y Michael is gone
 

What I post here tonight is the hardest thing I'll ever write...after several years of a very difficult struggle with alcoholism, my dearly beloved husband of 21 years died yesterday. He was only 56 years old. When I met him he was so full of life, love and happy to be alive. I was head over heels in love with him at first site. I had never met such a wonderful person. He made me laugh most of all. we bonded and his children came back to him after his divorce and he stuck very close to his aA meetings on a daily basis. I was also in recovery and we began a great life together. we bought an old house and fixed it up and we were perfectly content and in love and full of gratitude for what we had. He filled my life with a perfect balance. I felt safe,secure, loved, respected and he made me feel good about myself as I did him. we were a great couple and had some of the best times in my life. I do not know how to live in this world with out him now. I am in grief counseling and praying and sticking close to friends and family. I just want all you to know that I never dreamed he'd pick up a drink of alcohol and throw away everything we had but his disease wanted him badly...he fought it over the years but the help I gave him in trying to get him sober was never help he actually asked for. all the detoxs and jail and the VA, no one could help him. he came back to us many times but only for a short period of time. I let go many times and this last time when he really needed the help, I gave it over to God and didnt make him go to the hospital. he died homeless in an old sleezy motel. He overdosed on listerine, he drank it until he went into a coma and never came out of it who knows how long he lied there alone dying. I can't even beleive I'm writing this and sharing this. I just wanted you all to know that this disease wants your loved ones dead and being in love with someone like that is nothing but painful and you worry and have guilt and regrets but I don't today, I did everything I could and now I'm all alone in this world and am fortunate to have friends and I can get on with my life a day at a time. the grief is gripping at my soul right now and the pain is so overwhelming but I know it will pass..

if there is anyone else out there tonight that has lost a loved one from this awful disease, I sure would love to hear from you. I am reaching out desperately for support from this wonderful online community. I dont' know what I 'd do with out you right now. God bless every one of you and the alcoholics in your life. the ending to some of our stories is to the one we wanted. I didn't get what I wanted, I wanted him to be better again. we had 10 years of bliss together and 1o more of pure hell on earth. I have a lot of healing to do now. please pray for the soul of my dearly lost beloved Michael, the light has gone from my life.

I will be okay though. God has a plan for me...Mavis

So very sorry for your loss, Mavis.

My dear Mavis,

I am so sorry for the loss of your loved one. Words feel very inadequate at this time, but just know, while I've never (yet) lost a loved one to alcoholism, I am wishing you peace.

So sorry that you have to go through such a challenging time. I don't talk about it much but since you asked I'll try to share. Hope it may help somehow. I lost my brother to alcohol also ending in a coma even though he was in the hospital. Very sad. That is actually one of my motivators to stay sober so I won't put my Mom through that sort of thing again. Don't believe she could bear it twice. My Father was also a recovering alcoholic for most of his life. Lost him to cancer last year but he was sober. Even so, his alcoholism seemed to be a struggle at so many times in his life. It is just a dreadful disease.
I'm glad you had those 10 great years. That is a blessing that so many couples never know. I am very close to my wife and am thankful for each day. Your post reminds me to do that all the more.
I will pray for you as soon as I post this. Peace and Comfort to you.

Dearest Mavis,

My heart breaks for you tonight. I am so truly sorry for your loss, as well as your dear husbands loss. I am , however,happy for the fact that he and you knew real love, and that love remains forever, I believe with all of my heart.

We cannot make them quit, no matter how hard we try. No matter what we do. You gave him to God, and he is at peace now, in those loving arms.

I am sure that your love for him was something he kept in his heart, no matter how much his disease pulled at him, May your treasured memories comfort you. God bless and keep you.

Rest sweetly Michael. Your struggle is over, and you are free.

Thinking of you, prayerfully,
chicory

I knew you would all be here for me. thank you and please know it has added a ton of comfort to me in this terrible time. I don't know any of you but I identify with you. we are all in the same boat or we wouldn't be on this forum..when things were good, you never saw me on here that needs to change. I need to offer my loving support and give it back as it's been so freely given to me. Ive had a tremendous struggle, I dont have to worry about him anymore, I know have the daunting task of getting me well.

I'm the only person in the world that I have the power to change..

I think I will go for a hike on the local mountain in the morning and talk to Michael and try to let him go....it will be a long process. I know I'll be okay, I have a great job, beautiful house and wonderful friends. I am a survivor of a horrific chapter of my life. I still have gratitude. I'm so glad that he is not suffering anymore. God saw that he could not pull himself out of this and took him home. I love you sweetheart. tht will never go away. I will see him again someday in the next life and we will be soul mates again. I am so full of sorrow and pain today.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Every six months I see my Dad (he lives in Mexico-I live in the states) and I'm watching him slowly deteriorate and it's so difficult. My heart goes out to you Mavis.

Prayers for you going out...:hug:

I am so sorry to know of your loss.

i'm so sorry for your loss. i'll be praying for you

Very sad, but a true dose of reality, this disease in dangerous, it is deadly, it will take you out......

Thats so incredibly sad Mavis, I hope you can find some peace and comfort in the memories of your time together, my prayers are going out for you.

mavis,im so very sorry for your loss.and thankful you had those wonderful 10 years together.

So sorry for your loss :-(

Dear Mavis
Wishing you peace, strength and comfort in your loss. May you gather strength
in the knowledge of the great times you had. My prayers go to you in this very difficult time.

You must be in enormous pain ... I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please keep coming and hopefully we can help you heal.

Mavis - I can only imagine what you're going through. I've had 2 uncles die of alcoholism, and now another aunt and uncle are in danger of dying from this disease. If there's one thing I've learned from my own experience and the experiences of my extended family, it's that love isn't a cure - you can go over the past a million times trying to figure out whether there's something you could have said or done differently to save him, but the fact is that an alcoholic can only save themselves. And speaking from my own experience, there are times that we want to save ourselves and can't. There are times that we know we're killing ourselves, but we can't stop.
My thoughts are with you.

((Mavis))

I pray that you find comfort in your memories of the joy that the two of you shared, and I pray that Michael is finally resting in peace free form this horrid disease.

I too love an alcoholic, and even though an ocean separates us right now, it doesn't hurt any less to know when he is drinking and that there is not a damn thing I can do to help him.

I don't know what else to say. Thank you for sharing with us.

I'm sorry for your loss Mavis. Prayers for Michael and all who love him.

D

So sorry for your loss.
Sending you thoughts and prayers.
May you get peace.