my beer and a gallon of vodka p/week.
My wife and I went to the doctor together - he gave me meds to help me get through detox (finally over!), and I'm waiting for the results of my ultrasound early next week.
I don't ever want my wife to have to go through what you're going through now. Your post concerning Michael breaks my heart every time I read it. I, for one, appreciate your courage to share your heartbreak, and Michael's story, with people you don't even know.
Your story will inspire me to beat this disease - not only for myself, but for those I love and whom love me. I can't bear the thought of my family having to endure what you are going through now. I pray I never touch another drop of alcohol again.
I pray you heal quickly and hope that you realize Michael did not die in vain. Your story will serve as a daily reminder (to this alcoholic in Michigan) to choose:
"No - I will not drink today! My wife and little girls love me, and I them."
I'll be praying for you Mavis. God bless.
Glen
First - I'm truly sorry for the loss of your beloved Michael.
It brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. I hope you don't mind, but I copied your post to my computer and read it every morning when I get to work. Earlier you posted:
I hope my story is helping someone else, that is why i posted it. I also needed the love and support that I can only truly get from others in recovery. I'm so grateful for you all and wish you all luck in recovery. it's a journey, don't ever stop trying. life is worth it. there is happiness and peace for us all here = we don't need to die. we can live.
My wife and I went to the doctor together - he gave me meds to help me get through detox (finally over!), and I'm waiting for the results of my ultrasound early next week.
I don't ever want my wife to have to go through what you're going through now. Your post concerning Michael breaks my heart every time I read it. I, for one, appreciate your courage to share your heartbreak, and Michael's story, with people you don't even know.
Your story will inspire me to beat this disease - not only for myself, but for those I love and whom love me. I can't bear the thought of my family having to endure what you are going through now. I pray I never touch another drop of alcohol again.
I pray you heal quickly and hope that you realize Michael did not die in vain. Your story will serve as a daily reminder (to this alcoholic in Michigan) to choose:
"No - I will not drink today! My wife and little girls love me, and I them."
I'll be praying for you Mavis. God bless.
Glen
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